mydiaryofmysadthoughts

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

I’m so scared to lose you again after I just got you back.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

I want to tell you I miss you with no subtext. No guilt, no anger, no expectation that you’ll fix it. I don’t want you to feel bad or tell me it’ll get better. This is where we are meant to be right now - me apart from you. My hands a little empty and my heart a little sad. I just miss you. I wanted you to know.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

If you bothered to notice the way I still look at you, maybe then you’d miss us too.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

I guess what I’m trying to say is,

If I never see you again.

I hope that you think of me from time to time

When that song comes on in the car,

Or the sun breaks through the windows a certain way

I hope it makes you smile

And somewhere

I hope you’re grateful too

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

There was love.

There was respect.

Insecurities ate our hearts.

Egos chewed up truth.

Pride spit out lies.

Hope turned to sorrow.

Love turned a blind eye.

Truth fell tragically,

and we broke unevenly.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

I’m not a masochist, but I’ve broken my own heart once or twice. You see I knew it would happen the instant I fell in love with you, but I couldn’t help it so I let it happen. And now that I’m stuck here suffering the bittersweet consequences I don’t regret a single second of it. I can’t and won’t deny that falling for you was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I will continue to adore you until all the love I withhold perrishes. Not because I would have fallen out of love, but because I would have given it all to you.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

The thing is, I know I’ll choose you. I’ll choose you over and over and over again.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

Stop thinking about everything so much, you’re breaking your own heart.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

I don’t aspire to be a heartbreaker -

I’ll never understand the fun people find in making others bleed.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

Maybe it wasn’t the “almost” that broke my heart. It was the long nights we spent together, and how you made me feel, like I was so far in the sky no plane could bring me back down. Again, it wasn’t the almost. It was the maybe. Maybe I’m loved, maybe I won’t hurt, maybe we will be together. It was false hope that broke my heart.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

I’m not blaming you. I’m not mad and I don’t need to fight about it. You didn’t love me and that isn’t your fault. You didn’t love me and I’ll still be okay.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

Of all the lies I have ever lived,

my favorite was you and I.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

We were like parallel lines: always close, but never together.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

She scares the hell out of me and calms my soul at the same time. Maybe that’s what love is - a total contradiction that somehow balances out.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

you were a chapter in my book

and i was merely a line in yours.

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

do not despair

that you are not yet healed

and do not give up

on the process

healing will bloom

like the crops of spring

and you will feast on love again

the flower always blooms

[mydiaryofmysadthoughts]

Ever meet someone and the two of you undeniably click? No awkward stage. No anxiety. They just radiate good vibes? Yeah, that’s the best.