ourthreadsoflife

[ourthreadsoflife]

LOVE (uncluttered)

Love

Uncluttered

Leave it to the “smartest” species to misconstrue, adulterate, weaponize the cradle of life - Love.

An emotion that is empowering (freeing) in its purest form, love is disabling (scary/daunting) in equal measure when twined with doubt (sometimes even a spec of doubt is enough, depending on one’s baggage(s)).

It is too high a kick not to flirt with Love’s extremes (and boy, do we flirt). When we know that someone else needs something from us and we can gate keep that need, we invariably abuse that position, and we feed on that sense of control. We just can’t help ourselves, and we indulge. My humble request to people who meet these gate keepers is not to feed their false sense of control and their derived ego, we are their enablers, the sooner we learn this individually and collectively the better for the world around us. Small changes collectively will yield the desired results, but we need to realize we all matter. We succumb to these gate keepers (becoming the abused) and the reason why these gate keepers (the abusers) indulge in gate keeping is because of Doubt [^]. Doubt makes home in us when we shutout our own voice or fail to identify our voice. We need to learn to value our voice, then we will learn to value ourselves, and then we learn to love ourselves. Then again, we need to realize it is a journey and be patient with ourselves [^^].

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." – Aristotle

“Knowing you helps me to know me better.” – Your’s Truely

We often limit love to a feeling towards another person or something like music, sports, money, or travel, etc. We often don’t look beyond. We are happy with the return for our indulgence. Then we are in this loop we cannot get out of. When we make it about fleeting pleasure derived from our indulgence, that’s where we limit the possibilities of Love. Where we end up always wanting something in return from our indulgence. But if we only ask ourselves “Why?” we are drawn to something/someone, or why something/someone is drawn towards us and then listen, we might find ourselves (only if we don’t doubt the response and pay heed to it, refusing the temptations/pleasures of indulgence) [^^].

Then and only then are we truly ready to begin our journey to attain Love. Love is the only emotion that will enable us to find who we are, all other emotions are offshoots of Love, highlighting our limitations (Control, Fear, Remorse, Disappointment, Anger, Hope), feeding our distractions, encouraging overindulgence in oneself and the world at large, at a superficial level.

Sooner or later these offshoots make us feel miserable, eating into our treasured emotions and make us hate who we are and the world at large (That’s a story for another day. Let’s get back to the journey to attain Love).

All of us have been heartbroken (don’t limit this to unrequited love or being dumped). When we have worked towards something and then on D-day things don’t pan out the way we wanted them to.

That dance competition we didn’t win, that painting being spoilt by your sibling/friend, coming 2nd in class, not being selected for that sports team, and then our favourite, the one we love doesn’t feel the same way, or the worst - never thought/noticed we felt that way for them.

All these instances can either scar us and change our path or make us realize who we are and light-up the path ahead.

The only reason we feel heartbroken is because we cared and loved beyond the bounds of ourselves, that is the simple truth. That is our Truth. The outcome is a momentary set-back.

We need to register this Truth and only the truth. Not the D-day outcome. The outcome is the current reality. But the Truth is the learning. When we learn to register the truth, we will only smile.

As this truth will show us, what we want, this truth makes us pursue things beyond our current boundaries, because when we care or love deeply, we lose ourselves, and surrender to attain something that feels unattainable. We need to tread carefully here as surrender has the tendency to lead us to expectation(s) and then eventual disappointment (Bhai, Investment pe return to banta hai na… Nahin? - No).

I always pray that all of us are given the courage to choose the Truth. Because, that is the only window that will lead you to you. Everything else is doubt and will lead you to indulgence.

When we love someone, we are drawn to the qualities we seek (don’t limit the qualities to looks/features, not referring to them at all). These qualities we seek are our truth, not the person we are drawn to. Many a times the person doesn’t see these qualities in themselves (re-run the previous paragraphs to know why [^^]) and/or we have ignored the other qualities completely to suite our narrative. Either way, when things don’t pan out as envisioned, the love doesn’t vanish, does it?

