mlleanonymes-blog

[mlleanonymes-blog]

How the eff does an indoor cat have nasty litter and poop on his feet? 😂 Nasty beast

[mlleanonymes-blog]

Divorced, struggling and single with kids in college: When your financial contributions are being used as a measure of value. 

You’re sitting at the kitchen table, looking at college tuition statements while your ex just purchased a brand new Range Rover. Meanwhile, your college child is texting, asking for money you simply don’t have. The emotional strain feels suffocating. Sound familiar?”

As a single mom, I've often faced the painful reality of being measured by what I can’t provide—especially when my kids compare my financial contributions to those of my wealthier ex. It’s not just about the money; it’s about feeling like no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough.  

Recently my college son and I had an argument when he became frustrated, wondering why I couldn’t cover his textbooks and groceries. It stung—especially when I knew his dad would step in to pay, only to later hold it over my head like a badge of honor.

The stats are grim—27% of divorced women over 50 live in poverty, compared to just 14% of men. But these numbers don’t tell you the real story: the late-night panic attacks, the resentment that builds between you and your child, and the fear that your value is being whittled down to a dollar sign.

So how do you break free from this damaging cycle of comparison? It starts with setting boundaries and finding ways to communicate your value that don’t rely on financial contributions alone.

Here are some strategies and tips for single parents on setting boundaries when they're being unfairly compared to a wealthier ex:

Be Transparent but Age Appropriate

Share the reality of your finances in a way that fits their level of understanding. Younger kids don’t need all the details, while older teens and college children may appreciate more transparency.

Focus on Needs vs. Wants

Explain the importance of budgeting and prioritizing needs over wants. This opens up conversations about responsible spending without placing blame or guilt on anyone.

Empower Them with Understanding

Rather than making it about your financial limitations, frame the conversation around values like smart financial choices, savings, and the long-term benefits of financial health. Help them see that these are life skills rather than sacrifices.

Avoid Blame

Don't let your financial situation become about "what went wrong" or who’s responsible. Instead, approach it as a learning experience and emphasize how you are working to manage things responsibly.

Involve Them

If they are old enough, consider involving them in budgeting or decision-making in a small way. This fosters responsibility and avoids making the situation feel like a burden placed solely on your shoulders.

Reassure Them

Kids of all ages can pick up on your stress, so it’s important to reassure them that you have things under control, even if times are tight. Let them know that while adjustments may be necessary, you're focused on what's best for the family.

You are more than the size of your wallet, and though the comparisons may never fully disappear, setting boundaries, communicating openly, and standing firm in your value can help build stronger, healthier relationships—with both your children and yourself. 

[mlleanonymes-blog]

I miss the days when civility was normal, and we didn’t have to argue about money, politics, or religion. Now, it feels like everywhere I turn, someone is pushing their views—whether it’s through a microphone or a keyboard.

Growing up, my family was incredibly diverse, spanning cultures and beliefs—Lebanon, China, Palestine, Ireland, you name it. We had Catholics, Muslims, Baptists, atheists, all sitting around the same table. Sure, there were heated discussions, but when the gathering ended, those topics stayed within the family. No one took those conversations out into the world to force their opinions on others. We could still be friends and family without letting those differences define us.

Traveling the world only reinforced what my family taught me—that pushing your views on others, especially about money, politics, or religion, wasn’t just unnecessary; it was rude. There was a time when we knew better.

I miss that time.

[mlleanonymes-blog]

Divorced, struggling and single with kids in college: When your financial contributions are being used as a measure of value. 

You’re sitting at the kitchen table, looking at college tuition statements while your ex just purchased a brand new Range Rover. Meanwhile, your college child is texting, asking for money you simply don’t have. The emotional strain feels suffocating. Sound familiar?”

As a single mom, I've often faced the painful reality of being measured by what I can’t provide—especially when my kids compare my financial contributions to those of my wealthier ex. It’s not just about the money; it’s about feeling like no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough.  

Recently my college son and I had an argument when he became frustrated, wondering why I couldn’t cover his textbooks and groceries. It stung—especially when I knew his dad would step in to pay, only to later hold it over my head like a badge of honor.

The stats are grim—27% of divorced women over 50 live in poverty, compared to just 14% of men. But these numbers don’t tell you the real story: the late-night panic attacks, the resentment that builds between you and your child, and the fear that your value is being whittled down to a dollar sign.

So how do you break free from this damaging cycle of comparison? It starts with setting boundaries and finding ways to communicate your value that don’t rely on financial contributions alone.

Here are some strategies and tips for single parents on setting boundaries when they're being unfairly compared to a wealthier ex:

Be Transparent but Age Appropriate

Share the reality of your finances in a way that fits their level of understanding. Younger kids don’t need all the details, while older teens and college children may appreciate more transparency.

Focus on Needs vs. Wants

Explain the importance of budgeting and prioritizing needs over wants. This opens up conversations about responsible spending without placing blame or guilt on anyone.

Empower Them with Understanding

Rather than making it about your financial limitations, frame the conversation around values like smart financial choices, savings, and the long-term benefits of financial health. Help them see that these are life skills rather than sacrifices.

Avoid Blame

Don't let your financial situation become about "what went wrong" or who’s responsible. Instead, approach it as a learning experience and emphasize how you are working to manage things responsibly.

Involve Them

If they are old enough, consider involving them in budgeting or decision-making in a small way. This fosters responsibility and avoids making the situation feel like a burden placed solely on your shoulders.

Reassure Them

Kids of all ages can pick up on your stress, so it’s important to reassure them that you have things under control, even if times are tight. Let them know that while adjustments may be necessary, you're focused on what's best for the family.

You are more than the size of your wallet, and though the comparisons may never fully disappear, setting boundaries, communicating openly, and standing firm in your value can help build stronger, healthier relationships—with both your children and yourself.