pendulumwrites

[pendulumwrites]

Hi, could you do March 13th please?

Language Of Birthdays: March 13 - Pisces

[You can find the rest of the series here; or check out my masterlist]

The Day Of Fateful Prediction

Those born on March 13 lead fateful lives, which in retrospect could be said to have turned around a few chance happenings. Most individuals born on this day strongly believe in predetermined occurrences, moreover, and are prone to making predictions about the world and the lives of others. There is something of the oracular about much of what March 13 people say. They often utter their analyses of the world and its problems with a kind of knowing finality. The more intellectual of March 13 people are attracted to philosophy, spiritual teachings, theoretical speculations and scientific or analytical systems; they tend to worship the human mind and what it is capable of producing, yet reserve an even higher awe for the Universe of which it is only a small part.

Those born on this day are capable of surviving what would be overwhelming catastrophes for most people, be they physical, economic or psychological disasters (particularly true for men born on this day). Because of their fatalism, March 13 people of both sexes are able to accept the blows of fate without complaint and go on to lead highly creative and productive lives. In many cases, before these events occur March 13 people are not fully aware of their talents or fortitude. Thus such trying circumstances can serve as a sort of baptism, or rite of passage, which not only furthers their growth but also instills pride and grit that can be called upon in future difficulties. They may even come to better understand themselves and their life path.

Personal evolution and growth is something that is built into the basic fabric of the March 13 personality, so that almost all people born on this day progress in an evolutionary fashion without much choice in the matter. However, many get sidetracked along the way due to an attraction to the esoteric and metaphysical energies which they can't fully handle. Such individuals tread on dangerous ground when they pretend to master or even to understand matters beyond them at the present moment, but even this serves as an important part of their development, no matter how great their failures. One of their wishes is to be an inspiration to others, and to find those who can benefit from what they have to say.

In general. March 13 people should resist making predictive statements or even thinking certain thoughts about individuals close to them, since they thereby may unknowingly influence the course of future events. So-called self-fulfilling prophecies can be. in their case, nothing more than a strong set of expectations. However, not only dreams but also nightmares have a way of coming true if dwelled on too much.

Strengths:

Accepting

Courageous

Evolving

Weaknesses:

Overreaching

Self important

Advice

Those born on March 13 tend to be accident-prone. They must pay particular attention to their lower extremities and take especially good care of their feet and toes. Moderate, regular physical exercise is important in keeping the physical apparatus of these philosophical and concept- oriented individuals in good working order. Particularly recommended are a variety of non- competitive activities, such as yoga, calisthenics, long walks in natural surroundings, swimming, and tai-chi or dancing. The March 13 diet should be strictly controlled, and feature a high percentage of whole grains, nuts, fruit and of course fresh vegetables. In certain special cases high protein intake can be important for a period of time. A nutritionist, homeopath or alternative medical specialist may be helpful.

Lighten up a bit

Don't take yourself so seriously

Admitting ignorance from time to time is liberating

Work out your problems without putting them on others

[pendulumwrites]

<3

[pendulumwrites]

Anti-monarchist message layed out on Black mountain in Belfast for ‘king’ Charles, when he visited the city yesterday.

[pendulumwrites]

Our world is dying, we are on the brink of extinction

[pendulumwrites]

I havent been able to write lately. 

The words havent been coming to me.

I think its that time of my life.

stuck between the crossroads

the past and the present.

i was in an immense amount of pain months ago 

talking about it got me all chewed up. 

I sat in that circle on that day and cried

cried because i miss my friends and my lover

i thought the pain would never stop 

and now it is numbed and i miss it

i miss feeling my emotions so much,they tore me apart. 

leaving ripped a hole in my heart

when i was waiting in the room, i’d never felt more alone in my life

thats the thing about being lonely. 

it tears you apart and there is absloutly nothing i could do 

I still cant. 

but its dulled and i can breathe now, 

for awhile at least. 

[pendulumwrites]

I like to think that there are infinite moments in the past that are ever replaying and never dying. Infinite moments she says and that is why she continues the search of infinite moments. In the hope that one day when things are better she can think of those moments that kept her alive and know that she isnt chasing anymore, she is living. 