That feeling, that reality, that love we felt is ours forever (only if we will to learn from it). We will smile if we embrace it as our truth, but if we avoid it and discard that reality, it will scar us forever. Remember, every time we discard our reality, we kill a part of ourselves, and replace it with something that is lesser, and unnatural to us.

The same is true when we stop doing things we love. So… never let go of the learning, learn to embrace it and only then will we find our true self.

After all this, we are only halfway through the journey. We haven’t attained Love yet. We have only understood how to find ourselves. But to attain love and be connected, we need to let go of ourselves and surrender (Wait, what? We need find ourselves and then lose ourselves?? – Yes).

Hope you are all familiar with 7 stages of Love (Sufi). They are listed below. The list seems fine except that the order seems to be incorrect (to me) and misinterpreted. I hope to believe, in 7 stages of love, Love needs to be or can be attained only at the end of the journey and not something that props up in the 3rd stage. I wish to presume, someone got this list jumbled up to dilute the essence of Love (Re-run the previous paragraphs to know why [^]).

Sufi: 7 Stages of Love                   My: 7 Stages of Love

1. Dilkashi: Attraction                  1. Dilkashi: Attraction

2. Uns: Infatuation                       2. Uns: Infatuation

3. Ishq: Love                                  3. Aqidat: Trust

4. Aqidat: Trust                             4. Ibadat: Worship/Reverence

5. Ibadat: Worship                       5. Junoon: Focused with Blinders / Nothing else matters

6. Junoon: Madness                     6. Maut: Death / Letting go of Ego and Expectation

7. Maut: Death                              7. Ishq: Love

** DISCLAIMER: Kindly refrain from limiting love as ‘love towards an individual’**

Let us go through the stages of Love:

Attraction (Dilkashi): remember any instance when a fragrance, a point of view, a concept, a person, a personality, a fact, etcetera… intrigued you, made you want to know more about that thing. This “want to know more” draw is the essence of attraction. (Any idea why you are drawn to it? Have you ever asked yourself that question? – please do, you will learn a lot about yourself). You are drawn to it because it is aligned with what you feel in your own core being, what your being finds beautiful. Please for heaven’s sake do not double check yourself here. Do not let someone else’s voice induce doubt. Only exceptions being if your actions are impacting another being and be watchful you are not putting yourself in undue danger of injuries / addiction / death. As there is a thin line between being adventurous and being a fool. Listen to your gut instincts. Have your red-flags ready especially when another individual(s) is/are involved.

Infatuation (Uns): attraction induces curiosity. As we get to know more, we either move closer or move away from our attraction. We move closer when the more we learn about our attraction, we wilfully knowingly/unknowingly want to dive deeper, we want to be consumed by our attraction, simply coz the deeper we dive, we continue to find answers/assurances we have been seeking, answers/assurances that have eluded us till we chose to pursue our attraction. These interactions keep us in the blissful state. We grow fonder of our attraction as it is a source of happiness. Uns is a fragile state, where doubt is at its peak, where one red flag, one wrong step, one disturbing fact, one uncomfortable interaction can shatter the felt connection and we choose/decide consciously or unconsciously to walk-away.

But somehow if we are continued to be reassured, we either remain content with current reassured state as it is a dependable source of comfort, happiness, safety, revenue or we choose to dive deeper, as the attraction has not died down, we feel there is more beneath the surface, keeping the intrigue and the blissful state alive.

Majority of our interactions plateau in this stage. The reasons are endless, ranging from lack of compatibility with our core values/principles, life critical event, family restrictions, doubt to something as silly as a misunderstanding, but at its core it is about alignment. Every single thing needs to feel right. If it doesn’t, it is crash and burn. But if it does align, if doubt and “comfort” don’t creep in, if the attraction is sustained, then and only then infatuation transforms.

