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onlysofarfromhell · 8 years ago

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Commissioned from an artist on Lioden, name to be added later. As well as the story behind the picture written by both of us.

Returning to bad habits, relapsing, dragging himself back down into the black abyss of an opiate high wasn’t what he meant to do when he went out the weeks before. He knew better. He knew what would happen if he went out with Daniel and Oz, but he still went and fucked it all up. His progress of six months down the drain in a instance of reckless stupidity. A slow ragged sigh, dulled by the high of his pill intake, slips from chapped lips as his feet move valiantly forward in front of him, toes of his boots dragging sluggishly against the gritty concrete, his movements swaying from side to side. He stumbles up the few steps to the front porch, the two wooden planks tripping him up as he shuffles over to the door. Seth leans heavily against the aged wood, fingertips trailing and picking at the peeling paint along the edge of the frame with a chipped finger nail, pupils blown wide, blinks slow and sleepy like.

With shaking hands and a sense of trepidation he turns the dented handle, shoves the door open on slightly squeaky hinges, and steps in on weak legs. He struggles and curses, breathless, trying to remove his illy tied boots, smacking into the hall wall a few times before losing a bit of his temper and kicking relentlessly until the worn footwear flies from his foot and crashes into the side table stationed by the front door. Seth huffs, breaths coming in short shallow pants as nausea rises up from the depth of his stomach, cold sweat beading his brow. He stands there, hunched with trembling knees and clenched fingers, fighting down the sudden and violent urge to vomit on the already stained carpet.

Mumbles, disjointed with no meaning leave Seth while he fights himself down the hall toward the living room, wanting to make it at least to the kitchen for some water. He pauses here and there, alert as he can get himself to be to watch out for the kids or Jack moving about the house, wrestling with the nausea, dizzyness, and guilt that has settled heavily in his chest. The second doorway is as far as he makes it before he loses the fight to control his stomach. Bile, thick and sour, rolls up his throat and out over his tongue, choking him up, making him gag even more. Seth stands there panting and retching, waiting until he can move again on his own.

———–

Several weeks, several weeks he had been gone. Seth had to be out of his damn mind thinking that Jack was stupid enough to not know what he was out doing. Dear god, left alone to try and control five kids, most of them teenagers, plus fight off his own bouts of depression and nightmares. Hands moved the brush through his hair neatly, untangling it before deft fingers began twisting the black hair up into a braid as he sat on the old couch in the living room. Jack kept his feet pulled up under him as he stared almost blankly at the wall opposite of him in the room. A nightly habit since Seth decided to pull his fucking magical disappearing act. He’d feed the kids, get them all to bed, then spend the next two hours sitting in the living room and listening to the noise of Brooklyn outside the house while waiting. Jack spared a glance at the clock and sighed softly, it was nearing three hours of silence, and stretched to stand up.

It was the very quiet, muffled sound of steps being taken after the heavy sound of something hitting an object near the front door. “Neo, i’m not up for talking. If you’re here to tell me to just drop Seth again then please just go…” He sighed at the sound of mumbling and a quiet voice before looking up as a shadow passed the doorway and froze up. Jack could tell from the hunched frame, shuffling, tripping steps, and heaving wretches that it definitely wasn’t Neo. His friend was graceful and stood tall, this was someone else entirely. The faint burnt sugar smell keyed him in and brought a sneer to his face, twisting his lips into something savage as he fluidly stood up. “Welcome back, how was your two to three week vacation from responsibility? I hope it was fan fucking tastic considering you’ve probably been higher than a kite, Seth.” Jack spat out each word like they were bitter pills.

Jack crossed his arms and waited till the sound of violent gagging stopped, he almost hoped he choked on the vomit that seemed stuck in his throat. Grey eyes narrowed and ice cold, his entire posture tense as he tapped his foot, grinding his toes and the ball of his foot into the stained carpet in a weak attempt to reign back in his temper. If he relapsed, if he stopped eating, if he had fucked up like this then he’d be faced with screaming and a temper that burned hotter than the sun. But here the owner of that temper, relapsing and withdrawing from his opiums. Sneaking in after weeks of being gone like it was okay. No. No no no. He wasn’t gonna baby him and play the ‘it’s okay’ card. Jack couldn’t do it again, couldn’t stand by as six months went right down the drain all over again. He was irate.

