not-so-anonymous-scotch

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

They were always tangled up in some kind of cat and mouse game- though few knew the more violent beginnings they'd had, and how it became a constant between them. But Etho dared to imply Bdubs had gotten a bit too soft about it lately... What about the good ol' days? When killing you was the most enjoyment one could have? The fire needed to be rekindled. [ a series of oneshots that are not chronological, but focused on the build of their never-ending tug to kill each other ]

chapter 7 is out!

hiiii finally a big chapter with all the suggestive murder you would want! its been a hot minute so i hope this all sounds in character etc.

so i will be real. i loved getting back into the groove of this chapter's themes etc, but i have no clue where i am going and i am not sure how to tackle more chapters. this chap made me realize my enjoyment comes from writing them in different settings that *effect their fight* like this, with the water. i guess if anyone reading has ideas, please let me know! otherwise i am afraid to say chapters may become way less frequent unless i find some semblance of a linear plot in all this that i can carry out and eventually conclude, but i dont have that rn.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

Hiii its been ages. Wrote a new chapter for "The Killing Type". not making this post very proper, soz.

A quite chapter to get out of my writers block. An intermission of sorts focusing on their long time friendship and how those sentiments carry through ten years and more.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

you ever accidentally create a recurring theme in your writing. you start putting together an outline for something you’ve never written before and get partway through planning, rearrange the pieces, and go “GODDAMMIT THIS IS ABOUT GRIEF AGAIN”? because let me tell you,

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

Fandom(s): Life SMP & Mindcrack SMP (flashback related) Relationship(s): Bdoubleo100 & Kurtjmac (general) Rating: G Word count: 1.2k

Bdubs has had a variety of skins. But what about the red headband? Ten years and he couldn't let go of what was now an iconic look.

A/N: this is me getting sappy nostalgia for mindcrack again and i need people to know who made Bdubs' skin. bc bdubs continued to use it and build off it forever. okay im emo. also note that as far as all old videos show me, this was bdubs' first ever alternate skin as well.

===

Bdubs parts his hair out of the way, pushing it out and over the headband pressed against his forehead. He glances to the side at the chatter of Etho and Cleo some way off, as he makes his way around the stone hill they've claimed.

“Oh Bdubs!” Scar's voice comes in, joining Bdubs near center, the place where all their materials sat. “You ready for today?”

Bdubs looked up to see Scar had changed his skin again, stifling a laugh. Not a new outfit as he was lacking half of it. The shirt, of course. “Uh, yes Scar. Yes I am.”

“What? What's funny?” Scar knew, his sentence broke with a short giggle. “Do you not like what I changed into?”

“You didn't change into anything. You just took your shirt off!” Bdubs laughed, looking to the side. He was always amused by Scar's insistence to find ways to not have a shirt in this series. Not that Bdubs couldn't do that too- it just wasn't his kind of lookthese days.

“Okay, okay true.” Scar nodded as he walked past Bdubs. “But at least I'm not using the same skin over and over!”

“Wh- what're you getting at?” Bdubs looked back over at Scar with his arms crossed. “My skin is different! Look- Look- I got more clocks, I added one last season!”

Scar squinted as he looked at Bdubs' variety of clocks. “Hmm. Okay, sure. But what about- what about the... you know like, you've had this look for a long time still. Why don't you change it up?” Bdubs looked down at himself. A different shirt, different pants, different hair. But the other parts were the same. The sling across his torso, the red--

“How long have you even had that?”

“Hm?” Bdubs glanced back up, seeing Scar pointing to his head. “Oh, the- the headband?”

“Yeah- has that- is that like, the same one every time? How old is that thing?” Scar asked, sounding suddenly more curious than accusatory about his lack of skins for the series.

“It's uh... Yeah, I guess its just the same one.” He never thought too hard about it. “I mean, as much as it can be. Thing's been stitched back together, of course. No piece of fabric can last uh- last over ten years.”

“Ten years?” Scar was sounded in awe over the simple piece of fabric. “Wow, thats- that's a long time. A very long time.”

Bdubs couldn't help but smile for a moment, just at the thought. Ten years is a long time to keep the same look. “Yeah, well. It kind of just became the look after a while. Guess it's hard to change after that long.”

“Okay-” Scar gave a short laugh, “Okay well, I guess I can't blame you for keeping it the same still. It does suit you!”

“Oh, you're too nice..” Bdubs said with a chuckle. “But you should still get a shirt for next episode, alright?”

“Okay, fine. I'll find something.”

The moment Scar pulled his attention elsewhere, Bdubs' mind went back to Scar's question. Hardly did anyone ever comment on his choice of skin. Which was a shame only in that he did have reasons for not changing his since last life. Maybe he'd talk about that at some point. Outside of that though, he just hadn't thought about it. The look- the whole look in general had been the same ever since.... forever, basically. He ran his hand over the red band, feeling the material as it had always been. Stitched, stained, sometimes barely holding itself together. It was still the same one though.

“You haven't changed yet?”

It took a moment before Bdubs turned around, but when he did he was greeted by the familiar face of Kurt. It was almost hard to notice him under the shadow of the Arena's overhang, no matter how many torches had been spammed across the walls. Bdubs was atop a makeshift tower of dirt scaffolding, fixing some misaligned stone on the walls of the Arena. He started to shimmy his way down carefully, as Kurt watched patiently.

“What's that?” Bdubs said as himself off.

Kurt's eyes ran from Bdubs' feet to his head, giving a small smile. “The, uh... you're still wearing your UHC get-up.”

“Oh.” Bdubs gave a short laugh. “Yeah I- I guess I forgot. Not a bad thing though, suits me I think!”

“Well I- I'm glad you like it at least.” Kurt glanced away shyly as he walked over. “Or I assume you like it.”

“Of course I like it!” Bdubs said it like it was obvious, giving Kurt a nudge once he was closer. “You made it and- it looks good, man! How could I not like it?”

The moment Bdubs started going off, Kurt was quickly flustered by the compliments. “Um, I.. Thank you.”

Bdubs held his gaze for a few minutes without saying anything- perhaps just giving a moment for Kurt to cool down from the nice words. But how could Bdubs not say it? He didn't have any other skins, and out of all people to make one for him, he couldn't be more happy that Kurt decided to come up with something. The striking red headband stood out. And sure, he hadn't considered going shirtless for a UHC but it made sense. Definitely. At the very least it looked cool- that's what mattered.

Eventually he moved to the nearby bleachers, sitting down and patting the spot beside him. He'd been build all day, it felt better to relax for a light conversation.

“What made you made you pick the red?”

Kurt was slightly distracted, blinking to look back at Bdubs when he spoke again. “The red headband?”

“Yeah, yeah- you 'n Doc were blue, looked good- I was just wonderin'.” Bdubs paused as he too thought about it for a moment. “Not complaining, of course.”

“Ah well.” Kurt started, pursing his lips as he too went to think. He wasn't sure he actually had a deeper reason for it. “It uh, you know.. I just think it... stands out more? I think its... It's recognizable.”

“It does...! It does stand out.” Bdubs chuckled, leaning with his hand on his chin as he looked at Kurt.

Kurt wasn't good at making conversation really, and especially when it focused on his work. Talking up about himself wasn't easy, more so when Bdubs was all the more happy to throw compliments back at him all the time. It was much appreciated still.

“I love it though. I think I'll use it next season too.” Bdubs glanced away briefly in thought.

Kurt blinked at him. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah! Maybe again after that.” He grinned as he continued, “Maybe for every season? I don't think I'll need a new one.”

Kurt couldn't help but blush at the gesture. “O.. oh, well. I wouldn't be upset if you got a different one at some point...”

“No, no I couldn't..!” Bdubs waved, dismissing the idea. “Like I said, it suits me well!”

Kurt was silent for a moment, unable to find a response to Bdubs' thoughtful words. “Yes, I.. I think it does suit you well.”

