mkwnsebin-blog

[mkwnsebin-blog]

      ( task x 2. ) 

                                 character survey

Body and Appearance

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Are they heavyset, thin, short, rangy?

↪ pretty tall for a female at 168cm with a build in-between slender and lanky. mostly lanky because all she ever eats are vegetable and fish anyway.

2. Describe their posture. Do they carry themselves well or do they slouch?

↪ slouches a fair bit, especially when in an environment she is comfortable and somewhat relaxed in. the only occasions she might feel conscious enough to straighten is during moments of tension or curiosity. kind of like a cat.

3. How is their health? Are they fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?

↪ by looks alone, seemingly healthy, but because she lacks protein, sebin is prone to tiring out easily and other related conditions (fatigue, hyperventilation). probably fairly weak but generally healthy. other than that, no known illnesses and no physical disabilities.

4. How do they move? Are they clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?

↪ languid and lazy. sometimes she moves with softness but not necessarily graceful nor fluid. it’s because she’s constantly physically and mentally tired, and it shows in her movements.

5. Describe their complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?

↪ very fair, almost pallid and pasty. some blemishes and scarring on her arms and legs attributable to either injuries from childhood or scratching.

6. Describe their hair: color, texture, style.

↪ naturally a solid black, but currently she has it dyed a light chestnut brown. whenever she can be bothered, sebin uses a hair mask, so texture is sleek and shiny, with a long and usually unbrushed aesthetic.

7. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?

↪ a prominent nose and round forehead that she is lowkey self-conscious about

8. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or do they have six of the same suit?

↪ casual or smart-casual, depending on her mood. sebin loves straight-cut clothing with clear lines, her favorites being blazers, denim jackets, pleated skirts. she also owns items of the casual variety, such as oversized sweaters, jeans, and t-shirts. although she prefers pastel tones and light colors, they don’t match her aesthetic well, so she tends to find a comfort zone in neutrals. her wardrobe contains a variety, really, as well as berets of all the colors of the color wheel.

9. Do their clothes fit well? Do they seem comfortable in them?

↪ comfort is sebin’s requisite. second to only fashionable appearance.

Speech

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?

↪ smooth and airy fairy. when speaking it may drop a pitch lower, just out of habit.

2. How do they normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Do they talk easily, or do they hesitate?

↪ just like her actions, her words are languid and slither rather than flow. in normal conversations she tends to speak softly and slowly, she’s really reserved in that sense. but she talks with confidence and there’s always a sense of finality in what she says.

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?

↪ sebin has more or less trained herself to subdue the harsh accent involved with jeju dialect. though familiar with the vocabulary of her hometown, while she’s here in daejeon she speaks only mainland korean with a seoul accent. she also likes to enunciate her S’s a lot.

4. What language(s) do they speak, and with how much fluency?

↪ fluent in jeju dialect, korean, and fairly fluent in reading french.

5. Do they switch languages or dialects in certain situations?

↪ nope. as mentioned she’s very adamant on not using her jeju accent nor dialect, the past being something she doesn’t like to bring up with other people. sometimes she speaks french be it to tease others, or when writing to add artistic flair.

6. Are they a good impromptu speaker, or does he have to think about his words?

↪ she would be a good impromptu speaker, in the sense that sebin speaks what’s on her mind. she has a nonexistent word filter.

Mental and Emotional

1. How intelligent is this character? Are they book-smart or street-smart?

↪ unbeknownst to many and contradictory to her lifeless demeanor, sebin is very book-smart in the area of her practice. that being music theory and just music in general; from the culminating crescendo to the whispering adagio.

2. Do they think on his feet, or do they need time to deliberate?

↪ she’s very straightforward and impulsive, so deliberation is null. then again, it really depends on the weight of the situation in sebin’s point of view. if it’s over something that she holds dear to her heart, she will definitely need to take time to ponder.

3. Describe the character’s thought process. Are they more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?

↪ on the daily - intuitive and tends to be heavily reliant on emotions, though she would deny even having any said emotions. when it comes to beliefs she’s somewhat practical and a dogmatist.

4. What kind of education has the character had?

↪ only a small-town grade school and kindergarten. she switched to mokwon high in her second year and is currently pursuing a degree at mokwon university.

5. What are their areas of expertise? What, if anything, are they interested in learning more about?

↪ music theory, a fair bit of composition, and language. sebin is interested in culture and fine arts, cinematography, sculpting, but she would rather appreciate them from far than to try them herself.

6. Are they an introvert or an extrovert?

↪ leaning more towards introverted. she wouldn’t make the first move or be the one to strike up conversation, but when she does eventually engage in a conversation she doesn’t have trouble with holding them more often than needed.

7. Describe the character’s temperament. Are they even-tempered or do they have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?

