moon-child-cypher

[moon-child-cypher]

Finally Updating Moonchild + preview

I know its been FOREVER and a lot has gone unanswered but I'm finally at a point where I can give it the focus it deserves and I also found the format that I had spent HOURS creating. The whole story is mapped out, it just needs to be written.

Ive gotten a few comments and mentions ( some not so nice) about how could she just forgive them and move on like that and all of that will become very clear as I continue this story.

Heres a VERY short preview while I wrap up the rough draft and then do some editing.

YN would pull out of the drive way and start her journey as though this was just another day driving to run errands. She drove to the middle of town on autopilot, listening to music, and basked in a moment of normalcy for the first time in nearly a week. The weather outside was starting to grow cold as summer had ended and she found herself taking a moment to appreciate the colors of the leaves this time of year. She had always loved the fall and mused for a moment that maybe she could go to Boston, she had always heard that the fall was most beautiful there. What started as an innocent, unassuming thought , for some reason broke her. It was like she had acknowledged the reality of the situation and the whole facade had collapsed along with that. She wasnt just losing the loves of her life, she was losing her home, her job and the life they had spent the past 3 years building. She lost everything and would have to start over . Pulling over , tears blurring her vision, she felt the grief hit her. This was her family, she had given her whole life to them and this is what she got in return. Hot tears of anger rolled down her face.

If anyone had walked by the car at that moment, she would have looked insane. Grabbing onto the wheel and crying she let every emotion out in sobbing screams. Everytime she had suppressed her tears over the past few weeks. Every moment that she had to keep herself from flinching away from  her partners, and act like nothing was wrong. Every moment she had laid awake next to partner at night, scared to let down her guard around them. It all came out in a series of screams and sobs. Sometimes lifes most defining moments happen in big ways, sometimes its in the parking lot of a grocery store crying and grieving for the life you once lived, the brother you lost, and the partners you no longer had. She slowed her crying as her tears of anger became salty tears of sorrow..........

will be continued soon!

[moon-child-cypher]

I AM BACK. Thank you for peiples kind words , support and patience. I'll be updating moonchild soon and excited to get back to this story

[moon-child-cypher]

I apologize but my chapter update will be postponed. I am going through a very emotional and messy relationship that included domestic violence and not only am I scrambling to move and make sure my kids are doing well I need some time to process things. I just want to give you a fee reminders.

1) Trust your gut about your romantic interest. Your instincts are telling you something and more often than not they will be correct.

2) if they do it once they will do it again. Violent outbursts are not a one time thing and should never escalate to physically hurting your partner AND

3) Don't down play their violence and try to just move on because it will get worse

[moon-child-cypher]

While I want to keep my identity private , I will share that I'm a real adult with a real adult job and that's a nailtech. Wanted to share my nails inspired by John leguizamo in romeo and juliet.

[moon-child-cypher]

I have roughly 30 chapters planned out and outlined for Moonchild. With that being said due to how everything is planned out and titles are in a very specific order, chapter 3 may have to be published in two parts. I'm trying to tell a story line from 8 point of views, and there's timeliness shifts. So in an attempt to keep the story flowing I think that's the best course of action. I'll be the first part of chapter 3 two weeks from chapter 2 post date. Thank you everyone for the support and reads and I hope you are enjoying Moonchild.

[moon-child-cypher]

I saw a post from a fanfic writer complaining that they only get a few hundred notes per story. I'm here tearing up while I tell my partner that I got 14 notes in 24 hours because I'm so happy. . Thank you so much 💜💜💜

[moon-child-cypher]

Moonchild

Chapter 2: Make it right

OT7xYN Kim SeokjinxYN Kim NamjoonxYN Min YoongixYN Jung HoseokxYN Kim TaehyungxYN Park JiminxYN Jeon Jungkookx YN

TW: Mentions of violence, mafia related language, mentions of weapons,heartbreak.

Jimin felt like he was suffocating.

He knew the other members would be grateful to have an excuse to stay in the room with you, to have a reason you couldnt leave them again right away, but Jimin was not them. He needed time to sort out his emotions, he needed time to let it sink in that you were there, in front of them, in the actual flesh. The fact his brothers seemed to be keeping themselves well composed just managed to infuriate him more. He felt a hand on his shoulder and a whisper in his ear

“ Let's go out into the hallway, they’ve got this under control.'' It was Taehyung, already guiding him out of the room , not waiting for Jimin to respond. It was clear Tae needed to breathe as much as him, but he didn't miss the longing look he threw in your direction before closing the door behind them. Neither daring to breathe until they heard the door latch behind them.

 

Jungkook could feel the excitement coursing through his veins and dancing with electricity under his skin with the fact that you were speaking to him. Logically he knew it was only because he was in charge of weapons, and you were the weapons dealer. But none the less you had to interact with him. He had seen the surprise in your face, if only just for a moment, when Namjoon had consulted Jungkook and allowed him to take over . You asked every question professionally and knowledgeable, and he answered. Both of you manage to get lost in your conversation and ignore the others for a few. He was being selfish, he knew , but he was terrified that if he stopped asking questions, if you became aware of the situation again then you would run away like a scared animal .He wondered if Jin would be able to help you relax , or if you would see right through him but jungkook was desperate, he had to take the risk.

“ Hey, Jin, could you check this out?” casually holding the paper over his shoulder knowing his hyung would be nearby. He felt you stiffen the slightest bit but remain professional.

“ I assure you gentlemen that all outlines have been drafted to best suit your wants and needs , and will ensure expansion for both Bangtan and our company” you say , straightening out your papers, not making eye contact with Jin, barely even sparing him a look

“ You certainly have an intimate understanding of what we came here for , that much is obvious, '' Jin mused , cocking his eyebrow, shocking both you and jungkook. “ But that manages to make me feel more sure of this collaboration, it looks fool proof to me.” He places the paper down and awkwardly puts his hands in his pockets.

“ And you're doing really great YN, you seem really in your element, and it's great to see you flourishing” he says nonchalantly, causing Jungkook to suck in a breath of air. Jungkook was terrified that addressing the situation at hand would scare you away. You, on the other hand, didn't seem to skip a beat.

“ If a girl didn't know better , I think you were just saying that to make me more pliable to your negotiations. You wouldn't do that, of course, would you Seokjin?’

“ I wouldn't dream of it YN.” Jin shoots back immediately. Jungkook notes that while he managed to make you more relaxed in the situation as he had hoped, he was now trapped between the two of them.

