pooltowel

[pooltowel]

"No mum, it's about my favorite rapper, he's so hot!"

Athena's mother turns her head, glancing at her before pulling into the parking lot.

"I'm glad you have found something you enjoy, but please just go inside the exchange and get yourself fresh needles. I don't want you getting another infection."

She turns to her mother, sighing, but nods and pulling at the sleeves of her hoodie. She looks through the windshield, at the amount of people who are crossing the street or going inside of the exchange and feeling uncomfortable.

"Do I actually have to? I mean, I can just use a lighter to sterilize them and—"

Her mother cuts her off, "if you don't go in, I will send you to rehab." The tone of voice hurts Athena, she knows it to well from her own mother; the seriousness, the anger, the worry, the frustration.

Athena nods, knowing her mother threatens this to her all the time, that she never actually would do it. She feels pissed off as she leaves the car, slamming the door behind her and shoving her hands into the pockets of her hoodie.

"Athena! Hey, how has it been since we last saw you?"

The lady smiles to her, her curly brown hair a mess, sweat slightly on her face. Athena laughs lightly and smiles back, waving to her before greeting the lady at the desk.

"I've been worse, but thats life. Why are you looking like such a... mess right now?" Athena questions the her, anything to drag out a long conversation so she doesn't have to go back into the car to get lectured by her mother.

"Oh, there was just a bit of a problem with someone using in one of the bathrooms. It's ok though, he's safe, everyone is safe."

She smiles to Athena, before typing on her computer and glancing to her again.

"You haven't seen us for a few weeks for new needles, why is that?" The lady questions Athena, she looks down a little and sighs, avoiding eye contact and feeling embarrassed, but she is always honest, for some reason. She cannot save herself the embarrassment.

"I was re using for a little bit, but you know how my mom is, she forced me to come in."

"You know how unsafe that is Athena, I mean you're an adult, I can't tell you what to do but we are here for your saftey. How many needles do you think you will need to take today? We can offer as many as you need and a box to store the used ones in until you can bring them back here for us to throw away."

She thinks for a moment, how many does she normally get? She stood there, mouth open looking at the counter.

"Athena?"

"Oh, shit — sorry, uh, can I just get 2 boxes?"

Athena spoke awkwardly, looking down, would 2 even be enough? Why can't she remember the amount she normally gets?

"Of course, as well you know there are other supplies in them for you to use. Have you considered a case worker yet?"

The ladies voice was soft, kind, understanding, but Athena hated it. She hated how she actually gets offered help, knowing she refuses everytime. Not shooting up anymore, forever? It's a joke to her really, being sober means being in pain, she just wants to forget everything.

"No, no, it's fine. I'll let you know if I do want one."

Athena smiles to the worker, grabbing the two boxes before turning towards the door.

"I'll see you next time," Athena tells her, unsure if she would even go back there again, hating to actually get help from people with her addiction, she doesn't want help, nor clean needles, she'd rather it kill her than having to come here so often.

"Can you take me to my house now, mom?" Athena asks her mother, who nods to her with a look of disappointment.

"Just, please promise me you'll be safe, I'm getting really tired of you Athena, I swear if one more thing happens, if there's anymore drama, thats it."

Her mothers words were harsh, she just nods to her looking out the window as the buildings pass by, blurring as they do making her feel dizzy if she stares for too long, she recognizes all of them, knowing she's not far from her house.

"I'll be fine mom."

"You said that last time Athena, and you got an infection! Do you think I'm proud that my daughter is a junkie? You think I feel proud when people ask what you do now and I tell them just drugs!?"

Her mother yells at her, driving slightly faster and she nods, avoiding eyecontact and looking down at her hands.

"Answer me Athena."

"No mom, I don't think that."

"Then why, why do you still continue to use drugs? and why every single day? I didn't raise you like this. Maybe it is my fault, maybe im just such a terrible mother."

Athena doesn't say anything, playing with the sleeves of her hoodie as the car comes to a stop infront of her house.

"Thanks for driving me mom."

Her mother doesn't say anything, a sigh leaves her lips as Athena closes the car door, walking into her house.

Athena's thoughts go back to what she heard at the needle exchange, a guy was using in the bathroom? That's unsanitary, but then again, with her re using needles and leaving them around her house, and her house being so messy, its not really much of a surprise to her someone would use in a bathroom at the exchange.

