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Fade Into You
Summary: Marc comes back to you after years
Paring: Marc Spector x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Reader is in their early 20s, angst, hint of parents death
Everyday you try and understand that you are not a mess. You are just someone who is deeply human in this world that we call our home. A messed up home. One full of wonders but dangers. One filled with hope but despair.
Despair and danger is what you constantly lived through. And though you live a life full of misery, there is that slight moment of pure wonder and hope that goes through your mind in the wakes of the morning. Even in a home of hate, you try to find the love in it.
“You need to know…that what I’m about to do is all for you.”
The words still haunted your mind.
The man you remembered to have a special place in your heart said those words to you. All you could remember was the coldness that surrounded you, the dim moonlight shining down on his features, features you never saw, features you would never see again.
Leaving with one last gaze that night, you expected him to turn around and smile at you. But he never did. Standing there, you waited for him to come back and throw himself down onto the bed he said was yours. Inside you knew that for him it was one of the most comfortable places he could be.
Your heart ached for him at the front of your door. Marc ached as he caught the bus.
You stood up until you got tired of being on your feet. So to bring you comfort you dragged a chair across the dull apartment, bringing it close to the chipped, blue door.
Facing it, it brought you comfort. And there you laidback, waiting for him.
…for four years you waited.
Four years of denial. A sad stage really. For four years you kept the chair in the same position. For four years you stared at the blue door for hours. For four years you waited, just for him. For him to come back.
And he never did.
Dense, the London streets were lit only by the moonlight above you. Leaves crossing your path as the steady wind blew against your clothes, filling it touch your skin underneath.
Several high mast lights could be seen, very few to be more specific. Each one of them in each far corner, only revealing small local shops around.
Huge windows, dark shades of curtains in the dim light, hints of gothic architecture shown with their tall shaved bushes aligning like a pathway to heaven.
All around you was silence. The calmness of sleep. Though in nights like these some people would thrive, filling their systems with drugs and alcohol to reach the highs they never knew they could. And they felt warm. They felt good.
But you…no, you, you just felt alone. A loneliness that repeated itself over and over each and every night in the dimness of the moon light that shined down upon you.
Each night, a part of you, behind the back of your conscious followed the aching and desperation that hide inside you for him to come back. It was for a moment, a slight moment that you wish you had someone to look forward to come back to.
But he abandoned you. In that rotting apartment, he left you alone with no one to watch after you. All alone.
At the desk you passed by the same man who stood there every night, greeting him with a small smile before you reached the elevator.
Arriving at your floor, you hesitated. An ill feeling taking over you. Furrowing your brows, you pushed that feeling back, not wanting to pay much attention to it.
And you should’ve. You really should’ve.
For it wasn’t your expected loneliness waiting for you at your door. It was him. Just as you remembered him but older. Slightly older. His features were still there, his dark curls, his brown eyes full of what seemed to be wonder behind them but mainly seen so serious.
He was always serious. Aware though.
Your jaw clenched, your hands beginning to move not with such flow but instead staying tensely at your sides. Slowly, you moved up to his, staring at his eyes, not even blinking. Who knows when he could be there again and leave the next.
The closer you got, the more his gaze looked different. The two of you held the stare for quite a bit…regret in both. Anger more in one than the other.
Sliding your key out from your shoulder bag to the door, you opened it. And inside you slipped through the opening, leaving him out of your home without a single word but much said with the look in your eyes.
Hearing a deep sigh from the other side, he quickly knocked.
“Go away,” you said. “You have no right to be here.”
“Please,” he responded quietly, desperately.
The two of you stood still in silence at the opposite sides of the door. You didn’t dare to turn to face the door, the door you painted blue three years ago when you first got the place. You wanted a part of home to be in your reach.
Tears wedded in your eyes, the ache of a heartbreak coming back to you. You wanted to break down, you wanted to get on your knees and open the door and tell him, ask him why did he leave? Why did he leave you alone? Why did he abandon you like that?
Sighing, you found yourself staring at the blue door like all those other times. But this time, he was here. One of the times you waited in those four years that you held onto the thought of him returning back to you, he was here.
With the silence that stood, Marc simply said: “Kid, look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t stay, that I didn’t stay.”
Marc inside waited for a response. One that could not come out clear of you without the sounds of a sob fighting to get out.
“Please. I should’ve came back for you it’s just…”
It’s just?
“…I just thought you might have not want to see me again. You know what I’ve done by now, I’m guessing. I was scared that when I came back, if I came back, that you would see what I would see.”
Shuddering, your tears were dragged upon your cheeks, your nose beginning to stuff. Shaking your head, you quickly reached for the door, your fingers twiddling with the locks before you flew it open.
Once more you stared at him with a frown displayed on your face.
All those years you waited for him to embrace you like a mother would embrace a child. Now you weren’t his, you knew that. You were merely just a child when he found you in the burning house, your hands wrapped around your knees in a closet.
He knew the wrongs he did that day. Two dead. One man, one women. He didn’t do it but he knew who did, alas he was there, he was marked for it.
When he looked down at you something clicked inside him, a feeling that made him feel human. And he ruin you further.
