projectdomestic-blog

[projectdomestic-blog]

[projectdomestic-blog]

It makes me sick that some people think autistics are violent and abusive and toxic because we apparently don’t have empathy. As someone who has been gaslit, yelled at, verbally wounded by a “friend” and possibly still by my family, I can say that we autistics are much more likely to be abused than to be abusers. Also statistics say it as well.

And what’s worse is that they can justify it if we point it out or try to call them out on it. They can say “your autism makes you take it out of context” or “you’re just too sensitive” or shit like that. It’s not fair that there are people who still think abusing autistic people is okay.

There are still people who don’t see us as people, which makes it so difficult to have good self-esteem.

There are people who upload videos of us at our most vulnerable and then get mad at us for pointing out that we deserve basic human rights.

I dunno, man.

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Please do not ignor the facts!

Everyone needs to educate themselves. Google; Domestic Violence on both men and women.  Abuse should NEVER be ignored or tolerated. 1 out of 3 women and 1 out of 4 men have experienced some sort of physical violence/abuse in a relationship, statistical fact. Women hide it, can you imagine how men feel about sharing. Times may be changing…abuse is still one of those secrets no one likes to talk about. If M thinks it’s ok to kick Darren with combat boots in front of a crowd, what does she do when there isn’t a crowd. Thank goodness they don’t live together. Relationship goals! The ‘bury your head in the sand’ mentality of people is what causes abuse to continue. Those who make excuses for abusive behavior perpetuate the problem. There is no excuse. In any other form it is called assault. People open your eyes, not just because of Darren, but any man, women, child or animal. Stop making light of it. Stop the abuse. Educate yourself.   

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Thank you anon.  Nothing to add except please open your eyes.   

[projectdomestic-blog]

Spousal Abuse Of Men Is Real: My Story

We hear a lot about spousal abuse of women, but statistics show that 48% of spousal abuse is directed toward men.

It may not be in the form of violence.  I, personally, had two fingers broken when my (now ex) wife decided that she was angry enough to slam the side of a frying pan down on my hand.  To this day, I can’t play a D chord on a 6 string guitar because I can’t properly bend the necessary fingers enough.

Sometimes, however, it is more subtle. My wife convinced me that if I left her, she’d kill herself.  She even informed me of the most effective way to slash one’s wrists (which I will not describe here to protect others). She attempted a pill overdose and was hospitalized when I told her that I would be going to stay with my parents for a few days, “to put this marriage in perspective.”  I never did get to go to my parents’ place, as I had to look after our children while she was in hospital.

She’d criticize my inability to build a successful business even though she slept 20 hours per day and I was forced to tend to the house and raise my son plus her two children.  She would say things like, “if you were a real man, you’d find a way to run a business and take care of your family.”  When my anxiety acted up, she’d tell me that “men don’t get mental health issues.”  She accused me of abuse and sought out a women’s support group to justify her position (those meetings were the rare times she would get out of bed for more than 30 minutes at a time).  She once told me, “even in a dress, I’m more manly than you.”  Emotional blackmail was the order of the day in our household.

And these things didn’t just happen to me.  Every single day, these things are happening to men across the world.

Spousal abuse is unacceptable whether the source is a bullying man or an emotionally blackmailing woman.  It needs to stop.

I’ve been asked how I come up with such great relationship advice.  The answer is that my view of relationships has been carefully crafted after living with an abusive wife for 5 years.  I post a lot about “consensual abuse” and “consensual battering.”  I post about “consensual rape” and about a man’s ownership of his girl.  But everything I post, every single word, comes with the caveat that all parties involved are informed and consenting before any such thing takes place.  If informed consent is lacking in a situation, it is abuse and - whether you’re a man or a woman - you need to get out.

If you’re a man in an abusive relationship, get out, talk to everyone you know about it, seek counseling to repair your broken self-esteem, and get in touch with men’s rights groups who will support you.

Spousal abuse of men is real and if you dispute that, you’re as guilty of it as the abusers themselves.

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“Several studies have found that the romantic partners of police officers suffer domestic abuse at rates significantly higher than the general population. And while all partner abuse is unacceptable, it is especially problematic when domestic abusers are literally the people that battered and abused women are supposed to call for help.” -An article comparing NFL and authority figures and their abuse records.

“Studies have found that at least 40% of police officer families experience domestic violence(1, 2)in contrast to 10% of families in the general population. (3) Domestic violence is 2-4 times more common among police families than American families in general.” - National Centre for Women and Policing

“Most departments across the country typically handle cases of police family violence informally, often without an official report, investigation, or even check of the victim's safety.5, 8, 9″ - National Centre for Women and Policing

“Moreover, a 1994 nationwide survey of 123 police departments documented that almost half (45%) had no specific policy for dealing with officer-involved domestic violence.” - National Centre for Women and Policing

“even officers who are found guilty of domestic violence are unlikely to be fired, arrested, or referred for prosecution 5, 6, 7″ - National Centre for Women and Policing

“There is evidence that some officers convicted of domestic violence have their records expunged and remain on the department.12, 16, 18, 19, 20″ - National Centre for Women and Policing

Link to the above information:

http://womenandpolicing.com/violenceFS.asp#notes

Links to other sources:

http://www.life-span.org/

http://www.abuseofpower.info/index.htm

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[projectdomestic-blog]

Self Care tips:

Coping after Trauma

Coping with Traumatic Stress Reactions | Cómo Afrontar las Reacciones de Estrés Traumático Discusses active ways to cope with traumatic stress, with tips for coping with specific PTSD symptoms.

Negative Coping and PTSD Ways of coping with PTSD that cause problems and should be avoided.