Jin was relieved when Jungkook had called for him, not only giving him an excuse to break out of his thoughts but to have a reason to speak to you. It was a simple enough conversation but it left him clinging on to every word, thirsty for more. He had always imagined the first interaction with you when you returned would be more dramatic, and the lack of reaction from anyone including Hoseok made him uncomfortable . Shouldn’t they be, don’t know, doing more? Nothing short of begging you to stay? He knew there was no way he would be able to let you go after this .

Hoseok had never been more on edge in his life, making him ready to pounce at any moment. Even the people who were not members of Bangtan, and knew better, could sense that he was not to be disturbed. Choosing to stay out of the frenzy of the meeting he decided to step back and observe the scene in front of him. Under any other circumstances he would be disgusted by his members at this moment. They were all pining after you at the moment, even if not directly so. People who didn't know better wouldn't have seen it, but Hoseok thought they all looked like stray dogs, begging for affection. Namjoon had at least the dignity to keep his face blank, only the occasional ticking of his jaw muscle gave anything away from his current state. Jimin and Tae couldn't even hold it together enough to stay for the meeting, annoying Hoseok , seeing as it was just more ground for him to cover. Jungkook was looking at you with his eyes begging for you, even if his words did not match. Jin was with you two, notably working to be his most charming self . Most interestingly Yoongi was more focused on Hoseok than you. Yoongi obviously didn't understand that in your presence he could calm the violence, he clearly thought that this would mean Hoseok would be out of control , but he was wrong.

Through all of this Hoseok knew that if he let himself slip for even a moment , he would have been the worst of them. You looked amazing, not in a strictly pleasing to the eye, superficial way, but in a way you held yourself and the air about you had Hoseok longing for you.He hoped he would one day get the chance to ask how you ended up here, working in weapons and in turn right here in front of them again.

If you were the eye of the storm, Yoongi was the hurricane. His emotions bubbling up under the surface so intensely that he could physically feel the ache . He was silently relieved he had to keep an eye on Hoseok, giving him something else to focus on. Yoongi had a deep understanding that he and Hoseok were more similar than anyone knew, and in turn feared what these emotions may be doing for the impulsive Hoseok. Hoseok did manage to surprise him by looking oddly calm, or at least as calm as Hoseok could look.Leave it to Hoseok to feel the most comfortable in a time of chaos. Namjoon had asked Yoongi to keep an eye on Hoseok before they had even left, before they had known you were going to be there and now he had to focus on Hoseok and not you and a part of him resented Hoseok and Namjoon for it. He longed for a moment to look you in the eyes and convey that he was begging you for forgiveness and couldn't let you leave him again, that you couldn't leave them again. He considered ditching his post on being Hoseok's babysitter and doing just that but he feared the moment he let his guard down on Hoseok, that Hoseok would ruin everything. Bangtan, the deal, and worse of all another chance with you.

To say Namjoon felt on edge would be an understatement. He could feel his jaw getting sore from how hard he was clenching it. One of the many internal battles he was fighting at the moment was wanting this meeting to be over as soon as possible, but also the need to keep you here for as long as possible. Namjoon had watched Jungkook slip into his professional persona and effortlessly converse with you, and even managed to subtly bring Jin into their conversation. To any one but Bangtan and you, it looked like a strictly professional meeting. Namjoon would grow dizzy whenever he looked around the room at his team. Everyone of them shooting you their own signature longing look, and Namjoon wondered how you remained so strong under every single one of their gazes.

Namjoon heard the door open and relatch and look up to see Jimin and Taehyung reentering the room. He made eye contact with Tae who gave him a half apologetic smile and he glanced at Jimin who refused to make eye contact but had shame written all over his face. He looked over and saw you staring, taking in every moment of this short interaction and understanding what was happening. You shot him a soft warning look, that he would have missed if he hadn't been staring at you, and watched as you effortlessly slid back into your professional conversation as if nothing happened. This interaction, no matter how short, tugged at Namjoons heart. Even after all these years they fell into a routine of conversations with only quick glances.

Upon first seeing you, and how much you had changed, Namjoon had feared that you weren't going to be the same YN he knew and loved. Maybe those years and years had made them strangers. In spite of that, Namjoon now saw that you remained the same person at the core . Really, now that he thought about it, that applied to every member as well. The years had changed everyone, but still remained the same group at the core of their being.

What you hoped Bangtan didn't know, is with every longing look, you long with the same ferocity. Hurt and pride would never let you act on it,but you wished you could act like nothing happened. Act like you had been gone for merely hours, and not years, to just keep living life together as you all had before. Unfortunately, for you, time has continued to break your heart, not heal it . You did find yourself shocked at the revelation that you still knew these boys in an intimate way that they didn't know themselves. You could still read every body movement, and knew what to anticipate from them. You had only spoken directly to Jin and Jungkook, but fell into comfortable conversation, even if it was strictly professional. You were even proud of yourself for your wit in your flirty interaction with Jin. You have no idea where you had found the strength in yourself to speak so easily to them but you like to think it was because you were stronger than you thought yourself and not because your walls were already coming down.

You couldn't pinpoint why, but something about the noise of the door when Jimin and Taehyung returned to the room, snapped you out of the calm state you were in. It wasn't that it was necessarily those boys in particular that got your heart beating faster than any of the others would, it was that they were all in a room with you. First time in 5 years that you had been in a room with all 7 of your ex lovers. You panicked even more when you were able to quickly catch Namjoons annoyance and shoot him a look, communicating with him to leave it be, this was hard for everyone, don't make it harder. It was also terrifying how easily she found herself doing that, like it was a normal thing to do, like it had never stopped. She was genuinely panicking , having to consciously control her breathing to a slow steady rhythm. Her panic grew even worse when she realized that her boss had said her name.

“ I'm sorry, sir?” She was grateful her voice came out calm and even.

“ I was saying that I know we can count on you to wrap up on negotiations without us at the moment, as I fear our attention is needed elsewhere” Her boss, Mr Choi said , standing up and straightening out his suit. “ I assure you gentleman YN is the best of the best with our company and we are leaving you in fully capable hands.”

She stands and slightly bows to Mr. Choi, silently begging him not to leave her alone. If ever mind reading could work it needed to be now, what had she done to deserve such torture? She would have to get through it though, she wouldn't let today ruin her career even if it ruined her life. “ Yes , absolutely sir, all amendments have been completed and i'm pleased to say this will prove to be a symbiotic relationship for all who are involved”

With that they took their leave after bowing and saying their polite farewells to Bangtan. Leaving her standing there, in front of the seven men who were complete strangers. Leaving her completely vulnerable and feeling like she was a specimen to be dissected. She decided to keep it strictly professional, get in and out, and refuse to breach any other topic but the deal at hand. With what she felt was great courage she stood up and cleared her throat. “ Thank you gentleman, if I could draw your attention to page five for a moment, I would like to clarify a few points and then we can move on with our deal?” It came out as a slight, weak question and she hated it.