[pendulumwrites]

Sometimes my tears are so heavy I can only see the lights. Those little fragments slipping in, reminding me that I am alive Constantly. When the lights come I know what I'm wishing for Infinite more moments an infinity of the moments that keep me alive and perhaps that's the worse bit the lights become the worst when I think of those moments that keep me alive. Funny they say the moments that keep me alive also tear my heart apart and yet I am thankful of my memory thankful that I remember the cold and the wind and the lights Sometimes I feel so grateful for them and sometimes I can't get out of bed for 3 day s consumed, Like a ghost A sad faraway ghost keep breathing and keep going. Sometimes I think I see my soul. Walking If I close my eyes right now I know exactly what it feels like to be there. my souls resting my head tells me. Resting in the happy place the happy town where my soul is hither but a ghost to those who know me best. A ghost and a reminder of the neverending pain. And in those infinite moments that are nothing but fleading and tragic a part of me dies once again. 

[pendulumwrites]

The fears I share

Honestly I don't know what my worst fear is. It changes at any given time. In December it was being abandoned and leaving eventually did happen. Maybe to feel those distressing emotions once again, that would be pretty scary. I don’t like boats or  wrists obviously because they are terrifying. I don’t want either of my parents to die either. I don't know what life would be like then. I would regret so many things and I don’t know if I will ever be ready to face that regret. I fear intimacy and what it means to be intimate with someone again, after the past I don’t really know if i will be able to move past that which is another fear. To be constantly stuck in the past, not really there which I guess I feel I am going through right now. Dissociation

[pendulumwrites]

Has my heart ever longed as it longs now? 

Long for the face, long for the weather, 

long for the paleness of your skin your hair, your smile 

Your passion. 

I saw a doctor the other day and they asked me how can we help you? 

My response was: 

Can you do anything to stop this longing? 

This never ending longing? 

This never ending pit of pain that I can’t get out of. 

I feel the feeling as often as my breathes, 

they leave my range, but they are still there. 

Still apart of me. 

I see your face in my mind, 

I feel your nostalgia at my lowest. 

I still feel your presence under the sky, up up in the clouds. 

Take me up up and away I scream. 

The longing still remains because like you, it never leaves me,

Never stops

[pendulumwrites]

You. I smelt your cologne today on the train.

It was like a big whack in my face.

The longing.

I felt it in my chest,

And it never goes away.

Have you ever experienced that kind of pain?

[pendulumwrites]

I’ve been here before. I‘ve heard the dull hum of the city on a rainy day many times. More than I’d like to admit. I don’t always intend for this to happen, but it does. When I look back at him sleeping peacefully, I feel nothing but hatred. The memories of the previous night sweep over me.

‘I love you Scarlett’ he whispered in my ear, I felt nothing except for the warmth of his breath on my ear.

I shudder thinking about those words he so carelessly uttered. If only he knew the real me if only he knew my plan for him.

I reach deep down in my dressing gown pocket and pull out my lighter and a cigarette. I can barely light the damn thing. The tremble in my hands doesn’t stop, I tell myself it’s because of the rain, it keeps patting down, I reach my free hand over the ledge and feel the numbing specks. The rains not ideal, I wish I could control the weather like I can control Jeff. He always was a fool, a sad little fool who just needed one pretty girl to bat her eyelashes at him.

I’m so bored of him talking about the stocks, bored of his predictable gifts, bored, bored, bored. I had to keep going though. Part of me thought maybe I might be happy with him, isn’t that the way it always goes? Oh, how I had such hope for him. What a big disappointment he was. He turned out like the rest, a filthy man going about his pointless life, doing pointless things. I decided young I wasn’t going to be like the rest of them. I’m helping him put an end to the pointlessness.

I take a puff of my cigarette before taking a look back. He’s starting to stir. I watch as he gets out of bed in his trance-like state. He wraps the bedsheet around himself and joins me on the balcony.

‘The rains not so pleasant is it?’ he says,

‘Yes, it makes my plans harder.’ I reply,

‘And what plans would those be my dear?’

If only you knew.