"You're home early."

"Yeah, so what?"

She looks to the guy that actually owns her house, that lives here too, well, theres too many people living in this house and they all do drugs, encouraging each other to keep using.

"Did you bring me anything?"

"Dude seriously I told you no, I ain't got no money for that shit," Athena tells him, getting frustrated with him, he always wants her to get supply for him to make more drugs, she hates it, he's lazy and rude, forcing her to do all the shit he doesn't want to do.

"There's a party tonight anyway," He speaks to her as if she's stupid, placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it.

"Ok? I should care why?"

"Because if you don't wanna be involved stay the fuck in your room and don't bitch about it. If you are gonna come down stairs you better not be on heroin either, last thing I need is you passing out and scaring everyone with your nodding off."

"You know, not everyone does meth, Kayce. No wonder you're losing teeth," she chuckles at him, before turning away and walking upstairs to her room.

"You better not have fuckin touched my shit or I swear Kayce—"

"I wouldn't touch that bio hazard of a room with a 100 foot pole!" He yells at her as she walks up stairs into her room.

Her room is a mess, a disgusting mess of clothes, rubbish, used needles and dirt. She sighs, sitting on her bed, the only thing that was really even clean in her bedroom.

She opens her phone, staring at the time for a moment before turning it off again, wanting to at least wait another hour to shoot up and ignore the severe cravings, she isn't in withdrawals yet, that'd take time, but she still feels like utter shit.

After an hour though, she can hear music downstairs and a lot of talking, some yelling, and other noises she can't really put her finger on.

Athena sighs, getting out of bed and walking down the stairs, hearing the music she knows all too well playing from her favorite rappers. She smiles, at least thats one thing her and Kayce have in common, listening to $uicideboy$, even though theyre both in New Orleans, and it feels cringe to listen to music referring to the city that they live in.

She looks around, before sitting down, her back against the wall infront of the stair case, pulling out a blunt she had rolled earlier in the day and her lighter.

"Yo, what's up?"

Athena looks up, seeing her favorite rapper who she called so hot earlier in the day staring down at her where she sat against the wall. Nervously she pulls the blunt out of her mouth, holding it in her hand and frowning.

"Hi," her voice sounds bored as she greets him, his eyes on her hand before moving to her face again.

"Whats your name?"

"Ruby."

She sighs, she knew his name but didn't want to seem like a fan of his. She looks at him for a few seconds before looking down again, he's more attractive to her in real life, as an actual person infront of her rather than just on a screen.

"I'm Athena," she says quietly while sparking up her blunt and taking a hit. She blows the smoke from her mouth, watching as Ruby sits next to her.

"Mind if I have a hit?"

Athena looks to him, smiling softly, she doesn't want to seem weird for looking at him too long, but she thinks he is really pretty. His hair is long, brown, curly but frizzy, it suits him.

When Ruby looks at her, his long eyelashes catch her eye as she studies his face quickly, freckles perfectly scattered across his soft features.

"Sure, why not," she passes the blunt to him, careful to not burn his hand or wrist.

"You look tired, or something like that."

She notices him looking at her, even though she wasn't looking to him anymore. She sighs, not wanting to just lay out all of her problems to some random dude, especially not Ruby, there was no chance she would embarrass herself like that infront of her favorite rapper, maybe she does know how to save herself from embarrassment.

Athena rubs her face, then turns to Ruby again.

He presses the blunt to her lips, she furrows her brows, before wrapping her thumb and finger around it, securing it to her mouth.

Blush lightly covers her cheeks as she looks down, he's too attractive to be giving her treatment like this, he'd hate her if he knew how she lived.

She takes a drag, blowing the smoke out of her nose.

"Why is that? You not getting any sleep at home?"

"This is my home."

"Right... Right i see why you're not getting any sleep then."

He chuckles, then sighs, his smile slowly going back to resting, but she could see him thinking, slight concern on his face.

"You seriously live here? How old are you, you're too young to be living in a trap house."

"I think anyone is too young to be in a place like this, no one should be here, right?"

Athena sighs, pulling her legs to her chest and tilting her head to Ruby, who smiles softly and shakes his head. She smiles slightly looking at him, she doesn't want to stare, to seem weird.

"Maybe you're right, but that doesn't explain why you're here."

She shakes her head, finishing off the blunt and putting it out onto the old, dirty, wooden floor.