↪ although usually placid, sebin’s biggest weakness is her bitter, volatile temper. she often lets her anger drive her actions, leading to undesirable circumstances. due to her twisted mindset that the world has so cruelly wronged her, she is compelled to melancholic bouts and insensitivity, though she knows, in a way, that it’s wrong. other than that, she can be laid-back when with a person she’s taken a liking to.

8. How do they respond to new people or situations? Are they suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?

↪ she responds to the unknown with welcoming open-mindedness. she loves exploring different tastes, preferences and rationale. when facing with a new person or situation that has piqued her interest, she would subconsciously probe more into them/it, wanting to expand her horizons.

9. Are they more likely to act, or to react?

↪ not a natural-born leader, sebin has always been a follower. definitely react.

10. Which is their default: fight or flight?

↪ she is stubborn, she is self-centered and she believes in tearing down obstacles. fight.

11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Do they appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?

↪ possessing a rather dark and morbid sense of humor herself, she has somehow depreciated her reactivity to other types of humor. she finds herself rolling her eyes or dismissing with a scoff the sort of humor that other normal college kids like her have.

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how do they deal with them?

↪ none that have been officially diagnosed, but possibly atypical depression and a borderline bipolar disorder, from symptoms alone. she has no specific ways to deal with them, nor is she actively looking to deal with them or get them checked.

13. What moments in this character’s life have defined them as a person?

↪ the move from jeju to daejeon; picking wrong crowds to mix with during her prepubescent years; the decision to leave her parents behind.

14. What do they fear?

↪ mental breakdowns, eventual failure in her planned route, people who are always one step ahead of her, be it in terms of academics or mentally.

15. What are their hopes or aspirations?

↪ monetary success, academic success, all kinds of measurable wealth because that’s all she’s been taught to prize.

16. What is something they don’t want anyone to find out about them?

↪ the current status between herself and her family, her past in jejudo, her underprivileged background.

Relationships

1. Describe this character’s relationship with their parents.

↪ estranged by her own choice. it had been smooth up until the move to seoul, then her relationship with her parents grew sour because of either unnecessary grudge that she built from the fact that they tore her away from her childhood, or just the fact that she was beginning to change her mindset, being at the age very vulnerable to personality changes and such.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?

↪ she’s an only child.

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom they are close? Are there ones they can’t stand?

↪ her blood relatives are a thing of the past now, too. she would faintly remember some aunts and uncles who were very nice to her and whom she had loved, but that’s it.

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom they consider part of their family? What are their relationships with them?

↪ her cat banjo. human relations are still a frontier when it comes to sebin based on the fact that she’s a bit guarded and most people are repelled by her persona. she doesn’t really know how to react to people who actually like her for who she is (or at least tolerate it). i guess family is also a sensitive topic.

5. Do they make friends easily, or do they have trouble getting along with people?

↪ lots of trouble. right off the bat, she doesn’t get along well with strangers. there’s always something she’s peeved about.

6. Which do they consider more important: family or friends?

↪ if it came down to it, friends. but still she’s a bit of a lone wolf.

7. What do they look for in a romantic partner?

↪ sebin is inexperienced in this field. i think she would like someone who could be patient with her, and who would accept and adore all her spikes and thorns, along with the little bit of beauty that she comes with. most importantly it has to be somebody she isn’t easily irritated with and isn’t constantly trying to screw over.

8. What is the character’s sexual orientation?

↪ assumed pansexual. other than a little crush here or there throughout the years she is, after all, inexperienced with romantic relationships. she assumes that she is open-minded enough.

9. How do they feel about sex? How important is it to them?

↪ not important at all. she believes it does not define anyone as a person and it really isn’t something she actively seeks. like, it’s not a line to tick off her bucket-list but as any other virgin, she is curious and intuitive of the act.

Beliefs

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well do they fit type?

↪ a leo/cancer cusp. safe to say she identifies more with the attributes of a leo, that being arrogant, ambitious, creative, independent. but sometimes the sensitive aspects of a cancer takes over, and that’s where she gets her bouts of moodiness, introversion and nostalgia.

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in their life?

↪ she is agnostic. in no sense does she have any spiritual or religious beliefs. she believes that everything bad that has happened in her life would all come down to the fact that there are actually no spiritual beings or entities to help her.

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?

↪ she would have her own made-up code of morals and ethics. as time grew by she threw all that she had learnt growing up with her parents out the window and carved her own beliefs. these are morals she’d picked up through the movies she’s watched, the things she’d seen on the internet, personal observations, etc. it wouldn’t take a lot to compromise it. as she easily discarded her previous code of ethics, she can just as easily abandon this one.

4. How do they regard beliefs that differ from their own? Are they tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?

↪ curious. largely curious. though she might show some disagreement or lack of understanding towards differing beliefs at first, she is open-minded and any refutation is but natural instinct when facing something you disagree with. she will eventually try to pry or seek comprehension but she wouldn’t directly ask about it. it’s the wonder of discovering inner workings of other people and other things that she loves.

