nar00to

[nar00to]

Orochimaru… was a thot

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Kishimoto's illustration for the top 20 winners in NarutoTop99 poll

And a message from Kishimoto

The top 20 and 99 ranking is under the cut

And you more details and the regions from here

[nar00to]

icha icha translation

Okay, this is 100% me procrastinating, but I took the liberty of translating those ‘excerpts’ of Icha Icha Tactics we got when everyone was trying to figure out the code and Kakashi got so embarrassed at having to read it out. I don’t know if anyone cares about this except me, but if you ever wondered, well, I’m your girl. disclaimer: i am an idiot so i’m sorry if these are inaccurate.  also this might not be sfw idk i’ma assume not. This is from episode 154 of Shippuden/chapter 407. 

so, from right to left, since it’s Japanese, but i guess read in order of numbers if you wanna get a narrative going for yourself. 

page 31. ‘Do you really love me?’ (kinda sad when you have to ask this after sex.) 

page 8. ‘It’s the same as bartering’ (I learnt a 4 kanji combination i’ll probably never use again for this… I also am not sure what this means really but since it’s the page after discovering that something is really big it doesn’t seem good.)

page 106. ‘The leaves are in the way’

page 7. ‘It’s surprisingly big’ (lol… also page 7. just smut from the outset huh, no slow burn or nothing) (from the sentence ending I’m assuming female speaker probably)

page 207.  ‘That’s impossible’ or maybe ‘I can’t do that’ (also probs female) 

page 15. ‘The chair’s creaking’ (ギシギシ specifically means the sounds of sex/bed creaking and a woman moaning, so… chair sex is happening here i guess. page 15 too. wow.)

As a bonus, I’ll see what I can do with the little bit more we got of page 31 when Kakashi was holding it and started to freak out when he realised he’d have to read his book aloud, but the sentences get cut off so it might not make as much sense. 

Okay, so reading vertically, from right to left:

‘Do you really love me?’ 

‘So, I have proof of that -’ or maybe ‘So, I’ll prove it [to you]’ (I think the word cut off at the end is 証拠, meaning evidence, and there isn’t a verb shown so I’m just guessing)

‘It’s gotten dark, so..’ (Again, cut off)

‘Come on, (let’s) quickly (go) to my place…’ (filling in the verb)

‘Just this once…’ (I think..) 

‘I’ll do anything’ (male speaker)

‘Your hormones…’ (Wtf?! Your hormones what)

‘Nobody will come in for an hour’

(It’s all cut out, only word i can make out is ‘your’ for the last line)

Okay, so… I don’t feel as accomplished as I thought I would, but I hope I entertain someone with this lol. Maybe I should do a Kakashi smut drabble based on each line or something lmao. 

[nar00to]

so I had the horrible misfortune to be watching Naruto with my love when I was re-introduced, tipsy and in full critic mode, to motherfucking zabuza momochi

look at this fucking disaster of a man, look

like, this is just the torso and walk through this with me

first thing you see is this dude’s weird ass neck strap–goes around his neck, buckles mid chest and? goes into his pants? conclusion: dude’s holding up his jock strap with a neck strap. hate it. thanks. keep on going, it gets worse. what the fuck are the arm warmers for? who does that help? no one? im thinking no one. but they’re cow patterned for maximum fashion. if that’s not bad enough, let’s keep fucking going!

look at this face bandage. look at it. do you see how it goes up, under his headband? doesn’t make sense. if it’s being held up there, which would make sense physics wise, there is NOTHING holding it to his head with enough tension to keep it there. his headband isn’t tied. he just laid the fabric in a loose ass side knot, so that’s not holding it up. its not wrapped across the top of his head. can’t see it on the other side and his hair isnt pushed down by the tension of the bandage. conclusion? hes either duct taped it to his face OR, my personal favorite postulation, dude has a fucking wig that his bandage is stuck under. dude’s rocking a wig. dude’s rocking his neck-held jock strap. dude’s rocking his cow arm warmers. 

