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if i DON’T see them wearing the shirts and matching i WILL cause problems

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great! now let’s not go into hibernation for the second set 😊😊😊😊😊

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huge match from jannik tbh, the way he studied and adapted to a completely new opponent who played just great

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great set everyone, i never had a doubt we would get it

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atmane looks so sweet but man do i hate servebotters

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aww he’s so cute giving him the pokémon card for his birthday (someone check on carlos)

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How much does Jannik Sinner’s butt weigh? A forensic analysis nobody asked for

Hello people, we are gathered here today to address one of the most pressing cases that has been concerning our community for the past couple of months: Jannik Sinner’s BBL. I happen to study applied maths and physics, so I took it upon myself to better investigate the phenomenon. I'll try my best to explain clearly, step by step, so anyone (whether you’re a physics nerd or just here for the glutes) can follow along.

Let's begin.

DISCLAIMER: This is a joke. The results are obviously going to be wrong, matter of fact, it's almost impossible to get an exact answer without a 3D body scanner and a cooperative Jannik - which I tragically do not have. I am not a doctor (sorry in advance to all the medical students reading this), nor a glute specialist, and I relied entirely on internet-sourced proportions and public images. This is for fun, please don’t use it in your biomechanics thesis.

STEP 1: choosing the shape -> some of you might be familiar with drawing, if that's the case then you'll know that one of the best ways to start a project is by relying on geometrical shapes: we will start this analysis by doing exactly that.

Now, the glutes aren’t a perfect cube or sphere, but I do believe that they are pretty close to part of an ellipsoid (a 3D oval shape). If you picture the hips and butt together, you can imagine a full ellipsoid sitting sideways, then cut it in half front-to-back. That’s your butt: the back half of an ellipsoid.

please bear with the weird shape right now, it's defined by inaccurate general numbers. I put it here just for reference purposes

In geometry terms, an ellipsoid is defined by three semi-axes:

a = half the width (left–right)

b = depth (front–back)

c = half the height (top–bottom)

In general, if you want to estimate the weight of something, you'll need its volume and density. Density for muscle/fat is known, but volume is a bit trickier to find.

The volume of an ellipsoid is calculated by the formula:

I quite literally had to screenshot my google doc to put a formula on here im getting way too old for this

But we want only the back half of it, so:

This will give us the volume of both cheeks together.

STEP 2: estimating Jannik's proportions -> now that we have the formula, let's try and estimate those a, b, c terms necessary to calculate the volume. To do that, I mainly used these photos as reference:

From the Wimbledon photo I estimated his hips breadth to be around 17% of his height (I've found the average hip breadth of a male to be 16–18% of his height). I did this based off a photo-derived proportion where I measured in pixels the distance from one outer hip to the other, and then I divided that by his total pixel height. The result is a proportion, that proportion × his real height (191 cm) = real-life width. So:

≈ 0.17 × 1.91 m =0.3247 m ⇒ a =0.16235 m ⇒ a =0.16235 m

Using the same logic, from side shots I'd say his butt sticks out about 28% of hip width:

b = 0.28 × 0.3247 m ≈ 0.0909 m

And finally, for our c term, I've found the average glute height for tall, lean athletes to be around ~9.5% of total body height:

≈0.095 × 1.91 m =0.18145 m ⇒ c =0.090725 m ⇒ c =0.090725 m

STEP 4: using the formula -> we have everything we need! Let's go back to the initial formula and solve it.

That’s... 2.80465 litres of butt.

STEP 5: converting from volume to mass -> tissue density is ≈ 1 kg/L (mix of muscle and some fat from what I've gathered).

mtotal ≈ 2.80 kg

Per cheek:

mcheek ≈ 1.40 kg

I'm going to be fair to my physics friends out there and feed into the fact that weight is formally measured in Newtons, to do that we'll use a formula a lot of people might recognise:

W = m x g = 2.80465 × 9.81 ≈ 27.5 N

STEP 6: conclusion -> our shape estimate of approximately 2.80 kg total for Jannik's butt means that it covers about 3.6% of his body weight (77 kg), which I've found to be noticeably above average for his sport. In fact, this puts him closer to explosive sprinter range than typical tennis average (which I'd say comes around 2.0 - 2.3 kg).