And he’s glad he never did. For you were now the one he looked over, someone who gave him meaning, a life, a purpose. He knew just by looking at you that’ll be all you were, someone he could protect in dark times. And when he embraced you the way he wish he did all those years ago, he felt warm.
A different type of warmth. One filled with love and cherish. It makes him feel deeply human — a feeling he wasn’t felt in so long.
#marc spector#marc spector fanfic#marc spector fic#marc spector x reader#moon knight fanfic#moon knight fic#moon knight x reader#marc spector angst#moon knight#moon knight angst
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Starry Eyes
Pairing: Marc Spector x Reader
Summary: Marc wakes up to you sleepwalking
Marc could feel the bed moving slightly. A continuous movement that kept going on and on every few seconds, stirring him out of his deep slumber.
Taking in a deep breath of the cold air that wrapped around his body, all that managed to come out of his lips were a small, “Hm?”
But not hearing a reply after that was all he needed for his anxiety to slowly crawl around his body. Small tingling sensations came up before he moved his head around, seeing a dark figure right in front of him.
Though others would jump, he didn’t. Cause it was you. Right in front of him he could make out your figure, your beautiful body. He didn’t need light to see it.
“Baby?” he called out to you, his voice still hoarse.
No reply.
Marc slowly pushed his torso up with the help of his palms. “Baby, is that you?” he called out again.
Although no actual words came out of your mouth, there were a few mumbles. Of what exactly, he would never know. All he knew was that it was you. Your voice. You.
Uncovering himself from the blankets, he pushed himself off of the bed before softly gripping your arms. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” he said calmly, trying to at least.
The other times he had found you sleepwalking you would normally wake up paranoid, convincing it wasn’t Marc holding you, but an intruder. You would always not be able to sleep for the rest of the night, resulting in you almost falling asleep at work.
Resulting in you missing the bus stop. Resulting in you coming home later by a few hours.
But this time Marc had learned to be softer and gentler with you.
Slightly moving your body to the right to around the bed to make it to your side, you in your half conscious self refused, mumbling whatever you were saying in a slightly higher volume than before.
Groaning, you pushed back Marc, in which he quickly tried to get you back.
“No, no, honey, baby.” your eyes were half opened is what he noticed the more he stared at you. Adjusting to the light a little longer in each other’s struggle and he could see your face contorted.
Without much more hesitation, Marc brought his hand to your cheek, wanting you to take in his embrace so your paranoia wouldn’t get the best of you in this small moment.
That it was just you and him.
And quickly you melted in his touch, becoming compliant to him as he returned back to bringing you around the bed. And once he did, all you needed was a small gesture to sit on the bed and lay your head against the silk and soft pillow.
“That’s it,” Marc praised.
Covering you up with the blankets, Marc moved a strand of hair out of your eyes before kneeling down to kiss your forehead.
“Just rest.” He said. “That’s all you have to do.”
Marc returned to bed besides you. Slowly wrapping his hand around your waist, he rested his face over your shoulder. And before he closed his eyes and fell asleep, he told you his goodbye for the night, “Good night, baby.”
Finally, the two of you rested without any disturbances for the rest of the night.
#marc spector#marc spector fanfic#marc spector fic#marc spector x reader#moon knight fanfic#moon knight fic#moon knight x reader#marc spector angst#moon knight#moon knight angst
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A Heaven In Ones Hell
Pairing: Marc Spector x Fem!Reader
Summary: through you Marc will learn to love himself with just a few words
How could a mother not be sorry for stripping away a child’s love so easily?
How could a mother not feel any guilt for deliberately ending their son’s childhood so easy with just four words?
Four words. Four single words that have haunted a child’s mind. Four words that have made a mother’s son want to hold his weapon upon himself. Four words that made Marc Spector who he is.
Marc had always hated himself. Even for a brief moment of happiness, there was always thy internalized thought in his head that told him, don’t be happy. You don’t deserve to be happy. You don’t deserve this feeling. You’re not worth any of this.
But to you, he was. To you he was worth everything. Everything. You loved him more than anything, you cherished him like no other person. So, when he let his self-doubt get the best of him, you replied with some of the most heart warming words you could say.
Something so completely different to his mother’s cruel words.
“Why do you put up with me?”, he had asked in the utter silence. The two of you had always been eating dinner together since you’ve met. Call it a tradition, a thing between you and your most prized possession. Your most important person.
The question caught you off guard for a moment. You didn’t know how to exactly answer this sudden question of his. You knew you loved him, and with that you knew if you truly loved someone, you will put up with their flaws. A Heaven in one’s Hell.
You stayed quiet for a few moments, refusing to look at him in the eye in which all he could think of was you didn’t really love him, that’s why you were taking long to reply.
But he didn’t understand. Marc didn’t understand that you love him more than everything, absolutely everything. There was no one like Marc Spector. And that’s when you got it.
Sighing, Marc was about to grab his plate and walk away from the table for the rest of the night. But as soon as he was about to push himself out, you spoke.
And you spoke with some of the most precious words.
“Amongst all these people, Marc, there’s no one like you. There’s only one of you. That’s why I put up with the rest of them. Each one of you there is something so beautiful about them. Steven, Jake,” you looked at him now, a saddening expression displayed all across hoping that your words would break his wall self-hatred.
