omo-queer

[omo-queer]

Suddenly remembered Dale Cooper's canonical holding kink from one of the official tie-in Twin Peaks books. I did not know this was a even a thing when I first read the book. Needless to say I was um. Intrigued

[omo-queer]

no!! penetrative sex will kill the patient. she needs 3 hrs fully clothed grinding and making out to live

[omo-queer]

im trying to get my fingers wet and play an angel’s halo like a wine glass but i can’t get a good sound because she keeps shaking and cumming when i rub my damp fingers on it. what do i do about that

[omo-queer]

hi :3 lets start off with something easy. 24 hours, youre not allowed to use specifically a toilet of any kind. starting now. :3

":)" I say, having gone onto tumblr immediately upon waking up and mere minutes from driving to a fairgrounds where I'll be spending my entire day with friends and family. "Hmm! Maybe I shouldn't be logging onto tumblr so often"

(24 hour toilet ban starts at 8:45 am, I took out my morning piss in the sink)

[omo-queer]

That one extremely neutered "Kinktober" event including a rule that any CNC-related works have to have a mandatory aftercare scene for the submissive party but not for the dominant... it really just spells it all out, doesn't it?

[omo-queer]

having someone reach into my pants and make fun of me for the way i immediately whimper and buck up into their touch would fix me, i think

[omo-queer]

Oh, you *need* to cum?

Well, in that case, I'm pretty excited to see what happens if you don't.

[omo-queer]

I havent been on tumblr much, so i missed when it happened, but im glad u were able to decide to back out of denial for now. kink can be fun but when its not anymore.... yeah. u encouraged me when I had to end my denial for similar reasons, so I wanted to reach out n say this much, n that i hope things continue to improve with that new perspective u mentioned 💕

~ sayorithot 🍒

hey friend! it's good to hear from you. and it's been nice to have people say the kinds of things to me i know i would say to someone else if they were struggling with something similar to what i was posting about... i need to value my own well-being the same way i encourage others to value theirs. so thank you for reaching out and being so kind to me 🤍

i can say with certainty that things regarding my relationship with my body and sexuality are continuing to improve..... i'm..... hey. has masturbation been this good this whole time and i've just been doing it the wrong way? like an idiot?? i'm unironically thinking of retiring my "i never talk about my genitals" rule just so if there's anyone else out there with the same configuration/hormone combo i have and they haven't tried what i'm doing i can encourage them to give it a go.

[omo-queer]

hey, I don't believe we've ever interacted before but, I just wanna say, it's *okay* to take a break to take care of yourself. Dysphoria can be a real bitch, if you ever need an ear, please feel free to reach out 😊

thank you 🤍

dysphoria really can be a motherfucker... and it's amazing what the mind can say "that's a tomorrow problem" about for years at a time...... and it's amazing how suddenly all of that can catch up to you haha

it has been so nice hearing people reach out and show support throughout this... i had sort of anticipated i would put out those ventposts and get radio silence outside of a couple people i had established long-term online kink blog friendships with like ash and cherry—who of course did show up and i'm very grateful to my piss blog comrades—but i've been really encouraged by the outpouring of support from folks who haven't been around as long, or who i haven't interacted with much back and forth before. it's incredibly heartening.

[omo-queer]

hey. your denial isn't that important. grand scheme wise. your well being is tho. dont apologise, you dont owe us shit, just do what makes you happy

you're damn right.

as someone whose relationship with sex and kink is very focused on the pleasure of others, i actually had already beaten a lot of the apologizing out of the prose of my posts as i was going through that, if you can believe it. but clearly, just by the asks and comments and support i've gotten as i've been sorting this out, there are people in my audience who know what's up and care about me. and if there's someone who reads those posts and says "but they owed me [this or that thing]" then like. fuck 'em.

i would think that way about anyone else, so why shouldn't i think that way about myself? i'm in the scene being run, too.

[omo-queer]

I think of this like safewording- you don’t have anything to apologize for since you did nothing wrong. if anything I’m proud of you for putting yourself and your health first, both mental and physical. sending much love from one trans person to another, I hope you feel better soon <3

you're very right about that, anon. and like safewording, it was important that i did it, even though tapping out and saying i couldn't keep going felt awful in the moment. i had a lot of my emotions very tighly bound up in the ideas i had about denial and self-control. and all that stuff is very hot but i needed to put the persona aside for a minute and take care of myself.

i'm so glad i did, too. i still have a long road ahead of me, but for a bunch of reasons i feel so much better now. acknowledging the dysphoria made it feel completely insurmountable at first but after a bit of experimentation it's way more manageable now that i know what i'm dealing with rather than just walling it out of my conscious thought and suffering indirectly from it.

so thank you, anon <3

[omo-queer]

take some time to look after yourself. stay safe, and if you want to continue our conversation once you're feeling better, just answer if and when you're ready, if ever, okay?

