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Merilwen first turning into a bear, prudence whenever she uses Eldritch blast

may or may not be planning an animation project so uhh reply/reblog this post with the most iconic or cool oxventure moments, battle and action moments especially appreciated

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Honestly

Prudence hugging the Egbert statue made me feel feelings I wasn’t ready to feel

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Oh my god what a cliffhanger I can’t believe it

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happy new year everyone :)

i may have spent the break catching up on the oxventure (link) and its now the only thing im capable of drawing haha

(if you’re looking for fun, wholesome and chaotic dnd to watch, i cannot recommend it enough)

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Corazon’s resurfaced dad issues lead to hilarity. I mean, compelling character moments.

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Lads

Lads lads lads

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here’s some prudence for spooktober!👻

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Dob: Well, looks like it’s time to move on to Plan 2.

Merilwen: Don't you mean Plan B?

Dob: That would insinuate that I only have twenty-six plans.

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Prudence: There’s nothing worse than people using big words they don’t understand just to seem smart.

Dob: I photosynthesize with this.

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“I will disguise you as a sea creature”

Dob Oxventure 2019

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“I will disguise you as a sea creature”

Dob Oxventure 2019

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Mental health, oxventure and more...

personal post incoming…. serious trigger warning for talks of OCD, intrusive thoughts, emotional abuse, bullying and more… 

I know that I’ve been making quite a few personal posts lately, some of them rife with drama and the like, but I feel like this is important so I’m going to talk about it a little bit. 

Luke posted about his new upcoming album on instagram and talked about some of the themes being about mental health issues and how he’s struggled with them which I‌ think is so important to talk about, especially since there is this idea that people in the internet or public eye in any way can’t be depressed or anxious, that they have it all together because… they have a job or because they have money or because they look happy in videos or in interviews and it’s just… it smashes the idea that these people are anything but people.

I think everyone has suffered from anxiety at one point in their lives, there’s different levels of it of course, my delicious helping of anxiety was that I‌ couldn’t stop being afraid of germs, getting sick, and dying, these would come at different times and I would have intrusive thoughts about these things.

I‌ had great parents, they were supportive and loved me and helped me through the worst of my panic attacks, anxiety was something that affected my parents as well, especially my father who was unable to leave the house because of it.

When I‌ was a little bit younger I‌ used to advocate more for mental health and talking about stuff like this because I knew it was important but as I‌ got older it became more tiring to talk about something as if I‌ wasn’t still struggling really hard. I felt like an impostor, so I stopped.

This is a common theme for many people, feeling like they don’t belong, like they aren’t needed anywhere and it can stem from depression and anxiety, for me I‌ think it was because I grew up being bullied quite horribly. It was never really always physical but it was just as painful to hear the words other people would say, people would talk about me just out of ear shot, they would dismiss me, slam doors in my face, laugh at me and then claim nothing was going on.

“Why is your hair greasy?” “Do you wash your hair? ”We’re just joking“‌

I‌ got made fun of the most for being a little bit older than the other neighborhood kids, but even before I‌ moved to that city I was bullied, someone tried to hit me while I‌ was on a bike with a steel bat, someone threatened me with garden sheers, I‌ was forced to kick gravestones, I was pushed down a hill.  Even the adults bullied me, and that’s when I started wondering if it wasn’t me that was wrong.

It took a great toll on my mental health and in some ways it shaped who I was, who I became, someone who thought she wasn’t important, couldn’t make a difference, and should just be quiet.

For years I was so unsure of myself that I‌ became a part of an emotionally abusive friendship, I was mocked for my lazy eye, I‌ was called an idiot for disagreeing with them, they made me feel bad for not texting them back, and they let their significant other make fun of me and laughed while they did it.  This is describing two different people, but it all rolls up into one experience. I was a victim, and I thought I always would be.

I had a problem admitting to myself that I‌ was a victim, I thought it took away from other people’s more serious anxiety, or experiences, I never thought my anxiety was “a problem enough”, I always thought other people have it worse, I’m just being sensitive, which is a thought planted into my head by people who spent years chipping away at my self esteem.

When I was a kid I‌ watched my aunt have a panic attack, I had no idea what was happening until it happened to me, and I didn’t want to get help, I‌ didn’t know how, I was convinced I was just overreacting, but then I dealt with an eating disorder because I was also convinced that I would get sick if I‌ ate.

I didn’t call it an eating disorder, but that’s what it was, it wasn’t because I‌ had problems with body image or weight, but because I was terrified that I would get poisoned and die.  These anxieties got worse after my dad passed, after my mom came down with a bad stomach flu, I‌ couldn’t touch anything in my house, I washed my hands until they bled, and still I thought other people had it worse.