5. What prejudices do they hold? Are they irrational or do they have a good reason for them?

↪ sebin does hold prejudices quite often, as a matter of fact, and over small trivial or irrational things. in this sense, she’s very emotionally reactive. more often than not, the prejudices and grudges she holds against others are due to either personal offense or just plain dislike. also she tends to blame the sinner, not the sin.

Daily Life

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Are they rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?

↪ blatantly poor. originally a fisherman and his wife, her parents have scrimped and labored just to put sebin in mokwon, and they are still sending money to the school for her tuition fees but sebin herself does not know of this. she is currently holding two part-time jobs to salvage her situation, including daily necessities, leisure items and rent. despite all this, neither her nor her family are in debt.

2. What is their social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected them?

↪ throughout her earlier teenage years, sebin never really had an obstinate social status or clique. it’s because she has had a rather volatile and changing personality, and up until now, she had only been finding herself. only when she entered university did she find fixed interests and hobbies and settled with the Hipsters, the only clique accepting enough to keep her this long. if there’s one thing that has been established throughout all this time it is that she has always been on the lower tiers of the social pyramid.

3. Where do they live? House, apartment, trailer? Is their home their castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Do they share it with others?

↪ a tiny, boxy studio apartment near the campus. initially when she first moved to daejeon and was living in a three-room apartment with her parents, she had found it suffocating. a concrete prison rather than some place she should call home. now that she’s on her own, she’s quite fond of the little apartment she rented. the furniture and decorations are rustic and mostly secondhand, but at the moment, she wouldn’t ask for more than a cozy home to embrace her brittle bones after a long day. however, it’s a tad bit cramped so her only housemate is her cat.

4. Besides the basic necessities, what do they spend their money on?

↪ she swears she shouldn’t be spending that much on expensive coffee, music records and foreign films, but she is. the older the production date, the more expensive they are. once in a blue moon when she’s feeling rich she pampers herself with new camera accessories too.

5. What are their interests or hobbies? How do they spend their free time?

↪ a huge side interest of hers is photography and her photography blog. free time is spent either watching film noir to the melody of 70’s jazz tunes, or finding a new museum or orchestra concert to go to. playing the flute is something she does too, when she feels sick of filling in the scores of her homework and wants to do something practical.

6. What are their eating habits? Do they skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?

↪ does not usually skip meals unless she happens to oversleep breakfast or forget dinner while watching movies. sebin is a peskatarian and that mostly just means she is a pesky eater because she would only eat fish, refraining from other meat from mammals. it is incredibly hard for her to find suitable dishes when eating out, so she prefers to make something simple at home and that usually just results in salad with a side of grilled dory. she does not drink alcohol either, simply because she hates the taste.

Associations

Which of the following do you associate with the character, or which is their favorite:

1. Color? dark apricot or grays 2. Smell? mixed spice over fire 3. Time of day? twilight 4. Season? autumn 5. Book? some pretentious french novel, probably 6. Music? tear in my heart - twenty-one pilots 7. Place? the crystal blue sea 8. Substance? kale juice 9. Plant? fern 10. Animal? sleek domestic cats

[mkwnsebin-blog]

she equaled the rearranged harmony to the piece again and for the tenth time, sebin learned that synthesizers are not her forte. a voice that’s clobbered by the cadenza and the framework of adagio pounding through her earpiece somehow managed to seep through its barricades. she knew it was her companion speaking, but she might have been imagining things. it’d been four hours and she could feel her eyes stinging from the inside out. “hm. yeah, my opinion is i’ll bet it’s good,” she hummed a split second too quickly, peering motionlessly at her screen, staring for a considerable number of seconds. maybe she should leave before the cold sank under her skin, before she had a chance to let their dispositions clash again; leaving her colorless and defenseless.

Although her expression wouldn’t show it, Mina felt like banging her head against the wall.  No matter what she did, she couldn’t find a way to perfectly transition the first half of her new composition into the second.  It was due in only a day, and she couldn’t afford to start over from scratch.  Maybe all she needed was a fresh pair of ears to help her figure things out.  It was times like these that she wished her groupmates were around.  Tugging out her earbuds, she looked up to the student occupying the computer next to her, “Can I ask you a favor?  I just need someone to listen to this song for me.  I need a second opinion.”

[mkwnsebin-blog]

there was a waft of contempt that culled around the kinks of her hair as she entered the biting outdoors. though the cold wasn’t quite the type to corrode flesh and sear prayers, the weathered ghost of a girl occupying the track looked far broken beyond repair. sebin found herself trudging over; she had recognized her and it’s not a stranger. not a threat. she attempted at stepping in the girl’s way, preferring not to involve physical contact unless it’s a last resort. “you look half dead.” her heart almost griped. it’s an illusory, obscure feeling. “and before you try to refute – that’s my aesthetic. there can only be one zombie hybrid in this school,” she shrugged.

granted she hadn’t focus on who was near her, or if they had talked to her but she still spoke up. paranoia creeping into her. “let me run more.” she spoke, breathless. this wasn’t healthy but the girl was stressed over a letter her mom sent, not that anyone knew about that. but after neglecting her track routine she was trying to get back to where she usually was. dancing made her fit but she went over her time, doing extra laps. but even now she didn’t want to stop. and at the sight of someone, she wondered if they came to use the field or to stop her. 