———–

Seth gags and spits, heedless of the mess he’s making on the floor. His shoulders flinch inwards at the venom in Jack’s voice, side pulling uncomfortably tight across old and new bruises, all while his back straightens as a sudden surge of anger sparks up his spine at the accusing tone. Seth’s a mess. He knows he’s a mess. And he knows he fucked up, fucked up big time, but honestly was it too much to ask for Jack to stay off his back while Seth’s standing there choking on mouth fulls of bile? He coughs again, tongue running and sliding over teeth, baring his canines down at the floor in an attempt to rein his temper back in. It’s useless though and he knows it without a doubt. The waves of anger are already working on pulling him under and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

Blue-grey eyes look up from between the blonde dreads that hang down across his bowed face, loose strands of tangled, grimy hair stick and plaster themselves to his face and neck, helped to be there by the sweat that’s broken out over his whole body. He can hear the air conditioner kick on in the background. The vent directly above them gives a weak rattling groan before a cold blast of air kicks out to chill Seth’s fevered flesh even further. He shivers, a full body movement that cracks his spine and locks up his knees, before forcing himself to stand to his full height. Well, as close as standing completely straight as he ever gets. He’s still slouched slightly, a couple inches shorter than Jack is where he stands.

There’s a mistake being made here and he knows whose it is but refuses to acknowledge that it’s his. For once, in a long long time, Seth is lying to himself and those around him by ignoring the obvious. “Fuck off.” Seth snarls at Jack, a sense of unease settles over the back of his mind but the opiates have control, the fuzzy, hazy feeling of the over abused meds dulling rational though. He glares at Jack, a look bordering on hatred. He briefly entertains the thought of trying to slip past Jack to reach their room but discards it in favour of dealing with the problem at hand. Seth’s numb except for the anger, unable to feel his body, if it’s in any real pain he can’t tell. Distantly he’s glad for it.

———–

Jack reeled back at the vicious tone and the look he received from Seth. His temper was no longer a pulling in the back of his mind but a vicious bit in the forefront that made him bare his teeth right back. How dare he act like he was the one being attacked.So rarely he lashed out against Seth, he’d normally back down and cry but not today. Not with the buildup of anger so prominent from being left alone. “Ohhh, I’m so sorry. Does it hurt you poor baby? Maybe you should fucking think before you act! You left me here to take care of the kids while you were off eating your pills and fucking off with your friends!” He spat out the words and stalked forward, shoulders pulled in and head held high. He shoved passed Seth and pulled out his phone, he refused to stay here and deal with Seth going through withdrawals. “I’m calling Neo and I’m taking the kids with me to stay at his house till your done with…this bullshit.”

Jack moved into the room in an attempt to cut off this conversation before it grew out of hand. His fingers deftly typing out a message to Neo without looking up. Snatching up his backpack from beside the bed, he stuffed in some clothes and an extra pair of shoes along with his anti depressants. He was trying to hurry before Seth decided to come down the hall too keep fighting.

———–

Seth growls back in response, the act pulling a sharp almost feral look on his face. He stalks down the hall after Jack, feet still slipping and fumbling over each other, right hand trailing along the wall to help keep his balance even more. His mind is in turmoil, chaotic thoughts tumbling and spinning into each other before collapsing and being born anew in a recycling pattern. All current thoughts focused on one thing, Neo. It always seemed to come back to Neo. He was Jack’s escape goat and Seth was sick of it. He’s so far gone into the numbness Seth can’t even tell the dangerous ground he’s about to tread on. “Crawling back to Neo again, Jack?” Seth all but purrs, voice dripping with a poison so sweet it was sickening. “Always going back to him.” This time it’s a near snarl.