Trust (Aqidat): infatuation transforms with continuous reassurances and attraction, into Trust. It can be a skill mastered over time with practice and persistence, information tested and researched to gain knowledge, actions towards others (individual or group / directly or indirectly) or oneself builds trust. Every single action we do is because of Trust. Without trust we will not even be able to walk, talk, eat or shit. Once attained, we often take Trust for granted. Reassurances makes us complacent. That is the major pitfall. We ignore the effort, we ignore the changes, we ignore the time gone by, at our worse we demand more, we demand better, with negligible zero effort/contribution from our side. This slowly but surely erodes our trust.

But if somehow one persists through and delivers consistency, progress and innovation, then it was made possible only because one was able to float through to other stages of love, ‘Worship (Ibadat)’ and ‘Focus with Blinders’ (Junoon), this occurs unconsciously and in extreme conditions. One is unconsciously fluid between these stages, as all three stages (Aqidat, Ibadat and Junoon) feed off each-other and the line between Ibadat and Junoon is fluid.

If and when, one ensures to steer clear of distraction, doubt and apathy. They still have faith, belief and desire to deliver, then and only then do they transcend. I say they coz with consistency, excellence follows. Excellence, draws attention. Consistent excellence, garners trust of people. Then there is no longer any separation between the trusting people and deliverer, they feed off each-other, they become one entity. Trust has then blossomed.

Worship (Ibadat): when someone consistently delivers excellence, they invariably garner trust. Overtime reinforced trust garners Reverence. Then a benchmark is set. Any deviation from this benchmark invites chaos.

Any dip in consistency garners extreme reactions, as they are a collective, they are no longer an individual entity delivering results. Hence their collective reactions embodying madness.

Any milestone is a collective achievement. Reverence morphs into sainthood. Collective reactions again embodying the impractical.

In this state the individual is being revered because of their reverence and madness towards their pursuit. The only reason it is sustainable is because they have each-other. There is no room for doubt between the Worshiped and Worshiper(s). And their constant companion Chaos.

Focused with Blinders / Nothing else matters (Junoon): It’s just there it’s either positive or negative depending on its trigger. Junoon can never be sustained, but it is ever-present, it is only triggered (mostly external), then it cannot be contained. When it is triggered, it is always time for action, or it is all Fun or it rains Scary CHAOS!

But then, why this extreme reaction? Why the thin ice? Why the explosion?

When it is a collective, everything is amplified, everything is transparent. A loss raises doubt of dip in standards, a fall from grace for the Worshiped, which is unacceptable. On the other hand, a win shows promise of a new benchmark, which is overwhelming. This gets amplified/echoed by Worshiper(s). Hence the Chaos.

Death / Letting go of Ego and Expectation (Maut): The improbable. The immortals. True Legends.

Attained by a select few. They are like witnessing a shooting star. One should consider oneself lucky to witness someone in their lifetime. Have you ever witnessed anyone around you who shows-up to ensure things that need to be done are done, never make any fuss about it. Someone who is relentless and consistent. Someone with zero expectation for or from the action/task done. Someone who is immune from criticism, someone against whom no one can and will ever utter any negative. If yes, then that someone has learnt to surrender to the pursuit and have detached themselves from the outcome. For they have learnt, success and failure are not a means to an end, coz there is no end. The pursuit is never ending. This journey might have an end, but the pursuit doesn’t end, coz no one is ever in complete control and all one is supposed to do is show-up and deliver. A lesson learnt the hard way but is easily forgotten, such is life. We want to “feel alive” and we indulge in our ego, then we fail to realize how close we were to attain Love.

Love (Mohabbat/Pyar/Ishq): Only those mortals who dared to let go of their egos successfully were able to attain love. When all they wanted to do was to make sure they could add value to someone else’s life. When their predisposition is being selfless, they always manage to achieve more than what they themselves feel was beyond their abilities. Lata Mangeshkar, Mohammed Rafi, Sachin Tendulkar, Diego Maradona, Pele, Michael Jordan, Newton, Aryabhata, Meera Bai, Chhatrapati Shivaji, Bhagat Singh, Dr. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam, Onake Obavva, the makers of The Godfather, Sholay, Harry Potter, Sistine Chapel, and few many more of their ilk.