Self-Care After Disasters Discusses ways to cope when you have been through a disaster.

Self-Help Options

Lifestyle Changes Recommended for PTSD Patients Discusses changes in your way of life that can help with PTSD.

Mindfulness Practice in the Treatment of Traumatic Stress Discusses changes in your way of life that can help with PTSD.

Mindfulness Coach Grounding yourself in the present moment can help you cope better with unpleasant thoughts and emotions. The Mindfulness Coach app will help you do this.

Peer Support Groups Describes peer support groups and gives suggestions on how to locate a group to help those diagnosed with PTSD or caring for someone with PTSD.

Dogs and PTSD Describes dogs as pets, service animals, and emotional support animals and discusses what is known about the role of dogs in PTSD recovery.

PTSD, Work, and Your Community Explains why people who do not understand PTSD may treat you differently (stigma). Read about how you can use community services or a job to change their minds.

Coping with flashbacks & nightmares

Because we become upset and avoid thinking about the trauma, the brain has not been able to process and file the memory away, so any trigger tricks the brain into thinking the even is happening again, right now, and we re-experience all the feelings and sensations as thought it really was happening right now.

Use these coping strategies and grounding techniques during a flashback: Grounding Techniques & Coping with Flashbacks

Use this Discrimination Worksheet PDF before a flashback, so that you can be better prepared to reassure your brain that the event is NOT happening again right now.

Set aside some time every day, maybe 15-20 minutes, to think about the traumatic event and write down some notes.  Try to make it the same time each day, which might be evening time if you have nightmares.  Finish this time by writing down a positive coping statement such as “I survived”, “I’m taking back control of my life”, “I have ……  who/which supports me”.

Develop Coping Strategies for dealing with stress and anger, e.g.

STOPP

Mindful Breathing

Coping with Flashbacks

HELP FOR ANXIETY - NOW !

Distract !

Mindfulness

NOW

STOPP

Overcome Avoidance - use the Avoidance worksheet

Fact or Opinion

Emergency or soothe box

Relaxation techniques

Colour Breathing

Imagery

Defusion

Positive Coping Statements

Thought Challenging  or The Court Case

The Helicopter View

The Mind Bully

Flexible Thinking

Music

Anger Self Help

Stress Self Help

PTSD Self Help - this page as PDF

More Self Help for PTSD

Coping with Flashbacks

HELP FOR ANXIETY - NOW !

Distract !

Read:  Trauma & the Brain

Read:  Trauma Metaphor

Read Anxiety Self Help

Practise Mindful Breathing

Practise STOPP

Overcome Avoidance - use the Avoidance worksheet

Read Fact or Opinion

Read About Automatic Thoughts

Emergency or soothe box

Practise completing the Vicious Cycle & Alternatives

Use the PTSD Thought Record Sheet

Use the Discrimination Worksheet (Differentiating then & now) to prepare for flashbacks

Work your way through the 7 Step CBT Self Help Course:  substitute the PTSDThought Record Sheet for the generic Thought Record/Challenge Sheet

Use the self help MP3s

Self Help Books

Overcoming Traumatic Stress: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques The PTSD Workbook: Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms Overcoming Trauma and PTSD: A Workbook Integrating Skills from ACT, DBT, and CBT The Everything Guide to Overcoming PTSD: Simple, effective techniques for healing and recovery

[projectdomestic-blog]

Peace is more than just the absence of war:

We live in a world full of war and brutality. When we don’t see the war, does it mean there is no war? Of course not. So why do we believe that if we cannot see abuse, that it must not be happening elsewhere?

Even if we do not experience it ourselves, domestic violence is still happening somewhere to someone.

To give perspective, approximately every six days, a woman dies from domestic abuse. That is about 61 women annually

This is why we must fight to bring peace. We must educate ourselves and others about the truth of domestic violence. We must save the lives of those currently in danger and those who will find themselves cornered by someone they should be able to trust. 

Find out what you can do to help people affected by this epidemic:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjSnM2M9uHfAhWQ0YMKHWk6A00QFjABegQICBAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fncadv.org%2Fstatistics&usg=AOvVaw1adCDDzwGI4LVJEqj1udrO (USA Based)

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legitimately praying and hoping for the safety of american lgbt+ people and communities. you are valid, you matter, you are not alone, and it will be okay. you are valuable. you are powerful. it is not your fault. i believe you, and i believe in you. the sooner we come together as global communities and protect each other the better, hotlines for the usa are below, please don’t hesitate to talk to me if you ever need someone to listen to you.

we will be okay.

usa suicide hotline: 1-800-784-2433

trevor project lifeline:  1-866-488-7386

suicide prevention services crisis hotline: 800-784-2433

suicide prevention services depression hotline: 630-482-9696

child abuse hotline - support & information: 800-792-5200

crisis help line - for any kind of crisis: 800-233-4357

sexual assault hotline (english and spanish) : 800-223-5001

national domestic violence hotline: 800-799-SAFE

national youth crisis hotline: 800-448-4663

national child abuse hotline: 800-422-4453

suicide & depression hotline – covenant house: 800-999-9999

runaway hotline (all calls are confidential) : 800-231-6946

domestic & teen dating violence hotline (english and spanish) : 800-992-2600

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Crisis Text Line (Canada) 686868 (Text ‘HELLO’)

I hope none of you have to use these but just in case here they are ❤️ please stay safe

National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233

National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453

National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line (US) is 741741

[projectdomestic-blog]

Domestic abuse is devastating and needs to be stopped!

On average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women and men over the course of a year.

Nearly half of all women and men in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime (Ap. 48.6%)

1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

More than 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the United States have experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

30 to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household

9.4% of high school students report being hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend.