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Me: sorry I didn’t have dinner ready tonight, it’s been a day

Partner: *sympathetic voice* you say that everyday

Me: I know, cus it is everyday

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Is it you

A poem by Paige Acklin:

Is it you I feel blowing in the wind

All around me like you’re here again

I know you’re at peace and where we all wish to be

Except nothing feels the same now that you’re not here with me

I feel so numb I can’t explain

The loss of you has brought so much pain

But in the pain I still find joy

All because our savior and Lord

He brings me peace when the storm is rough

But all of this is really tough

I know you’re in a better place

But all I want is to see your face

Hold you hand just one more time

Or hear what you’re thinking in your mind

Always something funny or unique

I hope I have the strength to speak

Speak your name whenever I think it

Tell the world of how you beat it

Knowing that you’re really gone

Makes me want to cry to songs

Songs that make me think of you

Tonight my heart is completely blue

But please don’t forget how much I loved you

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My Dear Sweet Brother

A poem, by Paige Acklin:

My dear sweet brother

How I miss you so

Your laughs, smiles, and kiss on the hand

Make it all hard to understand

But to understand is to know

The only thing I understand is, I’ll miss you so

You were fierce, tough, goofy and kind

With a little bit of sass

sometimes were even a pain in the ass

But that’s what I’ll miss most about you

We have that in common to tell you the truth

You were unique in every way

Making an impact that will forever stay

You were a son, a brother, a cousin and friend

A grandson, a nephew and a fighter till the end

We are all so lucky to have known you and be in your life

But your battle is over, there is no more strife

May you be blessed and highly favored

In the eyes of our Lord and Savior

Thank you Jesus for the sacrifice you made

Because of that we are no longer afraid.

I love you Tyler and I always will

My dear sweet brother you need only be still.

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My brother died of CANCER

Pt 2.

He’s a wreck. I’m asking what’s happening and what happened and he had no answer.. we were told it’s either a stroke, an infectious disease, or a tumor. I see him there, hooked up to so many machines, tube down his throat, IV’s in his arms, wires connected to his body, head, arms. Restrained at the ankles and at the wrists and still slowly thrashing from the seizures. It was haunting, is, haunting. He spent several days in a coma, and we spent several days watching his monitors, memorizing every number that indicated a decline in health, we were on alert. We were in watch mode. When we were in there, at least for me, my eyes were locked on that screen. Watching every time it jumped to high or shot to low. Dying a little each time it changed. The waiting was the worst part. Not knowing was unexplainably painful and gut wrenching. Not one of the outcomes was good, it felt like no hope was left. But in the midst I prayed. In the midst I worshipped. In the midst I cried out to God. He was my rock.

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My brother died of CANCER

It’s 9:54, October 30th, 2023. As I lay here in bed, Justin (my life partner, father to our amazing daughter Olivia) is next to me sound asleep snoring. He’s been working so much lately and so hard for this family. For me to be able to stay at home and raise our baby. He just lost his step dad, Mace, to brain cancer. The same brain cancer that killed my brother.

So as I lay here, trying to close and my and go to sleep, my mind begins to race. I see my brothers frail and lifeless body flashing in my head, memories of him barely able to move, and hearing the repeating phrase, my brother died of cancer. MY brother died of cancer. My BROTHER died of cancer. My brother DIED of cancer. My brother died of CANCER. Constantly repeating itself each time with a different point of inflection of different words, in differing tones of voice, different volumes. What it feels like is like my brain is still trying to process that information which seems pretty straightforward, but in fact, is incredibly complex to comprehend. My brother DIED OF CANCER. I know people always say “this feels like a movie” in times of tragedy, excitement, horror, etc. but that’s the only way to describe it, is that my life feels like a movie. But not a movie I’m in, a movie I’m watching. A movie about someone else’s life, and I’m an outsider. Because how can it be happening to me? These things only happen in movies, or to other people. far away. That I don’t know. They don’t happen to me though. Not to mention a second time, but my boyfriends step dad also DIED OF BRAIN CANCER. which you may be wondering, did they meet in a support group? Did they both have family with cancer when they met? Is that why they connected? To answer you question, no. Tyler did have cancer when we met. Well, re-met.