"It's not important," she tells him, brushing off his questions about her living situation not wanting to pour out her life story to a stranger.

"Yeah, it's not," he says bluntly, standing infront of her, stretching his hand out to her to help her up from the floor.

Athena shakes her head, not grabbing onto his hand.

"Whats wrong, huh?"

"I'm just gonna go back to my room..." Athena says quietly, standing up on her own infront of Ruby.

Ruby looks down to her face, Athena stares back to him then away quickly, then to her feet.

"I feel sick," she says quietly, not lying at all.

Ruby sees her face has paled, and she looks like she'll start sweating at any second, and her legs are shaking slightly as her arms wrap around her stomach.

"Woah, hey, sit down," Ruby says quickly, concerned for the girl he just met and smoked with, .

"Did you smoke too much weed?" He asks her softly, grabbing onto her arm careful not to startle her in anyway, she seems like the type to be scared of almost anything.

"It's not that," she whispers, her voice breaking slightly, her words a higher pitch than a few seconds ago.

Athena sniffles, tears roll down her pink cheeks as the noise makes Ruby more concerned for her wellbeing.

"Athena, seriously whats up?"

Ruby sees her tears, she cries so quietly, if he wasn't looking at her he wouldn't think anything is wrong, he can tell she's hiding away her feelings. He wants to understand whats wrong, to help her feel better. Her living situation seems like shit, and her being sick from something — that he has no idea what, concerns him further.

"Its nothing Ruby, I'll be fine," she sniffles, rubbing her tears away with the end of her hoodie sleeves that cover her hands.

"I'm just gonna go to my room, k?" her voice breaks as she speaks again, coughing slightly as she rubs her tears away.

"Athena..." Ruby quietly says her name, rubbing her shoulder before pulling her into a hug.

"You're not ok, are you? Tell me whats up with you, I'm worried and I'm not gonna just leave you in tears on the floor, especially since you just told me you feel sick."

She's caught by surprise by the sudden hug from him, Ruby's arms are carefully wrapped around her body, she has to fight every instinct in herself not to push him away, knowing this is somewhat helping her not cry. It's as if its all she knows, the comfort of her own pain, the sadness, for who would she be without it?

"I'm sorry," she mumbles quietly, her words muffled by his chest, her face pressed against his baggy shirt, her tears staining the fabric, he didn't seem to mind though, continuing to hold onto her and rubbing her back gently.

She sniffles again, burying her face into his chest slightly to hide herself from the embarrassment of crying in front of him like this, never knowing that she would be crying in the arms of her favorite rapper that she'd lie to about not knowing to get close to him.

It wasn't fathomable, meeting him like this, going through withdrawals and holding onto him crying and about it, about everything. Everything always seems to go so wrong, no matter the stiuation she is in.

Ruby continues to hold her close, noticing how small she feels in his arms. It's as if she's so fragile, like a glass that could break at any second and cut everyone around her.

"You got nothing to be sorry for." He reassures her quietly, his hand softly rubbing her back as she continues crying into his chest.

He continues holding onto her until the tears slow, feeling her breathing become more controlled again, and her body relax against him.

Ruby can feel her shaking, her skin feeling cold but heating up at the same time before dropping again, he quickly moves his hand to her forhead, feeling how burnt up she feels.

She still lets out shaky breaths, hiccuping through the tears. Her head felt like it was being bashed against a brick wall every few seconds, her brain screaming at her and forcing her to feel everything she's been avoiding, her body craving the high she craves everyday, her skin crawling as it chills from the lack of drugs in her system.

She wishes it didn't have to be this way, having to use heroin so she can feel slightly normal, like a human. Athena thinks about all the times where she didn't even want to be high, that it began to feel miserable, but her body needed it to function, her brain needed it to make sense of herself, to make sense of other people, to make sense of the world, of everything.

The withdrawal symptoms feel so much worse right now than ever, she's too scared to say anything to him, she's a junky, that much is obvious but she can't show how bad it is, how much she suffers due to her own actions, Ruby feels her burning up and can tell somethings wrong.

He can't exactly tell what it is, but he knows she's going through withdrawals, he's been through it himself, but he doesn't know what it is she's addicted to nor why she just won't use again to feel better from all of this pain and suffering.

"Seriously Athena, what's up? You don't gotta get all personal but shit, you seem fucked right now."