BUT WAIT

THERES MORE

what the fuck are these pants? what are these? why are you wearing pinstripe parachute pants with FOUR buttons? I have questions, zabuza?

not only are these pinstripe parachute pants, theyre TUCKED IN to??? these look like legwarmers, but look. look closer. there isn’t a seam, there’s no fabric hanging over toward the toes, the same amount of fabric to sandal-material ratio going on. plus, if you look in the back, you can see where the sole goes up over the fabric, holding the soles in place. CONCLUSION. these are boots. these are GODDAMN OPEN TOED SANDAL BOOTS with MATCHING cow pattern to his ARM WARMERS

im so mAD

[nar00to]

Foolish.

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I FORGOT MIGHT DUY????!!!?!?!?!???!??!!!??!?!?!!?!??

happy Fathers Day to the only good dads in Naruto, Inoichi Yamanaka and Shibi Aburame

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Absolutely obsessed with this blursed alternate Zabuza outfit from Naruto Online

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kisame is the best naruto character for 2 reasons

1. shark

2. shredded

[nar00to]

Just a reminder that I’m an Adult™ and if that makes you feel uncomfortable feel free to:

unfollow me

ask me to unfollow you

block me

I won’t get mad or anything. It’s important to make sure you feel comfortable and secure.

[nar00to]

i made a list of naruto related asks! i’m sure one already exists, but i’ve never seen any so!!!!!

one. what is your nindo— your ninja way?

two. what elemental chakra nature(s) would you have?

three. who is your favorite character?

four. which hidden village would you be from?

five. what animal would be your summoning?

six. which character has a personality most similar to your own?

seven. would you read icha icha? would you be into it?

eight. what would be your go to jutsu to use in battle? (you can make one up or use one that already exists!)

nine. would you be skilled at using any weapons?

ten. where do your strengths lie? ninjutsu, genjutsu, or taijutsu?

eleven. are you a sensory type?

twelve. would you have a kekkei genkai?

thirteen. which character do you look most like?

fourteen. which character would you be best friends with?

fifteen. which character would you be dating/want to date?

sixteen. which restaurant would you choose: ichiraku ramen, yakiniku q, or the dango shop?

seventeen. who would be the best teammates for you to form a well rounded team suitable for an s rank mission?

eighteen. would you take the chunin exams? would you pass or fail?

nineteen. are you interested in becoming a kage?

twenty. would you want to become a jonin sensei?

twenty-one. would you want to learn medical ninjutsu?

twenty-two. do you think you’d get along with naruto, or would you find him annoying?

twenty-three. would you be a shinobi who hides their emotions similar to someone like kakashi? or one who proudly displays their emotions like lee or gai?

twenty-four. who in the shinobi world would you look up to and admire and aspire to be like?

twenty-five. what is your clan like? are they notable shinobi or civilians?

twenty-six. would you leave the village and become a missing nin?

twenty-seven. would you join the akatsuki if you had the chance?

twenty-eight. would you be an enemy of the state or a loyal dog to the kage?

twenty-nine. if you could change anything about the series (big or small) what would it be?

thirty. what’s your favorite episode/chapter?

thirty-one. what do you love most about the series?

thirty-two. what do you hate most about the series?

thirty-three. boruto. yes or no?

thirty-four. when you’re not out on a mission, what would you most likely be doing in your free time?

thirty-five. how did you do in the academy? top of your class, average student, nearly failed, dropped out?

thirty-six. what would your infinite tsukuyomi dream be?

thirty-seven. who would you want as your sensei?

thirty-eight. would you be skilled enough to join anbu?

thirty-nine. which enemy would your most epic battle be against? would you win or lose?

forty. which character(s) would be your drinking buddy?