We can safely conclude then that Jannik Sinner has a fat ass.

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your writing is genuinely everything to me like i can not overstate this enough it is all i think about and all i believe in. your rg final fic “This Is How You Love The Sun” is actually my entire religion and the words of which i have based my entire life around since i read them, if your work catalogue was a physical temple i would be kneeling at the altar professing my faith every single day

“Even now, still”, “What Memory Keeps”, “Everything But The Truth”, “The Light You Left Behind”, “Promesso”, “The Colour Between Us”, and “Lost in Translation” are some of my other all time favourites of yours though I will gladly feast on anything you post (can you tell i love the angst 😭✌️)

The way you have with words and how you construct your sentences and ideas is seriously awe inspiring like multiple times have you made me throw my phone and clutch my face in pure despair and agony after reading one of your strokes of genius

“Something in his hip. Something in his heart.” rattles around my brain at least once a day and causes a complete brain shut down in which i could be legally described dead

I did originally have a point to this ask besides declaring my love and probably freaking you out but, how are you so good at writing? like i know it’s a dumb question but it is genuine. i’ve always been top of my grade in english but when i read your writing i feel almost foolish with the knowledge that i could never write like how you do so consistently

Do you like to read, and if so what’s your favourite book?? (And why is the answer Six of Crows) (ok sorry that’s inflicting my own personal bias)

or does it come from a love of movies maybe or other media? I’m so curious because your writing seriously inspires me to think more creatively

Sorry for the ramble but I’ve been a silent reader for a while now and was just rereading even now, still and decided i couldn’t live without trying to give you credit for your incredible work

I’ll finish this insane stalker like message with a quote from my little dot points about “The Light You Left Behind” that I wrote in my note for tracking my fav sincaraz fics (yes i have a dedicated list we’re all insane about them here):

“- insane how God is just out here casually writing sincaraz fics…”

And i think that sums it up. thank you for your writing and dedication to these idiots, you make a real impact and im one of many who are very glad you share your skills with the world!

oh my god you're going to make me cry. I don’t even know how to begin thanking you for this, you have no idea how much it means to me to read something so full of warmth and enthusiasm. You’re making me feel like I should be building you a temple instead.

The way you’ve expressed yourself here is so beautiful and genuine that I’m honestly in awe, I’m incredibly grateful for you and anybody who takes the time to read any of my fics.

It means the world to know my work has left that kind of mark on you, and I can’t overstate how much your support keeps me going. I hope you never, ever bring yourself down if you feel like you can’t write something - especially if English isn’t your first language. Having top grades didn’t make me a writer either, it gave me the grammar and the access to literature, but writing itself came from elsewhere. Also, for me, inspiration is everywhere when I’m open to it but I mostly find it in poetry (which is also where most of my written English came from) and in songs. Sometimes, it’s movies too since I'm very much into them, but only for very specific scenes that stick with me.

To answer your question though I'd say that right now my favourite book is "Autobiography of Red" by Anne Carson. It's a poetry book, but I'm very familiar with Six of Crows ;)

If you ever need anything, I would love to talk to you: your thoughts are so fascinating that I’m a little sad you’ve been a silent reader all this time. If you ever have feedback, ideas, or even the tiniest comment, I’d gladly listen to anything you want to say. You’ve already given me one of the most meaningful messages I’ve ever received. Thank you, truly 💚💚

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carlos for fuck’s sake

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redirecting this, he also has a praise kink

for all this time i thought he had a praise kink but he has… a degradation one???

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for all this time i thought he had a praise kink but he has… a degradation one???

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just had to watch a film from 1961 to get some wlw representation what is this society

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i opened the comments under carlos and casper’s post and man…. the rage i feel towards these betters i can’t even put it into words

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i really fear the majority of you hasn’t read enough of my fics to know the implications of choosing angst…

i got prompts for everything so

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@ jannik sinner

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i got prompts for everything so