She was shivering, her breathing becoming more rapid and shaky, her head beginning to pound even more than it already was. Her eyes began to fill with tears again, unable to say anything, unable to speak, only able to think about how much she wishes she had something right now, anything to make her feel better. She doesn't want to cry again, but the words he said only seemed affect her more, making the pain more present than ever.

She shakes her head quickly, her face buried against his chest, trying to hide herself from his gaze, scared of him seeing her, Athena knows he would be able to see right through her, to realize everything so quickly.

He could sense her hesitancy, her reluctance to share her suffering, her struggles, her own issues, her own demons. He couldn't force her to open up, not now at least, not when she was in such a vulnerable state.

So instead, he just continues to hold her, gently rubbing her back and whispering reassuring words into her ear.

"It's okay," he murmurs. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to. I'm here for you, no matter what."

She chuckles quielty, he's here for her no matter what? He just met her, she's no one to him, but to her? she's known him for a long time, she knows more about him that he'd ever possibly know about her, right? It wouldn't be surprising at all if this is the last time she'd ever see him, ever talk to him, its happened before and she knows this wouldn't be the last time.

Shes tired of meeting people in situations like this, of her being in such a horrific place and they feel the need to comfort her. It's the worst feeling, someone who doesn't know you comforting you through such personal experiences only to leave you on the floor feeling more broken than before once they leave, knowing that even though they seem to understand, they never could. It feels so surface level, that theres nothing really there behind them, behind Ruby. He's just doing this because he feels bad, not because he actually gives a shit about Athena, maybe her head is right, she is nothing.

She feels guilty. Guilty for allowing herself to be held like this, guilty for letting him comfort her even though it's just pity and he doesn't actually care about what she's going through or who she is. She feels like she's using him, like she's just using his kindness.

She wants to push him away, to shove him away from her and tell him to just leave her alone, but she can't bring herself to do it. She's too weak, too vulnerable, too broken to push him away.

She knows its bad for her, that she's going to get attached to him.

Ruby could sense her inner conflict, the guilt and self-loathing coursing through her. Despite the harshness of her thoughts, he refuses to let go of her, refusing to let her push him away.

"You're stuck with me right now," he says quietly, his voice firm but gentle as he speaks to her, careful to not say anything wrong to make her over think anymore than she clearly is. "No pushing me away, got it?"

He tightens his hold on her slightly, pulling her closer against him, trying to show her that he's there for her, that he's not going anywhere, at least not for now.

"I'm going through withdrawals right now, from heroin. I havent shot up in a little while, its making me feel like utter shit, like I'm being punished by the universe for just existing how I want to, the only way I know how to. I can tell how bad youre going through it too, Athena, I'm not as bad as you right now though."

She's taken aback by his blunt honesty, the sudden revelation that he's currently struggling with withdrawals from heroin, just like her. A pang of guilt hits her when she realizes that he's going through the same hell she is right now, yet he's here, offering comfort and support to her instead of wallowing in his own self-pity. It makes her heart ache.

She lifts her head from his chest and looks up at him, she knows its wrong to think about shooting heroin with him, but she can't stop the thoughts from flooding her mind, maybe he would? He needs it just like she does.

He notices the look in her eyes, the subtle change in her expression as she glances up at him, and he knows exactly what she's thinking, the thought of using together, sharing that moment with him. It's written all over her face.

He shakes his head, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he looks down at her. "Not gonna happen, doll," he says tells her firmly. "I may be going through hell, but I'm not draggin' you down with me."

"I need to shoot up Ruby, I'm going to. My room is upstairs, you can either stay here or come with me, but I know if I don't soon this pain will kill me, hell on earth is not worth it, I need the heroin, my heroin."

He's so infuriatingly good, so caring and kind and thoughtful, it's infuriating. She hates that he cares, that he's so damn gentle and understanding, but she also feels as though its all fake, so insincere.

"Stop acting like you can save me, I don't need to be saved, I can save myself. Now, are you gonna come shoot up or not?" she mutters, her voice low and rough, the withdrawal making her sound even more tired and worn down.

He lets out a deep sigh, his expression turing sour as her words hit him like a punch to the gut. She's pushing him away, refusing to accept his kindness and support, convinced that he's insincere in his attempts to help her. It's really annoying.