Marc stayed staring at you, tears threatening to come out as the two of you stared at each other in silence.
Before you continued, your nose twitched, signaling to Marc that you in fact was getting emotional too. “I love you more than everything. You’ve taken my heart since the moment we met and I have not, for one second, ever regretted meeting you.”
That was all he ever needed to hear to just fall beneath a woman like you.
Exhaling, Marc rushed over to you. Pushing yourself away from the table with the chair beneath you, you felt him fall onto his knees, holding a tight grip on your around your torso, burying himself into your legs.
You could feel his tears begin to be soaked by your jeans. You were in shock to his reaction that all you could do was rub his back and allow your fingers to tangle themselves into his hair, letting him fall apart beneath you.
That’s all you could do.
A man you adored so deeply was underneath you, crumbling, falling apart as he let it all go. For this one time in his life he didn’t have the shame to let himself cry like a scared child.
Though a part of him would still hate himself, after this moment Marc had learned that he was in fact worth it. That although the needed his alters, Steven and Jake go help guide him into living a life, he himself was still worth it. That his heart was no broken.
For a son could never hate a mother without a mother hating their son first.
You have taught Marc to reattach love onto himself. That’s all he could ever needed.
#marc spector#marc spector fanfic#marc spector fic#marc spector x reader#moon knight fanfic#moon knight fic#moon knight x reader#marc spector angst#moon knight#moon knight angst
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Agape
Pairing: Marc Spector x Fem!Reader
Summary: you've known Marc Spector for a while. But what you would have never realized is that it was all a part of a plan to keep you safe.
On the outside, it was terror. Violent clashes of wind and thunder, moving full speed, screaming at the top of their lungs. It was loud tonight. Violent. Unstoppable. Haunting. The people of London were staggering by, clenching their hats, avoiding it to get lost in the determined wind.
But in the comfort of your home, nothing could be heard. Music echoed through the halls, stopping at the corners. The vile, cruel acts of the Earth died.
But not fully.
It was still a threat. He was still a threat. Sitting in front of you, Marc waited for your response. He'd known for a long time this was bound to happen. An inevitable event. I know who you were. What you did to escape. But they're back.
You stared at him, hoping that in a matter of seconds he would burst out laughing, saying that this is some sort of joke. You wished. Goddammit, you wished.
“Do you really expect me to believe that?” your voice was cold, threatening itself. Marc knew what you were capable of. He just wishes that you could admit to it now. You were in denial. He knew you were.
“Yes, I do…” he replies softly. A face of pleading written all over his face.
Shaking your head, you were about to launch yourself in front of him, wanting to scream at him to walk away, to leave, to never come back. But it was your name that pushed out his lips clear and without hesitation.
And your heart dropped.
You froze. What the f-
“How do you know that name?” your words came out of your own lips before you could even process your train of thought.
Marc studied you. Analyzing your every move. “Nobody calls me that,” you said, moving your hand slowly behind your back to ready a kitchen knife.
You didn’t know what to do, what else to say or even ask apart from the stupidest questions you could ever think of, hopefully getting an answer through your weak demands. “Tell me who you are.” you couldn’t admit you were scared, but it was obvious that the man in front of you didn’t seem to be threatened by you as he didn’t move a muscle.
"I know your name. I've known it since the first day we met. But please listen to me. Those are the wrong questions to ask,” he said. “The right is how much time we have.”
“Until what?”
Despite the knife held close up to his neck, he didn’t seem to flinch, his posture rested but still clearly tense, almost waiting for something… someone to come inside. “Until they find you,” he answered. “In which to my approximation is not a lot.”
You shook your head. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
His brows furrowed for a moment, raising his hands immediately for you to see them before he began to bCk up, keeping his eyes fixated on you. “I can see your scared, but you gotta trust me. They’re gonna be here-“
Before he could finish his sentence a loud shatter came from your right. Turning your head immediately you caught your wind broken and nearby a ball rolling in between the two of you. A bomb.
Following it with your eyes, it took you more than it should to realize what would happen next. And just as you locked eyes with him again, he had launched himself over you, the last thing seeing was his eyes popped open before smoke covered your eyes.
“Get down!” he yelled before the bomb turned off. Feeling a heavy weight on you, you quickly got pushed against your shelf of books, turning into a ball on the floor.
You couldn’t hear for a good few seconds as smoke had dug its way down your throat. Coughing, you opened your eyes, not seeing anything but the smoke that engulfed you while your ears rang.
Pushing yourself up, you quickly felt an arm wrap around you. With quick instincts, you dug your names into his skin before you felt his other arm touch your shoulder softly but with pressure, quickly realizing it was him.
“You okay?” you barely heard through the loud echos. Covering your mouth with your elbow, you nodded before pushed you towards the direction of your exit.
You knew you could have trust this man. You’ve not only just fully known the man he was today, but he has figured you out himself. And knowing who you were, who you truly were was a dangerous things.
But one thing was for certain as you felt his touch: a man would never truly abandon a woman like that. Not if he genuinely cared for her.
#marc spector x reader#marc spector fanfic#marc spector#marc spector fic#moon knight x reader#moon knight fic#moon knight fanfic
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The Way Out
Paring: Marc Spector x Reader
Summary: after Marc had left you for the dead, you come back to him with a plan for revenge.
