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I’m eating this Russian chocolate and it made a rattling noise when I shook it and there’s a horse magnet inside???

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idk what’s funnier, pets with stereotypical human names like bryan and mckayla or pets with completely ridiculous names like hamburger and concrete

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“Forgive me Father for I have sinned” and “Sorry Daddy I’ve been bad” both mean very similar things but have wildly different connotations

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brother: want a cookie?

me: sure

brother: go get it yourself

me:

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when the gym teacher tells you to stop picking the grass

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I wanna be in love but also yikes

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i know this might be a shock to some of you, but straight people are always heteronormative. even if they like pegging and the woman doesn’t wear dresses. they’re hetero.

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when people try to talk about how honey is supposedly unethical because we’re stealing the bees’ food I’m just like, genuinely curious if you’re aware that the honey we eat is the result of beekeepers raising colonies and harvesting the excess honey while making sure the bees are all good and fine, and that the honey you buy at the store is from a farm and not just like going into the woods and sticking your hand in a beehive like a bear in a cartoon and stealing the wild bees’ honey

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Language, Logan.

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I hope everyone is having a fucking day

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*listens to straight people for 5 mins*

me:

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why I use ‘y’all’

it’s fun to say

gender neutral 

I like rubbing my gay little hands all over southern culture out of spite

fun to say