no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

I wanted this to be a 'friends-to-lovers' story

On a random Thursday, we stop, look at each other,

and realise that somewhere along the ride,

you and me, became an us.

The one where we both fall for each other, unknowingly,

as we spend more time in each other's company

And it feels as natural and true

as the sun rising at dawn

and the tide pulling in after the swell.

But in reality, I never let it happen.

I fell first,

but still hoped it could turn into a 'she fell first, he fell harder' kind of story,

where once I muster up the courage

to put our friendship at jeopardy and confess

but was left so heartbroken by the irreciprocity of feelings

that I would cut off all contact,

you'd realise what an idiot you had been.

You'd book an overnight bus to my city, end up on my doorstep,

eyes full of regret for not realising it sooner.

But alas, that was not the case.

Instead, this became a story of unrequited love.

A story where yet again,

I am left with nothing but pain

because I chose to be open

to feel,

to like,

to love.

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

i love tumblr because youll experience the most intense insane emotions within an hour and feel so alienated from everyone else but then youll come here and see some girl posting about the exact same thing. and the world feels okay again

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

As I sit here on this warm summers night

Trying to come to terms with the fact that

The people that I've seen on a daily basis for four years of my life

I may not ever see some of them again

Some are moving across the world

Some across states, others only across cities

But all of them in some capacity

Out of my life, the harsh reality

They say that change is good, it helps us grow

While I agree, can't I still delve and grieve in sorrow?

To never live those laughs, those taunts, those bonds

To never feel them ever again once?

My friends mum invited me over for lunch before I leave town

Now how am I supposed to stay sane and smile

Knowing that I have someone who invited me into her house

And accomodated me as one of her own?

How am I supposed to say goodbye

To the girl who's been my ride-or-die

As I watch her fly to the opposite part of the world

And I can never gossip and bond like before

The boy whose walls couldn't quite be broken down

A steady rock, through the good bad and worse

The boy who unknowingly, and rather unwillingly

became close, but was there ever anything more?

How am I supposed to part ways

with just an early birthday present

not knowing if he felt it too,

If I've ruined the chance for an us,

If he knew the pain he was causing me

and If I've ever caused him any.

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

istg if I ever end up having kids I won't ever burden them with my expectations i promise

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

I feel a lot

everything deep in my bones, deep inside my heart

and in the pit of my stomach

These feelings consume me

Every news of death rattles me,

every melancholic poem leaves me reeling for days.

School, career, responsibilities pushed out of my head

with no room to accommodate them.

It's too much.

It's too much.

It's too much.

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

“She knew she was really sad, when she stopped loving the things she loved.”

— Unknown

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

I miss having a crush.

I miss the feeling of that adrenaline rush looking at them sneakily in class or as they pass by me in the hallway. I miss the phase where that person is just perfect in every way possible and you can't see a single flaw in them. That deep yearning for someone that can't be yours.

Arguably the best phase of romance.

- Journal entry from when I was feeling extremely lonely yet simultaneously being replused by relationships

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

I once fell in love with a friend. I thought he did too. While everything that I felt for him were real, he was only trying to save our friendship in the beginning, which turned into something else entirely, leaving me scarred.

As we parted in the most painful of ways, it dawned upon me that I lost not only a lover, but also a friend.

A little while later, I made a new friend. I enjoy spending time with him. I think he does too. But now I'm scared that I will mistake affection with love. Walking on eggshells, constantly on edge, constantly double checking myself.

I now look back and realise not only have I lost love and friendship, but the ability to trust myself around people I care about.

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

When one feels too much, the darkness may feel suffocating

but little forgotten moments that bring joy, like the morning sun hitting your face spreading warmth all over, are euphoric and make you go

"I'm alive"

☀️🌸☘️✨

-The day when dawn's sunshine felt forgiving on my face

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

just a girl in her room trying to forgive herself

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

"Nothing heals, the past like time" - Dean Lewis, Let Her Go

Been there, done that. Gave myself time.

It's been years, 2 to be precise.

As the restraints I held around my heart loosened,

everything just rushed back in

Eyes search for them, heart yearns for a look.

The mind knows this is wrong, but the heart

pictures my head resting on their chest.

I try to imagine their heart beating only for me,

instead silence greets me.

I imagine their warmth next to me as I sip my coffee,

yet only emptiness embraces me.

The silence and the emptiness bring me back to earth,

and from then on, there's nothing but

a heavy weight in my chest, too heavy to carry.

But I do it anyway, because the world,

and they, have moved on

And so should I.

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

I was a gifted child. Until I wasn't. I was the golden girl. Until I couldn't burn anymore.

My parents expected me to build wings of gold and fly further than anyone could ever try. I don't blame them, having a child to raise is like sculpting a clay pot, you can shape it the way you like, paint it the colour you fancy. To raise a child is to play God. To raise a child is to be God.

But to be a child is to fall, to make mistakes, to fail. The thing about being too bright at an early age means you burn out by the time you're 16 and suddenly the world around you becomes more gray and terribly, terribly lonely. The fire is never warm enough, nothing is ever enough. And one day you find yourself begging to a godless sky, begging for a new spark.

I was a gifted child once. I was the golden girl. And one day, I burned out.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

i make decisions n then i’m like . is this even what i Want

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

bro why is change so hard like I wanted to do this, I chose for this to happen to me it and yet I struggle with it???

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

need white noise louder than my thoughts in order to shut them up enough to study/sleep 😃👍

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

lions are like transgendering lol

[no-thoughts-only-fear-of-failure]

'women in stem' what about women in their twenties trying to function like a normal adult and failing at it