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First off , I have a painting up in the Crocker Art musueum , I will be in attendance and two wonderful events this summer and my night class , open to the public here in Sacramento, starts next month .

I have spent the last few weeks in an extreme mental state . This painting slowly and steadily became more about myself then it did the wonderful model whom I had the pleaaure of meeting in Tokyo while I was still in Japan this year.

I had to leave under terrible circumstances , like tearing my heart from a place I had spent three months healing and falling in love with , I moved as quick as I could to get home because I thought my mother wasn't going to live . I started this painting while she was still in the hospital and it has changed as my heart and mind went through waves of anxiety and fear. I watched my mother come together and fall apart over and over . Like a car crash looping back and forth on tape . My heart breaks daily trying to figure out the world we exist in now .

Coupled with my healing from the nerve damage in my neck and having my more questions than answers to my condition I have been left unwell and in the dark.

I will be moving forward with painting because it's all I have, to keep sane, and keep my self intact . I'm trying to get back to where I was but more to get someplace that's safe. Maybe that's too much to say but regardless , I broke and rebuilt this painting slowly until I saw the feeling come through. Like a star fading in and out . As we come up on the birthday of a dear friend who died to young , I compare mourning the dead and mourning pieces of the living that disappear the same way . The ripping and tearing of memories and the scraping weathering feeling life seems to leave on us .

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