She finds herself grateful Namjoon speaks up, and sticks to professionalism. “ Yes , assuming it works as a subscription, a fee gets us availability to certain resources, but additional fees for add ons. We agree and accept the terms.” He pauses and as an afterthought adds “ And we look forward to seeing more of you.”

The whole room shifts at his change in language.

“ I have many capable coworkers and you will have the chance to work with many people who are very well versed in their fields to ensure you get the best out of this arrangement.” She adds carefully, hoping to draw the line and remain professional. She could barely hear herself speak as her heart was beating so loudly in her ears.

Yoongi speaks up, continuing her torture. “ Yes absolutely , we look forward to it but your boss seems very sure of your capabilities and we would like to utilize YOUR skill set, and how it may best serve Bangtan. For the sake of the contract, of course.” he says smoothly , almost coldly. She looks at him and silently begs him not to do this, but one look and you know he isnt going to stand down. She lets out a long breath and sits down, finally, deciding that all professionalism is out of the window and the best thing she could do was level with them and draw a line in the sand.

“ Please , can we stick to the contract? I would really appreciate that.” She says, clearly defeated, not looking at anyone but clearly addressing everyone.

Jimin scoffs in the corner. “ That's it? After all this time you're going to act like nothing happened like we're nothing? How can you sit in the same room and be so cold to us YN?” You can tell he's nearly hysterical. He's always been in tuned with his emotions and never bothered hiding them , so you can't blame him for being able to do that now of all times.

“ With all do forgiveness, sir , I don't recall any actions I ever took to make you gentlemen feel that way.” She manages to keep her voice calm, but she can feel anger bubbling up and keeps trying to swallow like somehow that will repress it.

“ Jesus YN '' She was shocked to hear Yoongi. “ I was going to leave it this is just too much, please don’t be this way.”

“ He's right,” Namjoon agrees. “ We need to settle this whether it be for professional or personal reasons, otherwise we will not be able to move forward with this deal.”

“ Are you insinuating you won't go ahead with the deal unless I give in and let you guys interrogate me?” The anger was now rising in her voice.

“ YN you know that's not what he means, stop being stubborn and let's talk.” Hoseok says with a softness that's only ever been reserved for her, and at times his Bangtan members. She will admit it almost makes her give in, for she knows the plea behind it.

“ Fine” She sighs out dejectedly “ But I want to make it clear that I'm doing this for the sake of a better work environment, not for you guys personally.”

“ I understand, “ Namjoon says calmly and softly, and she nods at him, making it clear that they were free to state their cases now.

 

“ We miss you, YN. I miss you.. Why di…” Jungkook speaks first ,always leading with his emotions first, she couldn't help but be grateful that hasn't changed.

“ I had to leave, Jungkook. You guys gave me no other choice” She knows her words hurt when Jungkook's winces and Jin grabbing his arms in comfort.

“ No it's not like you ever spoke to us about leaving, it's not like we were given any explanation. We weren't even given a chance to make anything right, to work it out.” Taehyung pleads. It hits her he truly doesn't understand, they don’t know that she knows. She almost feels guilty for a moment before remembering she's the one who was wronged. She makes direct eye contact with Namjoon, surprising him with the intensity of the stare.

“ I know about my brother, Namjoon.” she drops this information as if she was stating that the sky was blue. Honestly , Namjoon and the others would have preferred anger with that statement, somehow her tone made it sound threatening.

“ Fuck, YN we had to do it for you dammit, it was for your own good!!” Hoseok doesn't bother denying anything, why should he.

“ Don't feed me that, Hoseok, the only reason you did it was your own selfish needs and your need for violence. You didn’t ask questions because you didn’t care because you wanted to do that to him. I know you better than that.” She barks at him

“ Youre right, I loved bashing that fuckers head in because the things he did to you, I-” Hoseok cuts off , interrupted by Namjoon.

“ Enough, Hoseok!” he yells, obviously angry at him for destroying the peace. “ You're right, YN, we had to take care of the situation with your brother. The only reason we took so long to do it and allowed us to steal from us for so long was because he was your brother.” YN winces at the past tense. “ While we had plenty of personal reasons for wanting your brother dead, I assure you our actions are professionally motivated and not for our personal satisfaction.”

“ Though it was pretty satisfying.” Hoseok says cockily, surprisingly Yoongi nodding in agreement.

“ Stop it guys. We aren't taking her feelings into account so you're being selfish right now.” Taehyung pipes in. Oh her sweet Tae, she always loved him for his profound empathy and couldn't help but be grateful for him at that moment. She knew her resolve was breaking. She took a few breaths while everyone contemplated for a moment.

She decided there was no point in beating around the bush and it was time to lay everything out , for the sake of moving on.

“ You guys don’t understand. It's not just lying, it's not just betrayal. You guys have always had each other, you still had each other when I left. A long deep history together, I have no past besides my brother, I had no one but you guys and him. No matter how much of a shitty person he was, he was a great brother, my brother , and he raised me. You guys never spoke to me about the possibility and I thought you guys cared too much about me to do that. So , with that action you showed my worth to you and took away a part of me, I lost everything.”

“ You don’t understand , YN it wasn't-” Jimin begins exasperated , but she cuts him off

“ You're right, I don't understand how someone can say they love someone and then disrespect them on such a deep level. I had to deal with that sevenfold.” While her voice came out cool and calculated , her words dipped in venom, making more than one member scared about how far this was going to escalate.

Namjoon had been allowing things to play out to this point, letting the other members say things they've waited 5 years to say, but he recognized it was time for him to play the part as the leader and not as the broken hearted ex partner of YN.

“ You have every right to feel that way YN. Absolutely every right to have been hurt. With that being said, my duty to Bangtan came first and you always knew and respected that. You know the life we live, and that code helped you live a very comfortable life. I will not deny that we went against your wishes , and that we should have informed you earlier. The only thing I can do is tell you in complete honesty that the murder of your brother was not for personal gain, but for Bangtan as a whole.”

“ Miscommunication has a habit of making a fool out of us all.” Seokjin adds, sliding down into one of the office chairs , defeated.

YN almost opened her mouth to argue that this went way beyond miscommunication, but she found herself unable to. One look around the room revealed every man and how broken they really were. Admittedly , you had never taken a moment to think about how they felt, as you had let your grief consume you and bloom into anger. What made her even angrier is she felt her resolve melting away. As much as she was hurt, these were the people she loved.