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

looking back at my old fics one i had hoped to write more of (and im surprised i got 4 chapters in? with 9k words??) was Yellow Paint which was a medieval fantasy AU focused on kurt, but i never got that far into it. i dont exactly know where it was supposed to go lol... i had the concept, which was neat, but when i read it back, i genuinely could not imagine what was going to happen next. which is why i outline things even in the vaguest of forms now.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

i notice as I write more and refer to the outfit changes players have i still refer to them as "skin", still trying to imply that they arent just. taking off clothes in the "world" of the game. i do it bc i like keeping the game elements and gameplay wording but i guess if we're being more fantasy about Why id call a whole get up a "skin" its something like the fact i do still see this game world i write as having the ability to log off. like they have to log off to change skins. but of course this isnt to even say they cant just. take off parts of their clothes in world. bc i do that as well lol? but i guess its in the sense that for example- bdubs' UHC 'skin' like the clothes etc, dont exist at all in the world of HC, its not like thers is a wardrobe. i mean, you cant craft clothes. "clothes" dont really exist in my head unless its part of the skin. respawns and whatnot exist too, so whatever could happen to their skin attired gets reset anyways- whether its losing pieces of it, or it getting torn/damaged, etc.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

10 for the fic writer ask game :D

10. Why do you continue writing fics?

Honestly I think one of the biggest drives for fic writing is the fact i can feel so care free about it. i have a lot of original ideas but theyre hard to sort out w all the work that goes into developing them, and the fact fan fics are built off worlds already made are one thing, but the fact a fandom exists for it is also a big deal. like i dont really need my fics to garner loads of attention-- its just that having an established fanbase where i can indulge is a huge plus. fan fic is a great outlet for practicing my writing but also a space where i have something to go on and on about unlike original works that would require... all the effort of developing the thing and then hoping people get into it.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

The Happy Fic Writer Ask Game

Drop a question in my inbox!

1. What part of the writing process is the most enjoyable?

2. Talk about a favorite comment you received.

3. Have you received any bookmark notes? Which is your favorite and why?

4. Which comment has had the most impact on your writing?

5. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

6. Describe what you do and your feelings after posting a chapter. (For example: When do you usually post a fic/chapter update? How do you celebrate a posting? Are you the type to refresh constantly?, etc.)

7. What do you love most about being a fic writer for your fandom?

8. Talk about any friends/connections you've made as a fic writer.

9. What inspired you to write your first fic?

10. Why do you continue writing fics?

11. Who is your favorite character(s) to write about and why?

12. What is your favorite theme/subject matter/trope/ship to write about? Why?

13. Describe your writing style. If you were to participate in an anonymous fic writers guessing game (like The Masked Author), what writing habits do you have that would be a dead giveaway that it's you?

14. Share a snippet.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

"What did you witness?" Bdubs, Limlife

Episode 7-8 spoilers. Character study. 778 words.

Making assumptions is all you can do. But curiosity can't be avoided. The clocks, the timer, the tower, your fate. Why are you hidden out of all people?

It was hard to tell, living the norm among friends. Forming a team, doing as expected. But there was no way the connection hadn't been made. It had to mean something to Bdubs. No one asked him the feeling- impending doom? Excitement to fill an unsaid role? Dread for uncertain fate? Bdubs loved acting. He loved to be out there. Perhaps it wasn't clicking yet. Perhaps he felt he could stay in the background enough to ignore the game.

He'd made his team and it was fun. It was all about the fun, it was all about the mundane conflict, it was all about laughing at broken traps- until it wasn't. Fighting was one thing but the clock was another. A symbol that had been so relevant to him. A figure he attached to himself that suddenly meant death. That was the jab, that was the hit. Bdubs was fighting the conflict of what it meant for him and everyone else. Something he had understood for so long was out of his hands. The only way to avoid the count down was to kill. That was the only control anyone could take, and it was thrust upon all of them by force.

The desperation seeps in always. Bdubs thought he'd have a sense of control, but anxiety hit every time he glanced over. Green, yellow. One hour down, one hour more.

This wasn't it. Time had a grip on him in just the way he didn't want it to. His hand driven to the blade, ignore your history, put aside your thought. He was okay losing the fight of blood, but not the fight of time. He couldn't, he absolutely couldn't.

But what else was he to do other than die? Die again, again, and again. He made theatrics of his life before, and while he was the only one to know his true intentions, he couldn't not be himself. It was typical. He'd still try is heart out even when he died trying.

=

What he saw was scrambling. What he heard was fear among a sea of voices. It was too much to process until heard the words burst out. Seven minutes.

You need release. You need to let go on your own terms. You're doing it for you and no one else.

Kill me.

No one has anything to say.

Kill me.

This is just you.

Kill me.

There is no one behind the screen.

Kill me.

This is all you.

Kill me.

This is your time, this is your control.

Kill me.

Kill me.

Kill me.

Kill me.

=

But then no one wanted it. No one could take the generosity and live without the guilt. He could save them, if they would just take the time. He'd found the loophole to the game. This was the way- if he couldn't beat the clock, he could make sure someone else did. He'd be an angel handing over his life to save others. To a stranger, a friend. But out of all people Etho .

And Etho did not take it. The strain in his reply made it clear to Bdubs that he needed it, but he couldn't bare to do it to his friend. No matter how he begged.

“Take it from me- take it! ”

He's leaving.

“Etho, would you please-”

My ending is slipping away.

“You can fight me..!”

I don't have time to change this.

There was no way to cope, no time to. The walls were torn down and he had his back up against the clock tower. The skynet above looked like a web branching from its center peak, a reminder of the chaos no one could avoid. His position below an ironic twist but much expected. When there was no way, you'd gravitate to the familiar.

The dread had settled like a blanket on his shoulders. Not heavy nor debilitating. Barely acceptance however, with his silent message in his head. His missing commentary. His story never truly told.

Bdubs was himself was his only witness, yet unknowing to his fate. His death seen by others and not himself. Unplanned, unexpected- just the way the game works. No chance in beating it. It was not met with sadness, upset, anger. Never a grudge against the way it went.

A lonely moment of viewing. Then reunited. Then cheering. Now too distant to see him win, but ever eager to watch him from above just like before. Bdubs hadn't won his own conflict but he'd found his resolution.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

one of my goals with The Killing Type is to never make it "ship". like i will not stop that interpretation of it- but theres no kissing, no i love you's no sex or whatever. cuz this is just the idea of their friendship i want to tackle, and it could be intimate, but it doesnt need to be written with the intention of shipping.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

The Killing Type, Chapter 5, 1.9k words Bdubs/Etho, M rating, violence/gore & respawn death

Wow, its been a lot longer since I wrote for this than I realized. I suggest maybe refreshing on the very short chapter 3. I claimed at first this fic had no continuity but really i mean it doesnt go in chronological order. This is all connected and this chapter is a huge callback.

read it above, or below the cut!

It wasn't in Etho's plans to make his way over to the Arena. He wasn't the one going around bribing and intimidating, he wasn't like that. But he knew who was- it was Bdubs, literally no one else could be doing it and the rumours were enough confirmation. Etho knew that just approaching Bdubs should be enough to get him to back off, so no harm in a visit with unsaid intentions. As he walked towards the immense structure, Etho looked up at the impressive handiwork for a moment. Still unfinished but more finished than he could ever achieve. His appreciation for the builder's work could be taken outside of his grudge for the crimes he committed.

Past the pillars, Etho quietly made his way along the edge of the center-most ring. The faint name tag of bdoubleo100 could be seen under the bleachers- in the storage room no doubt. He peeked around the edge, a break in the walls that led through a narrow doorway. It wasn't hard the hear a sign of activity, the slamming of various chests opening and closing was not very quiet. Etho didn't even need to step carefully as he walked in, Bdubs seemed far too occupied to pay attention to his surroundings. It was only when Etho came into clear view of Bdubs crossing the hall with some supplies that the other caught him in the corner of his vision. While Etho stood composed near the doorway, Bdubs had stopped in his tracks to stare at him, eventually straightening up and quickly shaking off the surprise in his expression.

“Well,” Bdubs started after clearing his throat, “I didn't expect to see you today. Why not give me a heads up? Could've... uh, tidied up.”

Etho could hear the nervousness that crept into Bdubs' voice, and stayed put. “Do I need an invite?”

Bdubs went and put down the things he was holding. “Well yeah! Can't just have you coming in here whenever. I gotta know. Walkin' in here like you own the place, taking stuff, doing as you please...”

There was a pause of silence to let Bdubs hear what he had just said.

Etho stepped further into the storage room. “Mhm... So, I uh... I heard about you going around the server...”

“Oh did you now?” It was time for him to be a bit to be cocky. “And what did you hear?”

“Something about... I think, bribing?” Etho said, keeping his eyes on Bdubs.

“Ah, yes. That.” Bdubs said casually, leaning against the wall across from him.

“...So, you have been bribing?”

“Pfft, of course. You expect me not to play dirty after you killed me?” Bdubs gave a short laugh, “Come on now- I may as well do it after that!”