“He’s alive, sir.” Said a man, staring behind the face of a criminal, a feared man who with just a look could terrorize one’s life.
“He’s free.” He breathed. “Out of his cage.”
After the incident that happened with Marc Spector, the betrayal as the man calls it, you were left for the dead. As no one without Spector there to protect you when you truly needed it. So so you made a name for yourself.
Tears that followed now you were what Marc never wanted to be. A murderer. A killer. A weapon.
And so you were now his vessel. A vessel to take down the will power of the so called fearless Marc Spector - a mercenary, a killer, unstable with a broken mind, Fractured.
A simple fractured mind that Bushman would soon tear apart with you under his orders.
Bushman could stab Spector in the leg. But you? You could stab him in the heart, ensuring he stays dead.
“So,” Bushman began, sharpening his knife as he felt the warmth of the fire near him burn his skin slightly. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to run. Or really, you will.” He finished before facing you.
Standing up from your seat, you raised up your mask right over your mouth until it met over your nose. Taking a deep breath, you awaited your commands.
“Go on. Rehape the world to look like you. Just as he started.” Some will call this path of vengeance as cruel, unnecessary, unholy even. A path such as revenge should always be taken seriously, especially when that path leads to death.
But after everything? After everything you would say he deserves it. You would even say you deserve for yourself to be in this position of a killer. You’ve been one so long you have forgotten what it’s like to feel guilt, to have self control.
Bushman took that amongst other things.
And you were quite glad he took away your guilt, your grief, your emotions for with them you would be dead. You should have known better, but what could you do now? You were killer. Killers shouldn’t feel.
Killers shouldn’t feel.
“Did you have so little faith in me?” Words from Marc take you back into your reality, away from your dissociation into what lead you into this bloody mess.
Faith. What did he know about faith? He has never known faith since his brother had died.
You were seated in front of Marc. Your elbows touched your knees, holding your gaze into the dark and mysterious eyes of the fearless Marc Spector, not so fearless now as his brows were furrowed, showing you clearly he was in fact scared.
Smiling a little, you turned away from him for a moment. Was he really this ignorant? This stupid. This clueless of his actions and the consequences his choices have brought him? “Of course, I did, Spector.”
“Why should I?” You spat back.
His face turns sour.
“You never gave a fuck about me or anyone else. I see you for what you are. For who you are.”
Your words soon begin to continue themselves. Nothing can turn them off as your words of hate towards this man and what he has turned you into kept running out like a faucet.
“You only care about yourself, your- your hate towards yourself.” You managed to say through your gritted teeth, forcing them against each other you might have thought they would break.
Breathing heavily through your anger, your eyes look around for your gun. As soon as you found it in your sight, you reach for it, no one, nothing stopping you as you stood up and pointed it directly at Marc.
Tears began to prick your eyes. Tears you didn’t realize until they began burning your eyes while they blurred your vision. “This is what you did to me, Marc.”
He looked up at you. Fearful. Not so fearless anymore. So, this is what guilt feels like. Is this the emotions we have to live by? The ones that drive us to make these choices. These are the emotions that drive us into mistakes and accomplishments.
And at this point you don’t know what to make of this. A mistake, or an accomplishment?
“This is who you’ve made.” You sobbed out.
His own tears began rolling down his cheeks, his lip’s quivering with his own guilt eating him inside. He never met for this to happen. He never wanted this to happen. He never meant for this to happen.
But it did. And there was no way to reverse it.
“I’m sorry.” He managed to whisper.
Frowning, you felt guilt beginning to flow out.
And for a moment you reconsidered this. Your actions. Your choices. Your life. His life.
He’s alive. Jesus, he’s alive. He made it out of that he’ll hole. He made it out of there with blood over his hands. Maybe that his enough. Maybe that was enough. He had his way out. When will you?
#marc spector#marc spector angst#marc spector fanfic#marc spector fic#marc spector x reader#moon knight#moon knight angst#moon knight fanfic#moon knight fic#moon knight x reader#steven grant#steven grant angst#steven grant fanfiction#steven grant fluff
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Stay With Me
Pairing: Marc Spector x Gn!Reader
Summary: Marc helps you sleep while your anxiety gets the best of you, preventing you to sleep.
You couldn’t sleep. You had no idea why but you couldn’t sleep. Like your body just wouldn’t let you. But after a while you grew yourself to be tired, tired of squirming around, tired of stuffing your face into your pillow trying to sleep.
But you just couldn’t sleep.
You felt like something, like someone was inside the house, the very same house that was locked 24/7. The very same house that had mirrors, reflections to assure that it was only you and your boyfriends.
But it didn’t feel like it. Logically, you knew that it could only be something creaking against the walls, but what could have triggered it if no one was moving?
Jesus, you felt like your anxiety would spike out at any moment of the time right now. You’ve already gotten up and checked, but always scared to exit out of your comfort zone and into the parts of your home where no light reached it.
It felt like it was waiting.
It felt like it was ready to scare you, to follow you, to do whatever it wanted to you.
Marc felt you squirm around. He felt you put your arms around his waist, finding his hands against his chest, but they would soon be torn away when he heard a clatter nearby.
But he wasn’t bothered it unlike you.