Looking around the room she realized nothing had changed. She was still madly in love with the way Namjoon’s earring moved every time he clenched that muscle in his jaw and radiated comfort. Still Madly in love with the way Seokjin managed to take up so much space with his wide shoulders, and big personality. Still in love with Yoongi’s nail biting and the way he always looked like he had somewhere better to be. Still in love with the way Hoseok never stood still , the way his eyes constantly calculated everything around him.The way Jimin’s sleeves always fell too far and hung over his hands, the way that you knew he needed to be loved even when he didn't. Still in love with the way Taehyung filled a room with childish wonder and sweet understanding. Still in love with Jungkook’s big pleading eyes, and the way he was a dichotomy of softness in a rough package.

Her brother had once told her that you know you're in love with someone when it's the smallest details that have you completely devoted to them. She's sure he shared this wisdom with her never knowing that it would apply to his sister and his murderers, but it was still true and she knew every one of them still felt the same.

“ Even if we wanted to, we couldn't go back to the way things were. Things are never going to be the same and there's so much healing to be done.” She sighs

“ You're right, things will never be the same. They'll never go back to normal.” Namjoon admits, surprising you. “ But it's never easy even in the best relationships but if you have the will and the love, you find a way to make it work.”

“ Everyone of us is in this room is fucked up, absolutely insane. Of course it's never going to be a normal relationship.” Yoongi says with the gummy smile that made her want to throw her arms around him.

“ YN wouldn't want it any other way.” Hoseok adds laughing. “ And you wouldn't know what to do with it. “

She can't help but smile. “You guys have had eachother this whole time to comfort each other while i had to survive on my own, i don't know if there's any recovering from that.”

“ No there absolutely isn't , and that's something we wanted to protect you from in the first place. '' Jimin hugs himself and takes a deep breath. “ I don't blame you for leaving now that I know. Doesn't mean i wish you hadn't.”

“ He's right .” Namjoon leans forward and looks YN directly in the eyes . “ Turns out you were the glue that holds us together and we have become not much more than strangers who know each other well. That's our fault and our job to fix that, not yours, but I think we would all be willing to do it with or without you. I hope it's with you, in any capacity you can afford us.”

She knew she was too prideful, and the only reason she hadn't already given in was her pride. Yes, being around them was going to hurt, but she was already hurting. If this turned out to be a good idea, then she could be happy again, because five years on her own and away from them had done nothing for her healing journey. She needed them, she realized.

Then she speaks , she speaks a sentence that gives everyone more hope than they have dared to have in all those years.

“ I want to start building a future with you guys, but I'm going to need time. I need you to remain professional when necessary and I need time. This isn't going to work itself out overnight. Can you guys do that for me ?”

“Anything for you YN.”

[moon-child-cypher]

Moonchild Chapter 2 is finished and has been posted across multiple platforms but for some reason Tumblr isn't letting me post it at the moment

[moon-child-cypher]

Chapter 1 : ON

 BTS OT7 , OT7xYN , NamjoonxYN, SeokjinxYN, YoongixYN, HoseokxYN, TaehyungxYN, JiminxYN, JungkookxYN

TW: Mental illness, psychosis, depression, body dysmorphia, past bullying, casual sex, loss of relationship, violence, talk of weapons, blood

   As the leader of Bangtan , Namjoon felt the weight of his responsibilities to bangtan and he had felt it worse since you left. In a way, he was happy he had to focus on the others' well being . Somedays when his responsibilities felt heavier than others, he could lose himself in Bangtan and, for a moment, it would feel like things were how they were before everything fell apart. One thing he couldnt deny was that heartbreak had been an amazing motivator. Throwing themselves into their work Bangtan had gone from a small group of friends who knew how to get things done, to a feared syndicate with complex connections and a massive income.  Namjoon could sometimes convince himself that it hadnt been for you, it hadnt been so if he ever saw you again you would be so impressed that you couldnt say no to him. Couldnt say no to his brothers.

 Nothing prepared him for the day you showed up in their lives again. The usually composed Namjoon was a mess with you in the same room. He had walked into the boardroom for a financial meeting, one that would help secure their place as the underground kings of Seoul, and found you right away. You were sitting amongst the attendees, as though you being there was of no major circumstance. Sitting attentively as though you could just show up and be another name in a long list of faces . Feeling his stare you , nervously met his eyes, and he felt like his heart stopped beating. It was you, really you. Yes, in five years something about you had changed , but in that moment he would have done anything for you and you knew it. He had almost forgotten the rest of Bangtans appearance until he heard them shuffling in behind him and he began to panic. He swore he fell in love with you more when your eyes softened in understanding at his sudden panic. Of course he still seemed cool and collected on the surface, but you knew better.

Yoongi had spent his life hiding his feelings, except for with you. Always cool and collected, thats what got him this far in life and Bangtan. When others were motivated by emotion, and ethics, Yoongi was cold facts and logic. You had seen through thst though. You always told him that when you looked in his eyes , you saw a deep pool of emotions that you wanted to drown in. He had showed you affection to the best of his abilities and you had seen them for what they were and on a rare occasion held him while he wept. Not wanting to talk about it, not wanting an explanation, just offering absolute understanding. He went numb after you left, it wasnt safe to feel those emotions, the world would burn and he had been having enough trouble keeping Hoseok under control. He never gave up hope that you would return , though. Worked relentlessly to build an empire with Bangtan hoping that one day when youd come back you would join them again. Everything he did was for you and Bangtan knew that, they didnt stop him because they felt the same. He wondered sometimes, if their loss of you, was the only thing they had in common anymore. Not that it mattered, since it had been working well for  them.    Today he was grumpy. He had been up all night going over blueprint after blueprint and was still expected to attend the meeting. Pretty useless, as all the paperwork would end up on him and Namjoons desk to go over , this meeting could have definitely been an email. He kept his eyes trained on the back on Namjoons head and followed him into the room where he would be bored to death for whatever duration it took, but Namjoon seemed eager to leave as well and he took that as a good sign. Hoseoks sudden tense on walking the room sent Yoongi immediately on alert. He has a moment to wonder to himself if Hoseok or their business  partners would be a bigger threat before he locked eyes with you , and before he could fully register that it was you he felt like he was drowning.