“You stole from me, and I killed you because of that. You know you were in the wrong.” Etho glared over at Bdubs, crossing his arms.

“Sure- but, you didn't need to do that, you know.” Bdubs waved his comment away dismissively, stepping closer to Etho. “I thought we were pals and all...”

“We are pals.” Etho sighed, breaking eye contact for a moment. “But I deserved to get a kill on you.”

Bdubs hummed in amusement. “Oh, okay... And do I not deserve to get a kill on you? Huh? Shouldn't I get to kill you? Wouldn't that make it fair?”

“No. And I mean, even if I said yes... Not sure if you could anyways.” Etho looked back him, smiling under his mask.

“You don't think I could?!” Bdubs exclaimed, appalled by the accusation. “Boy, I will kill you right now!”

As Etho answered with a soft chuckle, Bdubs turned around quickly and grabbed the nearest sword. “Go- Go, get out there an' I'll show you..” Bdubs waved the sword at Etho as he moved towards the doorway.

“You're going to kill me?” Etho calmly walked backwards. “Will it make you feel better? Because we're still gonna do the trial.”

“Yeah, it'll make me feel better.” Bdubs laughed, “And maybe this can be your bribe to make me change my mind for the trial...!”

Etho felt the sword prod at him again, causing him to step out of the hall a little faster. Bdubs led him towards the open clearing of sand, a perfect place for such an event. Etho remained unarmed and simply willing for Bdubs' wish- though knowing him, it wouldn't be as easy as Bdubs would like to think.

“Alright then,” Etho started, “you barely got a hit on me last time, so I'll save you the energy. Just do it.”

“Ohh no- in that case, I'll be sure to savour it.” Bdubs smiled, stepping forward with confidence.

Bdubs knew Etho would still try to avoid him. Try to dodge, get out of the way, and potentially even try to stop him despite his lack of weapon. He knew that. Leading with his sword out, Bdubs was swift to go at him. Etho leaned out of the way, watching it pass by his side. As Bdubs picked up the pace, so did Etho. It was an impressive dance from Etho's end, dodging and weaving between the silver blur of swings. He wasn't free of harm though- a couple frantic swings nicked his arms and sides but it wasn't nearly enough.

“You fricker-- stop!Get over here!” Bdubs voice was breathless as he became more annoyed and tired.

He bounded forward with more intent- his sword wielding arm raised and his other reaching out for Etho. It was quick enough that Etho had his eyes on the sword, as Bdubs then grabbed Etho by the arm to hold him in place. There was a brief moment of worry from Etho, but he acted just as quick. He took the proximity to swipe Bdubs off his feet, tripping him. The pair fell together, Etho's back hitting the coarse sand below and Bdubs' landing atop. Bdubs failed to get his strike as they lost balance, struggling to regain himself as the breath was knocked out of him.

Bdubs coughed from the dust that picked up from their impact, leaving him vulnerable. While Etho was still blinking the sand from his eyes, he reached up to grab Bdubs and the hand the held his sword. There was a struggle as Bdubs processed what was happening, but before he knew it Etho had rolled him off and onto his side. That sword wrapped around his fingers but Bdubs had lost the advantage, and soon enough Etho ripped it from his grip. The scuffle had Etho panting as well, but he had confidence as he sat over Bdubs, armed with the weapon that could have confidently killed him if held by the right person.

“God- goddammit.” Bdubs hissed, out of breath and to exhausted in that moment to struggle.

Etho's smirk was all too obvious behind the mask. “This is kind of sad, Bdubs.”

“Oh shut up.” He huffed. “Come on, this was my bribe! One where I'm satisfied, and let you win the trial...”

There was a short laugh that fell from Etho's lips. “Sure but, this- this is a better bribe. For me. One where I get to kill you again. I know you must like it at this point- right?”

“But you already killed me.” Bdubs glanced away, continuing a little quieter. “Ya know, it gets a bit stale after a while.”

There was a hint of jest in his eyes as they stayed there for a minute, unmoving.

But eventually there was a shift underneath him, as the look in Etho's eyes changed. Bdubs knew he was not in the right position now, and struggled against the grip Etho had on his wrists. It wasn't too hard to free himself of that, but Etho was quick to ready his sword. Bdubs was already wriggling himself out from under him, making Etho bring some jabs down at the ground. Each one just barely missed as Bdubs leaned one way or the other, but Etho straddled his sides enough to keep him close.

Just one wrong move. One wrong move and- in the frantic shifting from side to side, Etho's sword hit. Not exactly in the place he wanted, but it hit. He'd pinned his sword right on Bdubs' wrist. An awkward place, but he'd use it. As Bdubs cried out, trying to pull himself away, Etho dragged it down from there. With the place it cut, more blood than usual started spilling from the wound. A nasty cut running down his forearm, dark glistening red revealed from under the skin.

Bdubs was always good at containing himself. He didn't like to react strongly to a cut or a wound. It was embarrassing, especially in underneath of Etho. But the sounds that escaped his mouth could not be stopped, and it revealed his pain. Very horrible pain. When Etho pulled the sword off, Bdubs quickly hugged his arm against himself.

“Fucking hell man!” Bdubs closed his eyes tight as his shirt became smeared with red. “You couldn't have just killed me right there?!”

“I was trying to, but you kept moving!” Etho stated, at first uneased by Bdubs' current struggle, but not enough to act differently.

“Okay, yeah-” Bdubs' whines of pain broke through words as he spoke. “Oh lord, you must be enjoying this one, huh?”

Etho hummed, locking gazes with Bdubs' ever painful expression. “Well, I'm not really trying to torture you here.... But yeah, of course it was fun knocking you down. And stabbing you. Do you want me to kill you now?”

For some reason that pulled a smile from Bdubs, even as he winced. “Do you wanna kill me now? Thought this was your bribe to take.”

“Do I...?” It was intentional to drag out his answer, watching as Bdubs seemed to falter more and more.

“Etho, come on now,” Bdubs' voice wavered, “get it over with. Kill me right now. Just kill me. I need get rid of this damn cut.”

“Okay, fine.” Etho shrugged. “Wouldn't want to wait another ten minutes for you to just... bleed out.”

Bdubs was still tilted on his side, holding arm close. When Etho brought the sword back into view, he felt Etho's other hand press on his shoulder. He forced Bdubs onto his back, fully engaged as he looked up at him. Bdubs didn't even brace for the pain with how much his arm was searing in what already felt as bad as it could possibly get. He simply watched Etho's face in that second of a moment before his sight went dark with a final blow.

The body dissipated, but the blood was still there. There was a lot of it, far more than usual, and he couldn't help but think about it. Warm and sticky against the material of his pants. The way that wound on Bdubs' arm bloomed open. A blatant scar to reveal where everyone could see- until it healed up in a few more respawns. But ever visible until then.

Etho blinked, noticing the chat fade in.

<BdoubleO100>: i respawned at spawn!

<BdoubleO100>: did you break my freaking bed??

<Etho>: no lol. you forget to set it?

<BdoubleO100>: i dont know but i am going to kill you when i get back there

It was time to leave. Or play a game of cat and mouse. The latter was forever the likelier choice.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

i was trying to write a Session 6 etho oneshot but i got sick and not session 7 happened and knowing how chaotic next session will be i think im just gonna drop that and wait.... im out of steam for writing juice rn and i wanna save it for whatever the hell is coming next...

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

The final part of my AU LL fic of Bdubs getting the final life from Etho instead of dying.

Click above, or read below!

They were trapped in the fort. Not literally, but close enough. Leaving felt dangerous with how many players were still out and about, and none of them were friendly to Etho or Bdubs. That brief moment of security where they assured their own alliance, couldn't outlast the growing fears of what felt like an inevitable ending. This time though, there was a period to wait and prepare for good. Whatever time they had left before a confrontation was unknown, but they knew they had to be ready this time. Not just on armor, but potions and apples and anything else that'd keep them alive. Hopefully if they got into something, they had a better chance of making it out no matter how much they doubted that possibility.

  They were quiet inside the snow walls. Whether it was intentional to stop others from hearing them or simply because there was nothing to add, it didn't matter much. Every so often in repairing gear or the walls, the two locked eyes. Just a moment to remember they were together.

  Time felt slow, so slow and so quiet. Up until the moment Bdubs heard a voice just outside the walls, making him nearly jump out of his skin.

“Hey guys! How- uh, how's it going?” Grian's voice was very close, not far away like the last visit. His cheerful tone did nothing to reassure either Etho or Bdubs.