"Listen, I ain't trying to save you, I just want to help you, darlin," he replies, his voice stern as he speaks to her, but still laced with concern. "But if you really think shooting up to numb the pain is the best option right now, then fine, I'll go get my stuff."

Her irritation grows even more when he calls her "darlin'", its as if he's mocking her, and it's really pissing her off. She huffs and rolls her eyes, frustrated at his unwavering kindness and care for her. She feels trapped, stuck between wanting to push him away and needing someone to lean on, someone to be there for her.

"Don't call me that, I'm not some fragile doll that needs to be coddled and taken care of," she snaps, her voice rising in volume as her emotions overtake her, but she quickly realizes what she's doing, immediately regretting it.

"You can use my stuff," She sighs.

He knows she's frustrated and irritated with him, he can see it all over her face and hear it in her voice, but he doesn't take offense, in fact, he even finds it kind of cute. She's so stubborn and strong-willed, refusing to let anyone help her, even when she desperately needs it.

He nods at her when she offers to let him use her stuff.

"Yeah, okay," he replies quietly, trying to keep his voice level and calm. "Just lead me to it."

She huffs, frustrated with his casual response. She doesn't want him to be so calm, so understanding. She wants him to be angry, to yell at her and push her away, to abandon her and leave her as everyone else has done before him. She can't understand why he's continuing to show her kindness.

Without saying a word, she pulls on his arm, pushing past the people and trying to drown out the loud music as she pulls Ruby up the stairs to her bedroom.

As he follows her up the stairs, he can't help but feel a sense of unease at the situation they're in. He knows damn well that this is a bad idea, that he shouldn't be enabling her addiction, but he also knows that in the state she's in, she's likely to use regardless of whether he uses with her or not.

He tries not to think about it too much as she leads him to her bedroom.

"I'm not gonna use with you," he tells her as she opens the door to her room, he isn't surprised to see how dirty it is, a complete mess that resembles the rest of the house, its depressing as fuck to see.

She rolls her eyes again when he says he's not going to use with her, as if he's trying to control her own life and what she does. She's irritated with his response and the way he's still so calm and collected, it's frustrating that he isn't pushing her away and leaving her to deal with this all alone.

"Fine, be a pussy then," she mutters as she pushes past him and walks over to her night stand, digging through it for her stash.

She finds her heroin, the box of new needles already on her bed ready to be used. She sees ruby opening the box up, taking out a new needle for her, holding onto it as she prepares her heroin.

"You sure you don't want any?" Athena asks him, looking at him, studying his face then moving towards his long brown hair again.

He shakes his head firmly, refusing the offer of heroin. He hates himself for even being here, for even entertaining the idea of letting her use right in front of him.

"I'm not doing it, I said already," he responds firmly, his voice firm but gentle. He can't back down now, he has to resist the urge to use, no matter how desperate and tempted he feels.

"You shouldn't be using it either," he adds, his expression tense.

"You can leave if you want to?" She speaks in a condescending manner, drawing up the liquid into a needle.

"I'm not leaving you alone," Ruby sighs, watching as Athena draws up the liquid, holding it up to eye level to make sure she gets the correct dosage for herself. He stares at her, an unsure look on his face, not wanting to enable her.

He is just as bad though, he would be doing the exact same thing, just by himself, alone in his dark room and slipping into unconsciousness after injecting the dark liquid into his arm.

"Then be quiet for sec," she says quietly, passing him the cap of the needle, biting her bottom lip slightly as she pulls up the sleeve of her hoodie.

He feels uncomfortable seeing all of the scarring on her arm, along with the bruises. It's obvious shes been using for a long time, that its just not some new thing to her, that she didn't just start "trying it out" because of her friends or roommates.

"Alright then," Ruby replies quietly, watching as she prepares to shoot up. He feels a pang of guilt wash over him, knowing that he's enabling her addiction but also feeling a strong urge to help her. He wants to try and find a way to make this stop, for both of them. 

 

Athena injects the heroin into her arm and suddenly relaxes in relief as the drug starts taking effect. She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, feeling the rush of euphoria spread through her body, finally being able to feel normal again, the pain leaving her body, no longer having to be in a state of withdrawal.

 

"You're really something else," Ruby says softly, shaking his head at the sight before him. "You know that?"