He slept as you pushed yourself up to inspect with the limited light.
He could feel your anxiety. He had no idea how, but it was a feeling that was hard to shake off. Your scattered, deep breaths, your slight shaking of your body as everything else was still, it was just your overall energy that woke up.
Breathing deeply, he turned to face you, looking at as your eyes moved past him.
“Baby?” he called out to you.
No answer came from you.
He pushed himself back against the pillow, sinking him deeper into it while he attempted to concentrate more onto your expressions.
Furrowing his brows, he lifted his hand to rest on your arm, but quickly you jerked his touch off of you, backing away with such fear in your eyes. Marc too reflexed at your sudden move.
“Baby?” he repeated.
You flicked your eyes left and right, up and down as it studied every inch of your vision. Clenching your jaw, you gritted your teeth while your face said it all. You were scared, your anxiety was clearly disturbing you tonight.
“Something’s wrong with me, Marc.” you admitted.
Shaking his head, he asked, “What makes you say that, honey?”
You couldn’t look him in the eye, scared that you suddenly wouldn’t see him, but rather another figure you have made up in your mind that would leave you a scared mess.
“I checked the door three times. I tried to sleep up I can hear voices, I think I can hear voices but they aren’t there, I checked.” You had began to ramble as Marc embraced you into your arms in which you quickly surrendered your vulnerability and started to cry.
“It’s okay. You’re safe. It’s only me and you,” he said.
You wanted to believe that was mostly true, but with his embrace, with his simple touch and words you had began to relieve yourself of this anxiety.
Calming yourself with his words, you felt his hand rub your back as his other hand rested onto your head.
His warm touch was all you needed as much as his words.
Closing your eyes, you began to take a deep breaths, relaxing your body as you attempted to begin your final attempt at sleep to leave this night in the past. And so it was the final attempt, for you slept soothingly for the rest of the night.
#marc spector#marc spector angst#marc spector fanfic#marc spector fic#marc spector x reader#moon knight#moon knight angst#moon knight fanfic#moon knight fic#moon knight x reader#steven grant#steven grant angst#steven grant fanfiction#steven grant fluff
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Hearts To Break
Pairing: Marc Spector x Reader
Summary: Possessed by a selfish God looking to erupt pain into mortals, he takes over your mind and body with no recollection of what happened. What’s even worse is that you hear its command for you to kill Marc. The only thing that is left of you is your time with him before your body isn’t yours anymore.
Warnings: self-abuse, blood, self-harm, violence, knives
Screams were what woke Marc in the middle of the night. Hearing them faintly in his sleep, he didn’t think much of it. More like his conscious didn’t make out that the noises surrounding his ears were in fact your screams.
One, in particular, jolted him awake. For a brief moment, he didn’t feel fear. That was until he heard your whimpers follow.
Yanking the covers away, he pushed himself off the bed, hurrying to race towards you. It was too dark for Marc to make out Steven’s belongings that he kept bumping into. Darkness had spread across the ceiling, looking up and down, he turned his head to the right, seeing a faint yellow light envelope around your face.
Breathing out, he raced towards you, falling onto his knees. With the small amount of light, he could make out your movements: hitting your head with the palm of your hands, loud smacks being heard from him while you continued to cry out.
“It’s here.” you said. Repeating the words over and over again Marc knew what was going on. For the twenty-seventh night in a four. Yes, for twenty-seven nights these hauntings have taken over your body.
At least these types of hauntings would leave you muttering intelligible words.
Holding your body close to his, he forcefully allowed your head to rest against the crook of his neck, the only thing he could do that wouldn’t end in you throwing things just to prove his presence.
Looking up in the ceiling, as he has done so many times, he looked up to God, to whichever God was hearing, he didn’t care. All he cared about was to be heard. All he cared is that a God would actually do something for once. That was all he wanted, for this pain that surrounded you every night to go away.
“I’m here,” Marc whispered, overlapping his voice with your smaller cries.
Rocking you, he didn’t know how much time had passed. But by the time you were finished, by the time you fell asleep in his arms, the sun had already begun to rise.
And he was tired.
This couldn’t keep up. But he knew that this would end eventually. However, the catch was that once this ended, something else would come. God, he wasn’t ready for that.
Two weeks had passed and the nightmares have stopped. But as Marc had predicted its haunting continued. Rather than nightmares that you would wake up to, Marc would wake up to see you staring outside at a window. Always when he called out your name, always, you would turn to look at him, your loving expression nowhere to be found.
That wasn’t you. It never really was recently.
As Steven came back from work, each evening he would find you staring at the TV. The channel would always be the same, your face would always be drifted away into space until Steven came in between you and the TV, and you would look up at him.
But your loving expression still nowhere to be found.
Your body would always jerk away from his touch. You would always slouch, look left and right, stare with a dangerous look in your eye, and your hands were ready to attack like you had claws to make others bleed.
And whenever it would go away, for the time being, you would always not choose to talk.
You wouldn’t speak. You wouldn’t eat. You stayed awake for hours until he found you sleeping on a chair, your entire body slouched and uncomfortable.
He would always bring you to his bed, lowering his covers onto you as he dimmed the lights enough for him to see you. Sitting on a chair, he turned it to face you while he dug into Steven’s book of mortals and Gods, looking for answers, an answer to break you free from this Hell.