“Fine.” Etho said as he stood where he was, further back in the base.

The sound of Joel's voice and his clambering up towards the wall came quickly after. “Fine?”

“Really?” Grian exhaled, “I donno... I mean. You- um, Etho you killed Scott, yeah?”

Etho didn't answer. Bdubs moved a little further away from the wall, hearing the sound of snow crumbling.

“Yeah- How'd that happen?” Joel added, making quicker work of the fort's walls and squeezing through first. “Couldn't have been an accident.. sticking your sword right through him and all...”

“It was-” Etho started, but was promptly cut off.

“No,” Grian laughed, “no I don't think so! You don't just.. accidentally kill a yellow name. You guys were all buddy-buddy, weren't you? Not like you were on different teams even!”

  The two red names had pushed past their weak snow walls, making their way around the edge of the base. As reds often did, they danced around the likelihood that they were here to kill them- keeping them on edge as they rummaged through the base and made the pair below try to avoid getting close to them at all costs. It was always entertaining for them, especially now that Bdubs was on the receiving end of red intimidation. He had no power in this moment.

  Bdubs stood closer to Etho as they quietly watched the red pair, whispering to him. “Um. Should we attack 'em?”

As if right on queue, an explosion went off on Bdubs' right, making him stumble from where he stood. When he got to his feet, he could see Joel up on the edge of a central tower.

“Oh, I missed.”

Etho grabbed Bdubs by the shirt, moving them out of Joel's immediate vicinity.

“Let's just get out of the way.” Etho said, quiet enough for only Bdubs to hear.

  The TNT wasn't the only thing against them though, as the whizzing sound of arrows followed them moments after. Even while the two tried to escape Grian and Joel's fire, Bdubs turned back multiple times with his bow out. Etho lent a hand as well, but the slow down for readying their bows still got them hit a few times. The fight had certainly started now though, and the pressure was growing. It was either stay and try to kill those two, or run and hope they wouldn't run into more people who'd gladly join in on the fight against them.

  But as expected, Bdubs' need to keep up the damage as Etho directed them to safety was getting his health down even more than it should've. That was one thing Etho was watching, and above all he wanted to avoid it. They were not in a good position to stay and defend.

“We have to get out-” Etho said as he pulled on Bdubs again. “You need to heal up, we can probably lose them”

Bdubs breathed heavy, letting himself be pulled along. “Okay- fine, we can- we can get out of here..”

  They ran recklessly through the forest, ducking under branches and glancing behind them- hardly watching where they were going. Bdubs had managed to regain his health after a little bit of food, despite the wounds still stinging. They slowed down a bit as they stopped hearing Grian or Joel, instead readying their weapons again. They didn't want a fight, but there was no stopping it at this point. They had to keep themselves attentive, and moved further away from the woods in order to have a better perspective.

  At the edge of the treeline sat an open field, where Etho and Bdubs hung around the border of. They didn't want to be completely in the open, But the flat area gave them a good view on those sides where they could be flanked. Through the tense run for safety, nothing had been said. Adrenaline and anxiety filled them, but the pressure was rising in Bdubs' especially.

  “You think the other guys are after us?” Bdubs asked quietly.

“Oh, like.. all of the yellows?” Etho kept his eyes to the horizon.

Bdubs paused for a moment, making sure he too was focused. “Yeah. They're probably gonna find us, in the open- and- are you.. are you sure we should stand here?”

“I don't think it'll matter at this rate.”

Bdubs glanced over, teeth clenched. “I know we're being hunted by like- like.. everyone on the server. But don't say that right now!”

Etho's brows creased, but he kept his eyes away. “Sorry.”

  The quiet took over again. They both knew they needed to focus and shut up so no one would hear them. They were more prepared though- Etho was stocked with a few potions, an apple or two for Bdubs. Now it was a matter of waiting, and hoping this wouldn't go as bad as they thought.

  Murmurs in the trees could be heard. They were familiar and immediately made dread wash over Bdubs, turning to face whatever was coming. There was no mistaking it- what sounded like friendly banter was in fact some yellow names talking it out with Grian and Joel. There was only a slight relief in hearing that Cleo was not with them- but it would be four against two. Four people who were very eager to kill them.

  Etho was aware as well, standing close to Bdubs as they faced the trees. In moments an arrow came flying from the cover of the trees. A few more were caught in the branches as they started to disperse, looking to get out into the open while avoiding exposing themselves.

  Ren shouted from one side, “Go that way- in the open!”

It was hard to tell who he may have been ordering, as neither Bdubs or Etho could make out who was in the trees. Nothing but the sound of stomping feet. Only moments after did they spot Matryn revealing himself, arrow flying seconds after. And eventually, Grian and Joel with him.

  There was already so much to keep track of. There was no communication as Etho and Bdubs turned either way to shoot at whoever was coming. It seemed like everyone had the same idea- staying distant, using their bow and arrows. It was harder to get the hits if they all kept moving. Bdubs was missing a lot, but it didn't matter to him as long as he stayed away from death. Etho was already taking some hits on himself, but landed some solid shots on their enemies.

  However, in Bdubs' distraction of dodging arrows, Joel was quick to take the opening. There was a sting, a slice across his back, as a diamond sword swung behind him. He gasped out, stumbling from the pain and swiftly looking behind him. Joel was not someone he wanted to face in combat, and that fear was validated when he saw the other jump up with his sword raised. Bdubs just barely moved out of the way, wide eyed as he saw the sword lodged deep in the dirt.

A sudden pained gasp came from Joel's mouth as an arrow flew right into his side. Between the chaos, Bdubs could see Etho with his bow up. He was readying it once more as Joel straightened himself. As the next ones flew Joel quickly bounded back, giving himself enough distance to use his own bow again.

  Bdubs found himself panting on the grass, still only just getting out of the stun Joel's attack left on him. It didn't help with the arrows coming left and right- everything was utterly overstimulating. He stood up eventually though, ignoring the jabs from each hit he was taking. He saw Etho running towards him, away from Matryn and Ren who were drawing in closer. While at first Bdubs assumed he would get up and run with Etho, he watched Etho stop in front of him, turning to continue shooting arrows at them instead. Bdubs peered out from Etho's cover, gripping him by the sleeve.

  “Etho- Etho-” Bdubs started up, anxiety flooding his senses, “Etho stop, stop- let's get farther away!”

“I- No, no there's a lot of them Bdubs,” He kept his eyes trained on the yellow names. “If we stop fighting we'll just get hit even more.”

He was right- running meant they couldn't attack easily, and having four people with bows against them made it impossible to make it out alive at this point.

Bdubs adjusted himself, putting his back to Etho. “Okay, fine. Just- just be sure to use those potions, alright?”

  Etho didn't answer, but Bdubs' assumed he'd heard him. There was only small amounts of movement as they tried to cover all sides of the attack. Bdubs was already down his two golden apples, able to get some close quarters hits on Matryn with his sword, but it only went back and forth as the others used their own potions, or stepped back to recover. It was going on too long, and the four against them made the two exhausted.

  Bdubs especially. The pressure, the pounding heartbeat- he was not good at fighting in this head space. He was fumbling more and more, head buzzing with heat. His health was inching lower and lower as all he could do was become a pillow for punctures at this point. When he looked over to Etho, he realized the other was not doing so well either.. actually, worse. In all the mess and how much Etho was putting himself first, Bdubs thought he was fairing fine- but that wasn't the case.

  Whatever state Bdubs was in, it didn't help his next line of thought.

“Etho-” Bdubs panted out, “I'm- I gotta finish this, I can-”

He darted forward, quickly reaching Etho and tugging him closer by the back of his jacket. Etho had little time to process as Bdubs pushed him to the ground and shielded him with his body as much as he could, returning fire on those who were attacking.

  Once Etho processed the situation, he looked up at Bdubs with wide eyes. “Bdubs?”

“Drink your dang potions!” Bdubs shouted back. “You haven't used 'em yet. Why are you waiting?”

There was little time to talk, but Etho hesitated to do as he was ordered. “You need them, Bdubs. You're gonna die, and you're red. I'll-”

Bdubs held his shield up for a moment, barely looking at Etho as arrows thumped against it. “Shut up, they're for you. You're just- you're at one and a half hearts, aren't you?”

Etho paused, heart racing. “Y-yeah, I am.”

“Then stop tryin' to sacrifice yourself for me!” Bdubs said with a growl, peeking over his shield. “S-stop! You gave me your life, you've done enough for me, okay?”