She looks up at him, her eyes heavy with the effects of the drug, looking like she will fall asleep at any moment, sleeping; maybe it will help her, her body feels heavy, warm, exhausted. "What are you talking about?" she mumbles, her voice slurred and slow as she watches him, his brown eyes catching in the light that pours from the ceiling, his long eye lashes creating subtle shadows on his eyebag adorned cheeks.

 

Ruby sighs and shakes his head. "You're right back to square one," he says quietly, staring at her as she lies on her messy bed, clearly fucked up on heroin already. "You could get better, sober."

His words don't mean much to Athena, a mantra that she's heard countless times in her life. being sober means better? but what is life, if not to be cradled in pleasure by a foreign substance. life is boring without heroin, she knows this, and the fact he most likely does not makes her wonder why he wouldn't understand something so simple.

She looks up at him, her eyes half-closed as she adjusts her body, trying to find comfort in a situation like this.

"You don't know anything about me," she mutters, rolling onto her side and wrapping her arms around a dirty stuffed animal lying next to her on the bed, the stuffed animal she always keeps on her bed, its comforting to have, but there's no attachment, to her it just feels good to be able to hold onto something in an almost affectionate way.

 

Ruby shakes his head again, feeling frustrated with the situation, that he didn't do enough to help her, that he could have helped her more than this, he shouldn't have let her use.

He stares at her, wondering how she even got into a situation like this. this house is disgusting, her room is disgusting, and the fact she doesn't even take the time to acknowledge this bothers him. Everything at this moment about her bothered him, he cares about her, for some goddamm reason he cares about this girl, a random trap house girl who would probably overdose before her got the next chance to see her again.

"I know you're struggling with addiction, and I know how hard it is to get through this stuff, look im going through withdrawals as well, theyre just not that bad, theres medications that can help you to get sober."

"Withdrawals? What do you take?"

"I use h sometimes as well, ok? i get it, but-"

"Wait, you use as well? How do- why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it was like, important? Plus, it really ain't right now look at you." Ruby sighs, sitting on her bed would have been fine, if he felt that it wasn't so dirty. He stares at her for a little while, before sighing again and running his hand through his hair.

"I had used before, in the bathroom at that needle exchange and it was not a good idea."

Athena lays her head on her arm, a look of surprise on her face then a small smile before she giggles a little, "honestly that doesn't really surprise me at all..."

ruby da cherry fanfic on wattpad ♡♡

[pooltowel]

ruby da cherry fanfic on wattpad ♡♡

[pooltowel]

Hi everyone please read chapter 2 of the book ♡

[pooltowel]

Kenjaku / Getou fanfic is here !!

If you liked the posts of finding out your boyfriend isnt actually your boyfriend, ive finally started to write the book for this :) id appreciate if you guys read it and tell me what you think ♡

[pooltowel]

[pooltowel]

Hiiiiii! I got a question? If that’s ok with you. I was wondering if you could do a third of the kenjaku ( getou suguru ) x reader? Where the reader finds out that kenjaku was inside getou If you haven’t made it already! You don’t have to do this but I’ve read your posts and I think you do a great job. So yeah! I hope you have a good Morning/afternoon/night! 🎀

Hi so in the first and second part this is discussed (and the main topic) that Kenjaku is inside of Getou's body. I'm unsure if this is what you mean?

I can write Kenjaku describing how he found or got into Getou's body and why he stayed in the relationship with the reader, if thats what you mean, or something similar?

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My throat tightens, terrified.

The word I'd use to describe my constant state, no matter where i am in life, i am terrified.

A suffocating darkness, my throat tightens in your presence.

Your dark void of a body, a blinding blackness of nothing, yet everything.

You stood there, i lay there, terrified, and suffocating.

Your presence is terrifying, yet comforting. Sometimes i miss you,

You make me choke.

[pooltowel]

Finding out your boyfriend isn't really your boyfriend: Kenjaku (Getou Suguru) X Reader.

PART TWO - Again, not detailed or edited.

♡

"I would never let my beloved get hurt," Kenjaku smirked, his thin lilac eyes gleaming in amusement. "If you want me to tell you the truth, yes, I love you, your mind, your spirit. But also your body, y/n."

He stood up, and he grasped my chin, kissing me without hesitation. "Let me show you just how much I love you and your body. Do you hate my touch? Do you hate my kiss? If you don't, then why push me away?"