Closer to normalcy, a parent (generally a mother), a brother, a sister, a friend, a Partner, a teacher and finally a pet dog.

People who have attained Love do not generally realize their attainment. Most of us attain love fleetingly and then let doubt and expectation creep in. We need to learn to acknowledge these pitfalls and curb our natural predisposition (our survival instincts), only then can we sustain our attainment. __________________________________________________________________________________

Then again, all this feels like a rarity, feels text-bookie, and feels artsy, impractical.

Yet it is attainable, if one knows the path and its pitfalls and acknowledge Love is not attainable alone.

It feels impossible, it feels scary, to let go of our ego, then to let go of our comforts, then to let go of doubt. It is scary only coz we want to hold on to our false sense of control, as all these emotions feeds our primal instincts. End of the day it is the choices we make. These choices are made unconsciously, in line to our individual predispositions and instincts.

My only hope is to enable people around me to make these vital choices consciously. For if we don’t know the path and its pitfalls, we will never reach our goal, or even worse, we don’t realize our goal, our purpose. __________________________________________________________________________________

Love is a journey we all are blessed to experience. Few ever attain Love. Who so ever have attained love are all revered as Geniuses in their respective fields/domain by the world at large (Some lucky few are revered in their lifetime) and at an individual level they have found true happiness and companionship.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Ego and Doubt are the main inhibiters in our journey towards love. Keep a keen eye out for them.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Love is the only emotion that can bind us together. But we have been derailed, consistently.

Love’s offshoots (doubt, faith/hope, fear, remorse, disappointment, anger, ego) are weaponized by people seeking control, to garner followers in exchange of protection, prosperity, and false sense of control.

For Love in its truest form never discriminates, Love never seeks to control, Love never compares.

Love empowers us to do better for ourselves and others, Love enables us to seek things beyond our limits, Love familiarizes you with Freedom it is purest form.

We need to find our way back, we need to learn to identify these abusers and call them out. They are everywhere around, we are also one among them (as we are all silent), brushing away our responsibilities. This will need another blog to explain.

The focus above might seem to be at a collective, as in one’s journey towards love attracting many followers (one onto many or many onto one interaction). That might only be coz of my limited writing ability, vocabulary and an effort to steer clear of the generalized point of view towards “Love”, for love is all encompassing and infinite, in my view point. Hope I have conveyed my point of you across and done justice to my thoughts.

That said, the above is also true for love between two individuals. The journey is more probable between two individuals, than it is in the collective. Imagine you and your partner have let go of each-other’s Ego, where you have killed all scope of Doubt [addressing all issues without judgment] and resentment, and then you both have let go of the clutch that is the hardest of them all to let go of, Expectation. It is a continuous, tireless, at times might feel thankless pursuit [that’s when one needs to communicate, for silence/ignorance kills love]. But when you are together [sustained through communication] on this journey, it’s more fulfilling. Especially when you are Parents [in equal measure]. The journey towards Love is serene as companions.

The hardest of all is the journey of the one in unrequited love. Triggered by external stimulus, but can only be sustained by internal stimuli. One’s clarity and purity of thought is the only assured path to attainment. Clarity that there can be no expectation from the one we are in love with and this is a lonely path filled with ridicule and tearing questions by people witnessing your ‘Love’. Purity of thought is the hardest to sustain as the fight is with yourself, your self-esteem/pride, no matter how little and large an ego one carries, ego is the constant lever that triggers expectation, then invariably derailing your journey. I am not referring to our school, college crushes being sustained. I am referring to the journey of a Single Parent, a Patriot, a Priest, an Apostle, a Solder, an Activist, a Whistleblower, etc.