  It sounded angry, but that wasn't the intent. Bdubs had felt like Etho gave up way too much for him, for what? For him to lose that life anyways, and end up red again? Bdubs loved being with him, but there was no way he was going to let Etho take even more just to keep him alive. He'd done too much for him.

  When an opening shot managed to hit Etho, Bdubs put himself over Etho entirely, only able to use his shield to block a portion of the fire now. As Bdubs grimaced at each pierce, he watched Etho finally take the potions he held. Etho didn't do so with relief or joy, though.

“Okay- okay, good,” Bdubs said, each word breaking his heavy breathing.

With more health, Etho was better able to process the violence, and in that moment he noticed a shadow quickly approaching.

“Bdubs-” Etho choked out, “Bdubs, behind you!”

As Bdubs looked over his shoulder, shield ready, it felt like Etho was trying to shove him off. He knew he was- he knew Etho was trying to take whatever blow was coming. That wasn't going to happen.

  It was Joel, unsurprisingly, who had returned with a ready blade. It crashed hard against the shield, breaking it completely. Joel laughed with excitement, knowing full well this was the moment he had been waiting for after all this chasing. Bdubs was confident he'd save Etho here, bracing for the pain that would strike through him in seconds, ending him for good.

In what time felt like a century, Bdubs watched the diamond sword come down, gripped by both of Joel's hands for a heavy and deep blow. It was quick, but not painless. A breathless and pained cry came from his mouth in the moment Joel inserted the sword and pulled it right back out. His killer stepped back after that, making sure to get out of whatever move Etho could make next. But Etho didn't move, as Bdubs' warm body slumped over him. Bdubs' form wavered, his breathing incredibly faint, and red seeping out of the white of his shirt. Bdubs could not get any words in as his vision turned black, and whatever it was Etho tried to voice was lost on his dead ears.

  The moment Bdubs' body faded from in front of them, Etho scrambled to his feet. He was aware enough that he needed to leave, especially after drinking those potions. He had enough health that he could take some hits as he ran, so he did just that. Running across the field and towards the distant stone peaks, it didn't take long for him to outrun them and hide behind the steep cliffs. Breathing heavily, Etho weakly leaned back against the rocks, looking up to see the sun setting behind the border.

  His clothes were warm and sticky with the blood that spilled from Bdubs' body. A stripe of deep red across his shirt. Dotting the white fur rim of his hood, his dark mask, the side of his pants. What a horrid reminder of death to have. Etho would have preferred to simply remember the warmth of Bdubs' body when it fell against him. He held onto that, no matter how gruesome- it felt like the last moment of intimacy he could have.

  Etho tucked himself into a crevice in the cliff side, sliding down the wall until he sat on the hard floor. In the dark and cover, he looked at the tab list. The greyed out name bdoubleo100 was there. Etho watched the list as he sat there, waiting for night to pass. The name remained, still.

  There was nothing to do. Nothing to see, hear, nothing to talk to. As Etho looked up at all that nothing, he hoped he was catching Bdubs' gaze, where ever it was that he was spectating from.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

This entire fic is already on ao3, but I am posting it in parts here. This is my AU fic of Bdubs getting the life Etho meant to give him at the end of LL.

Part 3 linked above, or read below :)

The fort was empty again. Well, not completely. But it certainly felt that way to Bdubs. Tango and Impulse had wandered his way, and with no defence on his side, they decided to come in. He shrugged off their questions about Etho and got to some mild planning. There was always tension across the red lifes. Tango didn't like him for the way he murdered him, Impulse hadn't been happy about last season, Bdubs had a habit of impulsiveness everyone was aware of... And of course, they could turn on each other any moment they wanted. Bdubs had proved that after all.

  Bdubs lightly picks up on the conversation the other two are having, looking over when he feels their eyes on him. “What?”

Impulse shifted. “I think we should head out. There's a decent number of yellows still... we gotta get to em.”

“Yeah, I'd have to bet that Joel and Grian are scouting them out as well.” Tango added, grabbing his axe. “If they are, maybe we can come from the other way and surprise 'em.”

Bdubs quietly nodded, standing up from where he was. “Sounds like a plan.”

  The two glanced at each other, suspicious of Bdubs' tone. They didn't know much else about the brief moment Etho and him were together, and had to hope his attitude was just due to that. The walk out of the fort was quiet, little banter was had as they went towards the high ground to scout for players.

Tango and Bdubs stood from the treetops, scanning the forest and west side of the map. Quickly, Bdubs spotted the faint color of red names- undoubtedly Grian and Joel.

“There-” He pointed out, “They're over there. I think they're following someone.”

There was a moment of silence as Tango squinted at the horizon. “Yep. I think I can see 'em.. someone. Had to be a yellow name.”

Impulse nodded, pushing through the trees. “Alright, let's come from the opposite side.” He waved them in the other direction. “It's a pretty big group so, maybe we can separate them?”

  The tactic wasn't questioned, and the trio moved onward. The cool breeze felt hot as their adrenaline started to rise, focused on tracking their targets. Bdubs wasn't letting it come to mind that he was hunting Etho's group. He had to put that out of his mind. He had to play the game, the way they were supposed to. Regardless, his anxiety was rising... it always did when these fights were starting. It could be his last death, he'd be out if this fight went poorly.

  As the sun started to set, soon enough they could hear others not far off. The mutters of the yellow lifes were apparent, conversations about the reds heard clearly in the quiet night. The trio slowed down, waiting for the right moment. They just needed to wait for Grian and Joel to come by, and make them scatter. And on time, Bdubs could hear the tone of the yellow's voices become more urgent. A few shouts, and their name tags started heading in different directions.

Wordlessly, Impulse and Tango stepped forward and revealed themselves- causing Cleo, Ren, and Martyn to turn and face them. Bdubs followed, but glanced over and was relieved to see Etho and Scott had their sights on the other reds instead. He put his focus on Ren, diving into the fight as a distraction from the friend that stood not far off.

  Swords and axes were clashing, it was hard for anyone to distinguish anything. Heavy shields thumping against each blow they managed to block. Bdubs stayed focused, pushing Ren back and slicing the sword across his side. So far he was good, he wasn't fumbling. Martyn quickly dove in though. Catching Bdubs when his shield was down, making him stumble back.

“Back off, Bdubs!” Matryn growled as he stood in front of Ren, allowing him time to recover.

Bdubs breathed in, stepping back for a moment. Scott turned when Matryn shouted, looking to his fellow team mate. Tango stepped forward, grabbing Matryn out of the way and giving Bdubs another opening for Ren. But he was distracted from making the blow when he heard Impulse shout Tango's name. He caught the last moments of Matryn getting the kill on Tango, as Impulse scrambled away from his fight with Cleo, escaping the same fate.

  Tensions were high, Bdubs was barely paying attention to the fight Grian and Joel were having. They seemed to be evenly matched, but the two other reds were starting to back off. In Bdubs' distraction he didn't notice Scott approaching.

“Ren, get out!” Scott ordered, Ren still struggling to his feet. “I'll finish this and we'll retreat.”

Bdubs turned to face Scott, eyes wide as he realized there was a sword ready to drop on him.

“H-hold on- hold on--” Bdubs started to say, but was stopped as he raised his shield to stop the blade.

Impulse had started to retreat, as did Grian and Joel. Etho was free from the fight he was locked in, and started to hear the struggle between Bdubs and Scott. He hesitated, simply staring at the pair. The adrenaline was clouding his thoughts, but Etho was beginning to process the scene. Bdubs was unable to match Scott's quick blows, and his shield could only do so much until it'd break. Suddenly it was one against four- assuming Etho wouldn't touch him.

  “Scott-” Etho called out, “Scott-- let him run! They're all running away-”

“No Etho, we're ending this. We gotta get rid of those reds before they get us!”

Scott continued as Bdubs defended himself. The rules said that's how it should go, when a red threatens your life. Bdubs still did what he could, awkwardly ducking away from Scott and hoping to make a break for it. But stumbling and failing, Scott had just gotten his perfect opening. There was a brief glance up, just as a new shadow obscured his view.

  On purpose, or not. Pure instinct at least- Etho threw himself over Bdubs, shield up and sword out. His blade slid against Scott's, who stopped himself when he realized a teammate was in front of him.

“Etho! What are you doing?!” While Scott made sure to pull his blade away, neither of the yellow names moved.

“Its four on one!” Etho said behind the shield. “I told you- let him run, his teammates are gone.”