Seth’s propped up in the doorway, elbow braced against the inside of the wall as he blocks the door, the only exit to the bedroom. He’s glowering, the expression darkening his whole demeanor. There’s warning bells ringing deep in his brain but they’re dim and distant and Seth’s currently not listening. The alarms give a sharp prick of alarm before he shoves it aside and moves forward anyways, hand wrapping around Jack’s left wrist in a firm grip. “You can’t leave.”

———–

The phone chiming in response to his last text made him lift the device just as Seth moved into the doorway. He gave a short reply and looked up after sending it at the nearly purred words and flinches with widening eyes before narrowing them. “How dare you. Maybe I wouldn’t have to get him to come get me if you wouldn’t pull these stunts.” He hissed out between clenched teeth, stepping back slightly as soon as the realization of being stuck in the room wormed its way in. He didn’t like the feeling of being trapped in here at all, fingers curling around his phone before stuffing it in his pocket.

He kept packing even after hearing the comment of always going back to Neo. He knew what he did, but what did he care? It wasn’t like Neo wasn’t a good friend, he was flaky but always pulled through just like Dike. Jack didn’t even hear him cross the room till the feeling of a hand wrapping around his wrist jerked him back to glare at Seth viciously. “Says who? I can leave if I want Seth, you can’t force me to stay asshole. Neo’s on his way to pick me and the kids up.”

———–

He catches sight of the phone, alert light blinking with a waiting message, and snarls, the sound carrying from deep within his chest before Jack shoves the device back in his pocket out of sight. There’s no doubt in his mind that it’s from Neo and Jack’s words only confirms it a hundred percent. Jack’s first statement comes back to mind and Seth hisses, eyes narrowed dangerously. “What stunts Jack? You think I went out and got shit faced and fucked up on purpose? You think I fuckin planned to do this?” Seth’s practically yelling at this point, voice gravely and dark, free hand waving through the air aimlessly. He releases the grip he has on Jack’s wrist, only just realizing he was probably putting bruises on Jack, to pace wobbly around the room.

His mood only darkens further at the Jack’s mention of taking the kids with him to Neo’s. “You. Can’t. Leave.” Each word emphasised by a finger pointing directly at Jack’s chest. And he most definetely wasn’t taking the kids with him to Neo’s to spend all their time around Neo’s two monstrous children Toni and Max. He couldn’t let Jack and the kids leave. Seth was sorry he screwed up but he didn’t think it was that bad. At least he didn’t bring any of it back with him. . well the stolen pill bottle in his pants pocket wasn’t nothing but he could get rid of that easily, just a simple flush down the toilet and bam it was over.

———–

The deep snarl was felt in his bones and would normally make him back up and try to hide but the grip on his wrist kept him in place and made his delicate wrist bones grind together painfully. “Oh boo hoo you fucker. You knew, you knew what would happen when you went out. I didn’t plan it my ass so fuck off. Back off. And let go.” He ground out, trying to keep his voice level and back away. He picked up his backpack and shouldered it. Jack stiffened when the fingers nearly touched his chest and the words were put with it. Something small snapped in him and he lashed out, not registering till afterwards that he had hit Seth full force with the open palm of his hand.

“How dare you! I CAN and will LEAVE when I want. I WILL take the kids because your still fucked and god knows who or what you brought home.” He yelled back, skittering closer to the wall and trying to make his way around Seth and out of the room.

———–

Seth’s face stings momentarily from the amount of force Jack puts behind the slap before the drugs rush in to numb it once again. His cheek throbs once, twice, then fades into an afterthought, leaving behind a dark rush of rage that sets his chest alight with fire, something twisted and cruel unfurling from the back of his throat. Venomous words crowd his tongue and there’s nothing he can do to stop them from spilling out, all attempts of mentally reaching out and stopping the onslaught is all for nought. “I didn’t plan on going out and ending up like this but maybe, maybe, I should of. What’s it fuckin matter? This is how we always end up, ‘m I right, Jack?” Seth waves a hand between the two of them, Brooklyn accent thickening in his anger as he advances on Jack as his boyfriend backs out of the room, backpack over his shoulder.