"Because you aren't him!" I yelled, I almost felt like crying at this point, again. I can't take it. How did i not figure he's not Getou? Sure, he's in Getou's body, but something must have been different, right? Right?

"Oh, I'm not?" He smirked, his fingers tracing my cheeks. "You're sure of that?" He leaned in again before I could reply, kissing my neck this time.

"I'm just as good, aren't I?" Kenjaku chuckled, nibbling my neck in the most delicate way possible. "Just as soft as your Getou. More skilled than him, maybe? Is that why you love me when I'm not him?" He smirked again, his tone slightly mocking, but I cringed. It's Getou's voice, his soft, delicate voice.

"Don't kiss my neck. Don't pretend you're my boyfriend either. Stop pretending to be someone you aren't. I hate this." If Kenjaku wasn't inside of Getou's body, i swear i would have punched this man by now.

He let go of me, his expression darkening. His eyes went from a soft purple to a sinister deep purple. His smile turned into a small frown.

"You hate this that much?" He whispered, staring at me. "Would you like me to get out then? Do you want your beloved back? What if I say no?"

His words hit me deep. What does he mean by any of that? To... get out? Does he mean I can actually get Getou back, or is he just making fun of me?

"I do want Getou back, more than anything. I love Suguru, with my whole being, with my soul. I... could never let him go."

"And if I refuse?" He smirked, stepping closer to me again, his thin lips pressed close to mine. "You want me to leave this body, right?" He whispered in my ear, and he bit my neck once again. "But, y/n, I'm not going."

His breath was warm and pleasant on the nape of my neck, and his hand grabbed my chin, gently forcing my face up to look at him directly. My eyes widened at his touch, and I didn't have the words to respond.

"What will you do now, y/n?"

"Don't you dare fucking touch me. Especially not with his body!" I yelled, pushing him back slightly, no matter what i did, how mad i got at Kenjaku,i felt a pain in my heart. It felt like i was hurting Getou.

Kenjaku's frown deepened, and his eyes changed to a dangerous, even darker purple. "So you don't like me, y/n?" He questioned, his voice turning into a deep rumbling as he stared harshly at me.

I pushed him away from me again, glaring at him. His entire demeanor changed, and for the first time, I felt a sense of fear.

His voice got deeper and deeper, and I felt my breath get caught in my throat as I looked away from him. This was not Getou.

I felt tears run down my cheeks. it's not Getou. How did i believe it was him for so long? He acted the exact same, fuck he's literally in Getou's body. Does he actually love me? I think I'm actually going to go insane.

"I've been so, so polite," Kenjaku whispered, and a chill ran through my body as his voice changed again. This time, he sounded sinister and cruel, and the room felt darker as he continued speaking.

"How dare you reject me?" He asked, still in a dangerous tone. He grabbed me by the waist again, and I felt his grasp tighten. "I've been so good to you."

"Let go o-" I started to protest, but he cut me off by placing his hand on my mouth. "Quiet," he hissed.

More tears ran down my cheeks, i felt his large hand covering my mouth. Getou's large hand, one that would bring me comfort and pleasure now being used to silence me by Kenjaku.

I wanted to scream, yell, anything, but my mouth was covered by him.

His other hand grabbed my chin and forced my eyes to look at him. "Don't you want me? You were attracted to me before, when you thought it was Getou. I'm not so different from him... so what's the problem?"

I froze in place, my eyes wide open in fear as I stared right into the void that was Kenjaku's eyes. This man wasn't Suguru. This man was cruel and heartless. Getou would never be like this, never touch me like this.

"Answer me," he snapped.

[pooltowel]

Finding out your boyfriend isn't really your boyfriend: Kenjaku (Getou Suguru) X Reader.

PART ONE - not that detailed, i also hope to make this into a book.

♡

"You... lied to me?" The words slipped out before I could even think, the man who I loved for years stood in front of me. Well, it was his body, at least.

"I didn't quite lie. You never asked." He shrugged and stared at me, a dead expression on his face as if he didn't just shatter my world.

"Where's Getou?" I mumbled, tears fell from my eyes as he approached me further. "Well, he's right here." He smirked, he inched towards me closer, and his breath hit my face.

Everything was the same. His breath smelt the exact same as Getou's, I couldn't help but lean into it closer.