 Hoseok had in his own way taken your absence the hardest. Growing up his life had been spent in one mental hospital or another. His craving for violence , his paranoia were enough for his parents to abandon him as a ward of the state at 15, in the end he had aged out of these homes and met Namjoon, who saw a use in his unique set of skills and outlook on the world. Beginning only as Namjoons body guard , he now was in control of a small army with a special gift for violence who knew how to get things done and Hoseok had found happiness, but he found contentment when you walked into their lives. It was almost as though your presence had made all the voices go silent.  As if all the voices were in absolute awe of your presence and didnt dare speak unless spoken too. You were the first one to make him feel human in his whole life. You had said that he had an adaptation to his reality, not a malfunction , and that he was still worthy of love and respect like any human. Up until you the only respect he had experienced was at the cost of his bloodlust. His fellow Bangtan members loved him, of course, but they still saw him for what the rest of the world saw and always had a trace of fear behind their eyes. Not you though.

  When you had left he had seen to it that the world would burn. Every person who betrayed Bangtan, every time someone crossed his path, was paying for your absence. Part of him was punishing the world because he couldnt punish you, not that he would any ways. He was unstoppable because what could hurt more than you abandoning him, right? Nothing scarier than a man who isnt afraid of dying and more often than not Hoseok had hoped he would make one wrong move, that someone would finally stop his reign of terror, because the voices would stop . They talked about you a lot, they also talked about his Bangtan family. The voices told him that they could see right through him, and it made sense because they never made a move to stop him. He did sometimes wonder what you would think of him now. He knew youd be scared of him , of who he had become, but he would silently remind himself that he did it for YOU.

  The voices had been particularly annoying today. He was itching to get on the field, do what he did best, but instead he had to attend a board meeting with Namjoon as his protection and a founding member of Bangtan. He just had to make it through this meeting and he would be left to his own devices, he expected a particularly trigger happy evening for him and his army. He walked behind Namjoon taking in every detail, every possible security threat. There was a heavier defense sytem in this building , he noted, if things went wrong Hoseok would have the chance to take out his frustrations in order for them to  escape. Namjoon stopped just inside the doorway and froze, sending Hoseok into attack moden for a moment. Was Namjoon hit? Was there danger in the room? After taking a quick glance at Namjoon seing no obvious injuries, he scanned the room. That's when he locked eyes with someone and the voices stopped.

 To anyone who knew anything about Bangtan, Jin was the glue that held them together. In a group of unloved boys who came together to build this life together, Jin offered a quiet understanding and a warm  home.  You had said that he served as such a master manipulator for Bangtan because he had an unbiased, deep understanding of people,even strangers. You can't use peoples thoughts and emotions against them unless you truly understand what motivates them, you had said. He believed you because that is what you had always offered him just that. From your small nods and warm smile after a tough mission, or taking the role as caretaker of Bangtan when he felt his exhaustion deep in his bones. He hadnt connected with anyone on any level since you left. Why bother? He was a master of being ingenuine, even attempting to open up to someone he wouldnt know what to believe what he was really feeling. But you, you understood with just a look and that's what he needed. Surprisingly his lack of his own emotion helped him even further understand others emotions. He was a blank slate and he was a projection of those around him.

That was why it was important he attended this meeting. Namjoon needed to know if they had any ulterior motives, if they were trying to trick them into losing money. What Namjoon and the others had never said is this one just one more step to giving you the life you deserved when you returned. He felt the shift as soon as they entered the room and automatically began to assess the situation and then he was looking at you as he was hit with guilt, surprise, hurt and most of all, love.

Taehyung had been dfferent his whole life. From the time he was old enough to play with the kids at the park they bullied him, knowing he wasnt quite like them so he must be weak, right? Wrong. He grew up to be devilishly handsome and with that his odd tendencies were labelled cute quirks. His past still shaped him , though. Seeing the cruelty of people, even at such a young age he recognized it was human nature. Taehyung felt emotions deeply, maybe too deeply, but it served him well as the secret keeper of Bangtan. See , anyone and everyone loves to talk, especially about themselves. All he had to do was flash a smile and lend an ear and a few careful questions and people were ready to tell him everything. It all went straight to Namjoon of course , and he mosty stuck to the shadows, only making public appearances with Bangtan when necessary. His charm never worked on you. You had told him he was beautiful , and that there was something about him that made it easy to open up to him. But you were naturally a genuine person, especially with him. 

When others blew off his personality, the way he dressed, and his words, you looked at him like he was a piece of art. You once told him a day with him did more for the heart and mind than any art ever could. He had scoffed at that , because, how could any piece of art, any piece of music, any natural wonder measure up to you? Their love had been like something out of an old movie. Slow dancing to old jazz records in his room, reading to eachother poems that only conveyed a fraction of the love that they had felt for eachother. 

When you had left, Taehyung had disappeared back into his shell. There's only so many side eyes and remarks one can make before it wears away at oneself. He still found himself saving songs from old vinyls and poems ripped from books for you to enjoy when you came back. Outwardly, to anyone who didnt know better, Taehyung had become cold. While in the past he used warmth, and flirting to get people to talk, he now opted for intimidation and cruelty. He had become the bully and you would have hated that for him. 

He hadnt wanted to go to this meeting, even before he saw Bangtan eye his green suit up and down. He didnt need them to be picking him apart, that was his job, and his patience was low today. Walking along with his brothers he kept himself amused by humming a jazz song he had discovered on a vinyl he had found in the back of some vintage store or another. It was soft and bright, like you, but inside he felt deep and sorrowful . The sudden stop off Hoseok had him bumping into him and jumping back. He could feel Hoseok itching for combat and it was putting Taehyung at unease , he didnt want to be the target of Hoseoks rage today. Taehyng quickly looked around to see what would cause Hoseok to be so careless, who was going to be the subject of his wrath and then he saw you. Like the greatest treasure at any museum, like the grandest orchestra , there you were.

 If lust had a physical embodiment, it would be Jimin. He  just oozes sex to men and women alike , and knew how to use it to get what he wanted. Jimin always had a taste for the finer things in life, always wanting more. When he had met Namjoon he had already been living a gluttoous lifestyle, but Namjoon made him realize he had a talent that could be utilized for something bigger, greater. Whole empires have been brought down because of sex, and Jimin wanted to build an empire on it. While he had grown soft and affectionate towards his members over the years, others would describe his gaze as hawk-like, like a predator zooming in on ikts prey. YN had never seen that, she saw right through him. To late nights hiding under the covers, memorizing every curve and imperfection of eachothers bodies you were the first actually intimacy he had ever experience. He thought arousal had equated intimacy until you, how a single peck on the forehead could leave him powerless to you.

When you left Jimin had tried to convince himself that his long list of high profile one night stands were for work, but he eventually had to face the music and realize it was intimacy he was craving. Taehyung, as odd as he was, seemed to understand this, and would quietly hold his hand or grab his thigh affectionately under the table when he could. This didnt help, he appreciated it, but it just made him feel like he was more alone. A steady sex life had proven to be very lucrative to Bangtan, but he felt so alone.