“Just two fuckin messes tha’ do nothin but fuck each other up. You ain’t much better than I am. Abusin’ your meds. Meds you’re prescribed ta help you, right Jack? Right?” Seth hunches down head lowered with eyes peeking through blonde dreads, not in a defensive posture but one his friends know as an offensive one, like a ram on the attack. “You’re just as big of ah mistake as I am. We’ nothin but fuckin mistakes.” He’s yelling and snarling now, stalking after Jack with what seems to be hate in his eyes, straddling the line between ‘normal’ and ‘blackout’ with very little control over his current

———–

Jack continued to slowly back away and raised his hands slightly almost to act like a barrier, grey eyes wide as he shook his head. “No. No no no, I’m not a fuck up, I’m not. I-I only overtake to make me happy. I’m not like you, I don’t end up a bipolar mess willing to hurt others like you are! I try to get better but you seem to want to stay on your opiates and let me deal with everything else!” He screamed back, closing his hands into fists and turning his back on Seth and trying to block out his words as he spoke, pulling out his phone instead to check it before moving towards the living room again.

He set his backpack down on the worn couch and set down himself, playing with his phone and trying to ignore Seth the best he could as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks. Jack didn’t believe that Seth was a fuck up or a mistake so hearing him say that they both we’re fuckups made him hurt. He curled his knees to his chest and started at the door to the hallway where he had left Seth in. His shoulders trembled and hands shaking as he tapped out words on his screen before putting it away and digging out the prescription anti depressants with a sneer marring his features. Jack broke the cap opening them and tossed the pills to the floor scattering them. “There, yuh happy now? Go ahead and crush them, I guess it’s better to you when I’m a crying mess right? Right, Seth? I guess I don’t deserve some happiness do I? You’re just like Trent!” He screamed, entire frame shaking and tears spilling over his cheeks as he pressed himself further into the couch.

———–

Seth trails after Jack as he retreats from the bedroom to the living room, mind in turmoil. Jack was right and Seth knew it. He did have a hard time trying to quit the opiates, they did make him violent and prone to lashing out more than normal, physically and verbally, an anchor weight tight around his throat in everyday life. His brow furrows as he glares down at his feet, a quick biting remark perched on the tip of his tongue held there by only the smallest sense of self preservation and heavy shame his remaining rational mind shoves at him. He flinches back from the doorway at Jack yelling and flinging his anti depressants to the ground, small white pills scattering across the carpet like spilled buttons. His mind short circuits at the accusation. Seth’s nothing like him. He’s not. Only his traitorous mind whispers softly that he is. Comparing what Trent did to Jack and what Seth is doing now is bordering the same abuse, toeing a fragile, jagged line that cuts from both sides.

All of a sudden he can’t breathe. Jack’s tear streaked face is overlaid in front of his eyes, words ringing with a sort of finality in his ears. He’s going to be fucking sick again because Jack is right. Again. Always. Jack is always right about these things. Seth’s just like Trent and he has no idea what to do about it. He hovers just outside the living room, wanting to go in but daring not to. Out of fear or shame, Seth’s not sure anymore. Instead he backs away, leaving Jack to himself in the living room, though it doesn’t allow him to escape the sound of Jack’s muffled cries as he makes his way up stairs.

A flicker of movement near the furthest room has him turning, still slightly wobbly from the earlier vomiting session. Two pairs of disapproving green eyes stare back. Amy has a tight, pinched look on her face, lips pressed in a flat white line, jaw set tightly as she leans with folded arms against the bannister starring Seth down. Beside her stands Andy looking just as grim if a little calmer. Neither of the kids say a word as they brush by him down the stairs to find bags to pack.

#jackandseth #relapse #drugs #meds

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