myintermittentlife

[myintermittentlife]

Drained

I am slowly using up the little energy I have left. 

I’m not sure how I feel right now.

I don’t know if I feel sad. or mad. or happy.

I want to do so much.

I do not know how to prioritize.

I am not organized, even though I like to think I am.

I am overwhelmed. 

I do not feel good; emotionally or physically.

I am extremely self conscious about the way I look.

I feel dumb.

I feel like I’m not good enough; for anyone.

I wish I had a dad that would step up and be a dad.

I fill up my days thinking that I’ll be satisfied, but end each day feeling drained.

I want to sleep.

I wish that I could just stop. Just for one day.

I want to create, but don’t have time to.

I want to get rid of all my selfish thoughts, but can’t.

I want to help everybody, but can’t.

I wish my body was healthy, but it isn’t.

I think about everything all at once, and start to cry.

I just want to be held.

I want everything to be okay, but I feel that when it comes down to it, it isn’t.

I don’t think that people like me all that much, even when they say they do.

I am drained.

[myintermittentlife]

Twenty One Pilots

Halloween 2k15 |-/

[myintermittentlife]

Help

My boyfriend has just recently left for the army. It’s the first time he’s gone away at all. He’s just training, but he wont be back until December. I know that I should look to God for comfort, but it’s so hard to. Whenever I pray, I still feel sad. I feel as if there’s something missing... some kind of joy or peace. I just feel stuck. I want to have that peace and joy, but I don’t know how to get it. Maybe I need to read the Bible more..or pray more than twice a day. I just wish God would tell me what I need to do. People say I should just keep busy and that’ll take my mind off of it. But that’s not what I need. I feel so overwhelmed right now. I always have something going on. And in any free time I have to myself, I think about how much I miss my boyfriend, and I still feel no peace. The answer to my problem isn’t too keep my mind off of the situation, it’s learning how to deal with it. I just am not sure how to. All I know is, one, I cannot be sad all of the time. Two, I cannot stay busy for every waking second of my life. And three, I need to find a happy medium. I just feel like there isn’t one!

I really need some kind of guidance of what I need to do. I want someone to tell me what I need to do. And something actually helpful. Not just “get over it” or “cry when you need to”. I need step by step instructions!!  I know that I need God in my life more than I do. And I know that will help. I’ve seen so many people go through hard times and still have peace about it because they have God in their lives. I’m just not sure how to get to that place.

Lord, I’m crying out to You. I need You to tell me what to do. I need to know how to cope with this. Please help me, Lord. I do not want to be sad, stressed out and overwhelmed all of the time. I want to have that peace that I see in other Christians. Please reveal to me the secret of Your peace. 

I love You so so much.

-Your distressed daughter.

[myintermittentlife]

Broken and Beautiful

God makes beautiful things. We, as humans, are a beautiful creation. However; everything beautiful (besides God) is flawed in one way or another. We are flawed with sin. As Christians, our flesh and the Holy Spirit inside of us are waging ware against each other. Our earthly wants and desires sometimes take over God’s wants and desires for us. Even though this happens, it does not mean that we aren't beautiful. Jesus covers ALL of our sin! He died for our sin.... He died for my sin.

All the glory goes to God. Even when I make mistakes.

We are broken and beautiful. 

[myintermittentlife]

Blessings

Today has been sort of a blah day. I've been home all day because I was sick last night. Today I don't feel sick, I just feel tired.

I've got this music on... it's super chill... It just makes me think. It's making me think about everything; mostly about the blessings I have in my life.

Just looking around my room, I can see things that God has blessed me with. For one, my room. I am so fortunate to have a warm house to live in. I look on my walls and dressers and see pictures of all of these people that are so good to me, even when I don't deserve it.

My boyfriend... he's so great. Of course, I have doubts sometimes about if our relationship is right or not (concerning the mistakes I've made in my past with relationships), but I know that everything will work out for my own good in the end. He is such a huge blessing in my life. He is constantly praying for me. He is so comforting. And he is always there for me.

My mom... words can't even describe how much I admire my mom. She has been so strong throughout these past few years. I've watched her go through a ton of trials, go back to school, graduate, and now she is working again. She is such a hard worker. She always points me back to Christ. She showed me that happiness never depends on the circumstances I am put in. It depends on God.

My best friend... She has been with me through everything. I know that I can go to her with anything and she won't judge me. She encourages me in my faith, and I, with hers. We have the best adventures. We serve our community together. Her family is my family. I could go on for hours and hours about how much I absolutely love her. But to keep it short and sweet, She has been one of the best blessings I have had in my life, and I wouldn't trade her for the world.

My exes... Yes, my ex-boyfriends have been blessings to me. I've learned from both of them. Both of them different things. One, I've learned my boundaries. I've learned that I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I've learned that just because someone looks good on the outside, doesn't mean they're heart is the same. I've learned that I have to be careful on who I give a piece of my heart to. The other one... I've learned how to forgive. I've learned that just because someone is older, doesn't mean they're more mature. I've learned that just because someone says they'll do something, doesn't always mean they'll do it. And lastly, I've learned that they'll realize what they missed out on.

And lastly, the biggest blessing of all... Salvation. The Lord has been so incredibly gracious by offering me the gift of salvation. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve it. If anything, I've done everything not to deserve it. God's love towards me, is indescribable. I want to love Him more. I need to love Him more. He is better.

[myintermittentlife]

O, Lord, why do you forgive me?

I am completely unworthy of His forgiveness. I am an Israelite. I keep going back to my selfish ways. I get impatient with God. I turn my back on him all the time. Yet, He still forgives me... If I were Him I don't think I could forgive someone like me constantly. But then again, we will never understand the mind of God. I need to get closer to Him. I have to. I can't go into the world without His word constantly by my side. I need Him. He does NOT need me. He is amazing and better than anyone and anything in this world. This world doesn't satisfy. It may give me pleasure at the time, but the consequences never lead to true happiness. God is the source of happiness. Pleasing Him is my ultimate joy. He gives me everything I need. And even things I want. How generous is He?! I can be so selfish... But I am so happy that I have a God who takes all of my sin and wipes my slate clean. He is amazing. //I love you, Lord//

[myintermittentlife]

There's something I love about the way music sounds when headphones are in...

[myintermittentlife]

#Doctorsappointments alexa_rohl

[myintermittentlife]

#Coolkids #afterschool alexa_rohl

[myintermittentlife]

Whenever i hear this i think of senior trip.... alexa_rohl

[myintermittentlife]

#tfios alexa_rohl

[myintermittentlife]

#Rain #window #driving #fallingslowly alexa_rohl

[myintermittentlife]

#Peace alexa_rohl

[myintermittentlife]

#Friends #bowling alexa_rohl

[myintermittentlife]

I notice these...

I love the little things in life... Laying in bed in the darkness, and seeing a little bit of light from the moon shining in through the window... Seeing the calendar pages on my wall move up and down from the air blowing from the fan... Listening to music while I walk at the park, so it feels more dramatic... Watching every sunset I can, whether from my window or out in a field somewhere... Spending time with the ones I love... Getting to know those that I wouldn't normally speak to... And helping those in need. I'm not the only one who notices these things. God does too. He notices things that I don't even see. The almighty creator of the universe sees the calendar pages on my wall blowing in the air. That just is so amazing to me. God is so awesome.

[myintermittentlife]

made with @kanvasapp #kanvasapp alexa_rohl

[myintermittentlife]

#happybirthday steve!! #Helium alexa_rohl