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would it be selfish to ask for you to never know a life without me in it?

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Right now is such a great time to be a bsd fan. I feel like we're currently getting everything I've been wanting and more:

Sskk are facing a conflict that only they can handle. Not skk, not Ranpo and the ADA. Only Atsushi and Akutagawa can pull off a battle against Amenogozen

A ton of information about Atsushi's role, abilities as the bookmark, and even his hallucinations

Atsushi gaining a better understanding of Akutagawa through not only finding out about his past but witnessing his memories of it from his perspective

Dazai-Headmaster parallels for daaaays

Akutagawa has not coughed once

This is all the culmination of so much. Sskk will truly come out of this stronger than ever and I am so so hyped for it

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kinda want him gagging on it (his own blood)

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the intimacy of knowing what the bricks of your house feel like under my fingertips—i imagine as i pass my best friends house. i need the wind to bring her laughter back to me again; a telltale sign that i miss her

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stuck back thinking about how long it’ll take for anyone to notice i’m truly gone. how many days will they wonder before realizing something is wrong. who would be the first to discover it? would they have to be told? hm. as loud as i try to be, as easy as i try to make it to know me, i will be completely silent in my need to vanish.

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maybe i’ve never truly felt wanted enough. it’s selfish, i’m aware, but i want my absence to be as disorienting as hounding winds. to be craved so deeply that lack of connection from me leaves a person empty and truly disturbed. it also harbors a craving for loneliness. a self destroying isolation. i want someone to ruin themselves over my own self mutilation.

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As the palm pressed deeper into Izukus shoulder, he smelt the crisp singes of smoke much before he felt the edge of pain settle in. He rarely looked directly into his eyes, it always made it easier for Izuku to not believe the words he said, uttered with what he hoped to be misplaced confidence.

“—and take a swan dive off the roof of a building.” Izuku glances back up at him. he sees Kacchans relaxed features, almost practiced poise, and grimaces. “You can’t just say stuff like that.” Izuku realizes he mumbles this out loud as Kacchans face slowly shifts, clearly surprised.

Kacchan quickly removes his hand from Izukus well tattered clothes, as if he was the one almost burnt, and flashes a smirk. “What, how else you think you could become a hero? Quirkless?”

Kacchans friends behind him have the audacity to start snickering at this—“If that were possible, don’t you think someone more competent than you would’ve already been out there? Stupid Deku,” Kacchans declared, as if the louder he said it made it more correct.

Izuku scrambled at this, mumbling profusely before retorting, “Anybody can become a hero! I want to be just like All—“ was at most what he got out before Kacchan shoved him down on the ground. Sweat began to drip from his forehead, Izuku Instinctually shut his eyes and started to cover his weak spots, hoping whatever to come next be over swiftly. But—nothing ever came.

“See? You can’t even fucking defend yourself. You just cower and cry like a helpless civilian. You’re no hero. You’ll never be.” He felt Kacchans breath right above his hands covering his head, and even after he moved out of his space, Izuku never stopped tensing. He only quickly opened his eyes as he raised his head and looked Kacchan in the eye, seeing nothing but mockery in them.

“Bakugo, why are we still with this loser? We’re gonna miss out on the arcade.” A voice from the left came. “Tch. Hurry up then! And don’t tell me what to do,” Despite supposedly talking to someone else, he didn’t break eye contact with Izuku. It wasn’t until he decided he successfully belittled him enough to move on.

He turned away from Izuku, with his friends close behind him. Just as he reached the door, he half turned and stated, “Maybe even in your next life you won’t have a quirk. You’ll just be an unlucky nobody for as long as you live, with no true way to find out.”

He smirks a final time and tells his friends to hurry up, and the two rush to catch up to him. Izuku closes his eyes, remaining tense even after him and his friends left the classroom. Their laughter echoed through the long empty school hallways, further pulling Izuku into a fetal position.

Time passes, he doesn’t know how long, as he stays in that position. The tears on his face have long dried when he realizes Kacchan might be right. But he’ll never know without trying.

Unexpectedly, a curiousness blooms in Izukus heart, from the underlying truth he convinced himself to see in Kacchans eyes. Surely, what he said had at least some truth to it, right? He had to find out, suddenly motivated with a newfound passion.

With a dull ache in his bones, Izuku picks himself off of the ground, and slowly comes back to his surroundings. By now, it’s muddy grey outside with a promise of a storm approaching, as he stares into the sky through the windows.

Izuku pulls himself out of his star-filled trance as he pushes past the desks

to reach the door into the hallway, making his way to the fire exit. Each step in front of the other is easier than the next, with each shortening the distance of giving him a new chance at life.

Slowly, he opens the roof door and is hit with a strong gust of wind in his face, knocking his curls back. He can’t shake the strange sense of deja vu he gets, almost disorienting; but he refuses to allow himself to get distracted. He pushes the door, fully allowing himself to go through it. He swallows the fresh air, and approaches his awaited fate.

As he reaches the ledge, he looks down and thinks of the life that’ll only now be behind him. If he can’t help people in this life, at least in the next he’ll have a chance to be a symbol that people can put their faith in.

A world where even his smile lets people know that they’re safe. He, for the last time, puts one foot in front of the other, uses his last faith in Kacchan, and trusts him. Faster than his mind can register, it all becomes a blur from there.

— —

It wasn’t until his body came back from shock did he question why he was still alive. Eyes doubling in size, he looks up at the sky, the roof he knows he fell from, and wiggles his fingers around. This can’t be real. This can’t be real.

How? Izuku very slowly sits up, only able to focus on the sheer amount of liquid around him. The wet and pungent blood now spreading through his clothes was a physical sign he wasn’t hallucinating.

Why the fuck was he not dead?

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the hurt i feel comes from a selfish and bitter place. therefore, i can’t tell anyone about it, much less have the audacity to ask for someone to bring me solace for it. i’m sick in the head for wanting it yet unable to purge myself from it.

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ok but the orv epilogue grabbing you by the face and going "HEY YOU. YEAH YOU. READING THIS. YOU READING THIS STORY IS CANON TO THIS UNIVERSE. BY READING THIS STORY YOU ARE SAVING THE MAIN CHARACTER. BY LOVING THE MAIN CHARACTER YOU ARE LOVING YOURSELF. BY SAVING HIM YOU ARE SAVING YOURSELF."

Truly the fifth wall break of all time. I'm not sure anything can top that experience. We've peaked as a species.

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Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) dir. Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert 

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how’s that house that raised you?

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“Now I am craving heartbreak while you’re making your demands.”

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THE SWIMMING PIC HAS ME SOBBING 😭😭

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sometimes i wish i didn’t care,, but then i wouldn’t be me

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Hannibal 2.13 / The Seventh Veil (1945)