[mkwnsebin-blog]

the distant echoes of chatter in the hallway seemed to diminish in the split second that it took sebin to reel, deconstruct, and almost fall flat on her face. idiots, she thinks, as she gathered her sense of orientation, barely registering the unwelcome touch of a stranger. everyone tended to test her patience this early in the day. “would it make a difference if i said yes? the damage would’ve already been done, wouldn’t it.” when her gaze finally affixed on the other’s, she had to recoil. refrain from hissing, speaking in sharpened tongue. the least she could do was not rile herself up further before she could get her hands on her caffeine savior.

She had only set down her violin case for just a moment, knelt down beside it as she knotted then double-knotted her shoelace (just in case).  Before the hipster could make a movement to pick it up once more, Jinyoung watched in horror as a peer stepped over it, catching their toe on the handle and stumbling.  She moved to stand at her full height, a hand reaching out to make sure they were okay, “I’m so sorry!  Are you alright?” 

[mkwnsebin-blog]

it takes sebin a moment to catch the reek of confusion, not from the manner of speech but from the way it seeps into glassy eyes. she builds up half a desire to turn around and to leave this for a day when she’s well-caffeinated, with unspiteful intentions and better judgement. the desire collapses as soon as the other rips out the music source from her ears. she quips, scarcely looking up from the ground, “i said, you’re holding up the walkway with that snail-ish velocity. either get on the old people lane or do me a favor and at least pretend to walk like you’re not having piles.”

“I’m sorry if I had to stop you mid sentence…„ She speaks surely and clearly, trying her best to hide her confusion. Chloe understood most of it, if not all of it but she hoped that those last few words weren’t insults. “You were trying to get my attention last time. I got a little distracted.„ She lets out a exasperated sigh, easing her shoulder muscles before ripping out her headphones from her ears which weren’t filled with music. “What did you want to say? I hope you’re not going to repeat all of that to me.„ 

[mkwnsebin-blog]

“mmm. like i said, kids these days lead increasingly dramatic lives and at increasingly younger ages,” she asserts with false declaration, grimacing slightly. “side effects of the new world order. twisted stuff.” she thinks she should reel herself now before she goes off on an endless ramble over conspiracy theories and weird philosophies that no sane person could ever appreciate. instead, she loops her head around the existing conversation, “it’s because they’re so miserable in their own shell, with their own lives, that they find comfort in drowning others and knowing they’re not dying alone,” she says, finding herself guilty one too many times of mowing down others if only to bring an ounce of crippled delight to herself. it’s not a badge she wears on her chest nor a mount to display on the wall, but sebin has stopped questioning long ago and accepted that she’s meant to be this way. “it’s no problem.” she scrunches her nose in mockery, biting back a grin with a rather crooked smirk, and dismisses the topic with eagerness, but not after catching hesitancy and surprise in sunnie’s tones. “well aren’t i just lucky, whoop dee doo. now i’m sure at least one person here would have a cardboard cutout of you we could borrow.”

“at eight? they must be starting early, usually the obnoxiously dramatic thing doesn’t start until they’re at least twelve.” sunnie shrugs. what does she know about kids, after all? the youngest person she has to deal with on a daily basis is luna, and the age difference is so little that it barely even counts in the first place. “but in the same breath will call them boring and do everything in their power to make their life awful.” she laughs as well, but it’s obviously not out of amusement. the start of an apology throws her off guard, her gaze pulling away from the crowds of people settled past them and back to the girl seated next to her. it’s a word used so infrequently in her life, either from her mouth or others, that it takes her a moment to register what it’s even for. “thank you, sebin. i really appreciate that.” the smile on her face is faint, barely even noticeable as she tries to keep from making a mushy scene out of what was only mindless bitching about her problems. there’s no need to turn the situation from awkward to even more, unbearably so. “i think we could probably put those cardboard cutouts in the chairs and no one would even notice at this point. looks like you got lucky, you don’t have to carry me today.”

[mkwnsebin-blog]

rubbing her chin with a smoothed palm, sebin traces the trajectory of the plate as sunghoon coaxes it back to his side. this time, she acquiesces. “you’re welcome.” she offers a bittersweet smile, eyes folding into crescents; and it’s so utterly fake she almost bursts into laughter- which she eventually does, at the sound of her companion’s words, “so you’re encouraging me to openly present my feelings of contempt and impulsive violence to her? it doesn’t make a difference, all old people are grim and all kids are satan spawns to me.” reaching forward, she snips a piece of the starchy food between her chopsticks, chewing them up with a great familiarity. “i think,” she begins, gaze connecting in rigid, tough lines. “you are far too optimistic than should be allowed.”

