mrprofdrhoff

[mrprofdrhoff]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

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Touched up my old Dino’s drawing :) very happy with it!!!

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And they don't even pay her!

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I know I’ve featured this scene on the Nazi Punch of the Day, but this version seemed particularly timely given the ongoing attacks on education.

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Fire; inflicts a burning DoT debuff. Burning gets worse if hit with this one again, but cancels out when hit by the Ice ray.

Ice; inflicts a frozen debuff that locks you in place until you break free. The ice melts if hit by the Fire ray.

Lightning; zaps you and knocks you prone. For the next turn, all metal projectiles fly towards you.

Poison; inflicts the poisoned status.

Acid; has a chance to melt your equipment.

Blood Boiler; literally boils your blood. This cures the Poison ray effects.

Light; blinds you. You are immune if already blind.

Thunder; deafens and mutes you. You are immune if already deaf.

Hallucination; every enemy on the battlefield now looks and sounds like an ally, and every ally now looks and sounds like an enemy. You are immune to either the audio or visual effects if you are deafened or blinded respectively.

Sureshot; a beam the diameter of an actual laser that pierces through any and everything with no opposition.

I like the idea of a player jumping in front of a beam thinking it will cure their burning or poison, only to get one of the other ones.

Game design exercise: You've been tasked with creating a non-trademark-infringing version of the beholder. The design brief specifies that your version should have ten creepy eyestalks with ten distinct magic powers, like the standard beholder, but these powers must not overlap with even one of the standard beholder powers.

For the purpose of this exercise, assume that the forbidden list consists of exactly the ten magic eyeball powers that are present in the Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition Monster Manual. (i.e., you don't need to research every magic eyeball power that's ever been attributed to a beholder in every iteration of D&D ever published.)

For reference, these ten powers are:

Controls your mind

Paralyses you

Makes you afraid

Slows you down

Makes you weak

General purpose telekinesis

Puts you to sleep

Turns you to stone

Disintegration ray

Just fucking kills you

These are all off limits.

So:

What ten magic eyeball powers do you give your legally-not-a-beholder?

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More favourite numerical memes:

Implicit or explicit enumeration of uncountable things (example: taking inventory of the fucks which one gives)

Suggesting the divisibility of things which are not customarily thought of as able to be subdivided (example: "six whole people")

Using words that aren't numbers as numbers (example: "one William dollars")

Technically correct but contextually misleading estimates (example: looking at a group of several thousand things and observing that there are "at least three")

Incongruous qualifiers for apparently simple sums or tallies (example: she was twenty-seven years old, not counting 2014)

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By DC's anarchist cartoonist, Mike Flugennock 2017

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FOR PARENTS OF YOUNG KIDS IN THE US!

Someone over on bluesky posted this and I figured I'd better repost it here. It's the pre-RFK 2025 vaccination schedule for babies and young children, ya know, just in case it mysteriously disappears. Save this and give it to your child's pediatrician; tell them this is the schedule you want your child on.

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Reblog to let prev know their presence is wanted

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so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

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Dudes healthcare is so fake. My ADHD meds are $940 without insurance. But they gave me a website of "coupons" which straight up looks like a scam website, and I got it today for $60! Just a coupon from a random website and it was $900 cheaper. America, I am confusion!! America explain!!

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“At my old job in public education, my office mate invented the concept of the 8 Weeks of Doom. This was defined as the period between New Year’s and Spring Break where it was dark and gray, there were few holidays, and everyone’s seasonal depression hit an all-time high. To combat the 8 Weeks of Doom, she started a tradition of making me a Doom Calendar, which is an advent calendar but for fighting the Doom. She’d include small fidgets, snacks, stickers, and fun tea, which I’d open whenever the Doom felt very high on a particular day. Eventually this turned into a standing tradition of us making each other Doom Calendars, and the concept spread to our whole department. We would eventually just start our department meetings checking in about how everyone was managing the Doom, and did anyone want to open a Doom Calendar door for a quick pick me up? Even though we’re not longer office mates, I still exchange a Doom Calendar with this friend every year anyway. It really does help with the Doom!”

— Ask a Manager

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good things will happen 🧿

things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