I‌ was “fine”

And I‌ never talked about my problems, I was never open about them because I  was terrified people would call me a fraud “you are just overreacting”, so I never said anything, my former friends and bullies had a narrative that I was bad, so I believed them. And it fed into my anxiety for a long time.

This is not a cop out of an excuse for what I did because I know it was me that was responsible for these things, but my anxiety fed into my insecurities, and my anger issues, but that’s another subject, I would doubt my former best friend Caleb, constantly, he would tell me that he cared about me, and I would doubt him.

I would doubt him to the point where we would fight, and I would ask him why he hated me, he never hated me, but my mind was convinced he did.  I ended up ruining that relationship because of these things and even though I knew before that I‌ had something wrong with me, I really knew when I lost my best friend that something was wrong with me. (If you’re reading this Caleb, I really am truly sorry.)

The most important thing for anxiety and other mental issues is having an outlet, I didn’t talk about my problems, and sometimes I’m still scared to do it because my narrative will be changed, but opening up about things is important, and also just having something to do, I‌ was a member of fandoms, bandoms, you name it, it gave me a sense that I wasn’t isolated, and if you can be involved in a community, I recommend it! It made me feel like I‌ was a part of something.  Things happen though, sometimes you grow out of fandoms and interests and you move on, or sometimes it’s bullying.

For me, it was both.

There’s always going to be clashing opinions and personalities in a community of people, sometimes it’s manageable, sometimes it’s not. In some of my former fandoms I‌ would have opinions that would infuriate people, it became toxic so I would leave.

When I started watching OutsideXbox, it was because of Dishonored 2 (one of my former fandoms, shout out to my DH friends <3) , I used to watch stealth videos on it and it led me to OX’s lists videos, OX became a bright ray of light for me, they felt good, happy, and fun, and I have a lot of fun watching their videos, list videos, gameplay, livestreams and yes, oxventure.

I was terrified to join the fan community, so I just stayed quiet, I watched the videos in private, in peace, I didn’t want to be hated again, I didn’t want to be reminded that I was a horrible person, I didn’t want to make friends and lose them like I‌ always had before, I didn’t want people to think I was a bad person.

I did eventually join the community, I‌ became a member of it, I didn’t watch oxventure when I discovered OX, but later on, and then I‌ made this blog, and the wiki (after fishmas carol), and for a while I‌ felt safe in the community, I felt like I was part of a family.

But a family where nobody wanted me.

A bit of personal background, my father’s family hated us. specifically me and my brother because we were not like them, and when you’re a kid and your grandmother never visits because you aren’t in the same church as her.

It makes you think something is wrong with you.

When I‌ joined the fan community I felt welcome, I made friends, but even then I had this constant aching feeling that I always had, the memories of old neighborhood friends mocking me, always in the back of their mind thinking I was weird for the way I dressed or talked or the fact that I was homeschooled or didn’t celebrate christmas.

Maybe it was my fault, maybe I brought it on myself by thinking that way, but I wasn’t accepted in there, not really, not ultimately, I made friends and there were such kind people, but even still, I was also endlessly mocked for liking Corazon, and not in an innocent way, but a way in which I knew the intent was mean.

I’ve posted enough about that for everyone to know what happened, I was bullied, and it affected how I am in this fandom now, it parlayed itself into more insecurities and more memories of old things coming back to haunt me like an over eager ghost, it made me insecure about my art, about posting my art, it made me feel like I‌ wasn’t even there, and if I left, nobody would notice.  It even made me think horribly unfair things like “OX doesn’t like my art” (Like I’ve always said, anxiety is an idiot.)  especially after all the very public drama with other users in the community, and my name probably being synonymous with that drama, I thought and sometimes still think I’ve become a pariah in the fandom.

I still try to be a part of it, but it is tainted for me, oxventure especially, I‌t used to be my safe place, my wind down tool, the thing I loved that nobody could ruin, except now it feels less like that, and more of a reminder of the bad things.

But it is important to talk about these things, about mental health, advocating for mental health and erasing the stigma surrounding getting help, you are not so broken that nothing can fix you, you are not alone either, thousands of people in this world are feeling similar to you.

If you can, reach out, talk to someone, involve yourself in something, and never hold in what you’re feeling, someone out there feels similar to you, and as corny as it sounds, you are not alone.

Go check out Luke’s post on instagram, and search on google for mental health resources, there are too many out there to post on here.

~ agentsanta47

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Thank you

I know by tumblr standards the amount of likes that I have is very little but all of you liking it is meaning the world to me so just thanks

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“You wanna keep those orphans in”

Dob-Oxventure

2019

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rediscovered these recently, aren’t they amazing?

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Binge

About to binge Oxventure again