poesisviridisvulpeculae

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

I've buried you so many times been down to the gravesite to cry contacted the augurs and the conmen to ask if we can ever have a chance again. dreamt your return to wake next to a funeral shroud made of the fabric of our years but today I saw you living and alive and tonight I must bury you again the hope that we have anywhere to return to the house I made in my heart burned anew those stubborn roots, i thought salted growing ominous in the yard of my mind my love and my loyalty for you cursedly springing forth dug out until my hands and thoughts bleed the hare and the hound circling so a toast to your death a toast to the burning and salting may this eulogy bring me peace

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

I want to be your touchstone. Your worry stone. Your stuffed animal you got when u were a child that can never be replaced even when they are staring down 20 years with holes in their fur. I want to be the one u go to when everyone else fails. Even if its just to be held. Even if all i can offer is comfort.

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

Lament

I miss you so badly. I don’t think even I will ever fully understand the depth of this hole burned into my heart, like the cigarette burns I helped you bandage. Its slow healing and not scabbing over properly. I want to write you a million love letters, I want to mail you my sorrow express, and have you hold my hurt in your hands. Even if you never come back, never talk to me again, I just want you to know I think about you. I care about you so deeply, my love. You made a part of me your own and I will never get it back.

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

and that was what he thought of as the world ended.

That last sunset with his love, playing in the yard with their rambunctious pooch. Snuggling deep under blankets to keep out the cold during those long, harsh winters in the valley. That small freckle on the side of his nose, almost like a piercing, just resting there in the crook. His laugh, always too loud and boisterous in a quiet room. But the best sound to open a door to. 

If the world had been a more forgiving place maybe, just maybe, they could have lived out these last 5 years together. But the world was little more than a sad story with a “faint ring”. You believed in the faith, and the music, and the love until you had nothing left. And where did it get you? Alone, on a humid fall night, bare chested, watching the mushroom clouds envelop the sun.  

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

Pyralia glanced over her shoulder to see if Antonia was still following her,she wasn’t. She had bent down to touch the ground, searching for something, Pyr supposed. She turned around and grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers and feeling her stupid heart beating just a bit too fast with it. Antonia laughed, a chime caught in the wind, and it set Pyralias face ablaze. She couldn’t believe that they had made it through so much together. She couldn’t believe that she could take this beautiful girl to her favorite spot to ... well. To share it.  Coughing to distract from the empty air around the Pyr said “Soooo, um, how, uh how are you feeling?”  Gods above she was so bad at this. You would think that with all the adventures and battles and months they had shared that she would be better than this at conversing with her. But when they were alone, she got so nervous. She just wanted to change shapes and curl up in Antonia’s lap and just let those strong hands stroke her fur. Antonia laughed, a smooth sound, water over rocks maybe, and squeezed her hand.  “Oh I supposeeee I’m fine, but where are you taking me Pyr? We are so far from the encampment are you sure this is safe?” “Uhuh! Don’t worry I come here all the time!Also we are almost there” With that she lead them deeper into the forest and towards the green light filtering down. For at least a mile of two they walked the light getting bluer and bluer as the sun went behind the horizon and the moon took her place in the sky. ......... Sitting in the branches of the tree,staring out at the moon over the lake, the girls lost in thoughts. Pyralia put her hands in Antonias braids and pulled her foreheads together. Staring into those forest eyes she felt the home she thought she had lost so long ago. 

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

And They Danced

Manon saw him from across the large ballroom, he was standing in a corner sipping from one of the insipid gold chalices served to guests. He snuck over and grabbed solas by the hand. “want to go for a walk” he whispered in his ear “of course ma vhenan” solas replied “ nothing would make me happier”

the two walked hand in hand, an honor and a challenge, showing that they were together and nothing would break that. Manon always loved holding Solas’ hands, admiring the long fingered structure. Like it was a work of art and he a museum goer. He loved the calluses formed from their fighting, and how tight Solas sometimes held his staff. And it always felt good, and a little wrong (sadly) to hold his hands in public. A declaration to the world both of how he felt, and how things would progress. They found a secluded balcony, surprising in Hlamshiral, especially with as packed as it was.  “thanks for accompanying me here,” Manon said in a low tone “it means a lot, especially since I assumed you would hate all of these pushy nobles, and the loud halls. It really does mean a lot to me, sometimes I think about what we are doing and... well I get scared, am i making the right choices? Am I doing everything to help people, our people and others? But being with you makes me feel stronger... anyway thanks” he muttered the last bit, feeling silly for sharing.

