pos-syscourse

[pos-syscourse]

I think one of the hardest things to accept in life is that there will never be a time when I’m actually, 100% safe.

My abusers could follow this blog. I could be killed on my way to work. I could be interacting with the scum of the earth and never know.

A large amount of my therapy is learning to accept the uncertain. There is no way to be completely safe — whether it’s my protector’s attempts of planning everything, to my persecutor’s attempts of making sure everything is equally unsafe, to my other protectors attempts to beat everything up, and so on.

I think it’s a lesson syscoursers may benefit from as well.

There’s no way to make this world entirely accepting. There is no way to change everyone’s mind to the “right” stance. There is no way to ensure your space is completely safe from [insert the bad guy here].

And that’s ok. It is!

Things are allowed to be unsafe. Things are allowed to be scary. And, as you try to make the world a better place, I think the only goal is to make things less scary for others.

A case in point, one I want to share: I am publicly out as a system, a queer individual, and mentally disabled in many ways. I haven’t shared all the details with absolutely everyone, but I’m there. Now, there are numerous republicans at my workplace, some who have done things to me that are unacceptable and unsafe.

But I survived. I’m here. And I’ve had numerous people — even people whom I don’t work with at all directly, people whose names I barely know — contacting me to ask for information and to quietly come out to me as well.

If I entered the situations that were unsafe with fight, vitriol, and hatred, I don’t think those people would have felt safe to come to me. I don’t think my coworker who asked me about DID would have felt comfortable enough, especially since she said some offensive things, and she knew it. But she knew I was safe enough.

I think we should all aim to make this world safer. Safe enough to be comfortable.

And when uncertainty comes our way, we should face it together.

[pos-syscourse]

Syscourse Break!

Happy Wednesday, everyone! I hope you're all having a good time of it. My partner just went off for therapy, so I'm alone for the next little bit. Gotta figure out what I want to do with this time!

Here's my question for you: What's your favorite way to spend alone time? For me, it's probably video games, but I also enjoy writing and cooking both.

Stay cool out there folks!

[pos-syscourse]

Winding down for the night, I sometimes like to check the tags. It’s a bad habit. It probably isn’t helping me sleep any better.

But then, after I check the tags, I still have at least a half hour before bed. I spend that time talking with my partner. Usually, we just talk about our mutual characters from D&D and what they might do; sometimes we discuss our feelings or fears; rarely, I’ll even bring up what I read in syscourse.

The big thing is, I take a break from the hate and anger and sadness. I let myself breathe.

A common discussion in activist spaces I’ve been in recently has been surrounding burnout. This concept of how seeing so much disaster in the world, expending so much energy on the horribleness, drains a person. How breaks are necessary.

Please. Take a break. I’m not saying forever — lord knows I’ll be back at it first thing tomorrow, even!

But stop and do something away from horribleness. Sing a song, draw something, write words dedicated to joy or love…

Do anything that can help you recharge.

I’m off to go talk about the blorbos 💙

[pos-syscourse]

Do you believe what you’re saying?

I think, in syscourse, sometimes people don’t actually believe what they’re saying for some reason. Maybe it’s because a certain argument will get a desired result; maybe it’s because panic leads to messy words; maybe it’s because people keep moving the goalposts.

Do the words you’re saying actually match your world view?

Do they feel correct? Important? Kind, to you and others? Do they feel like what you want to put out into this world?

If they don’t… you can always get rid of them. That’s always allowed. You can delete posts, change your mind, anything! Change is normal and good.

If you find that words you’ve said — even just five minutes ago — don’t align to who you want to be, or what you want to put into this world… then change yourself and your words!

[pos-syscourse]

When everything feels hopeless, narrowing your focus away from everything is sometimes the answer.

The world is a horrible place a lot of the time. It’s been overwhelming, lately.

But tonight, a friend asked if I could VC with them because they were having a rough time. And even though I’m tired, we talked for 2 and a half hours.

Did that fix the world? No.

But my friend felt better.

So I know I made change in someone’s life. And that was a hell of a lot better than screaming and crying about what I can’t change, or staring catatonically at the news cycles realizing it’s bigger than what I can carry.

If you can’t carry, then simply hold someone’s hand. That’s enough.

What you can do is enough.

Don’t let the horrors of the world blind you to the good you can enact.

[pos-syscourse]

Syscourse Break!

I tried my best to relax today, while still getting some important tasks done. Take that, dishes!

There’s still a lot weighing on me though. So, more break time needed. All I want to do is kick back and write, honestly.

So, here’s a syscourse break question:

If you could pause time specifically to do one task at any point, and unpause whenever you were done, what would it be?

It’s a tough choice for me! On one hand, writing. On another, reading research into plurality! On a third, anatomically impossible hand, sleep!!! I think it’s hard to pick :P

[pos-syscourse]

I enjoyed a wonderful storm today. It scared me, but it was nice as well.

The loud sounds were alarming, but they didn’t hurt me. The rain was loud, but it cooled down the heat. The flashing lights woke me up, but it was beautiful in the end.

The storm was, ultimately, harmless. And I did enjoy it. But it also was scary.

I think change is a lot like that. I think it’s loud, and scary, and starling — but it’s also safe, and beautiful, and relaxing in its own right. It often feels unsafe, but doesn’t actually hurt us. It just feels like it could.

I just want to remind everyone to embrace the scary-but-safe. Things that are safe, but that your brain is telling you is unsafe.

Try them.

Be brave.

Maybe you’ll get a nice little rainstorm!

[pos-syscourse]

The end of another day, for me at least.

Are you proud of what you’ve accomplished? Why, or why not?