When the plate was pushed away a pout showed up on his lips - but not as a sign of defeat. His own hands reached out towards it and brought it back towards himself, digging the chopsticks into the bean pancake and ripping a small piece of it before the girl could take it away from him once again. “Wow, I didn’t actually know that, Sebin. Thanks for pointing it out!” Sunghoon threw the pancake inside his mouth before relaxing on his chair, a smile taking over his face as the taste of something finally reached his mouth. “I meant you should express your true feelings like I did to you, not that you should say you love her like I did to you. There are always nice old people around, though, just like there are little kids and small satan spawns.”

[mkwnsebin-blog]

“but starting over would mean reconstructing your blank slate. honestly, i don’t know about you, but it sounds like far too much trouble,” she comments briskly. sebin tries to read between the lines in the other’s silence, tries to comprehend another soul that hails from a world different than her own. she finds affirmation in the stead of justification when the girl nods, and is forced to be content with it. “instead of having to seek a new start somewhere else, what about integration. acceptance. don’t you think we all at least deserve that much?” sebin tilts her head as the question ebbs and she might be probing way too much today. “well that would be dandy, wouldn’t it? have your book become a best-selling movie adaptation so you can spend your time old and grey, picking what color roses to put in your garden.” she says, with a certain numbness. the resentment boiling her blood is entirely inexplicable, mostly because she doesn’t try to reason it. “sweet, flimsy little dreams.”

subin nods, partly relieved that she hadn’t said anything to offend the other. yet. she has to think about it, certain that if everyone in the world liked the ‘same beautiful, pretty things’ there would be a lot less arguing and ‘’unpopular opinions’’. but she kept that thought to herself knowing the question was rhetorical. she nods, knowing that these few years, while seemingly unimportant, would determine how the rest of her life was going to be lived. “moving thousands of miles away seem to cure that though. there’s always an opportunity to start over if you want to.” the optimist speaks again. but subin knew better than anyone that her words were true, they stemmed from an honest place. “unless i do something stupid again, which isn’t unlikely. i’m a bit impulsive when it comes to certain things.” she tries not to think of a few examples, knowing she’d only make herself have to live through a painful embarrassment once again. “maybe my book could become a best seller. it could even become a movie or something?”

[mkwnsebin-blog]

“yeah, okay. it’s fine. i said i’ll help.” she briefly rubs at her temples. his words of regret is a drowning sort of rambling; unneeded explanations, and sebin does not have the time nor patience to entertain any of that. not today, not ever. “honestly, i wish you could meet my cat. i wish everyone could because he is a fluff ball of ethereal loveliness with sharp, sharp claws. except he doesn’t like strangers,” she punctuates the statement with a shrug. the boy does seem, so glaringly, like a dog person. persuasive eyes and unconscious twitches of the nose are all telltale mannerisms of that. perhaps it was just a coincidence, then, that sebin disliked dogs. “no,  what do you take me for, a pedophile? but surely you don’t expect me to escort you all the way home without compensation. not even 5000 won? i accept both cash and credit card,” she quips and scratches down ‘ignorant and undeniably a cheapskate‘ as words that associate with this stranger. “fine, i also now accept bags of organic instant coffee and cat food as forms of repayment,” she suddenly decides. her voice is monotone and diffuses like ether. “mokwon high? you must be one of those foreign brats. and you live in the dorms, i assume?”

Can you help me?

Eitoreally felt sorry about his behavior. “Iam sorry. I wasn’t about to do that. I just was in a rush because you were theonly person I met for hours.” Yeah good okay. Hours was a bit exaggeratedbut he didn’t really care. “It sounds morelike you would like me to rob you so I can meet your cat?” A cat is a catthere isn’t much difference in his eyes. Eito liked dog more than cats but stillhe likes animals in general. He pushed his hands into his pockets because thewind still blows cold air. Tilting his head while he listen to the girl infront of him. Machji repayment!?Appeared in his head and for sure if he wouldn’t be lost he just would turnaround to walk away. What’s in that girls mind. “I don’t have money. Well I am not about to spend money just that you’llhelp me.” Biting his inner-lip while pauses for a moment. “What do you want? And I don’t sell my bodyor something like that. So think about something I would like to pay you with!”Korean girls are not really easy to talk. Tilting his head to the side ashe watched her. “Mokwon High! Don’t knowif you know that High School?”

[mkwnsebin-blog]

             his discontent with her words exudes. she smiles only with her mouth and squinted eyes, so vacant that it looks like she’s deliberately faking it. it’s so fake, too, that she almost laughs, “good. i do try to impale you with the most misery.” 