“Like I told you, we should just get this over with.” Scott stepped forward once more, looking past Etho and straight at Bdubs.

  Scott was ready to try again, pushing Etho away with force as he raised his sword above his head. Bdubs only had a short moment to glance up at Scott before he watched him get knocked off his feet, the clash of metal ringing out. Etho's sword collided with Scott's, before pulling back for another strike. One he intended not to hit, but in the flurry of movement it slide right in. Right in to Scott's stomach, right through the material of his shirt. There was a pause as red spilled from his gut, the sword unmoving from where it was lodged. In that silent shock Etho's eyes widened, like he didn't mean to do what had just happened. He didn't mean to but.. he did it. And he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

  Etho stood over Scott from where he knocked him down, looking at the blade he'd planted in his gut. Maybe he meant to- maybe he meant it. He couldn't figure out the rush of thoughts in his mind. Whatever the intention was, he did it for Bdubs. That was a fact.

  Bdubs was staring off at nothing as the others of Etho's team ran towards them. Cleo pushed Etho away from Scott, sword coming with him as they crowded around. There was a flurry of words being spat as they saw the final drops of blood leave Scott's body, his form quickly dissipating.

Ren looked at Etho as he started to back away. “What was that??” There was a growl in his voice when he looked up at Etho. “You just killed one of your own!”

“I didn't mean to, I-” Etho started, looking over at Bdubs. “I... I didn't think...”

Whatever words his team was throwing at him, Etho couldn't process them. He locked eyes with Bdubs as he sat there on the grass, still dazed. Then he looked back up at the other yellow names and past them, to see that Grian and Joel were a ways off also watching the scene.

  Bdubs hardly noticed Etho darting away, still coming out of whatever daze he was in. He only realized when all those eyes fell back to him, prone in the grass, blinking himself back to reality. When panic set in, Bdubs scrambled back and messily got on his feet again. He didn't see Etho, but he had to run- hopefully in the same direction.

   The woods started to open up, and in the distance the torch glow of spawn came into view. Much to Bdubs' luck, Etho was just starting to make his way over the ridge there. Bdubs' couldn't stop himself- he had to see Etho. He had to. What was he supposed to think after being saved? Who was he going to side with anyways, after betraying the one group of yellows left on the server?

Nervousness pricked along Bdubs' skin. They hadn't ended on positive terms exactly, and something still told him this was too soon- but the game's rules had been broken. So maybe this could be it? This time it could work. There were little options for Etho now.

  As the torches washed light over Bdubs' form in the dark, Etho stayed at a distance holding his bow. It was lowered, but ready.

“Why are you following me?” Etho called out, voice stern.

Bdubs stopped a ways back, looking at Etho with a sheepish grin. “Uh- I.. I had to... get away?”

“Yeah?” Etho's words felt so stiff.

“You... really saved me there.” Bdubs swallowed.

This didn't feel right.

“I need to keep going.” Etho stood for a moment and then turned away quickly, not looking back at Bdubs.

  Bdubs’ couldn’t stand around either- he was far more at risk than Etho. Admittedly he didn’t know what to do other than to go with Etho, so he followed the sound of his footsteps a few paces behind. There was no reason for Etho to stop him, no matter how he felt.

  The fort, of course that's where they went. It seemed like it would be too blatant of a place to hide, but it was also hard to know where else they could go. Etho was quick to slip between the gap in the snow wall, and as Bdubs came up he hesitated. All his feelings were really rushing back as the adrenaline came down, and all their conversations in the snow fort were hitting him at once. Suddenly the positive memories were being drowned by the growing negatives, and whatever was coming next Bdubs knew it would just add to the list.

  The lump in Bdubs' throat was stopping him from speaking, which was fine- it didn't seem like any good would come out of talking. He simply watched Etho head up the stairs and towards the chests of supplies towards the center. But he noticed Etho stop, standing there.

  Etho was so tired. He was exhausted, although thankful he was alive. Still, he stood in the middle of the fort with no alliances in sight- except for one, of course.

Bdubs approached slowly, walking quietly up the stairs.

“You know we're not gonna make it at this point, right?” Etho said, stiffly crossing his arms and failing to turn around to face Bdubs.

There was always a feeling of dread lingering, but the statement alone made Bdubs' body tense. “Are we not?”

Slowly, Etho turned his head to look back at Bdubs. “I... I don't think so, Bdubs.” He sighed, “I don't think we'll find anyone wanting to team up with- with me.”

Bdubs' brows creased, trying to hold back a frown. “Team up with you? Then- then what about us?”

  He seemed assured that Etho would want to team with him, after voicing that no one else would. That wasn't the best or strongest reason to do so, but it was a reason.

“Look at you-” Bdubs started, “you- you still got two lives..! Right? So, that's good. That's very good.” Etho watched him quietly, still unsure about the situation he was now in.

“And so, teaming up with me would at least get their attention off of you.” Bdubs was trying hard to make up the benefits of Etho letting him stick around. His heart was pounding. “It- it'll work out fine! Better, even. They'll wanna kill me if they want to follow the rules.”

“I... guess.” Etho sounded like he got it, but it was definitely that he just had limited options. “I broke the rule though. We'll have like, three yellows coming for us. And probably Grian and Joel too- we are easy targets.”

“That's- that's okay.” Bdubs said it but didn't believe it one bit. “I mean, if you say we're not gonna make it anyways then- um, then...”

Bdubs was a little lost in thought as he stood in front of Etho, starting to feel a sense of hopelessness in knowing he really was right.

Etho gripped his shoulder. “I know things kinda.. sucked for a bit. But I would rather be with you if we're gonna die at some point. I guess.”

Bdubs looked up at him, watching the smile in his eyes. “Yeah?”

“If I had been a moment too late with that last life...” His grip tightened. “I know- I know I was upset and angry when you came back, I didn't trust you- That was stupid... I wasn't lying that I was glad you were alive. I just...”

Bdubs started to grin. “You didn't want to be a with a red name. You didn't want me to break the rules.” A small laugh trailed from his mouth.

Etho glanced away, sheepish. “Yeah.”

“And then you broke the rules, not me.” Bdubs replied, poking at Etho as he looked at him. “Oh, how the turn tables...”

  Both gave a light chuckle, Bdubs leaning in quickly to grip Etho in a tight embrace. The little giggles between then eventually faded, silence falling. It wasn't a comfortable and secure silence, as the threat of everyone else outside their walls was pressing in on them. They held that moment for as long as they could, until that dread slowly took over. All that was next was deciding how it would end. It would end, there was no way around it.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

ughhgfhgjh i started a session 6 related fic for etho's lost episode but i am not feeling too well so i doubt ill finish it before the next episode.... thats fine tho i shouldnt force myself to do so many oneshots in the span of a week in order to get it out before the new eps lol

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

The moment could easily slip through your fingers- but what if it didn't? What if you were quick enough? Etho sends his life off to Bdubs the moment he sees Lizzie's death message. Just in time.

Part 2 of my Last Life AU where Bdubs lives. Read it all on the Ao3 link above! The second part is also under the cut here, though.

Whatever they were feeling, it wasn't discussed. Back into the familiarity of the snow fort, the pair decided they'd spend a little time to make it more livable again. Since they were no longer split up into new alliances, they actually had reason to be here again. Even so, stepping over the holes in the ground that told too many stories was not much better than staying quiet about it all. The place was littered with reminders of what had occurred. A variety of lives lost among him and friends. Covering up damage they hoped would be forgotten.

  As much as Bdubs was enjoying what he could, every step past Etho felt off. Things were going unsaid, but it felt like there wasn't the right time to say something. They'd decided to stay together, this was good. However, this could be as good as it was going to get until they died for the season. But he needed that, no matter what the circumstances.

While Bdubs worked on the walls, the sound of passerby's reached his ears. There was more worry in this than before- everyone had gotten to their second or last lives. Etho heard this too, and slowly walked towards where Bdubs was, standing a ways back.

“Who's there?” Etho asked Bdubs, keeping his voice low.

A moment to focus. “It's... Grian. Maybe Joel?”

Etho tensed slightly. “Alright... we gotta be careful around them.”

“Of course. I'm red though-”

“Bdubs, they killed you.”

“Right.” Bdubs ducked down a little lower behind the wall, merely peering over the edge.

  Even though faint, they could catch Joel's voice coming from a ways off. “Oh look! Bdubs is over there.”

“At the fort?”

Movement could be heard, but they still stopped a good distance from the fort.

