monster394

[monster394]

Love this! it speaks volumes

“I spent my childhood learning how to fear, and now I spend my adulthood learning how not to.”

— Gemma Troy

[monster394]

Good Morning everyone,

It has been very busy since the last time that I wrote. Yesterday was a very big day as my wife got to meet her best friend from another country that she has been video chatting with for years now. She was so excited when she came up behind her and hugged her. We had lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp and they were both so excited to be meeting one another that I don't think either one of them even tasted the food that they ordered. Seeing each other for the first time in person, that person becoming real for the first time, it was completely overwhelming for them. My wife is a crier and she lost it this time around. Her best friend Michelle's partner was the one that made it happen and it was very special to see her so happy. We all spent the day together and they filmed their silly tik tok videos. Tik Tok unfortunately is an app that I still have yet to understand or enjoy, but my wife loves it ha ha.

I found a wonderful cannabis dispensary here and purchased some pre rolls for my stay here. It is important to keep up with me smoking it when I need it mentally as I believe it has kept me on an even keel lately. The staff were so friendly and inviting and I loved this place. It was every bit as good as my home dispensary back in Vancouver. I am now officially a member there so I can get my medication when I need it when we are here.

Truth be told I have been feeling pretty good these days. Mentally I think I am feeling strong and in control, no bad thoughts or boughts of depression for a little while, it is always important to celebrate the small things. Day by day feeling good and keeping in that good anbd positive headspace. Writing in here and putting my mind on paper helps a tremendous amount also.

Not certain what today brings for us and what we will be able to get up to but whatever it is, I will enter it with a positive outlook and a smile.

[monster394]

Good evening everyone. Here I am on my family vacation writing you all from West Edmonton Mall. We are having a fantastic time and have done lots of fun family activities. We have missed being here and all of the exciting attractions that are here. This year they have had the 3 on 3 basketball tournament going on. We have played lots in the rec room arcade working towards some serious prizes. We went to see the jubilation dinner theatre and it was amazing. It was called Jukebox Heaven. All these classic musical artists that have passed away sang and performed their biggest hits. They had Prince, Freddy Mercury, Karen Carpenter, Elvis, Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin, Alana Miles, Little Richard and a few more I am most likely forgetting. It was a 4 hour show that was broken up with dinner and dessert in between. The performance was excellent and the food was just as incredible. The roast beef I had was out of this world, my wife had an insanely tasty prime rib. Our son had the chicken. We are panning on going once more before we go.

My wife is planning to meet her best friend that she had not yet met in person tomorrow and she is very excited to be meeting her for the first time. She is a military veteran that I affectionately refer to as Captain America or Cap for short. She is a real hero that we all adore. Dinner with her over some Bubba Gump Shrimp is just what the doctor ordered. We also want to see the Sea Lion show tomorrow and watch them perform all of their amazing stunts as they always leave us wanting more. As the week here progresses I will kepp you updated on all of our fun.

Talk to everyone later.

[monster394]

Good Morning on this Saturday, How is everyone doing today?

So this week was fairly busy and at times overwhelming. Only one time this week did I feel lousy mentally. I have been making sure to smoke when I am finished dinner. It is my ritual to go for a walk and enjoy the library square. This time of year it is fantastic there, me, the squirrels and the birds. Staying mentally healthy is always a struggle but these days I feel very good. For the longest time I would shy away from cannabis even though it improves my mood and keeps my depression in check. It is almost as if I feel like I don't deserve the relief or the opportunity to be happy. There is a part of me that doesn't enjoy the darkness but it has been a part of me for so long I don't exactly hate it either. It is what I know , and you grow accustomed to the anger and emptiness and loneliness and solitude. You realize that no matter where you are you are going to fall under judging eyes. This time I believe that I am ready to be healing and that I realize I deserve happiness also. It is strange because I have not felt that way before. I embraced the punishment and the agony, thought it was who I was and that I couldn't change that any more than I could change my DNA. I am ready for change. I deserve it and my family deserve it. They don't need to be around when my moods swing. We all deserve some consistence and normalcy. Well its time for my son's taekwondo lesson and than off to watch Fantastic 4.

Until we chat again

[monster394]

Hi everyone,

How was everyone's Monday? I am sitting here at my dinner table sweating as I write this, but I am so happy with how my life is at the moment that I don't even care about this humidity or the heat. I feel like for the first time in a long time that I have my mental health in order and as a result I can start to get my life in order. My family is well and my son is growing up at a remarkable rate. Every single day he becomes more of his own man and I become that guy that is just seeking his attention. Taking a backseat to his friends and his interests. At the same time I love seeing the way he is growing up and his independence. Each and every single day I learn something that I did not know about him and something he learned or figured out on his own and I am proud that he is able to figure things out, but also that he constantly comes to me to help guide him if he is lost. Gives me hope that as a teenager he still realizes that his dad knows some things and that I am not completely full of shit ha ha.

