muttman

[muttman]

Hard to swallow pills (for tumblr):

A species that lives entirely underground would have little reason to have melanin, especially if they live primarily around a climate similar to England and Europe in general, especially because lighter skin allows for more vitamins to be obtained when there is less sun normally, this is why non-europeans and non-east asians are darker, the sun is more ínstense and so there’s need for protection and less need to take in more vitamins.

Any added character to Tolkien’s canon does by definition break canon, because the story then has to be changed to accommodate them. Any Beardless dwarf or short haired elf also applies, because of the pre-established culture of each race, and so the culture has to be augmented from what was written by Tolkien to accommodate.

Elves as Tolkien wrote them had long flowing hair because they saw that as beautiful, and the Dwarves never shaved. In addition to the melanin thing, the modern elves make no sense.

Middle Earth was inspired by European mythology, and so has European characters. It features non-europeans from far off lands, like the Harad of the south and the Easterlings of the East, but overall it makes sense as to why the characters are light skinned (I say this as a Mestizo). You shouldn’t cast Christian Bale to play Malcom X, nor Awkwafina to play Robert the Bruce. Same as you’d cast dark, straight haired mestizo (or a fully indigenous Nahuatl speaker if you’re lucky) to play an Aztec or a Mayan.

Grogu is a cutsy piece of bait to get you to watch mediocre shows and distract from the shit sequel trilogy. Star Wars is now just colorful garbage and Din Djarin is (and always has been) a different breed of Gary Stu than Rey, but still such none the less, a plank of wood with all of the “super kewl” items that people know, like Yoda’s species (formerly tridactyls), and the darksaber.

Star Wars and Star Trek, and soon Middle Earth, are being lost to the Normies, and the only way to preserve the original fandom is to make sure you keep an iron grip on your original copies of the series and of Tolkien’s work, to prevent the Heirs from allowing editing.

The people here clap for the most basic shit imaginable, like Din Djarin holding his hands up from a droid about to shoot him. Despite the fact that his opinion on droids has been aboit as stable as a wet noodle, and this isn’t even his show.

Tumblr has not improved as much as you’d think since the exodus, but instead simply infected other sites with its exodus.

Modern Writing, relies now so heavily on the fans making the character traits for the writers, that characters like Din Djarin have exploded in popularity, despite being planks of wood.

Now, I’m leaving this stupid site to learn to write properly, so I can rebuild where Disney and others destroyed, and I’ll laugh as their properties continue to plummit and the Normies slowly fade, to find a new nieche to make into a trend, only to find its fandom wiser, and gatekeeping the fuck out of it, and see peace be restored.

[muttman]

Dwarves marry by tying their beards together and then both cut their beards to set their lover free. This is to show them willing to make great sacrifice to eachother since, beards are the most prized of a Dwarf’s things beyond life itself, and if only one cuts, or neither, they are cowardly. The knot is kept and then burnt if one dies.

[muttman]

Buhurt should be an olympic sport. :)

[muttman]

One day in the future I hope we see sex scenes and pornography as we do blackface, brownface, yellowface, whiteface, and redface. Dumb, unnecessary, and a dark-age for media and entertainment.

[muttman]

I hate BoBF. In addition to assassinating Boba they’ve cemented new Luke as a failure by having him so stagnantly follow old Jedi principle rather than evolving and fixing what was broken like he did in the EU. The ST plot relies on the failure of such beloved heroes and now Mando and BoBF have cemented such. WHY FAVEREU?! YOU AND FILONI WERE THE CHOSEN ONES!

[muttman]

Fantasy parenting:

Elves-run on a very loose parenting philosophy where the kid runs pretty wild before they mellow out. If they don’t then they’re sent to the army.

Orcs-Wild but for purposes of them learning fight, kinda like animals.

Humans-Assorted, there are too many of those fuckers to nail down a racially specific style.

