mymbness

[mymbness]

I'm so at ease with him gone, what a huge sense of relief I feel in my stomach.

This constant hunger I have, all the cravings I have.. is my body telling me more than what I know?

I'm not scared anymore, I told him everything I knew about me and now it's just time to realise I keep pretend to be the girl I'm not.

I don't think I would be different from what I am actually, if only I was allowing myself to be, but I think my whole body would feel different.

I will try to let myself go thinking about his arms ready to catch me in the case I fall.

I'm sure it will be alright, he'll be there for me to see me being myself, I can trust him.

I feel a huge sense of crying, a positive one. I hope this time it will be it!

No more pretending, no more over sharing, no more fear of being understood.

Just peace, love and trust, I need that to fill the hole I keep having in my stomach.

I love him, he loves me ❤️

19/6/25

[mymbness]

MI ricordo delle volte in cui ho pensato sporco, mi sento male perchè giudico con grossa insicurezza quello che fanno o dicono gli altri.

Sto però imparando a parlarne e questa cosa prima o poi mi farà capire che sono sulla strada giusta e che non sono una persona orribile.

06/05/25

[mymbness]

I have the feeling that I have to be responsible of all the feelings i have and that i feel and this bring me to the point of understanding that i have to hide them, because i feel accused to feel and not enough to be asked about.

28/5/25

[mymbness]

Coming to say hello to you once I went to my yoga class:

Smelling the flower taking over my lungs with their summery touch

Cycling through the city like if I'm the queen of the renting bikes

Seeing your face brighting up with happiness the moment you see me

Closing the restaurant together dancing throughout the water

Then you tell me you have something for me

You tell me there's something for me

Hay it's for me it's for us, a skateboard

Then we skate and we love eachothers

We love our minds and soon at home

We come together

12/4/25

[mymbness]

I feel like paté.

6/4/25

[mymbness]

I'm shining

Because I'm light.

I shine

Because it's in the essence of light

To shine.

I shine

I have candle light atmosphere

Around the tables my monster

Sit at with a glass of pain.

They don't pay, they're welcome here.

4/4

[mymbness]

"You're flourishing, I'm miserable"

Così mi dissi tu questa mattina

Con gli occhi accesi di lacrime

Perché è più facile piangere che lasciar vincere

E sei sempre tu, tu, tu

Ma il mio cuore rotto

E sono io io io

Io che non so smettere di fargli del male

Io che non me lo merito

Io che lo sapevo già e che ora non so cosa fare per non saperlo più

Io che come vado avanti ora

Io che ti ho dato tutto, il mio sonno, la mia dieta, il mio corpo

Io che ti ho dato la mia pace, la mia casa, il mio letto

Il bianco di casa mia, la mia noia, i miei pensieri.

Tu che sei misero a te stesso

Come gli altri guardi la luce e vedi te

Te che fai paura alla tua ombra

E poi tu mi guardi

E forse ti sfoghi con me.

Io che ti amavo come un bianco campo di neve

Ora vedo i papaveri strappati dal sole

Come chiudo gli occhi adesso

Come faccio a fidarmi di te

Tu che mi chiedi scusa quando non me ne faccio niente

Tu che arrivi tardi

Tu che la compassione dov'è

E sei sempre tu

Tu

Tu.

[mymbness]

He got a tattoo

With a shell a crow and a sleutelbloem

I am his sleutelbloem

I feel so special

7/3/25

[mymbness]

I did something

2/3/25

[mymbness]

Toxic masculinity when you go to the doctor and they get pissed at you while questioning them.

12/02/25

[mymbness]

When this morning I woke up tired and messy

Like the crown of a tree that has been cut and pushed down a hill

The world was fading while the memories were coming up

Bright as pearls

One by one like gnocchi in a hot pool of not-to-much boiling water.

Could not avoid to stare at them

they were just fragments of feelings in a pensive

Part of a past that never happened

and part of the future that died a long time ago.

I looked at them

and I felt my heart becoming a blob of honey.

Who told us

That honey is a positive picture of love

and sweetness

forgot to tell us that it's sticky as petroleum.

And heavy.

Heavy like marble.

So when I woke up

and I felt my heart becoming a blob of honey

You were ready to get out

and you came to me

With a face that looked like a cartoon

Smiling and laughing like a donkey

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE"

Holding me and laughing

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE"

So my blob of honey

became agave

then water

and I laughed with you

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH"

And my day became better

And I asked you to do it again

And again

And then you went out, then I went out

Then I was smiling

while picturing our faces

Two donkeys on a bed

While I was cycling

under the grey coat of the sky.

28/01/25

[mymbness]

The little tale of the Bonsai tree.

19/01/25

[mymbness]

I want to go back to my bday

And back to the day you asked me to be your girl

Then turn the page again and be on the couch with you while you talk to me about having a home together

Finally I want to remember our first walk in the woods

Our first kiss

Our forever future ahead of us.

9/12/25

[mymbness]

24/11/24

Breakfast in bed

[mymbness]

22 Nov 2024

Perché la visita agli occhi è andata bene e posso continuare a gioire delle cose belle del mondo.

[mymbness]

Dovevamo passare la nostra ultima serata ad Haarlem in pace e siamo riusciti a litigare

Per le mie brusche maniere e perché sono brava a dire di no

Io le cose con i traumi e con denti le porto a termine e non con le parole calme e posate

La tua freddezza mi fa pizzicare i timpani

Ora è tutto pronto, si, no, forse

Ma

Non sono pronta io e forse non sei pronto nemmeno tu

Io di certo no

Che follia che pazzia

Ma non sono forse i grandi amori che sono quelli che nascono e si arrampicano sulle cime spinose delle vecchie fortezze?

Ci saranno giorni migliori

9/10/24

[mymbness]

Le nostre passeggiate nei boschi che ci riempiono gli occhi e i cuori di amore.

23/9/24