In a few weeks we are set to go on our summer vacation and I am still very excited knowing he is so pumped up to go away. He still loves spending time with us and it completely warms my heart to know it. My wife got me this gaming laptop a week or so ago and I am so blown away by it. There is so much that I can do with it that I still haven't conquered every detail yet and as a result I haven't even bought any games just yet. I have watched several movies on Disney plus on it and the quality is simply stellar.

The countdown to vacation is on and I am so not into going into work at the moment, I just want to hop on my flight and go now ha ha.

Recently I reconnected with a friend I went to elementary and high school with. It has been 20 years since I saw him last and this time we sat and ate with our children and wives and had an amazing meal. Just the thought of this guy being in my life again makes me close to tears. He always had my back and was just someone I could count on. the fact that we are middle aged men now and found each other again makes me laugh. The funny thing is that he lives minutes away from us and we are talking regularly and spending time together to make up for lost time. As someone with severe trust issues it feels good to know I have someone there that knows me and is someone from my past that I trust completely.

Well that's enough ranting and raving out of me for now. I will talk to you later and keep you updated.

[monster394]

Delete

I look at the refection of a world I once knew

in exchange for a wasteland I don't love

the air smells different, it smells like indifference to me

like food left out in the sun

people no longer care, convenience takes precedence

no human interaction when we can just text ,no customer service cause we can just click our mouse

we lose the things that make us human

the screen brainwashes us

makes us dependant on it

were depleting as a race and as a species

the world I grew up in no longer exists

and we don't even notice

[monster394]

finding someone who will do this is exceptionally hard.

“And if you call me at 4 am, too sad to even say hello, I will listen to your silence until you fall asleep.”

— Unknown

[monster394]

so many people dont get it. This is true.

“I hope you find someone who knows how to love you when you are sad.”

— Nikita Gill

[monster394]

this hits hard

“Please stop destroying what is left of your heart by constantly thinking about things that have broken you.”

— Nikita Gill

[monster394]

This sounded like a book i would read

Everyone in town knows the Rules of the Woods: 1) stay on the designated trails, 2) keep talking to a minimum, 3) if you hear someone calling your name, no, you didn't, and 4) don't go out there at night. Outsiders think we're crazy, but we know the truth: there are Humans lurking in the Woods.

[monster394]

I absolutely love this

“Fall in love with someone who’s comfortable with your silence. Find someone who doesn’t need your words to know it’s time to kiss you.”

— Unknown

[monster394]

[monster394]

Superman

Hello again,

I just got home from watching the new Superman movie. Now I am a huge nerd but I really enjoyed this film. It had tons of action and it also had some other hero's and not just Superman, as well as lots of baddies to watch. Even my wife watched the entire movie and didn't take off and go outside, that is a win. This is a film that will bring in new fans to the Superman comic, I recommend it and thin everyone who gives it a chance will highly enjoy it.

We are at home and chilling out after a busy day. Truth be told I am pooped and want to take a shower and read my book before heading off to bed for the night.

Do I have any gamers that read my posts? if so what are some computer games off steam that you think I should giver try? I am open to all games.

Well i think it is time to say goodnight for the evening, goodnight and talk to you next time.

[monster394]

this is a great reminder that friendship is a two way street. I am guilty of being the workhorse in a friendship, when I have friends.

[monster394]

this is excellent advice that I desperately need to follow

“Love yourself as much as you want your soulmate to love you.”

— Elizabeth Daniels

[monster394]

I saw this and absolutely love this

“My soul is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that, and I intend to end up there.”

— Rumi

[monster394]

hello everyone

Good Morning,

Wow it really has been a minute or two since i have been here hasn't it? How has everyone been doing? these days I am up and down but that's the eternal fight with depression the darkness always comes back for one more fight, i think the difference is that now I am willing to put in the fight to combat it.

The world has sure taken a turn for the worse since I was writing to you all last. We are currently facing difficulties with the United States and there is war in the middle east as always. The only thing that I can hope for is that we figure it all out soon and that we can learn to love one another. That might just be the wishful thinking of a dreamer.

For the last year I have been on a tear and reading everything in sight that I can get my hands on. My love for reading has been on fire and I have been fortunate enough to visit manty different worlds and meet many different characters. So far I have been absolutely in love Stephen Kings writing the last 9 months. Up until the last 9 months I found some of his books to be long winded but I was wrong. In my mind I just wasn't ready to read them just yet, not until now. Needful things, Salem's Lot, End of watch, Fairy tale, Pet Cemetary, Christine, The Gwendy Trilogy are all books that found their way into my heart and that I thoroughly enjoyed. As always there were also plenty of fantasy novels like Fire and Blood by George R. R. Martin and In the name of the wind by Patrick Rothfus that I read and absolutely loved. Right now I am reading a book named Jade City. It is an asian gangster story about jade enhancing their strength. It is excellent and I highly recommend it.

My son is finished his grade school career and is now about to enter the eighth grade. Wow 13 years old. That sounds different, my little man is a young man. I remember the day he came into this world, he is still my baby and yet he is so independent and ready to be left alone because "he can do it" . So many things are going on and some are good and some not so good, that's the yin yang balance we call life. My intentions are to be here often as I believe it is very healthy for my mental health to write here. See you soon everyone...Its very good to be back.