Dwarves-When a dwarf adjusts their belt, all people within the area who hear clench their asses in fear and sometimes run. They, as the most based of races, have obedient children through means of the belt, and the voice. Dwarf children get jobs at the earliest opportunity.

[muttman]

The scotts of planet Scottland make their way to planet middle east where Allah has dictated that all of the universe sucks because humans. There, the evil fetishists of planet russia under Baron Pedo plan with the President to kill the scotts and steal all of the meth oil. Then, Papa decent of Planet Scottland dies and his son, joins a bunch of Jihad rebels. He uses the Meth oil to discover why everyone wants it, gets a concubine, and becomes space president, by marrying his daughter, but doesn’t even look at her for five minutes before thinking about his conc.

[muttman]

Being a mutt’s pretty neat.

[muttman]

Could Tom Bombadil be Yavanna’s brother? Maybe Goldberry?

(This is based on no actual evidence)

[muttman]

When God made the Mesoamericans they decided they had made them too based and knew they’d conquer both continents, so they distracted then with self-destructive tendencies.

[muttman]

It’s pretty neat the new Dune made the crysknives actually look like teeth.

[muttman]

Kinda torn about the darksaber. On the one hand the idea of it uniquely tying into the psyche and mind of a person is interesting. On the other hand I feel there still needs to be an explanation to it since Disney took away the old crystal lore, so we can’t brush the blade shape and color off as artificial crystals.

[muttman]

When you realize the world would’ve been fucked if Riley hadn’t gone on a bender.

[muttman]

There should be a new adaptation of the Charlie Chan books.

[muttman]

Dwarves call elves the f word all the time, but not from a hatred for gay people. Dwarves are all male, and many turn to homosexuality for companionship. In fact, your weird for lusting for female flesh. So why do they call elves the f-word? Because they’re sticks. And what is the definition of the word?

Faggot-a bundle of sticks or twigs bound together as fuel

So, dwarves refer to large groups of elves as faggots.

[muttman]

[muttman]

So, assuming there are planets with any complex animal life with higher gravity than earth, what if humans are the first to make environment suits and bring back these big ‘ol bois.

A: Solomon, what is it you want to sh- Dear Christ in heaven what is that?!

H: Hi Grik! Meet Bob! *points at humungous tortoise thing with a monstrous beak, scaled legs like a sulcata tortoise, and a weird structure on its back, that’s about twice as big as a mammoth*

A: BOB?!

H: Yup, (mushy pet voice) Ain’t you a good boy? *pets toe*

Sounds of content purring(?) come from the great tortoise.

A: What is Bob?

H: I guess I’m the first to find one of his kind, I’ll call them Tortuggs.

A: Tortugg?

H: Yeah, always liked words and names with “gg” at the end. Maybe I’ll name the next one Buggs or something.

A: “NEXT ONE”?!

H: Anyway, Bob likes greens.

A: Solomon, at least explain to me what that strange structure on his back is.

H: Oh, that’s a transport rig. If I bang a drum to a consistent rhythm he walks to it, and if I only use one stick he turns to that side.

A: …How fast can he go?

H: 10 an hour is the current record.

A: Two salvas and a sándwich if I can make him go twenty.

H: Deal.

Two months later…

H: Well, that went weird.

A: What? You mean Mohammad’s GUSTAV CANNON on his back?

H2: Not quite big enough for Gustav, let’s call it the Gus Gun.

A: MOHAMMAD YOU PUT A CANNON ON A TORTUGG.

H2: And he likes the feeling when it fires.

A: What if he disliked it?

H1: I mean, we could’ve always apologized with some maple trees.

A: (Skeltor wat)

H2: Yeah, Solomon found out Bob really likes maple trees.

A: And the trunk of it? Not only leaves?

H1: Yeah, he actually likes goat too.

A: *aneurysm noise and mouth foam*

H1: Mo, the pen.

H2: Gotcha. *space epi-pen time*

A (laughing the same way you’re giggly and mad at your friend for laughing when you fall): Damn you both for keeping those on you.