-💋

including both of your asks here anon bc i wasn't responding to many asks during the worst of it earlier this week

thank you so much!! things are seemingly a lot better—i'm still grappling with a lot of complicated feelings and, admittedly, scared about the fact this probably means i should pursue surgery, but just admitting to myself that i was feeling the dysphoria that i think i had been suppressing really hard to make it through... other stuff... has opened up my relationship with sex and masturbation in a way i didn't know was possible.

a follow-up to that ask you had sent before i started spinning off the rails will probably happen the next time i'm horny but not immediately having several orgasms in a row about it for at least long enough to like. type something.

[omo-queer]

did i just cum so hard i swapped personalities

[omo-queer]

just want to post a little update.

ending denial—as one person in my askbox aptly said, basically safewording out of the scene—let me stop thinking about parts of my body i'm uncomfortable about quite so much. and uh. it also turns out acknowledging your dysphoria and working with it in mind when masturbating can really make you see stars, if you're anything like me.

like i had six mind-bending orgasms in the span of a couple hours last night... each better than the last..... what the hell have i been missing out on masturbating how i used to... what's wrong with blogger are they stupid

because i'm so much less freaked out and miserable, and because i'm engaging with my own body in ways that're new to me... there might not be that much of a gap as i had anticipated i might have had to take. i don't think i'll be doing self-denial any time soon, but..... well, i like to masturbate while using tumblr, after all, and it seems like i have some new tech to refine on that front.

still definitely not doing 100% but wow does a little change of approach make a difference. and to everyone who commented, sent an ask, liked... from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being so kind. i was blown away by how sweet my mutuals and followers were, especially given that i was basically saying "hey here's a sequence of posts where i completely spin out. oh by the way i'm gonna vanish for an indeterminate amount of time since my brain stopped letting me feel ok about this." i've been really fortunate to gather such a sweet and caring little community here in Weird Kinks World... it really brings a tear to my eye.

and any masochists looking at this thinking "oh gosh i'm glad they're safe but the denial was making them so sadistic" don't worry... i'm still plenty sadistic even when i'm allowed to cum, even if i don't quite have the same frenzied quality to me.

[omo-queer]

yeah, i don't think i'm in a headspace to continue my long-term denial. apologies to all of you who were following along, but being physiologically horny constantly isn't something i think i can take right now. i'm sure i'll return to denial, it's something i love doing, but i'm just struggling way too much with the dysphoria i've unearthed to continue on with it.

i'm not abandoning or deactivating my blog or anything, but i'll probably be a little less active here for a while. it all just hurts too much.

[omo-queer]

I just want to let you know that if you ever did have to stop your denial game, we'd only tease you as much as you wanted, but nothing past that. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and needing to take a break or stop the kink shouldn't feel like failure. we want you to feel good about how bad you feel in every moment, and there are a lot of days in the calendar to reschedule. That's how this works :) I'm sure you know all that but I just wanted to reiterate that. For all the fetish talk about being nothing more than a tool or a vessel, you are still a person behind the screen and that's who I'm supporting!

I'm not saying all this to like, convince you to stop your denial game. Just letting you know that we'd understand and be here either way. But that if you DO feel okay continuing the game on, we'll support that too!

haha i should've known you'd read between the lines on that... ash you know me too well

continuing the streak of uncharacteristic public vulnerability on here recently, i... i just don't know if i want to keep at it. i mean, i want to keep doing this denial stuff because it's fun, but i also am struggling with the dysphoria-inducing aspects of like. being horny. edging by touching myself sometimes. the physical experience of having a body in denial is, when it comes down to it, something that makes you think about sex and in some regards your genitals. and having opened the pandora's box (heh... there's some kind of genital pun there) of letting myself think about bottom dysphoria and potentially even the idea of getting surgery to remedy it... well, maybe it'll wind down a bit and i won't be so high strung about that stuff even if i don't have an immediate solution. maybe it won't, but i think it's likely it will.

i'm going to let things cool down a bit emotionally and hopefully get into a less out-of-control headspace about things before making any decisions like ending the denial thing early. i don't like to make big decisions when i feel like i'm in total free-fall unless i have to.

[omo-queer]

fuck

i just rode the razor sharp tip of the edge. really hard. for. a while.

like take all stimulation away and many seconds later you're still desperately trying not to ruin hard.

that was a real test of my self-control but i made it

i need to tie someone down and make them strain and thrash until their body can't take it anymore (holding, pain, edging, forced orgasms, they can pick their poison[s] and i can pick the dose) or something fuck i have. a lot of sexual frustration to vent