"But I am Kenjaku," he grinned, wrapping his arms around me. "And you still want me, I'm the exact same as that boyfriend of yours," his smirked started to piss me off as I pushed him off of me.

"You killed him, didn't you?" I clenched my jaw as he smiled and let out a chuckle. "Of course not. He got himself killed. I merely just found the perfect body to inhabit, and what a pretty thing it delivered to me." He grinned, his hand cupped my cheek as he wiped away a stray tear.

"Why did you lie to me? Why did you just not tell me you weren't Getou?" I tried pushing him away, but he only held onto me tighter, pulling me closer to him. "Well, to put it simply," he smirked, paused, and spoke again, "I am in love with you."

His words came without any hesitation, I stood there in shock, his arms holding me in place. "Even if I'm not Getou Suguru, I could be yours." He grinned before pressing a kiss to my forhead.

"However..." he looked away quickly before turning his eyes back to me, letting go of me and stepping back. "This form I take is your beloved Suguru's, and I don't want to take advantage of your love for him, do I? I want you to love me." He frowned and grasped onto my hand.

"Do you, do you love me y/n?" He questioned, grinning. All of the sudden changes in his personality confused me, and I stood there shocked. Is he really this crazy?

He had no shame as he smiled and wrapped his arms around me again. He smelled exactly like Getou, his body, well, was Getou's. The embrace was like every other time. Getou would hug me, during high school, after, even when he was working.

"I love you, y/n. That's why I lied. I want to protect you from everything, even from me and my plans. This is why I lied to you, I can't believe you could never tell. It's blatantly obvious. Did the stitches never spike any curiosity?"

I looked down ashamed. Maybe I should've been more skeptical, I could tell Getou had changed... but asking just seemed rude and the stitches, even asking about that seemed harsh as well, even if he was my boyfriend.

"Why do you love me, Kenjaku?" I looked at him confused. He pondered for a moment.

"You're different," he started, looking into my eyes again, and I had mixed feelings about it. Staring into Getou's eyes as another confessed their feelings to me.

"You're kind. You understand a lot. When I revealed the truth to you, you didn't try to kill me." He grinned, and I looked away ashamed.

"So tell me this, do you love me?" He grinned, his grip on my waist tightened, and I looked away. What could I even say to him? He would probably kill me if I said no, but was there any point in living if it wasn't with Getou?

"No." I said harshly, his face fell, and he stared at me. "Tell me, have you really never felt any attraction to me? Even when you kissed me, when you touched me? You know, I share all of this bodies memories too," he grinned, staring into my eyes again.

"You're in his body... of course, I'd be attracted to my own boyfriend..." I mumbled, looking away from his intense stare.

"And are you really only attracted to his physical form?" He grasped onto my jaw, turning my face back to his and holding his hand on my cheek. "I know that his charisma is attractive. His soft voice has a grip on you. This, however, is mine now, too. There's no reason to run from my feelings, y/n."

He paused, letting go of me once again. However, he sat on the floor, his usual attire of his usual robes flowing around his body as he did, pulling my hand down with him, making me sit in front of him.

"You're not afraid of me, nor do you reject my words at all." He smiled softly, his hand placed on my face once again, rubbing his thumb gently on my cheek as he smiled softly, his eyes soft.

"It's only me that ties you to this body," he smiles, his hand now holding my chin. He grinned and licked his lips. I looked away, flustered.

"I exist within this universe in my own way, I have my own will, y/n. The only thing that connects you to Getou is just this vessel." He pauses, a blush was present on his face now, as if he had softened at his own words. "It's not him you love, y/n. It's me inside of his body."

He smiled softly, letting go of my face. I didn't have anything to say, I felt as if he'd actually left me speechless for once. He wasn't wrong at all. The only thing I had left of my boyfriend was his body, and it was being used by a curse.

But I did love Getou. He was my lover for years, and we spent nearly every moment together.

"It's me who you've been hugging and kissing all this time, calling me darling. You can't deny it either." He paused for a moment before speaking again. His eyes nearly sparkled with hope as he rested his hand on his knee, his chin on the palm of his hand with a soft, delicate smile.

"I've been the one holding you, comforting you... I've been the one protecting you from this cruel world."

I stared at him, furrowed eye brows, and stood up, crossing my arms. "You're the cruel world, Kenjaku. Mahito, Jogo, Hanami... you're all curses. Do you not think how they could've killed me at any point?"