Which stage of love (My list) are you at?

What are the things or qualities you love?

Hope you embrace your Truth and help others to find their truth.

Hope you attain love.

[ourthreadsoflife]

Trust

                                                                T     T                                                               S          R                                                                    U                                                           …The Core…

At various levels, in various forms, our world is built on Trust, individual and mutual. We cannot function without Trust. We are calm and content with its assured presence. We are a hopeless chaotic wreck in its absence.

Even a “rudimentary ability” like walking (an ability many of us take for granted) is gained through trust. A toddler sees the world around it, where people are moving about effortlessly. It wants to imitate them and move about but it doesn’t know how. Slowly after multiple falls, it learns to walk. The toddler doesn’t understand what it has accomplished, but it has learnt to trust its legs and hands to move about, to learn more about the world it is so curious about. On the other hand its innocent eagerness unintentionally is blowing the roof off of its parents’ anxiety. Who until now only had to worry about poop and food, now have to watch every move the baby makes. Until after few years have passed by and through continued assurances, the parents learn to trust the kid to be safe within the confines of their home. Then as the kid grows, they are again are worried until their kid is accompanied with a “sensible kid” they learn or grow to trust. It goes on and on, while the effect of trust is constant. This is how trust functions, when it is action based, and when the outcome is binary. The equation is enhanced when emotions are involved, when the outcome is no longer binary. The realm of friendship, love, business, society, government, economy, community... And we muddle trust’s essence. Pacifying ourselves that our expectation(s) (which is our core grounding) are unrealistic, we teach ourselves to accept mediocrity. We learn to compromise, underestimating the repercussions.

In any relationship, blood bond or otherwise, trust is the only fabric that can hold a healthy relationship together. Anything else apart from Trust is a telltale of an unhealthy relationship. When trust is broken, the fabric tears and we either use the loose threads to bind us to the relationship, stitching up the relationship with hope (mostly false), coz we have invested time into the relationship, we don’t want another reality where this relationship doesn’t exist, we are scared of that reality, as we have to reinvest and start from scratch. We know, we should cut our losses, and start a new, but we don’t… as it is the scariest and the hardest thing to do. We generally choose the easy option, we choose false hope, and we choose the relationship. We only choose the latter when we learn to value ourselves more than the relationship. This holds true for one to one or one to many relationship(s) and even true for our relationship with ourselves.

“By the standards of the rest of the world, we overtrust. So far it has worked very well for us.” – CHARLIE MUNGER

We have moved to set the standard of trust so low that honesty and success are mutually exclusive. Results plaster over the means. Loss of lives are collateral damage. Hunger is attributed to poverty and poverty to laziness. Simply because equal opportunity is a pipe dream, which even when delivered might not yield equal outcome (But we failed to acknowledge or realize, no is asking for equal outcome).

Trust is built over time, through unadulterated, unwavering, unconditional, Actions. Not words, but actions. It is silent, and continuous. It is reassuring. It is calming. It is humane.

It is nothing like the world we live in today.

Maybe that is why we try to build our own little worlds. Carve out a safe space where we can trust ourselves first, to regain the required reassurance to trust others.

It is hard to walk in a world filled with landmines. It might be plausible to dust oneself and start a new, but to piece oneself back again and again… that requires a rare fabric. It doesn’t have to be so. All we need to do is change our standards for Trust. It starts with us.

So, where will you set your standard for Trust? Do you know where you have set standard for Trust as of now? Will you value yourself or a relationship without trust? Hope you will not compromise on your standards of Trust. Love, Friendship, Community, Company, Economy, Country, All run on Trust.

Respect is the next milestone after trust. Our choice to compromise on Trust only rusts every aspect of our lives. Rots set in with no cure, till we raise our standards for Trust and never compromise.

[ourthreadsoflife]

Validation(s)

A nod here, a nod there… An affirmation. Our Validation(s).

A glimpse of acceptance is all we are thought to seek.