As hours passed, Marc himself would finally rest, waiting for the next day to arrive to relieve himself that he kept you with him for a while longer.
Alas, a whisper brought him back to life.
“Marc.”
Blinking, Marc looked around to find Khonshu, but he wasn’t the one who called him awake. Finding you on your knees on the left side of the chair, he sat up, your face seen clearly.
Your expression was soft. Loving. Still, that kind woman that had disappeared for half a month. It was you. You.
“What’s wrong?”, he asked. Your hands slowly made their way to his, tangling with one another before you rested your head on his lap.
It took a small moment of silence to retrieve an answer from you. In which you admitted, “I can’t sleep. I’m scared.”
He would never want to admit it either, not to himself or ever to you but he was scared also. Scared that this night would be the last time he would ever see you. Steven knows scared he was. Jake knew it too.
Bringing his free hand to your head, he brushed your hair, replying to your worry with, “Just try not to be.”
Yeah, great advice, Marc.
Though it was the dumbest thing he has ever said, you took it as encouragement from the man you loved to keep pushing through this time of your life.
And within a few minutes, the two of you were left sleeping again.
Winter had come and it was all quite the same. He had grown used to whatever has taken over you for it had developed a routine. Every morning you would wake up with him holding you close. And every morning as they went to work, your body would soon not become your own.
By the time night fell, Steven came home to find you staring at the TV again. Always the same channel now.
“Darling?” he spoke out to you.
You didn’t move.
Putting down his bag onto the floor, he walked behind you, calling out to you again, “Darling?”
Nothing.
Through the many times that he has been through this with you, this time as he called out your name he couldn’t help but feel anxiety climb behind his back.
Step by step, he finally made it in front of you. Normally you would be staring at the TV, it’s bright screen flashing across your face. But it wasn’t your face that he noticed first this time. This time he had come to notice the trickling blood that came down from your wrists.
Jumping at the view, he cried out, “Bloody- Shit!”
Hurrying to you, he involuntarily pressed his arm against the slits, feeling the warm liquid come against his palms. Muttering continuous words, he looked up and down at you repeatedly, seeing your eyes were shut.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say or even if he should say anything.
All he could do was hold pressure. That’s all he could do as he gathered his anxiety right until the moment he wiped the sudden tears away that Jake had taken full control of the body, not leaving Steven or Marc to view from the headspace.
Jake jerked up, taking off his shirt before he wrapped the cloth around your wrists, pulling them together rather than waste time to rip it it apart.
Without hesitation, he stood up, picking up your body to be brought into the bathroom. On his way, he kneeled down to grab a pillow from the floor, using it to support your head against the wall when he lowered your body down onto the floor.
Grabbing anything and everything Jake thought he would need he threw it onto the ground, immediately working on stitching the slits that had bled through the fabric of his shirt. Hearing your small whimpers come out of your lips, he stopped for a moment, holding himself up on his knees, he brought his hands up to cup your cheek, holding your dearly in a way that he didn’t want to let go.
He himself, Jake, would never admit his love to you. But in a time like this he wishes he did.
“Nena, me escuchas?” Jake whispered, tilting his head.
Your small whimpers continued, your brows now furrowing together as he could only imagine the pain you were in.
“Nena?” he tried again.
“Hm?”
A small chuckle spurted out as relief finally hit his chest to hear that you were still alive. Holding the string he didn’t dare to move the needle until he heard you again. And more than that you did as you flickered your eyes open, your eyes meeting his in a hazy way.
Parting his lips, he embraced you in a hug, sighing, “Ay Dios. Ay, gracias a Dios.”
Holding you down he didn’t realize that you were attempting to move away from him. Squirming your way out of his touch, the stitches he had made so far were beginning to break open, blood beginning to flow up, dripping down slowly out of your arms.
Furrowing his brows, Jake looked down, holding your lap down before you could get further. “No, para.” he said, repeatedly looking at your pained face and the blood engulfing like a volcano.
He didn’t understand what you were doing. Why were you moving away from him? You know that he would never hurt you, right? He would never.
“Nena, tate quieta.” He said, a more demanding tone coming out of him.
That’s when your mumbles began. Your gaze darting around, left and right, not even noticing the damage that was erupting out of your body for your panic and fear was the only thing you could feel as the presence felt stronger like he was right in front of you. But it wasn’t in front of you. No, it was Jake in front of you.
God, Not unless…
Looking down, you spotted Jake’s pocket that you knew had a knife, a gun, a weapon or something always in there. Without a second thought, you pulled your hand away from his, pushing your body forward for a moment as you digged into his pocket. His fear of the sudden movement got the best of him as you grabbed the knife, holding it against him.
Freezing his hands while they were about to hold you down, he raised them high enough for you to see. His words, his hands, his mind and body completely frozen at the fact that you, you, were threatening him.
Panting, you slowly got onto your two feet, not blinking for a second as you held the knife just close enough for him to not dare to move.
Breathing through his nose, he kept his left hand high as he pushed himself up with his right. Keeping his eyes on your, he said, “Put the knife down.”
Jake had never looked so scared. He has never felt so scared. Holding a knife to him, ready to attack, staying still and you still haven’t noticed the blood gushing down of your wrists.
