mylife-bytes

[mylife-bytes]

58 Lost But Never Forgotten

It’s been 45 days since my life was threatened doing something I love most; attending a country music festival. Route 91 Harvest Festival is something we look forward to because of their fan-based experience. This festival makes sure that everything they put into it is for the fans. From venue size to vendors to the mix of artists performing, it’s all for the fans from a fans point of view. As a lover of live music and rising artists, the festival was awesome. I came out with minor cuts and bruises and of course some mental damage. I do not consider myself a survivor. I am simply lucky to have come out unharmed.

Like everyone else, we heard what sounded like firecrackers. We were hanging out in between the back of the stage lawn and the chair coral on the right side of the stage. Given my fiancé and I’s military background, we weren’t phased as much by the sound. We thought about it and disregarded it. His aunt and uncle gave us the same look and disregarded it as well since we didn’t think much of it. Next thing we heard were bursts of the same sound. We continued to stand there confused as to what was happening. We started watching people move towards the exits and others were running. Searching for the direction of what we now knew as gunfire we immediately turned back to each other, I remember my fiancé saying, “active shooter, run.” I quickly turned to my friends who I had gotten wristbands for only a week ago, and tell them to run. “It’s an active shooter you gotta get out!” She responded, “Hell no, let’s go!” And reached for my hand to run. I’m not sure why I pulled away but I did. I had to stay with my family, I had to make sure everyone else was also taken care of.

My fiancé and I proceeded to run as side by side as we could towards the chair corral in order to get further from the line of sight of the shooter. “Get down!” I heard him say to me as we simultaneously dropped to the ground next to others who were also there. Looking back at this moment, I’m not sure if these people were on the ground by choice or not, but I do remember thinking as I was lying on the turf among beer cans, cups, trash, camping chairs, and people, why aren’t they trying to run? We started low crawling and I realized I still had a large bottle of water which I had bought not too long before this. I thought to myself, what am I doing? I let go of the bottle and it became a part of the rest of the items on the ground. We heard the fire lift so we again simultaneously (we must be telepathic) got up to keep moving as we have trained many times. I took off towards a small gap between the right side of the bleachers and the back side of some of the vendor tents unaware that I was running towards a funnel of people. As we got up to run my fiance realized his aunt and uncle were still attempting to follow us so he briefly looked back only to not see them there. He turned back towards me and I was also gone. I looked back as soon as I hit the funnel of people and realized I had lost him as well. 

I was calm but the adrenaline was running through me. I was stuck in a lake of people and I was now alone. I began looking behind me frantically while still trying to move forward to get out through a small opening we were all moving towards. I couldn’t see him, I wanted to yell his name knowing we usually find each other this way. I couldn’t, I knew the minute I started to do that I would just become a part of the crowd around me, afraid, panicked, with terror seeping through their screams. I had to keep it together, I had to keep going, so I turned around and focused on continuing on. 

We were sitting ducks everywhere we managed to maneuver on the ground. As I am waiting to move forward in this lake of people not knowing what we are waiting on, I quickly become surrounded by others behind me. I’m only 5″1′ so I quickly became lost among the crowd. In front of us, there was what seemed like a hot dog stand next to another stand blocking the pathway towards this walkway behind the vendor booths. It was a small gap but we were all attempting to jump over it. It was my turn. I went to grab the metal pole with my left hand, it was wet, why was it wet? I jumped over and onto a stack of maybe 7-10 wooden pallets. My leg slipped through one of the horizontal gaps scratching up my leg. I went to pull myself out efficiently and then I felt it. My silicon camo Qalo ring began to leave my finger as I lifted myself out of the pallets. This ring was the only thing I had at the moment that was still connecting me to my Fiance. I was already out and ready to keep moving but part of me wanted to stop and grab it off the ground. “Gaby keep going, just leave it!” The words ran through my mind so I kept running. At the end of what seemed like a hallway, some went left and others went right through the back of a vendor stand. I decided to go right. Everyone was trying to squeeze through this small opening. I hesitated. Not knowing what would await me on either side I went ahead and grabbed the tarp wall and pulled as hard as I could to widen the opening. I crawl through and the adrenaline came back to me. I was free I could run faster than I ever desired to, at least that’s what my mind was telling me. My feet weren’t on the same page yet. As I went to take off running I immediately slip, fall, tumble, and get back up all in one. as I was trying to run towards the exit on the left side of the Next from Nashville stage. I noticed some people standing on the corner of where I came out of, next to a vendor stand and across from where the palm tree was, very carelessly just standing there drinking beer. I looked back after I get up and let them know “I’m good!” and keep running out. Not sure why, but they continued to stand there and yell after me “don’t run, it’s all good!”