They say a lie needs to be repeated numerous times for it to become our truth. But in reality an affirmation only needs to be timed for it to sink in deep, and it will become our truth for a lifetime.

From the day we are born, we seek information. We do that to navigate this world, at least a part of the world we have access to. We accumulate, assess, assimilate, rinse and repeat... for our affirmation(s).

Affirmations are healthy only when they are impersonal, fact driven and goal oriented, to track progress. But when it is personal, when it is dependent on external or internal voices, one is doomed. Doesn’t matter if these voices are constructive or destructive, they are all imposed notes, dragging one away from progress.

For instance, procrastination is driven by the internal dialogue assuring the procrastinator of an unguaranteed tomorrow or when a reportee(s) appreciates their gullible Boss(s) or when a dictator seeks a vote of confidence, wins the vote and then Parades the victory.

Different scale, same dialogue, same end result: NO PROGRESS.

[“But then, what really is Progress? What really is the purpose?”(Answers may be in the next essay. For now let’s stick to validation.)]

We all learn to assimilate and learn to exist/co-exist, hoping to survive, limiting our reach and possibility, failing to thrive.

When we are born the possibility of who or what we can be are limitless. We are however limited by our affirmations and choices. A callout of - “That’s not possible!”, “That’s not a practical or an educated choice.”, “Money is the root of all evil.” “The rich are the scum of the planet.” “You are you useless.”, “You are a fool.”, “You cannot dance.”, “I suck at painting.”, “I hate maths (Mathematics).”, “I am not good enough.” “He/She doesn’t love me.”, “No one loves me.”, etcetera, etcetera… etch-out a clouded and muddled image of who we choose to project as “Us”.

We all are thrown into adulthood, with all our affirmations and heightened ability to assimilate. But as humans, we are never comfortable with the status quo. We are always asking questions, seeking validation. In today’s world where everyone (all viewpoint(s)) has a megaphone and/or a magnum opus of their own, it is easy to find one’s nod. Creating multiple echo-chambers. Parading their version of reality and unfortunately imposing their reality onto others, effectively. And now we assimilate, at our collective peril. Albeit unintentional, this accidental catastrophic reality of our lives is chipping away at our core being, ensuing chaos for us and everyone around. We can only collectively and consciously end this cycle, and it cannot be done in isolation. We are all seekers… We are all seeking answers… We are all asking questions… But are we asking the right question? Do you still want to seek validation? Do you still want to assimilate? Do we recognize our Echo-chambers?

What if every validation we have believed is our limiting lie?

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” – Mark Twain

What needs to be our goal?

Hope you weed-out your validations and hope you find your answer(s). My humble Perspective of Progress and Purpose -

What really is Progress? I don’t know what progress is, but it should never be at the cost of another existence.

[(“What is existence?”) – {“There he goes again on a tangent.” ~ “Sorry cannot help it. But it’s a valid question, ain’t it.”}] What really is the purpose?

To attain the realization that we are here to survive/thrive, to serve and to be served without prejudice. I know the answers might seem idealistic and impractical. But profound questions, require simple answers. “It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.”

― Rabindranath Tagore

We are dependent beings. We can only survive in a community. We only learn when we learn to be accepting, but history is witness the gullible get culled. And hence, the rules, the borders, the homes, the cages, the assimilation.

[ourthreadsoflife]