Growing impatient at the thought of you hurting yourself, he yelled,
“Put it down!”, so loudly enough that his fear was thrown down by anger, frustration.
He didn’t know how to happened. He didn’t know what really was happening but it wasn’t you anymore. Shit, it wasn’t. You weren’t slouching anymore. You weren’t breathing deeply anymore. You weren’t loving anymore as someone new took possession of your sweet, fragile body.
Its eyes looked evil, like it was the Devil himself. For a while it stayed silent. But a small laugh came out of it, almost mocking him. Almost. “Patience, Lockley.” It said. “We both know it had to happen eventually.”
Furrowing his brows, Jake shifted his body, unable to focus, unable to know what to do next.
But, of course, the seemingly Devil gave him no time as it leaped forward with its arms extended. Thankfully, Jake caught its wrists, the same wrists that were still dripping with blood as he firmly gripped on them. Holding them down, it weakened for a moment before it looked straight at him.
Even through Jake’s layers, it could still see his fears. That soon, one of these days, he would find the woman he loves dead.
Another laugh manically came out, right before it caught Jake’s moment of vulnerability to cut his arm, ripping through the fabric.
“Mierda!” he shouted, falling back against the floor.
Your body fell in an instant that not even he could catch you. Hitting the ground, and despite his injury, Jake hurried to you, bringing your head onto his lap. Gritting his teeth, his frustration grew, he knew that time was the one thing that the two of you didn’t have anymore.
And it scared him. His greatest fear was going to come true after all.
With your hands in his, he touched ever part of your body as if it was going to be the last time. As soon as he cupped your face, he saw you move your mouth, mumbling his name, “Jake.”
Jake didn’t know how much longer he could take it. He didn’t know much time you had. And you? You felt just about the same. You knew with this, you were going to die. That one of these following days would be your last until this shameful God will possess your life, take over your body like it had never belonged to you.
You didn’t know what to do. You were trapped in this state of being fearful, vulnerable, and you hated it. Despised it. And you despised even more that this would end. One way or another.
#marc spector#marc spector angst#marc spector fanfic#marc spector fic#marc spector x reader#moon knight#moon knight angst#moon knight fanfic#moon knight fic#moon knight x reader#jake lockely imagine#jake lockley#jake lockely x reader#jake lockley angst
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End My Misery
Pairing: Marc Spector x Fem!Reader
Summary: Two years after your death was confirmed by Bushman, Marc finds you. But he is too late to reverse the damage that has been done.
Warnings: torture, mention of blood, abuse, marking, shocking, drugs, attempted suicide, suicide ideation
“I thought you were dead.”
The words filled you with rage inside. The never ending lies still continued onto this day. You knew what he had done the night this all began, the night that you became a monster was one that you knew clearly. Not even the man in front of you could change what you believed.
Shaking your head, you were about to sprint towards him until your chains threw you back, your hands scraping against the metal. Threatening the scars that came from Bushman’s constant torture to open up.
Looking down at your hands, seeing them covered in the restraints, you returned your gaze back to him, knowing that only your words could torture him. “Don’t lie to me,” you began. As much as you wanted to cry, you couldn’t. Not with him here.
“Not now after all of this.”
The night that the raid happened, was the night that your life became a living hell. Day after day, night after night, you have gone through it. All of it.
There was no taking breaks. There was no resting. There was no building up. There was just a man ruining the innocence of a child who was part of another man’s war whether she wanted to or not.
It all started small. Lies. Insults. Accusations.
But it didn’t take long to become more painful.
Then the shocks came in, the injections, the burning metal laying against your skin, burning it, leaving scars. The continuous bearings, the hanging, the rope. Jesus, the rope.
The rope around your neck after he left it there. What you knew was that you wanted to die. What you didn’t know is that he wouldn’t let you. He would only let yourself be hanging, on the brink of death until you realized you didn’t want to.
The screams, the cries, the pleads, they never stopped him from cutting it. He just stood there, laughing.
A tear had already fallen down at the memory of it.
Gritting your teeth together, you wanted him to know what exactly he did to you after he abandoned you like an unwanted child, like a piece of garbage.
“He sent me the video,” Marc came closer to you. Quickly, you jerked away from him. “He shot you. Your blood… it was everywhere.”
“Don’t lie to me dammit!” Your voice echoed along the empty warehouse. As you looked at him with hate, Marc looked at you with regret. “How long after you stopped looking for me?”
No answer came from him.
“Huh?!” You raised your voice. Clearer. Louder.
But still, all he could do was stare down at you. Someone who he thought he knew turned into something he didn’t know whatsoever. He made a mistake. A hateful choice is what you would call it.
Frowning, your voice cracked continuously as you spoke. “You left me. You left me to die!”
More tears began to spill from the two of you. Marc never meant for any of this to happen. The night the raid happened, he looked away for one second and you were no where to be found. At first, he thought he would find you. But as the hours passed, nothing. Absolutely nothing from you.
“I lost you. For two months straight, day and night, I looked for you.”
He was lying. All of this was just to make himself feel better about the choice he made. About the person he created by a choice.
