mrssmith622

[mrssmith622]

Body Positivity Prompt Week 15

What might you change about your life if you weren’t worried about pleasing the people around you? I love this question for me. I am trying to unlearn my people pleasing tendencies. It is brutal.  I say yes, even if I desperately want to say no. I don’t even go with a weak, “let me think about it.” I am all-in, instantly, with a heart full of dread.  I do not advocate for myself even when the…

[mrssmith622]

Thinking it through

I want to say that I don’t understand how we got here. But that is me simply lying to myself. Hate is  the undercurrent of my country. Fear of being different, fear of change has us moving in reverse. A leader set on ruling, fueling the hate and creating divide among us for sport. It’s safer to have us against each other, to highlight the differences, to keep us from unifying. He feeds the hate…

[mrssmith622]

The eye twitch is new

I’m fine Ignore the twitch in my eye. It’s not a tell.  I’m okay. Honestly.  Everything is under control. Look at this smile!!! Totally sincere, My heart is not broken  Under here.  I’m fine.  Thank you for asking.  -Nicole Smith, Momoetry

[mrssmith622]

Intrusive Thoughts

Unceremoniously  Dumped Abandoned  Forgotten I’m easy to leave To let go of Something inherently unlovable  Permeates my soul It’s hurts  The rejection The loneliness Of being me -Nicole Smith, Momoetry

[mrssmith622]

You said forever

But you said forever, We’d have each other’s backs Help each other stand again When life inevitably knocks us down To-do lists grew, life pushed and pulled The distance between us stretched We hardly recognize each other any longer- Or you forgot what we were Who we were supposed to be to each other I saw the text message pop on your phone My stomach dropped My brain short…

[mrssmith622]

Sadness

Yesterday I had a sad day. It snuck up on me. In the middle of a relaxing three day holiday weekend all the busyness faded away and the reality of both girls leaving for college in August snuck in. Senior year is jam packed with activities, there is no time to process all the big emotions of one thing ending and the new thing about to begin. We attended 11 graduation parties in June, including…

[mrssmith622]

Micro Poetry Monday

temperatures rises patience drastically drops humid, anger thick -Nicole Smith, Momoetry Heatwave has us in a chokehold in Western PA. I can’t, between my sssri medication and perimenopause, survive the humidity. But my sunflowers are getting incredibly big.

[mrssmith622]

Body Positivity Prompt Week 14

What do you claim ownership of today?  I claim ownership of my growth and peace. I have worked really hard to get to a place of acceptance of my fat body. I have worked hard to shed outdated ideas of what a healthy body should look like. I claim ownership of learning to treat myself with love and kindness. I claim ownership for reprogramming my thinking to be kinder to myself. I have put in…

[mrssmith622]

Change is coming

I am in a place where I know things need to change It is niggling at me, slowly,  Still only an annoyance,  No need to face reality full on (yet) I am not ready to commit to overhauling things I am sitting in the discomfort of knowing  Things can’t stay the same, they won’t I am fighting acceptance of the inevitable Really, I am fighting acknowledging it’s imminence Change is coming I…

[mrssmith622]

Scrubbing my toilet

I stopped watching the news I bury my head in the sand I am barely treading water  The world is in flames- But my bills are still due We still have to eat dinner Wars are being fought As I update social media for work I feel inconsequential,  Ineffectual at making a difference Scrubbing my toilet While the world falls apart. -Nicole Smith, Momoetry

[mrssmith622]

Dystopian Times

The world is a scary place We are tearing ourselves apart From the inside- out Hate regaining power We rally for our rights The right to exist The right to rule our bodies The right to love War wages Countries burn Innocents dying daily Hope in short supply What are we doing?  Will we be able to reverse the damage? -Nicole Smith, Momoetry

[mrssmith622]

Time is ticking

The countdown is going It’s running in the background I feel it looming, steadily, constantly Reminding me that the childhood expiration date Is right around the bend Last graduation cap tossed Lists being made for college needs Every moment feels precious,  Every family dinner, every shared show, Every fit of giggles-priceless How quiet will it be in 2 months? I can’t think about it…

[mrssmith622]

Scrap-book-er-tunity

While looking for items for Danielle’s graduation party memorabilia table I went through most of my scrapbooks. I started actively scrapbooking in 2000. Creative Memories took lots of my money.  What do the kids say? Creative Memories had me in a chokehold.  I have scrapbooks dedicated to disney vacations, beach trips, my wedding, Ray and I dating, family reunions, card games, the girls’ first…

[mrssmith622]

June Senryu

summer temps risingmade for air conditioninghumidity high -Nicole Smith I am made for spring and fall. I am an indoor cat.

[mrssmith622]

Burn Book

The thing about me is,  I don’t be”vague-booking” on social media  if I have an issue, I address it directly, as an adult  I don’t need to leave a trail of discontented breadcrumbs Allowing the general public to inquire  “What’s wrong???!!?”  Reassuring you that whatever mystery occurred, They will have your back, Allowing you to remain blameless from your decisions. I make a call, I…

[mrssmith622]

A 2nd ode to my new anxiety meds

I started a new medication  it’s insane, it is quiet in my mind  my anxiety has been unstoppable  For most of my life. Like a forest fire, burning out of control, Relentless, wreaking havoc  This medicine is like a heavy blanket,  Smothering the fire. It is quiet in here  For the first time in such a long time So weird, do people exist like this?  Their mind isn’t constantly…

[mrssmith622]

Crocodile tears turned my heart to stone

Do you feel sad that your manipulation no longer works?  That you’ve cried wolf so many times that we no longer come running?   Are you hurt that we are immune to your sob stories? Unmoved by your crocodile tears that are works of art,   But they don’t twist us up quite like they used to  We love you even though Our boundaries are firm  It’s infuriating, isn’t it? -Nicole Smith, Momoetry