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

finding you on the internet is like walking through the long abandoned hallways of a building i once called home. Everything is so familiar, so nostalgic, so comforting. And at the same time, everything is three inches to the left, just off enough to disorient me. We walked here together once, you and me. Made things together, built a sort of life from the debris of our other lives. Cobbled together a home just for us. Where no one else could hurt us, where the world could look in but never touch us. No not here.

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

I hate you. I don’t think I will ever understand what I did that brought us to this point.But it doesn’t matter because you will never tell me and you will never come back. And I hate that more than the hurt sometimes. That I’ll never get to sit beside you again, or joke with you, or tell you everything that's in my heart in a way I never could with anyone else. But I suppose that only matters to me now. If it mattered to anyone else, we might be in a different place right now. You know what fucking sucks the most, and I’m sure its true for all lost loves, jilted partners, ghosted friends. I still carry so much love in my heart for you that sometimes? I feel like I could get sick from it. I guess love really is a burden sometimes. Especially when it becomes one sided. A poison we take because we think, I can build an immunity, I’m not like everyone else, this time it will be different. But is it ever? One way or another everyone leaves.

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

I don’t know how to describe the raw ache you left in me. The pitch black wound, fetid, rotting, stinking and oozing. I gave my trust willingly and openly and I see once again that this was not the proper course. Once again my trust was a mistake, my love and fury for you nothing more than a one way street. Every day is a new break for me, another piece of armor added. Anything to stop this hurt from growing, anything to keep everyone else out. And every day I only have one question. Why?

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

He was surprised at her kisses. She wasn’t one to flaunt them, nor was she one to withhold them out of spite though. They were rare gemstones of her affection towards a person, and he cherished them. He cherished the feeling of her warm, soft lips pressing gently on his once, twice. He could feel her smile as she pressed her lips on his one last time and grabbed his hand.

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

I have an artistic soul But my hands are fumbling creatures Always tripping and slipping over paper betraying machinery Frayed wires and skipped connections between the circuit board and the finger tips

A.R

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

What do you collect he asked. Tilting his head to the side like a curious dog. I collect scars he replied. I collect all the hurtful nasty corrosive things that eat people up from the inside out. Those things your mother said when she was hurting and it had nowhere else to go but out. Those are here he said lifting his pant leg to show a small gash by his kneecap. The ugly slurs you wanted to yell at the girls who never returned your love, those are here. With a flourish he showed me the back of his hands covered in different sized scars. A graveyard of words and hurt all over his body. 

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

Life is filled with beauty

unimaginable, frank brightness fills this earth

And yet it is hard on me

I can see the glory of it

but it seems as if through aqualite windows

This is not something meant for me

A.R

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

Incomplete

a puzzle 

with too many pieces inside to find the right ones 

to complete a coherent picture.

A.R 

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

It’s the paranormal

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

Remember when we were young and the world was at our feet? And we could do anything, the future was bright with opportunities and choices! And now, well everyone wants to know why you haven’t made it yet. Why aren’t you? Why haven’t you? And Most of us are trying, but the limits are so much shorter now. and we don’t know how to reach when we see so many of our generation failing. We find ways to hide, and forget, getting lost along the way. We lose our voices, we lose our drive... and still they sit there on their high horses, with those lofty expectations...

[poesisviridisvulpeculae]

silence like night in a snowfall captured in a globe deepening darkness encroaching sprinkled twinkle lights dot the (gaping) (unfathomable) expanse holding fierce against it noises,howls,shrieks,growls,grunts animals noises break the night (splintering)(fracturing the illusion of silence the globe shattered racing skin tingling, fire in the veins dark fire, the fires of hades the rivers of the Phlegethon coursing pumping,pounding,demanding flesh singing out  an opera of sensations playing against the metronome of those rivers