Jimin had left a lover in his bed that morning to join the boys at a meeting. Jimin felt the need to complain, to hide his relief that he wouldnt have to see the stranger off, someone else could take care of that. As they walked in the building, immediately a group of secretaries were whispering behind their hands about him and he flashe them his most seductive style. Just like that he had them, he would have to remember their faces for when they were done with the meeting. He couldnt resist himself and flashed a smile at an especially flustered man in a three piece suit. Jimin had him right where he wanted him and it wasn too easy. Jimin strutted into the room thinking about all the possibilities with these coworkers but his steps failed him and his cockiness left him as he saw you. Then, with one quick moment of eyecontact, he knew you couldnt leave because you were all he ever needed.

Jungkook hated his smile, his bunny teeth making him look even younger than he already was, and as the youngest he didnt need to be reminded of that. You had loved his smile , which worked out well because you were the major source of it. Jungkook knew his weapons, he had turned his body into his biggest weapon with an unhealthy excercise routine but the most deadly weapon in his world was your laugh. Jungkook  never had a great body image, you later suggested body dysmorphia, and you were the only one he believed ever liked his body. He couldnt look in the mirror and see what everyone else saw. That's why when you left he became obsessed with perfecting himself as a weapon. The burn and exhaustion gives him something to focus on instead of your laughter. At first the memory of your laugh was the only comfort he found, then in his mind it became mocking, telling him he was worthless. That was bad but not as bad as when he forgot what it sounded like all together. You never treated him as the baby of the group but as an equal and he almost believed it. You two were a sanctuary from the reality of thet lifestyle, laughing until your stomachs hurt and sharing memories of his hyungs and sharing the secret knowledge that all of them were secretly the  most amazing generous people you  knew. But now he was just the baby again, talked down on,not respected , no matter how much he worked out and built his strength.

This morning he had a moment in front of the mirror and thought of what you would think of him now, what would you think of the empty shells Bangtan had become? None of it mattered without you here, and why do they keep pretending that it did? Jungkook was the last one to enter the room. This was related to a shipment of weapons and that was his line for bangtan, but one of his hyungs could have taken care of it , he felt particularly ugly today but straightened his back, and walked in. Immediately he noticed his hyungs freeze and was alarmed by such an intense set of emotions that these usually well composed men were feeling and so he followed their gaze and there you were. He felt himself deflate, and relaxed his stance when your eyes met and couldnt help but smile the first genuine, full bunny teeth smile that he had in years.

 You knew logically that they were going to be there, of course they had to be there, but nothing had prepared you for this. They had betrayed you, you shouldnt have any more emotional connection to them, you owed them nothing, but then why was this so hard? You had left Bangtan and started a new profession in a new place the honest way, but years of living with bangtan you could no longer afford your lifestyle on an honest job salary so that's how you ended up in weapons deals. You purposely didnt keep track of the boys, as they hurt too much to think about. Youre only clue of just how big and successful they had gotten recently when you had been informed about your purpose foe this meeting . Your boss had taken your hesitance as concern about getting involved with Bagtan and reassured you that your name would not be connected to them on paper but he had no idea how connected you already were to them. They would know now from the way the seven boys honed on you and were now staring at you. You had tried to blend in the crowd of seats but that had been unsuccessful. The worst part of it all is as soon as she saw them she felt the pain of being in love with these men all over again.

[moon-child-cypher]

fresh bloom hotel — knj

Plot: Loyalty had always been his strongest suit until he sets eyes on the only woman he wasn’t allowed to go near. 

Pairing: Underboss!Namjoon x Consigliere!OC (Name: Minnie) 

Type: Drabble 

Rating: R18+ 

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: explicit smut, spanking (with hand and belt), anal play, unprotected and rough sex, blowjobs, fingering, pussy slapping, it’s just a mess. 

Author’s Note: here we have another random dose of unnecessary smut writing from yours truly lol hope you enjoy!

“Why do you have that sad face?” Minnie asked in the sweetest of voices. She still wore her attire from work, a prim ironed skirt and white shirt with socks that were just transparent for Namjoon to peak through her skin.

Namjoon slammed the door of the mini-fridge with a sigh. “Because what we’re doing is—wrong. Seokjin’s my superior and you’re his—”

“I’m not his anything.” Minnie narrowed her gaze, dark and inviting. Crossing one leg over the other so another inch of her thigh showed through.

Namjoon flicked open the can of beer, letting the strong smell of it waft through and mix with her lily perfume. “But he does care for you.”

“He wants me. There’s a difference.”

Taking even the strongest sip wasn’t quenching his need to take her in. Seokjin was a man who obsessed. The moment Minnie walked into the place with her eloquence and grace, his boss wanted to take her for all that she had. And she had a lot. She had everything. Every calculated sentence, every extra breath and hum were like music that played in Namjoon’s head. Over and over and over again until he grew mad with it.

“You know that doesn’t change anything, right? He’ll have his men kill us both.” Namjoon nodded towards the door. Fully prepared for Seokjin’s men to burst in here even though he knew Minnie had her ways of keeping secrets. Even from someone like him.

Minnie took a deep breath, her chest raising beautifully and relaxing as she sighed. “Why did you come here then, Namjoon? If you’re so loyal to your boss.”

Keep reading

[moon-child-cypher]

Just Breathe ( Jung Hoseok x Reader)

Word count 1623

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, pain and mourning

I had posted this on another account of mine months ago, but with all my WIP and me revamping this one shot i decided to create something just for writing. Constructive criticism welcome. Please feel free to interact

  She had only heard stories, on occasion read the news stories of first hand accounts and they had all shared the fact that the feeling would be indescribable . It sounded so bizarre at the time, especially for someone who didnt believe in such things, but one thing that had always stood out to her was it being described as something like unbearable pain.It always silently echoed in the back of her head and stuck with her.

 That’s how she knew when she collapsed at work that her soulmate had died. It wasnt painful, it was worse, it was unbearable and knocked the wind out of her. It was like someone had ripped her lungs out and replaced them with an empty void that was full of everything ugly in the world. She had denied even the existence of soul mates even as her friends had found theirs one by one , but now she couldnt deny it. She had a soulmate and they were dead. Taken away before she came to terms with their existence, much less even met them. She tried to say something, anything ,but everything came out as screaming sobs until her throat was sore and all she could do then was curl herself in a fetal position while her coworkers had called an ambulance .