Misplaced Love

A sense of belonging is what we all unknowingly desire, especially from people who we consider family. Words or actions that hint at “I love you”… “I care for you”… is all we need to tag-along. Funny how people who love you cause you the most harm, unintentionally. Their well-intended actions bind you, deplete your freedom, and make you morph into a version that conforms to their love. Boundaries are drawn for you, dreams are drawn out for you, and the path is laid out for you to walk on. Now all you need to do walk along the path. Easy right? Wish lives were that easy. Many people just walk along blindly. Never paying any heed to their own voice. They don’t ever recognize their own voice. They don’t even know they have one. Their heads are filled with echo of guidelines drilled into them, they simply don’t question what they have been told, they don’t heed to their own voice of reason, drowning their own voice with echo of guidelines. Many others struggle their entire life torn between the echo and their own voice, while conforming to the echo. Some master the art of pacifying their own voice for they don’t want the hassle of all the questions that will be hurled at them. Some find the will to pay heed to their own voice and courage to face-up to people trying to drown their voice. Then go on to live in harmony. Rarest of rare cases are those lucky souls who are encouraged to recognize their own voice and live in harmony with themselves, at least in their inner circle. Brilliance can only be achieved in harmony. People outside their circle may never understand an anomaly, they may appreciate their brilliance or burn them for blasphemy or ignore them completely only to recognize them years later. Where do you lie in this spectrum?

[ourthreadsoflife]

!!Vicarious Existence!!

You are walking on a sidewalk, and you notice an old lady struggling to cross the road. You try and pace towards her to assist, but another passerby actions your intent. The instance brings a smile to your face. Even though you merely witnessed a humane deed. You and your friend, growing up together… sharing the little joys of life. When you are older, your friend attains deserved success, fame, and adulations. Somehow, your feel that your friends success is your success. You are happy for their success and feel part of it in your own way… and whatever extent you bask in their success.

You are sitting in a pub with friends enjoying a game on the big screen and your team wins the game. You and your group, celebrate the win the entire night. And if it is world cup, we all join you and friends to welcome our team, and chime-in on the celebrations. The entire nation rejoices the accomplishment as our own.

 You are sitting in the darkened cinema hall, engrossed in the hero’s journey to avenge the wrong done onto him by the antagonist. And the credits role and the lights come on you feel you were avenged.

This is true for the TV series we binge, the songs we listen, the poetry we relive, the photos we snap, the reels we insta, the role models we follow. We all, to some degree or more live vicariously through these instances.

In the instances shared above, you felt a positive emotion, but that might not be the case every-time. Like when a colleague gets a promotion (no matter how-fucking-ever deserving) you were working towards. Or even in the above instances, you might be annoyed at the passerby instead of being happy or jealous of your friend or envy the players for stealing your dream of winning the cup.

Happy or not, it depends on how you are wired. There is nothing wrong or right about it. It is just your reality. All we need to do is understand and learn to manage these influences. Especially in a time when we drown ourselves with so much of external stimuli. We need to be aware how they and how much they influence us. We need to learn to find our way through them. These vicarious influences, trigger strong emotions. Empathy, envy, joy, sadness, lust, gluttony, patriotism, devotion, animosity, you name it they make you feel it. Till one reaches a state of numbness. Where one has heard and lived so much, everything seems known, seems routine. A routine that is devoid of self. Coz you are numb to the now, absent from the present, lost in the lived lives, and running on empty. You might say this is a little extreme. But it is an unconscious reality for many. Vicariousity may not be the sole reason, but it sure is one of them. Overthinking stems from these triggers. We overthink our actions only coz we preempt other’s reactions to our future actions. We do certain actions only to appease others, coz we know this way they will react positively towards you. It’s a tiring loop many of us never learn to get out of, simply coz we don’t realize we are stuck in a loop. Lastly and most importantly, we need to weed-out our predisposition of living our dreams through our children. We don’t realize the damage we do onto our children when we burden them with our unfulfilled dreams. “History at its best is vicarious experience.” - Edmund Morgan

Generations have been burdened with an unwarranted dream. And that need we have that “my kid” needs to be great, needs to be perfect, needs to be the best, all trail back to the goal, the dream we chose for the kid. “The beauty of dystopia is that it lets us vicariously experience future worlds - but we still have the power to change our own.” - Ally Condie It is hard escaping a vicarious existence. But the best thing to do is to embrace the now, be present for yourself, for the ones that mean the world you and for the ones who you mean the world to.

Hope we find our way out of the vicarious trap.