papacalypse-blog

[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Roll of Plastic Bags

Are these trash bags? Dog shit bags? Organization bags? Bags to cover your feet inside your boots in the winter? It’s up to you what you do with them, but no matter what, they’re high-quality*, plastic, and blue.

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*The term “high-quality” is subjective and does not promise the meeting of any specific standard of quality.

[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Muddy Dollar

This dollar is real and valid for use, complete with both serial numbers and no missing chunks. It may be covered in mud and a bit brittle, but if you rinse it off it will work like new. 

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[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Plastic Ziplock Bag

This small plastic ziplock bag is the perfect size to carry drugs, bugs, and anything else roughly the size of a walnut. Need to discreetly transport a beetle, or some cocaine? Don’t want to buy a pack of a hundred of these annoying little things? Just buy the one.

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[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Salt

These four small packets of N’JOY™ iodized salt will fit in a pocket or at the bottom of a bag for easy portability and convenience. Use as seasoning on cafeteria food, or just as a space filler! Need more junk in your junk drawer? These are great junk! Do you have a kid that likes killing slugs? Give them a couple of these for on-the-go slug poison! 

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[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Dime

This 1989 dime is neither rare nor impressive, but it is worth ten cents. However, you are not only buying the dime. You are buying its journey, its experience; The dirt on this dime has come from countless cities, the lint from countless pockets. How many people bought how many things with this dime before you? 

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[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Button

Only God knows where this pin was before it ended up here, and only you know where it’ll go next. Will it be the centerpiece of a hat? A friendly reminder on a backpack for those behind you? An addition to a continuous collection on the back of a jacket? It’s up to you.

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[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Safety Pin

This safety pin is just like new, and it clasps and unclasps with unmatched ease! If you are in need of a safety pin and don’t want to bother buying a pack of a bunch that will just lie around in a junk drawer, this is the safety pin for you.

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[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Belt

Someone knows what this belt is used for, and it’s not me. Is it you? Perhaps you need this exact belt? Perhaps this is the one belt you need to complete the thing that you’ve been working on for years? Wouldn’t that be funny?

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[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Folded Distressed Paper

This piece of paper has been folded, thrown on the ground, damaged by water, stepped on, and left to decompose on the streets of Chicago. Whether or not something was written on it before it was rained on is unclear; What is clear is that there’s plenty of space for it to be written on now. Will it be covered in doodles? Poetry? Fiction? That’s up to you.

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[papacalypse-blog]

For Sale: Old Rusted Door Hinge

This door hinge may be old and creaky, but it’ll hold up your door till the end of time. Plus, the ear-splitting sound it makes when the door opens will keep burglars out, and keep you safe! 

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