[nar00to]

[nar00to]

YES THANK YOU

so has anyone else noticed that like nobody has nipples in naruto??? this has always bothered me.

and then today i was rewatching ep two hundred thirty— the infamous speedo episode 😏

AND LO AND BEHOLD GAI FUCKING HAS NIPPLES!!!! lookit ‘em right there in the middle of his tiddies

so i start mad googling shirtless naruto men (my internet history is lit rn) AND I CANT FIND ANY OTHER NIPPLES. is it just gai??? in just this episode?????

this is pertinent information y’all. i really need to know.

[nar00to]

wishing luck!!! i thought i had it on this blog somewhere... but i’m on mobile and it’s telling me i’ve never posted about Kankurō OR nipples which is just a blatant lie

so has anyone else noticed that like nobody has nipples in naruto??? this has always bothered me.

and then today i was rewatching ep two hundred thirty— the infamous speedo episode 😏

AND LO AND BEHOLD GAI FUCKING HAS NIPPLES!!!! lookit ‘em right there in the middle of his tiddies

so i start mad googling shirtless naruto men (my internet history is lit rn) AND I CANT FIND ANY OTHER NIPPLES. is it just gai??? in just this episode?????

this is pertinent information y’all. i really need to know.

[nar00to]

!!!!!!!

there’s also a brief part where Kankurō has nipples but i cannot find it bc when i googled “kankuro nipples” at work just now — perhaps the first time in my life that i was NOT looking for porn — all that came up was porn

so has anyone else noticed that like nobody has nipples in naruto??? this has always bothered me.

and then today i was rewatching ep two hundred thirty— the infamous speedo episode 😏

AND LO AND BEHOLD GAI FUCKING HAS NIPPLES!!!! lookit ‘em right there in the middle of his tiddies

so i start mad googling shirtless naruto men (my internet history is lit rn) AND I CANT FIND ANY OTHER NIPPLES. is it just gai??? in just this episode?????

this is pertinent information y’all. i really need to know.

[nar00to]

If you get this, answer with three random things about yourself and send this to the last seven blogs in your notifications. Anonymously or not. Let's get to know the person behind the blog.

((thanks for sending!!!))

1. the daylight makes me ill and i don’t know why

2. i love caffeinated beverages, especially iced coffee, Irish breakfast tea, or this one blueberry black tea that i put boba in and it’s really good

3. i didn’t watch Naruto until i was 19 yrs old, but in high school i DID read porn of it with my now partner bc our friendship has always been based on fandom and horniness

[nar00to]

So basically immediately after making this and casually saying Shino and his father are both AMAB, i was struck with the overwhelming certainty that Shibi Aburame is trans. (But he had a hysterectomy after having Shino, so he doesn’t deal with periods anymore, hence Shino being clueless abt what they are.)

Inuzuka family / Team 8 headcanon chain

So, i headcanon that the Inuzuka family were pretty open and down-to-earth; so when Hana first got her period, she wasn’t surprised/confused, but she was kind of like “Wow this sucks, mom, why is this a thing”

Tsume is like “No, this is good! This means you are growing up healthy and your body is strong, strong enough you will someday be able to bear children, if you choose”

Kiba is hearing this and thinking, wow, that’s so cool and hardcore; i’m going to be that strong someday, like my mom and older sister. So he’s getting to that age and making sure he always is carrying pads so he’s ready, but nothing is happening yet, and he’s getting kind of concerned; is he not strong? So eventually he’s like “Mom,, when am i going to get my period?” and Tsume laughs and explains that he won’t; Kiba is devastated, thinking it means he won’t be as strong, so she explains that it isn’t his strength, it’s just because he’s male; he eventually gets it and feels like a fool, and Tsume and Hana tease him about it for the rest of his life

Meanwhile, Kiba is on Team 8 under Kurenai, with Shino and Hinata.