I went to school with Justin in 6th-8th grade. We were not friends and honestly I don’t think we ever actually spoke. But he knew me, and I knew him. I thought he was cute from the moment I saw him, and he says the same about me. Although sometimes I wonder if he just said that to me to get me to sleep with him. Sorry mom and dad, but it’s the truth, lol. We reconnected through the one and only tinderrrrrrr, hung out at my place once and the rest is history as they say. We fell in love very quickly and thank goodness we did because we also got pregnant very quickly. In fact we had only been officially dating for a little over 8ish months before we got pregnant. Thankfully the moment I found out was the moment I fell in love with Olivia. We both thought we couldn’t have children, but Justin had told me months before “if we ever do have baby and it’s a girl, her name will be Olivia” and I said “I love that name, yes her name will be Olivia” and the second I saw the word “pregnant” on the little screen of the pregnancy test I knew it was her. She has been the light of my life ever since that day, November 21, 2021. (Confirm that date) Prior to finding out about her I really never wanted children. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I was very vocal about it. Like so vocal at the age of 17 I was asking for a hysterectomy. Thank you Jesus for not allowing that to happen.

But back to my brother, he was diagnosed with cancer in September 2018. He went to the hospital September 28th to be specific, my cousin Colton’s birthday. Shitty, right? I was at an away football game coaching my alumni’s high school cheer squad. I will never forget that moment. The athletic director, who was the same athletic director when I was a student there, had a parent bring me over to him, and told me “your brother is in the hospital, he’s had a severe seizure and he’s in a coma but they don’t know what happened or why” my knees literally went weak. In that same moment I look down to see my other cousin, Dakota, calling me. It was like a punch to the gut. This was real, and things were not okay. He told me to go gather my things and he would be driving me back to tulsa and to the hospital. The drive felt like, HOURS, but in reality it was only about 35-45 minutes. Before I continue, < I just want to say thank you to Coach Height, for being there for me that day. Being a calm and solid rock for me, quick to action but didn’t ever add to the chaos. You were an anchor for me in that storm. Thank you, you will forever hold a special place in my heart. > we arrive at St Francis ER and my dad is waiting for me outside. (cont.)

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karliekloss : No one puts on a show like @taylorswift 🎤✨ #ReputationTour Nashville was out of this world, I am SO proud of you 🖤

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Nashville, last night was the first time I got to headline that stadium. Every second of the show meant so much to me, and I’m so grateful to Tim McGraw and Faith Hill for coming out to sing ‘Tim McGraw’ with me. I first came to this city in search of a record deal when I was 11! I’m just as enamored by being here now all these years later. Thanks for an unforgettable night.

📷: John Shearer // Getty Images Entertainment

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*ben wyatt voice* taylor swift has never written a bad song in her life

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Tumblr @ Lollapalooza Paris, Saturday 7/21

Photos by @carolinelevybencheton

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GUYS I GOT A NEW DRESS, LOOKIN LIKE A PROUD SHINY TIDE POD OUT HERE 

Also MetLife Stadium night 1 was a COMPLETE BLAST and I’m so excited to play here two more nights !!!!!!!

📷 Kevin Mazur // Getty Entertainment

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sometimes I wonder

Is it me?

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To allow myself to be vulnerable again, or shut myself down? To let him in, or to close the door? I don't wanna be crushed again. I just recovered. If I get my heart broken again, I don't know if it'll ever piece back together.

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Mini people          -          https://www.facebook.com/minipeopleinthejungle

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you have to admit there are some joys in life that can only be felt due to hardship. a common example is steaming hot showers. it takes a cold day, or a sickness, for someone to experience the joy of a hot shower. you can’t enjoy it in the heat. then there’s the joy of a fulfilling sleep, often achieved through a tiring day. and there’s the joy of a reunion, achieved through separation. and there are many more examples. sometimes difficulty carries a special range of joys and that’s something to be thankful about.

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when i care, i care hard. when i don’t give a fuck, i reallly don’t give a fuck