I was running, my throat was dry, and my phone kept ringing. Selfishly I didn’t care about anyone at the moment except my Fiance, I needed to know he had made it out and that we could meet at Hooters. I’m not sure why I picked this destination, at the time it just seemed like the furthest building away from the festival but close enough to run quickly to in order to seek shelter. I had tunnel vision, I had one destination in sight and I was to get there all while rejoining my fiance and friends if possible. I made it to the back doors of the hotel where housekeeping brings in linen and take out the trash. The entrance had a downward ramp with cement walls. I waited here and used the wall as cover while I called my fiance in hopes of leading him here so we could go inside to safety. After many attempts, we connected, and with his hoarse voice and out of breath, we managed to exchange conversation and we attempted to let each other know where we were. After letting him know where I was he said “I see Hooters! I’m coming around the white wall.” I said “ok, I’ll wait here and stay on the phone with you until I see you.” As I waited and kept looking around to ensure I was still safe I noticed a crowd coming around the right side. My back was facing the doors at this point. “Gaby I can’t go to Hooters, there’s another shooter, everyone is running out” he hoarsely lets me know over the phone. “I see everyone running from the side…Chris, I gotta get inside, they’re closing their doors.” “Ok, get inside and we will find each other later, I love you.” “I love you too.” 

For the next 7 hours, I was in a room full of strangers. A nice woman from New Zealand opened her room door and let a good 15 of us in. She was unaware of what was happening but let us in any way. We were all still in shock and our adrenaline was high. I found a place between the bed and the wall and sat on the floor, away from windows, doorways, and anything else that could be considered dangerous. This wasn’t over, I knew it wasn’t, so I made sure to continue to take as much cover as I could. As I sat there I continued to make contact with Chris. Turns out he ended up in a bush somewhere taking cover and he was unsure of where he was. I made a phone call to an Army friend who I knew lived in the area and worked nights; luckily he answered. “Hey I need a huge favor, I don’t know if you’ve heard or not but there was an active shooter at the festival we were at and I lost Chris. He’s hiding in a bush somewhere and doesn’t know where he is. Can you please go get him and let me know when you have him and that he’s safe?” His response, “Ok I’m going right now.”

I continued to sit in that hotel room as everyone around me was still frantic, crying and still trying to make sense of what happened a few minutes ago. I turned to social media to let everyone know I was safe and began texting and emailing those close to me as well as my bosses and even teachers, letting them know what had happened and that I was safe. Suddenly the girl sitting next to me just lost it, tears began to fill her face and she began shaking. I remember assuring her that she was ok and safe, and then my body wanted to break down as well. I briefly began to shake, that lump in my throat formed, and tears tried to escape my eyes. I stopped myself, I reminded myself that this wasn’t over and there was no time for crying, Chris wasn’t to safety yet. By this time, it may have been about 1045 when I was safe inside this room, and about 1125 when I received a phone call saying Chris was now safe and they were on their way to pick up his aunt and uncle off the strip somewhere. I was relieved and happy to hear they had made it and were on their way to safety away from the strip at their hotel the Cancun. As I continued to sit on the floor and search through social media in hopes of finding out what was going on outside, the girl next to me gasped and pointed out that my leg was bleeding. I hadn’t felt anything to notice that my leg was scratched up from the wood pallets and tripping over myself. Dried up blood, of course, I said: “It’s ok, it will be fine.”

It was a long 7 hours. We had the news on in the background and we began telling each other how we ended up here, at least everyone else did. I kept to myself. Everyone else had someone with them, a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, spouse, and I was there alone. I just wanted to get out and get back to my family, I didn’t know how I would, maybe I would call someone, or maybe I would have to walk, but I was going to get to them. Once S.W.A.T came by and cleared every floor of that hotel the nice gentleman who was staying with the woman from New Zealand offered us all a ride back to our hotels. I was immediately afraid. What if I get into this man’s car and I get kidnapped? Or what if I get murdered? I didn’t just escape gunshots to get murdered by a stranger. With hesitation, I let him know where I was staying and thankfully I was getting dropped off first, this brought some relief. We began walking out and took the elevator down, what I saw when those doors opened was eerie. People were scattered all over the casino floor with blankets, towels, sleeping on the floor, sitting with their loved ones, sitting with strangers. As we walked past, we were all hesitant to keep up with the man giving us a ride as we were still traumatized and unsure of what was outside. Walking by everyone on that casino floor knowing you were going back to your family, was like knowing you were getting adopted from the shelter. I felt good but I also shared the fear and broken-ness in their eyes. 

After a few missed turns and off ramps I ended up being dropped off last. I was anxious and all I could think of was, what am I going to say when I see Chris and my family? Would I say anything? Would I tell them my story? The nice man dropped me off and said, “I’m going to turn around but I will wait here to make sure you make it inside ok.” Next I knew Chris opened the side door to the stairs, I waved goodbye to the man, and then turned around to hug Chris and just lost it for a quick minute. I saw the tears forming in his tired eyes and at that point knew, I was safe, it was over. I was home. 

I am thankful for everyone who texted, Facebook messaged me, or checked in with me in any way. I am also thankful for those who constantly messaged me while I was alone during those 7 hours. To my Army friend, words will never be enough to express how thankful I am for you. To the generous family from New Zealand who gave us shelter and a ride home, I am thankful. And to all the strangers I was with whom I was too afraid to speak to while in the room, I hope I find you and we keep in contact. This was a very tragic event for our country music community, friends, and family. We are all healing in our own way. Although it took me a bit over a month to finally get these words out, I am doing better. The nightmares are coming to a minimum, the sleepless nights are getting better, and the trauma of the whole situation is becoming more manageable. Some days are better than others, but music is healing. It simply was not our time to go and I am thankful to be able to wake up every day. Unfortunately, this will never leave us, but at least in this family, no one fights alone.