            “excuse me?” she snaps, a beat too quickly. the anger stubs the moment she catches his cynical grin, reeking of remorseful conceit because when did she let herself get too volatile? composure is not her forte. hyunshik is smart enough to know, otherwise he wouldn’t provoke her with such restrained abandon knowing she won’t take it personally. “i don’t know how you can blatantly lie with a straight face on. didn’t mother teach you not to?”

               for the nth time today, sebin rolls her eyes at him, unaffected. it’s become some sort of instinct now. “you are raunch, i’d rather be a prude. keep your debauched prepubescent boy thoughts in 2006, please, for the sake of everyone within your one mile radius.” she scowls, inwardly this time.

            “i hope by ‘inspiring muse’ you mean ‘threatening goddess of the night’,” she says, shoulders sagging and aching from their pose. “why. do you not find the name tasteful, monsieur beanstalk? and are you quite finished? let me see the pictures.”

            ❛ ouch. you know just what to say to wound me. ❜ he doesn’t enjoy the knowledge of not being proficient at a subject, but when it’s something of little consequence to him like photography, the jock could care less.

             a scoff leaves his lips at her other words, however. peevish face? he snaps a picture of her mid-sentence for that. ❛ but how would you even find someone who knew their way around a camera? seeing as there’s no one in this vicinity good at it. ❜ he lets a grin show so she doesn’t take serious offense. hipster she may be, but hyunshik rather not make unnecessary enemies; what’s more, he’s seen some of sebin’s work and knows she’s good at what she does. not that he’ll say it to her face.

             his brows wiggle at her, tongue peeking through teeth as he continues to poke fun. ❛ the climax of your week? why, sebin, are you coming onto me?❜ never in a million years would high school hyunshik have said such a thing, but he’s got a teenage boy facade to maintain now; the comment causes only a twinge of embarrassment, nothing more.

             ❛ — what can i say, i have such an inspiring muse. also, monsieur beanstalk? ugh.❜

[mkwnsebin-blog]

☠  mkwnsam.

the busy bean on an afternoon in january is the constant sputtering of the espresso machine, tiny ice crystals on the edges of windows. it’s not particularly busy today, that’s the excuse she gives, anyway, to call her curious companion over, promising charred realms of muse and moonshine beyond the canvas after her shift. (she refuses to admit that she’s really just inexplicably lonely.) while sebin’s scampering about in consequent denial, sam reels into the coffee shop just half an hour later, looking like he’s about to fall apart, dark circles staining his eyes and complexion caught between wistful and jaundiced. her brows pique, both in amusement and surprise, but four o’clock - four o’clock will fix everything. she throws another batch of cups in the sink, before making her way past the tables with a hard stare. “sam, misery is not a mistress with whom we frivol. don’t you know that?” she questions, the words flooding out with white-hot sarcasm, and she watches them swirl down into the abyss like smoke. a satire; sebin inhales frost and exhales satire. after all, she never ever practices what she preaches and spends more precious time with miseria than any other man. “you look pitiful.” (--it takes a wretched soul to know one.) “let’s go and see something fantastic, hm?” she looks somewhere into the distance, a hint of briskness in her voice, “the fine arts museum brought in lawren harris’ exhibit on sunday - absolute gold. i think you’ll love him.”

[mkwnsebin-blog]

( task x 1. ) yearly reflections

“first of all, i haven’t been – i’m not... a heroine...” 

                       an envious sigh impales the chasm of wintertide air. “what about you? you’re another cyberspace resident scouring my blog for some means of self-assurance in your incarcerated life.” slight disdain haunts the ends of every word, and in the glare of the camera lens she swears she sees the taunt of a serpentine smile.

                                                                                              — –  “does that make you a h e r o?”   

( xxx )

twilight luminescence leaking through the roof window of the apartment floods the concrete in blotches of light, pierce her muddy irises as she regards the clock perched on the gray wall. only ten minutes until it’s time to congratulate the earth for making yet another inevitable rotation around its axis, igniting celebratory fireworks and making up excuses for pressing kisses against the enamoring stranger you’ve been eyeing. sebin’s quaint little neighborhood is no exception from the festivities, but as usual, she leaves them in the wake of her thoughts, unable to contract the neon delirium that everyone else suffers from.

instead, she has other plans. like routine clockwork, she fixes up her too-creaky tripod and sits her too-old nikon handheld upon the construction, admiring the structure. at her feet, a warm flicker of a tail and the fond purr, purr deludes the achromatic silence with an equally inviting repose. “do you want to be a part of the video too, banjo?” she wraps her arms around the tabby, feeling a faint smile ascend her lips in a way only the feline could conjure, and welcomes him into the comforts of her lap as she settles cross-legged, across the camera, in her too-damp bed. the camera beeps once, twice, when she narrows her eyes to look at it, trying to briefly perceive the faces of those who would be watching her behind a veil of technical anonymity.

“hey, you,” she says to the unresponsive device, clearing the imaginary thicket that forms in her throat. “i thought i might make this a thing now... video diaries, i mean. maybe, this could be an open faucet for me. because i, too, tear at the seams.” and were she so delirious enough – manic enough, she might have misconstrued the incessant blinking of the recording light as an acknowledgement of her words. 