 She wasn’t sure if she had passed out or if she had just gone in shock because when she became aware again she was in a sterile hospital room. It was’nt the same as waking up, it was like she blinked and decided to reconnect with reality again ,and it hurt. She wanted to go home, lay in bed and unload her day and her feelings on her room mate , Hoseok. He wouldnt replace her soulmate, he wouldnt heal this new dark, painful feeling growing in your lungs, but you were sure he would make it bearable. That with him by your side you were still a whole person who  still and a whole life to live.

_______________________________________

 The subway home ride you had almost convinced yourself everything was fine. You had demanded to be discharged while nurses argued with you that you needed to rest. You had to get away from their pitying gazes. They knew what had happened to you and commiserate that you were only half a soul wandering the world. But no , you told yourself, you were a whole person and with the help of Hoseok you would get back on your feet and everything would go back to normal. On the subway, away from the sympathetic glances, surrounded by people who didnt know or care that you had lost your soulmate you could breathe for a minute.

  Maybe you werent losing anything, maybe the pain of that morning was like ripping your soulmate band aid off. You hadnt met your soulmate yet, you had’nt made a life together. Millions of people die a day in the world you would probably never even know who your soulmate had been and that was great. They were a stranger that some evolutionary remnant had linked you to at birth, not an actual person you would miss. 

 By the time you got off at your stop you were almost positive you were going to be fine. You just needed a night of movies and laughing with Hoseok. Sweet Hoseok would be harder to convince that everything was fine. You had many late night talks with him talking about how amazing his soulmate was and how well he was going to treat them when they were ready. He had never brought a partner home because his soulmate deserved the respect, he had said. You lightly teased him but you secretly thought it was sweet , not that you would ever admit it to him. You felt a slight tug at the void but swallowed it deep down. You had to keep swallowing it down, you were still living, they were dead, you had to live for both of you now.

 You took a deep breath as you searched for the keys for the apartment the two of you shared, fantasizing about how good it would feel to get out of your work clothes and curl up in bed . As soon as you opened the door you knew something was off, even before stepping into your home something was wrong, something was missing. Slamming the door and kicking off your shoes at the same time and running to cross the livingroom to check on Hoseok you noticed them. Six men sitting silently in the living room on the couch together. Jungkook, Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Namjoon leaning on eachother for support crying, and Yoongi sitting off to the side, hands on his lap just staring at a spot on the wall. No Hoseok, he was always here to make everything better for you and the boys, looked like the boys needed Hoseok as much as you did today.

“ Yoongi,” you say quietly, surprised he heard you when he makes eye contact. “ Where’s Hoseok, I need to talk to him. Are you okay? Did something happen with the label?” 

 Yoongi’s mouth opens and closes a few times before he shakes his head and goes back to focusing on the wall.

 You needed Hoseok, they needed him, he had the morning off , he’s probably in his room and the boys are just being too polite to bother him whatever their problem is.

“ Fine i’m going to wake him up, i’m sure he will sort everything out.” You yell over your shoulder as you walk out of the room. You could’nt help but be slightly annoyed. You had the day from hell and now you were going to have to deal with their problems before dealing with yours. “ Just keep breathing” you tell yourself. “ keep it calm until you speak to him and he will make everything  seem better.

“ Hoseok, “ you yell while quickly rapping on his bedroom door while turning the door knob “ I’m coming in!”

 As soon as you swung the door open, as soon as his familiar scent hit you, you knew the bed would be empty and you knew what would happen.

 His bed was empty, blankets left tangled and unmade on top of it. His pajamas from the night before were left in a pile next to his bed, evidence of his hurry to leave that morning. You took in every little detail, soaked it all in. 

“Deep breathes” you told yourself.

A sock hung out of his top dresser door, a pair of his shoes were gone. His beat up running shoes , meaning he had been working out this morning leaving his dress shoes, work shoes and his dance shoes waiting for him.

“Inhale, exhale, slow steady breathes” you started walking towards his closet door when a voice appeared behind you.

“ Y/N, we were trying to contact you all morning” you hear Namjoon say . You only pause for a second acknowledging you heard him at all and continue slowly walking over to the closet door.

“Inhale exhale, keep calm” you will yourself as you turn the doorknob , slowly opening to reveal his clothes. You stare at its contents . He had left his favorite hoodie behind today, he kept it hung up next to his suit. He loved that thing, one of the first things he bought once he started earning his own money. His dance clothes, sweats and under armour, that were all worn out from late practices and millions of washes. You dont know what compelled you but before you knew what you were doing you were desperately clinging to as many clothes as you could and breathing in his scent trying to memorize it and cling to it desperately.

Suddenly you couldnt breatheanymore and you feel the void explode you into a million pieces and every piece of your being scream in internal pain. You slowly collapsed to the ground , pulling clothes off the hangers and down with you while screaming. Youre hit with the scent of his colon , and with it something breaks in you as you realize the truth.

 “ He was mine, “ you sob out loud “ He was mine and i was too stupid to see it!” you feel a hand rubbing your back and soothing shushes , but it doesnt matter to you. Youre body feels detached to this new , deep pain.

You dont know how long you spent laying in his closet, clutching his clothes and begging the universe to bring him back, at times begging to trade. To take you instead , people needed him here, needed Hobi ,and he can’t be gone. At times you even begged for the pain to go away as it wracked your whole being. You know this time you passed out because you opened your eyes and it was dark out and the apartment was empty. You were in Hoseoks bed, wrapped in his blankets, wrapped in his smell . The apartment was usually bustling with you or Hoseok or having the boys come over for visits , but now the apartment was silent, and the silence was deafening.

You wrapped his blankets around yourself tighter and grabbed his favorite pillow close to you. You would have given anything for him to come in and laugh at you for not sleeping in your own bed again. He would always complain but never kick you out ,letting you stay all night . He would always  twirl the one piece of hair that never stayed in place and say something cheesy like “ Sleep tight dont let the bed bugs bite” and smile that smile that was warm like the sun. You smile at the memory.

“ Goodnight , Hobi.” you say outloud, hugging the pillow tighter. ‘ I love you’

[moon-child-cypher]

Just Breathe ( Jung Hoseok x Reader)

Word count 1623

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, pain and mourning

I had posted this on another account of mine months ago, but with all my WIP and me revamping this one shot i decided to create something just for writing. Constructive criticism welcome. Please feel free to interact

  She had only heard stories, on occasion read the news stories of first hand accounts and they had all shared the fact that the feeling would be indescribable . It sounded so bizarre at the time, especially for someone who didnt believe in such things, but one thing that had always stood out to her was it being described as something like unbearable pain.It always silently echoed in the back of her head and stuck with her.