I’ve found recently that it seems everything I do isn’t good enough; that no matter how much I cross of my list, even if I do it all, it’s not “enough.”

Be proud of the journey; not the destination.

Rest well and tackle your list. Know that I’M proud of you, even if you struggle to have pride in yourself.

[pos-syscourse]

Today’s a ridiculously hard day for Pos. Lots of trauma triggers.

Here’s your reminder to take it easy today, syscourse. It’s a difficult day for a lot of us, so please relax and take a step back. Have grace with individuals who seem a bit more heated or ready to assume bad faith.

Good luck.

[pos-syscourse]

Saturday Songs!

Read Between The Lines by Tom Cardy

I wracked my brain for a good song to really fit the recent syscourse. It seems like a lot of people reading between the lines… but reading things that were never actually there in the first place along the way.

I think everyone here needs to take a second, breathe, and relax. I think people need to realize that, as they’re trying to find the next “gotcha,” they’ve abandoned the original point.

Stop being hurtful. Just leave it be.

Enjoy a funny, silly jam. :)

[pos-syscourse]

Breathe.

You’ve made it to my post! Congrats! How long have you been scrolling? A minute? Hours? Somewhere in between?

This is your reminder to breathe. Relax your shoulders. Relax your jaw. Relax.

Did you see something that upset you in this tag today? I’m sorry to hear that; this tag is often upsetting. But the words are just that; words. They can’t change your life forever. Breathe, and let them pass.

Did you see something that made you happy in this tag today? That’s wonderful!! I’m glad things can look up. And while the post is past you now, hold onto the good feelings it left behind. Breathe, and take it in.

I hope this was a helpful reminder to take a moment and smell the roses. Have a good time with whatever you do next!

[pos-syscourse]

I took care of myself last night. I had a lot to do at work, so when I got home, I:

Slept

Ate junk food

Watched silly videos

Now, I know the best way to take care of myself might not be those things all the time. And I’ll admit I’m feeling a bit guilty about “not doing anything” last night.

But isn’t it so much better that I’m feeling capable of another day of work today? That should be the determiner if you’re “taking care of yourself” well.

Take care of yourself today; whatever that may look like!!!

[pos-syscourse]

Syscourse Break!

Been rotating this post in my mind all day, but only now found the energy to make it. It’s been a long, long day, and I’m in a lot of physical pain.

So, why don’t we have a silly break together?

This one came to me with the recent graduations I’ve been seeing. So many students in beautiful gowns and suits walking around town! So, question for today:

If you were voted right now for a superlative for a yearbook, what would you win and why?

For us, we would hope to win best dressed, but let’s be honest, I’d win most likely to publish a book. I write too much :)

Please no syscourse on this post! Let’s all try to take a break today!

[pos-syscourse]

It is a difficult night for me. I’m caught up in spiraling, harmful thoughts, wishing the worst upon individuals who have hurt me.

It’s a relief that I can turn to my friends and be reminded that I am not a bad person for these thoughts. These thoughts are a natural part of my trauma.

I can act on these thoughts, but my actions have consequences. That is why I post them privately and safely, and make my actions better suited for my environment.

So take a gentle reminder that your thoughts aren’t bad — your actions are what determine your place in the world. Make your actions kind. Make them gracious. Make them beneficial for you.

Just like this post. I often posted here in the past — and now, once again — when I am doing poorly. When I want to do harmful actions.

Turn harmful thoughts into helpful action wherever you can.

[pos-syscourse]

You do need to let out your anger. But anger that isn’t mindful will not serve you.

It feels so terribly satisfying to daydream about winning. To daydream about getting that final punch, the big knock out. I frequently daydream about incredibly hurtful things, and sometimes they distress me to think. Sometimes they don’t.

But the thing is, that anger isn’t serving me. It might feel nice in the moment, but dictating those thoughts in public will receive negative responses for a reason; it’s not actually helpful.

If I want to resolve my anger and feel better, then I need to resolve the underlying emotions. Just being cruel won’t solve my issues; it might feel nice, but it won’t stay.

By all means: vent the anger. I use a private journal that I share only with my closest friends, if at all. I vent to my spouse and systemmates, saying the world’s most despicable things.

Then I handle the deeper emotions with the kindness and respect my emotions deserve.

I suggest you all try it out.

[pos-syscourse]

When all you surround yourself in is discourse, all you’ll feel is discourse. All you’ll know is discourse.

Do you want that life for yourself?

I don’t think any of us can disagree with the fact that discourse can and usually is traumatizing, in some way, shape, or form. And while you, reader, may not be experiencing that trauma, it is clear the discourse often has negative impacts on health.

It’s vital to look beyond this. It’s vital to do something else, if just for a bit.

Don’t let your existence be determined by hateful discussions.

[pos-syscourse]

Saturday Songs

The Eye Color Ballad by Naethan Apollo

This song might not really seem related to syscourse, for many of you. It's just a sweet song complimenting everyone's eyecolors, after all.

But syscourse has a major problem with kindness.

I'm not talking abut aggression or curse words; people are allowed to be upset and angry.

But I notice that, constantly, people say things with intention to hurt others. They say things, sometimes without intention to hurt, but without any conscious acknowledgement of how their words might hurt. And rarely do I see people... actively making a choose to say things to make people happier.

This world is so fucking painful right now. Things are so, so incredibly difficult.

Please do not add to that suffering and pain. No matter how angry you might be, don't we all deserve kindness? Don't we deserve a better world than this?

So... here's a small, little song of joy for us all. A bit of kindness for your day. I know how little it is, but at least it's something.