“Bdubs!” Joel called out, “Bdubs, hey- what're doing up there buddy?”

He looked over a little further, a nervous smile as he looked down at the pair. “Uh, hi guys.” Bdubs glanced away. “Just... rebuilding some of the fort.”

“You know,” Joel began, “I have no idea what happened back there but you are one lucky son of a-”

“Yeah,” Grian cut him off, “what did happen? I'm not sure I even understand still.”

Bdubs swallowed, still put off by their presence. “Uh... Etho said he'd give me a life. If.. If I killed a red life. And he gave me one, right as you... shot me.”

“Oh..” Grian paused, seeming to squint past Bdubs. “Oh. You've got Etho with you too.”

“Yes-” Bdubs glanced back to Etho, “Yes, Etho's with me.”

Grian stifled a laugh. “Alright. I see.”

“Mhmm.” Bdubs was feeling a bit cocky now. “He's- we're together again. See, see- I told you so.”

Grian was giving him a look that didn't convince him he'd 'won' this little thing. “You told me so? But you... you're red, Bdubs. I donno what makes you think he actually trusts you.”

“He does!”

All the while, Etho stood to the side. Slight confusion in the conversation he had no context for. Clearly, he missed something.

“You can say that. But my point still stands- do you really think there's any real loyalty between you two?” Grian sneered, “You're back where you were before and this time, I think we all know you're not getting anymore lives.”

He hated hearing that. He wanted to give into that red life status and kill Grian right now, but Bdubs knew he couldn't risk it. Still, he was left silent and unsure of what to say.

Joel was starting to turn away from the fort. “When we see you again Bdubs, I look forward to killing you!”

  The laughs that trailed from both of them made Bdubs' blood boil even more, but he couldn't. He couldn't give into that. Bdubs huffed and turned back around, walking past Etho with his fists clenched.

Etho slowly followed Bdubs. “What was- Did something else happen with you and Grian?”

“No,” Bdubs didn't turn around as he replied, “not really. He just killed me.”

  There was an awkward silence between them as Bdubs continued back down the wall. Etho wasn't convinced this was all it was, and if Bdubs had some red lifes who wanted to go after him for some kind of beef he wasn't telling, Etho wanted to know.

“Bdubs, what's goin' on?” He catches up to Bdubs and steps beside him. “I... don't wanna find out you got more problems with red names out there you're not telling me about.”

Bdubs' shoulders were tense, not looking at Etho as they walked through the fort. “Its- its silly, it's not important.” He gave a short laugh to try and shrug off the thought.

“If we're gonna... make this work... you gotta-” Etho stopped when he saw Bdubs sigh in frustration, running his hands down his face.

“We are making this work!” Bdubs looked at Etho from the corner of his eye. “You don't really need to-”

“I should know- we gotta be honest.” Etho gave a short nervous laugh. “So..”

Bdubs seemed flustered when he finally turned to face Etho again. “Do- do you not trust me?” His heart was pounding. He desperately wanted to avoid the topic of his conversation with Grian, and the anxiety was getting to him. “Are you asking because you don't trust me?”

“I...” Etho trailed off. He shouldn't hesitate to answer that, but he did. “I-”

“Ha! Okay, okay-” Bdubs threw his hands in the air and pushed past Etho. “Listen I- I get it, I'm red, I know. But- but we agreed didn't we? That this was gonna work?”

Etho made his way down the steps of the upper fort, a bit more quickly to catch up with Bdubs. “We can- that's- that's not what I was implying...”

  Bdubs needed a moment. He was acting mad about something he was making up. He was sure Etho trusted him. But those unresolved feelings- that moment where he faced Grian, and let those words slip out. For some reason he was anxious about that more than whatever trust he had with Etho. He didn't need him to know that, but that alone was making the tensions rise.

Ignoring Etho, he headed for the office he'd made at the opposite side of the fort. Etho caught the door before it closed, watching Bdubs lean against the wall and look through the small window.

  “Etho, do you trust me?” Bdubs asked with a sigh, brows furrowed.

“You are.. you're still red.” Etho swallowed. He wasn't really going to soften his words, he had to be clear. “I said I'd make this work but-”

Bdubs' face was hot with anger, tense but contained as he struggled to hold himself together. “Why are you making this so hard for us?”

He didn't know what to say, standing in the doorway in that moment. Bdubs simply looked at him with his fists clenched.

  Etho quietly stepped into the room, as if that would change anything. When Bdubs stepped closer, he flinched in response. There was a twinge of upset in Bdubs' chest, but part of him was almost amused. Amused that his status was swaying Etho because he thought he was a threat. But Etho saw the twitch of a smile on his face, and kept his ground instead. No, there was no way he was going to let Bdubs' think he had the upper hand. He still had two lives left- Bdubs had one. And Bdubs desperately wanted him.

  “Bdubs, come on...” Etho looked down, watching him try his hardest to contain that anger.

Bdubs huffed, “What- what? You can't kill me. You're yellow, you can't kill me, I- I got control here, you know that.”

Etho felt Bdubs grab him by the collar, pulling him to his level.

“Are you threatening me right now?” Etho asked. “Because I can kill you, if this is what you're doing...”

“N-no, of course not.” His smirk wavered for a moment. He was getting cocky, but he was intimidated by Etho. “I mean, I almost want to kill you. You are making it very tempting.”

Etho furrowed his brows, annoyed by the hesitance as he looked into Bdubs' eyes. “Well, you certainly have me in the right place to do that...”

  There was a mix of anger and tension and desperation- Bdubs wasn't exactly sure what feeling was at the front of his mind when he pulled down that mask. Maybe he did want to kill Etho but.. he couldn't do that. Still, there was something he had to get out. Bdubs was suddenly up against Etho, pulling him closer and pressing their lips together. There was a moment before their lips touched where Bdubs could swear Etho leaned in first..

However much one would assume Bdubs always had a physical disadvantage, he led this strong- eagerly pushing his tongue against Etho's. They stood there in the room, roughly shifting back and forth until Bdubs paused for a moment to force Etho towards the wall. Their break from the kiss was brief, as Bdubs was swift in making sure Etho had no out, putting his hands against the wall on either side of him.

  He ignored Etho when he seemed to part his lips to say something or take a breath, only taking it as another opening. Bdubs leaned into him, straddling Etho's hips as he kept himself steady. His heart was beating so fast, thrumming against his chest even harder as he felt Etho grip his thighs to hold him up. Bdubs moved his hands from the wall, over to Etho's face where he took control and held him closer. There were seconds for a break to breathe, allowing Bdubs to get a look at Etho's blushing face and half-lidded eyes.

Etho felt himself tremble when Bdubs went back in, feeling him grind against him. There was a tug, a bite at his lip as Bdubs continued to direct him. In that moment Etho wanted to let go of whatever control he had wanted- but his head was getting muddy, his thoughts were all over the place... he needed to stop this no matter how he felt.

  “Bdubs-” Etho panted, turning his face away. “Bdubs, I.. stop, stop.”

The room made of snow had never felt so hot before.

Bdubs exhaled, stepping away as he felt himself come down from the adrenaline. “S..sorry. Sorry I-” He swallowed hard, “I- we.. we can't do this. We can't do this. You're right.”

  Neither of them liked this- Bdubs felt he was a burden, Etho didn't trust him.. and yet neither wanted to leave. If they stuck together it wouldn't be good. There was no hate, just unending devotion and overwhelming need... But the game didn't care about that.

  The silence felt infinite until Bdubs walked past Etho and back towards the door.

“Go.. go find Ren and all of 'em.” Bdubs said, “You should be with the yellows, you can trust them. I'll be around.”

“Can I... find you when I end up red?”

“If I'm not dead by then, sure.”

  There was something painful about saying it that way. He had less chances than Etho, and only his own... it was hard to say he'd stay alive much longer. Etho could do well without him, Bdubs felt. He'd stay alive without him. He had people he could trust because they were yellow, not him. He was one step away from a game over and all he was doing was pulling Etho down, threatening him with a quicker end. He'd take the rest of the season with a horrible heartache if it meant Etho not dying because of him.

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

The moment could easily slip through your fingers- but what if it didn't? What if you were quick enough? Etho sends his life off to Bdubs the moment he sees Lizzie's death message. Just in time.

Part 1 of my Last Life AU where Bdubs lives. Read it all on the Ao3 link above! The first part is also under the cut here, though.