 That's how she knew when she collapsed at work that her soulmate had died. It wasnt painful, it was worse, it was unbearable and knocked the wind out of her. It was like someone had ripped her lungs out and replaced them with an empty void that was full of everything ugly in the world. She had denied even the existence of soul mates even as her friends had found theirs one by one , but now she couldnt deny it. She had a soulmate and they were dead. Taken away before she came to terms with their existence, much less even met them. She tried to say something, anything ,but everything came out as screaming sobs until her throat was sore and all she could do then was curl herself in a fetal position while her coworkers had called an ambulance .

 She wasn’t sure if she had passed out or if she had just gone in shock because when she became aware again she was in a sterile hospital room. It was’nt the same as waking up, it was like she blinked and decided to reconnect with reality again ,and it hurt. She wanted to go home, lay in bed and unload her day and her feelings on her room mate , Hoseok. He wouldnt replace her soulmate, he wouldnt heal this new dark, painful feeling growing in your lungs, but you were sure he would make it bearable. That with him by your side you were still a whole person who  still and a whole life to live.

_______________________________________

 The subway home ride you had almost convinced yourself everything was fine. You had demanded to be discharged while nurses argued with you that you needed to rest. You had to get away from their pitying gazes. They knew what had happened to you and commiserate that you were only half a soul wandering the world. But no , you told yourself, you were a whole person and with the help of Hoseok you would get back on your feet and everything would go back to normal. On the subway, away from the sympathetic glances, surrounded by people who didnt know or care that you had lost your soulmate you could breathe for a minute.

  Maybe you werent losing anything, maybe the pain of that morning was like ripping your soulmate band aid off. You hadnt met your soulmate yet, you had’nt made a life together. Millions of people die a day in the world you would probably never even know who your soulmate had been and that was great. They were a stranger that some evolutionary remnant had linked you to at birth, not an actual person you would miss. 

 By the time you got off at your stop you were almost positive you were going to be fine. You just needed a night of movies and laughing with Hoseok. Sweet Hoseok would be harder to convince that everything was fine. You had many late night talks with him talking about how amazing his soulmate was and how well he was going to treat them when they were ready. He had never brought a partner home because his soulmate deserved the respect, he had said. You lightly teased him but you secretly thought it was sweet , not that you would ever admit it to him. You felt a slight tug at the void but swallowed it deep down. You had to keep swallowing it down, you were still living, they were dead, you had to live for both of you now.

 You took a deep breath as you searched for the keys for the apartment the two of you shared, fantasizing about how good it would feel to get out of your work clothes and curl up in bed . As soon as you opened the door you knew something was off, even before stepping into your home something was wrong, something was missing. Slamming the door and kicking off your shoes at the same time and running to cross the livingroom to check on Hoseok you noticed them. Six men sitting silently in the living room on the couch together. Jungkook, Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Namjoon leaning on eachother for support crying, and Yoongi sitting off to the side, hands on his lap just staring at a spot on the wall. No Hoseok, he was always here to make everything better for you and the boys, looked like the boys needed Hoseok as much as you did today.

“ Yoongi,” you say quietly, surprised he heard you when he makes eye contact. “ Where's Hoseok, I need to talk to him. Are you okay? Did something happen with the label?” 

 Yoongi’s mouth opens and closes a few times before he shakes his head and goes back to focusing on the wall.

 You needed Hoseok, they needed him, he had the morning off , he's probably in his room and the boys are just being too polite to bother him whatever their problem is.

“ Fine i'm going to wake him up, i'm sure he will sort everything out.” You yell over your shoulder as you walk out of the room. You could’nt help but be slightly annoyed. You had the day from hell and now you were going to have to deal with their problems before dealing with yours. “ Just keep breathing” you tell yourself. “ keep it calm until you speak to him and he will make everything  seem better.

“ Hoseok, “ you yell while quickly rapping on his bedroom door while turning the door knob “ I'm coming in!”

 As soon as you swung the door open, as soon as his familiar scent hit you, you knew the bed would be empty and you knew what would happen.

 His bed was empty, blankets left tangled and unmade on top of it. His pajamas from the night before were left in a pile next to his bed, evidence of his hurry to leave that morning. You took in every little detail, soaked it all in. 

“Deep breathes” you told yourself.

A sock hung out of his top dresser door, a pair of his shoes were gone. His beat up running shoes , meaning he had been working out this morning leaving his dress shoes, work shoes and his dance shoes waiting for him.

“Inhale, exhale, slow steady breathes” you started walking towards his closet door when a voice appeared behind you.

“ Y/N, we were trying to contact you all morning” you hear Namjoon say . You only pause for a second acknowledging you heard him at all and continue slowly walking over to the closet door.

“Inhale exhale, keep calm” you will yourself as you turn the doorknob , slowly opening to reveal his clothes. You stare at its contents . He had left his favorite hoodie behind today, he kept it hung up next to his suit. He loved that thing, one of the first things he bought once he started earning his own money. His dance clothes, sweats and under armour, that were all worn out from late practices and millions of washes. You dont know what compelled you but before you knew what you were doing you were desperately clinging to as many clothes as you could and breathing in his scent trying to memorize it and cling to it desperately.

Suddenly you couldnt breatheanymore and you feel the void explode you into a million pieces and every piece of your being scream in internal pain. You slowly collapsed to the ground , pulling clothes off the hangers and down with you while screaming. Youre hit with the scent of his colon , and with it something breaks in you as you realize the truth.

 “ He was mine, “ you sob out loud “ He was mine and i was too stupid to see it!” you feel a hand rubbing your back and soothing shushes , but it doesnt matter to you. Youre body feels detached to this new , deep pain.

You dont know how long you spent laying in his closet, clutching his clothes and begging the universe to bring him back, at times begging to trade. To take you instead , people needed him here, needed Hobi ,and he can’t be gone. At times you even begged for the pain to go away as it wracked your whole being. You know this time you passed out because you opened your eyes and it was dark out and the apartment was empty. You were in Hoseoks bed, wrapped in his blankets, wrapped in his smell . The apartment was usually bustling with you or Hoseok or having the boys come over for visits , but now the apartment was silent, and the silence was deafening.

You wrapped his blankets around yourself tighter and grabbed his favorite pillow close to you. You would have given anything for him to come in and laugh at you for not sleeping in your own bed again. He would always complain but never kick you out ,letting you stay all night . He would always  twirl the one piece of hair that never stayed in place and say something cheesy like “ Sleep tight dont let the bed bugs bite” and smile that smile that was warm like the sun. You smile at the memory.

“ Goodnight , Hobi.” you say outloud, hugging the pillow tighter. ‘ I love you’