“so i guess the dawning of the new year is perfect timing. i think it’s a good opportunity for me to reflect-- no, consider. what i’ve done this year.” 

she turns to the feline body curled in her embrace. a pair of malachite eyes stare back, piercing; the twitch of a black nose, exuding as much nonchalance as that with which the waves of the ocean engulf the intrusive entities.

“first of all, i haven’t been – i’m not... a heroine...”

                        an envious sigh impales the chasm of wintertide air. “what about you? you’re another cyberspace resident scouring my blog for some means of self-assurance in your incarcerated life.” slight disdain haunts the ends of every word, and in the glare of the camera lens she swears she sees the taunt of a serpentine smile.

                                                 — – “does that make you a h e r o?”

the question is left to collect dust dirty because the uproar of hollers and shouts that chase the specters down the street, inviting the commencement of the new year, tears sebin from her trail of contemplation. the scintillating palette of blues, reds, and greens that douse the night sky pique banjo’s interest and he lifts his heavy head to mewl at the manic musicality that seems too far out of his reach. sebin reaches too, past the hour hand on the clock and the noise for the fleeting mania, but it’s light-years away. instead, she soothes banjo’s curious ears with lackadaisical strokes, meaning to convince the feline we’re better off in here.

“what does it take to be a hero, anyway? a tacky red cape and a sense of foolish righteousness?”

once the stillness of the ebbing twilight fixates back on exposed skin and bites away at her whirling thoughts, she inhales the words she can’t bear to say. she wonders if anyone is even going to watch this video in its entirety. “...what i’m saying, is, this year hasn’t been the smoothest, but it’ll only ever be as smooth as i dictate it to be.”

she grits her teeth and lets out another sigh of discontent. she’s about to cut the video, trash the memory and crawl back to her musty couch for another silent movie, but banjo has been visited by queen mab and lays asleep between her knees. she feels obligated to freeze and thinks that she is too impeccably in love with a cat. ( — but is that so much of a BAD thing?) it takes a moment before she turns back to the beckoning of the camera’s flickering light.

“i settled nicely in this stinky apartment with banjo, i’ve gotten good grades, i’m in a major that i’m passionate about. i think it’s fair to call it a sufficient achievement? what else could i desire but the shining prospects of wealth and s u c c e s s after academic life? and yes, that’s probably as far as my ‘new year’s resolutions’ go... i can barely begin to decipher the need for such ineffectual markers for oneself,” she rambles to the empty winds, an indication of thought in the crimson flesh that she nibbles between her teeth. “perhaps, i’ll try to comprehend the people in my proximity a little better... sometimes i get lonely when i’m alone. i don’t know if it’s always been this way.”

“but next year, too, i will lead life as i always have led, haunt the brood as i always have haunted, amuse myself with the idiots who try to rift my inner labyrinths 

                                  without any cord to guide them — — ” 

there is no guilt in such a declaration, only an amused grin full of white, white teeth. like the star-dusted sky we pray to for some buoyancy in these fathoms within which we so cruelly drown, sebin adores watching others dangle from intricate cobwebs of puppet strings. at least that much will remain the same, for sure. thoughts of venom and detachment flit like moon-loving fireflies along the fringes of her mind; she is a hunger for frontiers, and where the horizons have closed upon one expedition, another must dawn.

                      “maybe s o m e b o d y will finally make it worth my while.”

FIN.

[mkwnsebin-blog]

[mkwnsebin-blog]

the principles of yang sebin, a moodboard

↬ 1. axiom

[mkwnsebin-blog]

“you never know, kids these days lead exceedingly dramatic & complicated lives than we did before,” she reasons, dreams still consisting of cerulean skies and sand beneath her feet; instead she opens her eyes to concrete and a diminishing grayness that plagues. “why do people romanticize prim, proper ladies so much? ...chauvinist pigs.” a dry, distorted laugh escapes because sebin is a long-shot from being any sort of pure and uncursed, but the satire probably lies in the fact that sunnie knows it well enough too. “i know. i’m... sorry you have to go through that on the daily. people glorify you and your life now, but it’s really... i think it’s just a shithole to be in sometimes,” she blurts. the light in her expression fades. “but you’re still awfully talented at what you do and for that, i admire you. always have.” she almost hiccups at the last words, having to force them out like blades that lacerate her throat. encouragement is so out of her league after all. “yeah, you spend your childhood picking at the seeds of watermelons and scraping knees and before you know it they’ve transformed into sinister shadows that embed hearts and scars that never seem to fade. and you just die to live again.” sebin does not know why she is spilling budding thoughts that root deep in the posterior of her mind with such placid ease to a person she’s supposed to have lost affinity for years ago. though it does feel, somehow, liberating. and she finds herself a little less strangled. “anyhow... is it almost time for us to get the hell out of here yet?”