Bdubs didn't fumble on the kill, a miracle. Of course he didn't, he was doing it for Etho. However, he still hadn't hadn't gotten out of this situation. Clambering over the ridge the moment he killed Lizzie and ducking the fire of arrows from Joel and Grian- this didn't look good for him. Their shouts were muffled in his ears as he focused on just running. Running and running. But in his excitement for finishing his goal, he'd only realized moments into his escape that he was at a poor position. They were so close to the world border, and Bdubs was finding himself pinned up against it as the two other red lifes started to cover his exits.

  There was a squeeze of anxiety at his chest, turning back to look at his perpetrators. Another sting, another arrow. Tearing them from his body, he continued trying to move along the side of the hill and away but it only gave further openings for a hit. Bdubs gasped and tumbled as one pierced his side, desperately trying to keep himself out of range but it wasn't going to work. Dread was hitting, realizing he wasn't going to make it. He wasn't going to see Etho, he wasn't going to run back gleefully to tell him how he killed a red life.

   The narrow tunnel was suddenly tense. A sense of urgency hit all of them the moment that Lizzie's death message came.

  “Are you sending him a life?” Scott spoke up, “Do you think-”

“I am- I'm sending him a life.” There was a waver in Etho's voice as he focused on just getting that command typed.

“But what if he-” Cleo started to speak but was promptly cut off.

“I'm sending it, it doesn't matter.”

  A pause. The life was sent.

   The thrumming of his heart, the heat of his wounds, the blurring vision- Bdubs was overwhelmed by the sensations of death ready to take him. Those arrows were coming in hard and he couldn't focus on anything any longer. Bdubs leaned against the hillside, aching and tired. And then it came- the jingle, the indication receiving a life flashing before his eyes. He didn't even process it as it happened.

  Less than a second to feel relief, less than a second for that new yellow name to show, before one more arrow was shot into his back. Less than a second to glance down at who. Who sent it. He'd gained a life, but he couldn't recover from the damage already dealt. He couldn't save himself. He could only fall to the final arrow as he lost that final heart. There was darkness once more, but not for good.

  Nearly stumbling from his bed in shock, Bdubs' mind was a whirl. So was the chat- the immense confusion in Bdubs' death message showing a yellow name instead of red had everyone wondering what happened in those final moments. It had almost been one moment too late for him. He'd just about accepted the reality that he failed. But now he was alive, respawning in the comfort of that white fort. Familiar walls, no matter how much they'd crumbled- he thought he'd never see them again.

  Perhaps he did fail, though. The smile on his face from realizing he wasn't out of the game faltered when he realized he still died. From red, to yellow, back to red in the blink of an eye. But he was alive... He was alive and Etho gave him that life. That still meant something. He had no idea where he was now, who he was with, but by god did he need to find him.

  <BdoubleO100> Etho

<BdoubleO100> snow fort

  There was no way Bdubs was going back to his gear. Suddenly his remaining life felt so much more terrifying than before. He truly was fighting death this season, and he felt like all he could do was wait for Etho. Though he wasn't sure what the other could do... but Bdubs couldn't find any sense of direction without him.

  <Etho> im coming

  He let himself be distracted pacing the base, grabbing what he could. Trying to push off the anxiety bubbling under his chest as he waited for Etho. He could be happy, or mad. Hopefully not mad. But Bdubs was alive. That's what they both wanted... Etho made that clear- he wanted them to stay together. This wasn't what they planned but, maybe it could work out still. It had to work out, after all this death.

  The sound of voices could be heard- multiple voices. Part of him should've been cautious to approach, but he had to see. He rushed down the wooden planks that lined the walls, glancing over the snow as he got closer and closer. They were muttering something, but he didn't care.

“Etho?” Bdubs called out, leaning over the top of the wall as he looked down. Etho, Cleo, Scott, and Ren were all standing there.

They all shut up the moment they saw him.

“... Hi, Bdubs.” Etho looked up. The edge of uncertainty in his voice greatly contrasted the wide grin on Bdubs' face.

“Um, well- come in! Come inside-” Bdubs starts, “I- I killed a red life and uh, I'm not dead.”

There was silence as the group glanced at each other.

Etho spoke up again. “Yeah- I... I mean. You are red again, so...”

“Its crazy you got that life in time,” Scott joins in, “but you're hostile. Like... we can't- we can't team with you.”

Ren nodded along. “Exactly. I'm glad you didn't die on red but, you're... still red.” Bdubs looks to Cleo, who crosses their arms as they stand there. “No, no- we can't. I... don't think we should... plus, you seem to die a lot anyways.”

  The barrage of claims, the short awkward laughs, the glances away from Bdubs when he tried to catch their sight... This wasn't good, this wasn't what he wanted.

“But I.. I killed Lizzie! To prove I was loyal.” Bdubs said, interrupting whatever they were deciding about him.

“You killed Lizzie to get Etho's life.” Scott added quickly. “And then.. you died anyways! Now Etho's yellow and you don't even have another life.”

Etho gave a short glance towards Scott, uncomfortable.

“Etho, come on!” Bdubs stared down at Etho, starting to get frustrated. “I couldn't help dying!”

“Uh, yeah.. I...” He sighed. The hint of desperation from Bdubs made Etho shift awkwardly. “Let's talk, okay?”

Still not a good sentence to hear, but better than nothing. “Okay- okay! Yes let's.. let's talk about this.”

  Bdubs starts to walk off without even regarding the group Etho came with. Etho looks back at them, feeling the uncertainty in the air.

“Guys, Bdubs won't kill me..” He waves them off. “I'll... come find you later, though.”

   His mind would not slow down. Etho was here, he was here. He was alive- it is exactly what they both wanted. Whatever the colours of their names implied, it wasn't on his mind. But when he turned to look at Etho, as they stood at the door way to their room, he was remembering this wasn't as peachy and smooth as he wanted to think.

  There was still a softness in Etho's eyes when he looked at Bdubs. The fact that Bdubs was so happy to not be dead- and he felt the same for the most part. But Internally he was fighting himself. The red name above Bdubs' head was real. Bdubs being alive was just as real. Which one mattered more?

  Suddenly, he couldn't bear to look at him, his mind was going off in all directions.

Bdubs noticed Etho turn away slightly, and that anxiety grew a little more. “Etho?”

“Yeah?” Etho's arms were crossed, clenched tight against himself.

He didn't know what to say. “I... I know I'm red but-”

“You- you weren't supposed to be red...” Etho interrupted, sounding annoyed. “I gave you the life and I thought... Well, I can't be with you like this, you know.”

  Bdubs thought he would just be upset hearing that, but anger sparked in him instead.

“Oh, are you upset you wasted your life on me then?” Bdubs started, stepping forward. “I'm alive! You said- you said we could be together if I killed one of them!”

Etho turned his head to look at Bdubs over his shoulder, glaring. The look made Bdubs stop himself from saying more.

“I'm not mad, Bdubs.” Despite that, Etho's voice had raised a bit. “You've died so many times... I got you out of your red life so many times.”

“But we.. we have to be together.” Bdubs struggled to push past the tightness in his throat. “I know I'm red- I know. But we can still make this work.”

“No, we can't.” Etho stiffly walked past him and down the stairs.

It took a moment before Bdubs went after him. “Why- why the heck did you come over here then?”

Etho felt Bdubs' grip land on his shoulder, forcing him to stop and look at him.

“Did you just come here to tell me you weren't gonna stay with me anyways? After saying you would?” It was hard to parse whether his voice wavered with anger or desperation, and Bdubs' didn't care at this point what he showed. He felt betrayed, that was fact.

“Bdubs...” His brows creased in concern.

“I would've died without you!” Bdubs looked up at Etho. “I- didn't you want me alive? At all?”

Etho put his hands against Bdubs, as if prepared to push him away. “..I did. You know I want you alive.”

Bdubs face shifted, lips tight, anger faltering. He stepped a little closer to Etho and the other didn't seem to stop him in that moment.

“We're both close to dead, Bdubs.” Etho spoke quietly, delicately. “I can't continue trying to keep you alive. And you gotta follow the rules, too.”

“I don't want to follow the rules.” There was a building excitement in Bdubs' voice as he tried to shake himself out of whatever negative feelings were filling him up. “I want to break the rules. So we can stay together.”

Etho studied that wild grin on Bdubs' face, one he was quite familiar with. “You're on your last life, Bdubs. You're not gonna get anymore- because everyone's running out.”

“I know, I know,” Bdubs patted Etho in reassurance, “but please, let's just... make this work.”

  The tension hadn't left the air still.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”