pidge4141

[pidge4141]

Poem about anxiety

This is a poem I wrote last year about my experience with an anxiety disorder. 

Always paranoid

Constantly destroyed

Trapped by my anxiety

Can’t function in society

To suffer with fear

Each and every long year

I must confide

However, I want to live

Although I am running out of will to give

I’ve always had to hide

 Cause death I have denied

 Many times I thought to cut

And kept my mouth shut

Sadness is my void

Everyone is probably annoyed

I am constantly in worry

Therefore my mind is blurry

I always feel behind

For in my brain I am confined

Their friendship feels like charity

I finally go to therapy

I am my own enemy

Medicine is some remedy

I trudge through another day

Hating myself in many ways

To myself, I am always cruel

Bad thoughts and negativity forever rule

Drowning in despair

It’s hard to see why they care

With so many people around me

Why do I feel so lonely?

I’m afraid they’ll soon be gone

And without me will go on

Why do I feel so wrong?

 And like I don’t belong?

Am I insane?

What is up with my brain?

I wish I could wipe my mind clean

And finally, see what they have seen

Some support I do receive

So why do I grieve?

The more I think

The further down I sink

From where do I get all thins dread?

Or the thoughts of being dead?

I fear they find me mean

Wish joy would intervene

Continually flooded with stress

Everyone I long to impress

I would love to rise above

And finally, be free of

All the pain and gloom

That inside is in bloom

Deeply I am enslaved

By all these thoughts of the grave

I’ve always longed to be

Anyone but me

So many times I have cried

Whilst I hid aside

Overrun by emotions

Battling the horrid notions

Within so much terror

Happiness has never been rarer

With these thoughts, I scare

I know they will forever remain there

Can’t do this Can’t do that

All this I fight under my hat

Wish I didn’t continually struggle

And didn’t face all this trouble

I am overcome by this disease

Internally screaming hopeless pleas

I feel I am losing the battle

Inside the hopelessness continues to rattle

Forever feeling like I am suffocating

All my hope is deflating

[pidge4141]

So this is the start of a story I posted on my old account before my email was hacked and I got locked out of everything.

Sample Story Writing

The demon watched the woman from behind the curtain. She was clearly weak and would be easy to possess. As the woman’s breath began to slow and become even more shallow, as she drifted into sleep on her hospital bed, the demon began to move it’s way over to her. He took one short glance at her then closed his eyes as he melded into her body and they became one. Instantly, he could see what was wrong with her body. She had stage three leukemia, that was quickly progressing into stage four. Within three weeks her body wouldn’t be able to begin to fight off even the smallest cold and she would quickly die.

He started to repair her body, for if he was going to use her as a host she had to be able to do more than just lay in a hospital bed. He started by destroying the cancer cells til there wasn’t a trace of the disease left. He then began to restore all that had been damaged by the cancer. Lastly, he returned the strength to her body, and you could hear her breathing return to normal as she was finally healthy. After his hard work to fix her body he decided to do as she had, and rest for the night.

He awoke to her confusion inside of her head. She was struggling to understand how and why she felt better. For a second she wondered if she was dead, but then concluded that if she was dead she wouldn’t still be in her hospital room. The demon waited for the inevitable; she would soon realize she wasn’t alone in her own body.

“Who’s there?”

Her scared question echoed inside her head. He always hated this part. There was never a way to gauge how the person would react. Some just accepted it and moved on and some screamed and screamed endlessly inside their heads. There was always one thing that was always the same; they forced him out. He hoped that it would be different this time, as he really needed a host. He waited for her to calm down then began to explain what had happened. She then began to cry.

“So I am cancer free?”

“Completely, there is not a trace left of it in your body.”

“Leave. Get out of my body. I want to go home and back to my life, and you are not a part of it.”

He knew this was bound to happen. He didn’t even try to stay within her. He slowly left her body and then her room. As he made his way out of the hospital, he looked around to all the rooms of almost lifeless people who would soon be dead despite all that the doctors tried to do to save them. He sighed as he continued on, all the other demons lived within hosts with no problems, why did it never work for him?

To be truthful he knew the answer; they commanded their stay. He didn’t see possession that way. He was in THEIR body and should let them live life also. He guessed he was just a “nice demon.” This thought made him chuckle. That didn’t exist, and he knew this. However he began to ponder on it. What if he just wasn’t cut out to be a real and true demon? What would that make him? And what would he even do then? He was useless. To Hell and even the mortal world.

Unless…