‘You’ll see.’

Not soon enough.

I take another puff waiting for him to say something.

‘You know how I feel about that disgusting habit,’ he finally says, the disgust slipping into his voice.

‘You know how I feel about you telling me what to do.’ Snidely I reply.

‘Please don’t do this again,’ he presses

‘Fine,’ I say as I fling the cigarette off the balcony.

He sighs to himself, disappointed in me once again it seems.

It wouldn’t matter what I did.

He takes my arm and pulls me into him. It’s close now. He kisses the top of my head as I start to prepare. I reposition myself so he is leaning against the balcony railing.

‘Jeff,’ I say in anticipation.

‘Yes,’ he replies

As I pull away I catch a glimpse of the confusion on his face as I push him. He of course falls.

‘Scarlett!’ he screams, filling the void.

It never gets any easier.

[pendulumwrites]

The dreams come and they go.

The one consistency is it’s always you. 

I dream too much. 

And live my life aimlessly. 

It’s filled with worry 

Because of what it is,

Trying to make it through every day 

And that disappoints you. 

Trying to aim high 

But shooting so high it’s impossible to fly

Don’t let me fall I screamed. 

But you ran away 

Letting me fall. 

She who comforts you said. 

You who only ever wanted me to stay. 

But you fleed before I got the chance to leave

So tell me how can I love again 

When I can’t trust. 

When you say, I’m enough and you love me.

But I guess I never really was.

[pendulumwrites]

The feeling of home

I miss the feeling,

I believe it’s what they call happiness.

All I feel is the struggle.

I’m being weighed down by 100 things,

And to you none of them matter

But they still matter to me.

Even if you don’t believe me.

Even if no one believes me

I believe me. I believe in what happened and it was real.

I want some peace.

I want to go to bed and not hear the cars anymore.

They are always going.

I want to take the snus and hallucinate I’m dancing.

I want to fall asleep in my bed.

I want to hear you make the coffee in the mornings, always leaving me a cup.

Wake up to good morning texts from you.

Look outside the window and know that even though the suns not here I am.

Pretend we are soccer mum and drink wine and red bull.

Take photos of your beautiful face,

Cry because my heart hurts and the scars are multiplying.

I want so many things

I want to go home, but I’m not sure where home is anymore.

I miss the peace.

Let me rejoice,

Let me smile.

Let me look up and think of you like you do with me.

Let me hear your laugh and your tears as I close the door.

Let me in.

Please never let go of me,

I want so bad to stop falling,

Shield me, protect me.

Help me find that feeling again.

- the feeling of home

[pendulumwrites]

[pendulumwrites]

Sometimes I look up at the sky and I wonder are you looking back?

We’re under the same sky and yet we’re so far apart.

I haven’t seen these stars for a year.

But I’d rather see the stars I saw with you.

When we walked and I ran away.

I was so happy.

I look back and I don’t recognise that girl.

But I’m trying too

I thought yesterday how hard it seems

And unfair

So cruel

So fucking cruel.

My dad always said the world was cruel and he wish he could hide from it.

I don’t want to hide from it though

Sometimes I want to hide from my life but not the world.

Because you taught me how beautiful it is and maybes the pains worth it.

Maybe?

Maybe?

Maybe?

I’ve thought about love

And the love I experienced far far away.

Everyone deserves to feel that

It’s beautiful

It’s incredible

And it’s a fucking mess.

But I wouldn’t change it for the world.

When I think of our goodbye

I cry.

Too think, I closed the door.

I can’t

I can’t

I can’t

I won’t

I won’t let you go.

Don’t let me go.

I’m not ready to soar

Don’t let go

And don’t you dare soar without me.

[pendulumwrites]

I don’t want to lie awake thinking of this.

I don’t want to look through my camera roll.

It’s filled with those memories,

12000 of them to be precise.

Fuck

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

I remember the story behind everyone.

I don’t know who I am anymore

Or what I’m doing,

I don’t really feel like a person

More like a ghost

Consumed by the past

And struggling to move on.

Or forget

There so far away.

It’s so far away

There’s no fucking beauty in this pain.

[pendulumwrites]