outofthatwhichpainsme

[outofthatwhichpainsme]

Out Of That Which Pains Me

So I selected this to be the title piece for this blog, because it describes a great deal of what you might call my philosophy. The title derives from a saying (which I think is Polish, originally): "I grow, not out of soil, nor out of salt, but out of that which pains me."

This piece is intended to capture something of the experience of freeing oneself from past self-perception. Our concept of self is often constructed both from what we have been told we are by others, and by our own interpretation of our memories. This concept can be deeply inaccurate, because others perceive us through the lens of their own assumptions and we ourselves can be lead to view our experiences through this same lens.

It can feel easier to conform to this constructed idea of self, regardless of how uncomfortable it is, since it seems to make us more acceptable to others. We make amendments to our behaviour and attitude based on what others tell us we are and should be, because doing so feels like what we are supposed to do.

However, this is a trap. The more we try to fit ourselves to others perceptions, the more tightly we are bound by them and the less able we are to express, or even perceive, what we are truly supposed to be. We understand less of ourselves because we cannot conceive of what we would be outside of that mould.

In order to become truly ourselves, we must tear ourselves free from what we have been told that we are. This process cannot be anything other than painful and frightening, it may alarm or alienate those around us, but in order to realise what we could become, we have to cast off what we have been. We must grow beyond those confines, and although this means possibly losing parts of ourselves we must hope that we can regenerate what we lose in the process and that what grows back will be stronger and more authentically us than what we lived with before.

People are meant to change, to reinvent themselves when what previously suited them no longer works. There's no easy way to do it, and no certainty that we will be happier free, but to be ourselves is ultimately all we can ask.

[outofthatwhichpainsme]

An Introduction

Hello!

I'm an artist, and as such I make things which describe my perception of the world. Inevitably, this means that my work often focuses on how clinical depression and PTSD colour that perception, in an effort to explain (mostly to myself) precisely what I am experiencing.

As I go along, I hope to explore with you how I construct and use imagery, as well as where I derive my symbols and techniques from.

I welcome input and constructive criticism. I hope you find my work interesting!