sunnie squints, both at the sudden rays of sun that sting her eyes just like the cold air stings at her cheeks and at sebin’s words. though used to it, to an extent, it still throws her off guard. “that’s entirely too complicated for an eight year old to think up on his own. if i did, i think there’s more worries in his life than me telling him that santa isn’t real or that he’s adopted,” she snickers. “well, y’know, raging sarcastic assholes typically aren’t taken well as public figures unless they’re men– i have to make myself somewhat tolerable at times, even at the expense of my own sanity. just to keep folks on their toes.” she nods firmly and with confidence, despite her words being nothing but bullshit– her specialty, after all. “they’re awful… so awful. save yourself while you’re still pure and uncursed.” the laughter on her tongue hides the serious undertones to her statement. her occasional ways leave her tempted to rest a hand on sebin’s shoulder, but wiser judgment leads her to do otherwise– though she doesn’t expect it, she’s more than aware that the two of them can grow cold again in a matter of seconds, and as obnoxiously hopeful and out of character it is for her, she wants to appreciate the few moments of actual conversation and getting along that they have, even if it’s by force and not  by choice.  “unleashing your inner kid? i can’t blame you… i’d rather just deal with not working instead. the true glory days, these kids don’t even get how lucky they are.”

[mkwnsebin-blog]

the stranger’s accent is surprisingly foreign. ringlets of skepticism reach like crooked fingers under her skin, but it doesn’t fill the abyss between them, and she stays in her spot as the boy stares back. blank. “well you don’t look like a villain, but looked like you were rushing to rob me,” she explains after catching his confused tone, lending a brief roll of her eyes. “after you see my cat, you’ll wish you had robbed me,” she utters, too soft, probably. the yawning of winds carry the waning ends of her words far, far away as he nears her. he looks too awfully vulnerable up close. between the cracks on the ground and the haunting echo that sputters through the streets, sebin sighs softly, “i suppose i could... help. but just know that i don’t help people often, and that i do expect some sort of repayment after this.” she’s busy with drawing her camera back into her bag, shielding her fluster as she does so, turning her face to the ground. because yang sebin is known for being too seamlessly selfish to help just anyone. “where do you live?”

Can you help me?

He didn’tknow why he start running towards the unknown girl. Normally Eito wasn’t aperson that gets excited very easily, and normally he was calm all the time. Hearthe voice of that woman, hearing her words, let him fall back in reality. Afterhis next step towards her he immorality stopped while tilting his head a bit tothe side, looking blank towards her. “Eh?”Why would Eito rob someone out of sudden, this times are over. For sure he wasn’ta rich guy but robbing a female was one of the worst things a male could do. Besideof some more other thing he doesn’t want to think about it. “Rob you?” Still somehow confused ather words. “I am sorry I might look likea villain but I am totally not interested in your camera or your cat. Althoughcats are somehow pretty cute.” Shaking his head once as he start to movetowards her in a slow tempo. “Sorry, butI somehow got lost this area and I have no clue how I get back home.”

[mkwnsebin-blog]

            petty squabbling and frequent encounters in the library have given her sufficient insight on the jock to know that he’s a blatant elitist. it’s evident enough, too, in the way he won’t bother with the specifics of niceties around her. and though sebin’s a bleak soul herself, she’s not a dupe. she does not take kindly to social bigotry.

            she does, however, think that he’s good company; if only to substitute for her personal photographer, so here they are now.

            “yeah i could get someone who’s actually talented with a camera but then where’s the fun in that?” there is a hint of mirth in the words that echo, matching the equally superficial tone hyunshik’s adopted. she isn’t skilled at the art of masking emotions. “i wouldn’t get to see your peevish face scrunch up in irritation. and that’s literally always the climax of my week.”

              she freezes as the shutter sounds, twisted in an awkward position so that her back’s towards the camera but her profile is still visible. “oh? bravo. are you gaining a knack for photography, monsieur beanstalk?” she jests, conforming with a slight tilt of her head.

@mkwnsebin

             ❛ i thought you’d have learned not to foist your camera onto me by now. ❜ the words seem frosty, but hyunshik is smiling warmly as he says them, tone light-hearted when his intention is anything but. sure, the hipster is an interesting character, and though he’s careful not to give her a cold shoulder, it’s not as if he’s willing to go the extra mile to be kind to her. his sweetness would be wasted on her — she’s three whole ranks below him, after all.

             there’s a wide grin playing upon his lips now, and even hyunshik isn’t sure if it’s false or not. he’s zooming in on the girl’s face far more than necessary, so that every pore and blemish is visible, before pressing down on the shutter wildly. he’s far from a professional photographer, but even he can tell when a photo is no good — why not get on sebin’s nerves a little, though? she’s the one who was so insistent on him taking pictures of her the moment he stepped foot in the library.

             ❛ hmm, no, no… none of these are good. maybe if you tilt your head a little? ❜ he comments in a mock-thoughtful tone, finger tapping his chin for effect.