monsterofwalls

[monsterofwalls]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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Just saw a post asking how tall people are and now I want to make it a poll. Apologies to people in the fringe height categories, you do not get specifics.

I had to consult a chart for this

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I'm gonna write a detective thriller where the antagonist is a serial killer named "Herial Hiller" a là "Hanbial the cannibal"

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the absolute damage the word “empowering” has done to modern feminism and young women’s minds as a whole should be studied. the 9/11 of linguistics fr.

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Woah mama just reminding my followers that TERF ideology is fundamentally evil and not welcome anywhere near my blog hummina hummina hummina

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Watching your stupid piece of shit president that you didn't vote for accelerate your country tearing itself apart and bomb a foreign country only 6 months into his presidency just because people couldn't stand to imagine a woman as a president and wanted to feel all the "winning" to be done

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Maybe a tattoo would fix me

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and while we’re on the topic, if you call and rat out your neighbor to ICE you’re a fucking bitch

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"you gotta play with the cards you're dealt" WRONG. i play pot of greed which lets me draw two additional cards from my deck

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"sorry that probably doesn't make much sense" <- for perfectly intelligible & logical statements relevant to the present conversation

"you get what I mean." <- for unparsable non sequiturs

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“if you’re sensitive to sounds when sleeping, just use earplugs!” i cannot stress enough that the sensory feeling of having my ears fully blocked AND now being able to hear my own heartbeat and breathing and every other sound that’s happening inside my own body is a million times worse than whatever ambient noise may be keeping me awake

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so many things about those movies were atrocious but i actually think the hobbit films were brilliant for entirely making up a female character who was never so much as mentioned in the books. i think that more book adaptations where the author was too misogynistic to consider that women might exist in their story should do that. i think that they should be required to. if we're very lucky we might even get some decently written female characters out of it.

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(never degraded someone before) you have your mother's cruelty. and your father's cowardice.

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Keeping this quote to my grave

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propaganda