I headcanon that Hinata has really really bad periods — the kind with nausea and fainting and brutal cramps where she feels like she’s dying. She’s usually pretty good at hiding it, because she’s good at hiding and ignoring pain in general, but one day it’s extra bad during training and she sort of doubles over, holding her abdomen, clearly in pain, and Kiba’s like “Ahh. Bad period cramps?” sympathetically

Hinata is mortified, since talking openly about that is not at all the norm in her family, but he’s so casual about it that she’s just like “yeah”

Shino has no idea what’s going on — it’s just him and his father in his immediate family, and neither of them are assigned female, and insect reproduction doesn’t involve anything like this, so it’s just never come up. Kurenai explains; Shino is disoriented and a bit embarrassed being the only one not in the know (he’s more used to doing the explaining), but he’s glad to better understand this thing his teammate is dealing with.

The whole team is very supportive of Hinata and wants to help.

Kurenai teaches her a special chakra-control technique to stop or prevent bleeding and other symptoms for several day, in case of emergency (you pay for it later, but it’s useful if you’re in the middle of a mission)

Shino takes up tracking and memorizing her cycle, and makes sure to bring her her favorite candy on the bad days

Kiba resumes the habit of carrying pads at all times, because you never know when a friend might be in need

Hinata is embarrassed at first, but ultimately glad she has such a caring and understanding team that she doesn’t have to hide her problems around

[nar00to]

Mito headcanons because Kishimoto gave us nothing

- she’s Tall. like super tall. like significantly taller than Hashirama (him being the second-tallest of the founders generation)

- she has a chronic pain condition

- she’s intersex! she has Klinefelter Syndrome (XXY chromosomes); i was reading about it and thought it lined up well with some of my above existing headcanons (often associated with both above-average height and conditions like rheumatoid arthritis or lupus). ((re: anatomy: i think she canonically carried her and Hashirama’s children — i am unsure how likely it is that she would have natally had the anatomical ability to do that, so i think it’s likely that ninja medical transition was involved))

- she’s probably the most powerful sensor in the series (that might be canon, i don’t remember) — sealing Kurama in her gave her special sensing abilities, but she was already naturally gifted as a sensor before that

- as a drawaback of her sensing abilities, she CANNOT sleep if anyone else in the room (or sometimes even the house) is awake; she can’t fall asleep until the entire house does, and if anyone wakes up, she will too. and those are just her conditions to sleep at all — sometimes even when said conditions are met, the sensory background noise still prevents her from getting all the way into deep sleep. they had to build a special room with all kinds of seals on it for her to use to power nap when it becomes a problem.

- being from an influential family within her clan, she received only rudimentary training in ninja fundamentals and did very little field work, the bulk of her education being extensive political grooming and fūinjutsu studies. between her massive chakra reserves, fūinjutsu mastery, and probably a few hard-hitting offensive ninjutsu, she definitely could (and did) hold her own in a fight if need be, but she has weaknesses in physical stamina, taijutsu, and general field skills. given her aptitudes and her chronic pain symptoms, she generally stays in the village maintaining and monitoring the wards and barriers involved in the village’s defenses except under extenuating circumstances

- one such exception to this was Hashirama’s last battle with Madara. i think canon makes reference to her sealing the ninetails AFTER Hashirama’s victory against Madara, but i think it’s a bit more believable for me if it was actually DURING the battle; i think Hashirama was hard-pressed dealing with Madara and Kurama, so Mito came to the battlefield, sealed Kurama into herself, and retreated to recover (hence Kurama being nowhere to be seen by the conclusion of the battle)

- despite her regal af energy she’s actually very down to earth and non-judgemental

- she is THE emotional intelligence of the generation. she has a bit less situational angst(/cluster B/mood disorders) than most others in her generation and flawless emotional control besides, and because she has her emotions very healthily managed and she spends a good deal of energy managing those of others’ (i hate to assign this role to a female character bc stereotypes so i compensate by making Tōka more emotionally ignorant than Madara)

- bc she’s such a controlled person, she had a better time of managing the ninetails than others, but it was super traumatic and scary for her if it ever did get hold of her; the aftermath of that was probably the only time anyone ever saw her like break down emotionally, including all the deaths of her loved ones she had to live through

- when she was younger she was actually awkward AF but she put a lot of work into developing her social skills and she’s very socially fluent now