“He hanged me up for hours. Days. Until blood came down, trickling down. He burned me. Tied me down. Injected shit into me. And I was there, waiting for you. Hoping that you would come back for me despite his words.”
“What I did to you was mercy.”
Holding back his tears, his sobs, his pleading for forgiveness, he couldn’t. He didn’t deserve it. This was his fault. There was no one else to blame but him entirely. Even you knew that. It was better for him to admit it himself.
“There is no fixing this.” You shook your head.
“This is who you made.”
As your words began to run out, so did your will. You couldn’t handle what happened. All those nights that left you empty. All those nights you’ve cried, all of the nights blood, sweat, and tears engulfed you, you couldn’t seem to want to live another day even if you tried.
You wanted it to be over. For all of this to be over.
So that when you showered, you wouldn’t have to look at the scars. So that every night, you wouldn’t wake up to nightmares. So that every hour you wouldn’t have to stare down at a wall to calm yourself from a flashback.
You wanted it to be over.
You needed it.
Another day and you knew you couldn’t live with it repeating over and over and over and over again.
“So, kill me now, Marc. Please… just kill me so I don’t have to hear his voice in my head anymore.” Your body has tensed down, your wrists no longer burning against the metal.
Marc wish you could be put out of your misery. But he wouldn’t let it be him to do it.
He could never.
#marc spector#marc spector angst#marc spector fanfic#marc spector fic#marc spector x reader#moon knight#moon knight angst#moon knight fanfic#moon knight fic#moon knight x reader
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You Wish You Felt Better
Summary: You reminded Marc too much of his mom
Warnings: Mentioned child abuse, alcohol, addiction, mental health discussion
The silence was deadly. Quiet. Taunting. No word has been said between the two of you since Marc walked back into your home. No ‘hello’, nothing. Just the presence of each other was there, and the stares that revealed everything.
You’ve already began your day with drinking. Doing nothing more throughout your day than drinking. It filled a hole inside you that you never realized was, in fact, there.
And it then turned into a cycle. Every single day. One that no matter what, you couldn’t break it.
It grabbed a hold of you each second of your life.
You’ve always thought that in your life, you would never be lead to this. You’ve always thought that you could never do such harm to yourself, or others. But then you did.
You wish you could feel better in any other way. But this was one that completely controlled you. And it ruined you. It ruined him.
Your blank stares were held on the wooden table as Marc saw that the glass bottle was empty once again. He didn’t even think that you fully acknowledged that he was there anymore. You were now lost in your own world that pushed away your sorrows.
Seeing you like this pained him. It hurt him deep inside. But still, it was a miracle that Steven and Jake haven’t fronted. They stayed inside the headspace, quiet. Silent.
Marc had wished that this was the first time he’d seen you like this. That this was the first time the two of you spent your night like this. But, it wasn’t. He’d lost count.
And frankly, he’s had enough.
Pushing himself off the chair in front of you, he walked over to you. Getting down onto his knees, he grabbed your hands, one of them pulling your chin to face him.
He knew you were lost in it. So, he prayed to God for this one thing: to have you listen to his words. For they could be possibly the last ones he would say.
With his tears daring to come out, he frowned, looking up at you and said, “If you can hear me, actually, hear me. Then please listen to what I say now: don’t become her.”
The words came out with such a breaking tone, for he had forced them to come out for this one time. The years he had spent with his mother drinking away the grief that she held onto for eight years.
He didn’t know what had happened to you. He never wanted to ask, he never wanted to interfere. But whatever it was to lead into this, he knew it was bad. And he still, stayed. He stayed for months with you as the bottles grew in number.
It was quickly that he realized that what happened to his mother was happening to you. And he couldn’t live with that. He could never.
“I can’t let you be like her.” Marc had weeped out after he heard no answer from you. Your eyes stared at the wall behind him.
“Please.”
Then the tears came down as he lowered his head onto your lap, his hands gripping onto yours with such force. He didn’t want to lose you. But he couldn’t save his mother, so how could he save you?
It was his fault, he thought. After he first noticed, he chose to stay silent to the fear that once he called you out, you would do the unspeakable to him. Just as his mother did, you would hurt him.
He should have not been scared and focused on your well being rather than his. Fuck, he should’ve.
Marc began sobbing into your lap, his breathing coming in and out without rhythm.
Just as he was about to look up at you to beg again, he felt your hand touch his back, rubbing it up and down softly. He stopped his sobs, looked up at you with confusion to see your gaze held to him.
Your mind was still halfway gone, he could see that. But with what true words, and your conscious that was there, in that moment, you felt a tear come down your cheek before you softly spoke the words that Marc would come to regret he heard.
“Just go, Marc.” You said.
Parting his lips, another year rolled down his cheek before he rose his hand to hold onto your cheek.
But your own hand caught it, pushing it away as you whispered the last words he would hear from you: “You don’t deserve this again.”
From that night Marc has never heard from you. Though he wished he never left, the words of a man ringed into his head: “I won’t save anyone who won’t save themselves.”
You’ve made your decision. It was your choice to bring light into your life, or continue to push it away. He could only be there to help.
#marc spector#marc spector angst#marc spector fanfic#marc spector fic#marc spector x reader#moon knight#moon knight angst#moon knight fanfic#moon knight fic#moon knight x reader
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