#domestic violence

[support]

Everything ok?

If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, please contact:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline or 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Rape Abuse & Incest National Network or 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Trained advocates are available 24/7 to take your call.

For international resources, please try IASP.

For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.

[newsfromstolenland]

In one private chat group conversation, a Mountie was accused of saying a new female employee "was overweight and insinuating that the shape of her vagina was visible through her clothing."

In another, a second RCMP officer allegedly bragged about "Tasering unarmed Black people" and called a sexual assault investigation "stupid" — drawing comments from other members of the online group who "made fun of the victim" and said, "she's a dumb Mexican c--t."

An investigator with the RCMP's professional standards unit detailed those allegations and many more in a search warrant sworn to obtain evidence now being used to call for the firing of three Coquitlam Mounties for violating the force's code of conduct.

The CBC has obtained a copy of the search warrant — which recounts behaviour which led the officer who sparked the investigation to complain to RCMP brass about what he saw as "atrocious" and "racist and horrible" activity in a private group operating on the Signal messaging app.

Full article

Tagging: @allthecanadianpolitics

More from this article below the cut, because I think it's important to understand just how much fucked up shit they were saying:

(tw misogyny, domestic violence, racial profiling, anti-Indigenous racism, racism)

The documents reveal that investigators also reviewed 600,000 messages posted to the RCMP's internal mobile data chat logs — finding evidence of "frequently offensive" usage by the three officers facing termination of "homophobic and racist slurs."

"The reviewers had identified a variety of comments that were 'chauvinist in nature, with a strong air of superiority, and include flippant or insulting remarks about clients (including objectifying women), supervisors, colleagues, policy and the RCMP as a whole,'" the warrant says.

Code of conduct hearings against Const. Philip Dick, Const. Ian Solven and Const. Mersad Mesbah had been slated to begin in Surrey this week but have been adjourned until March of next year. All three officers have been suspended since June 2021.

Although Dick, Solven and Mesbah appear to be the only Mounties currently facing code-of-conduct hearings, the court documents say seven other officers were also part of the private chat group — including two supervisors.

Among the details contained in the search warrant are allegations one of the officers facing discipline joked about a domestic violence victim, calling the victim "a dumb f--king bitch, should've worn a mouth guard."

The whistleblower — Const. Sam Sodhi — claimed that outside of the private chat group, members of the group also "belittled Indigenous people, talking about how they were 'stupid' or 'drunk' and saying they have 'unfortunate bodies' and all have fetal alcohol syndrome."

"They would say, 'We're not going to the reserve,'" the search warrant claims Sodhi told investigators.

"We're not going there because we're not going to help those people."

According to the court documents, Sodhi was posted to Coquitlam in 2019.

"As part of that process, he wrote a letter about wanting to work in an urban centre and help at-risk youth that didn't have role models," the warrant claims.

But Sodhi claimed that on his second day at work, Dick — his trainer — asked him: "Are you a cool brown guy, or are you a Surrey brown guy? Because in that letter, you're whiny, like, 'Ooh, I want to help brown people.'"

Sodhi claimed there were two chat groups for members of the Coquitlam detachment assigned to Port Coquitlam — one for all members of the watch and a second private group that began on WhatsApp but then moved to Signal. He said he was told once he was "worthy" of the private chat group, "we'll add you to it."

The officer claimed he was admitted to the private chat group in March 2021 but left after a few days because of the "constant negativity." He said he was then accused of "not being a team member" and encouraged to return.

According to the search warrant, Sodhi complained to his superiors in May 2021, and a chief superintendent mandated an investigation into five Mounties — including a corporal who was accused of failing to take measures to prevent misconduct.

The probe initially focused on text communications between the RCMP's own laptops — known as Mobile Data Terminals. Investigators reviewed messages between the five men from January 2019 until May 2021.

"When members of the [Signal] chat group realized there was an investigation, they opined that the investigation was probably about 'MDT chats' ... since the private chat group was kept 'amongst the trusted' and 'there's no way this got out,'" the warrant says.

Examples cited from the RCMP computers include statements like, "Why do brown guys have unusually high pitched voices." "As an idiot woman would say ... 'toxic,'" and, "I just racially profile pulled over a car."

A review of the chat logs also allegedly found the three officers facing termination "appeared to use 'goldfish' as a slur for Asian people."

"For example, they talked about how 'goldfish' have 'bulging eyes' that 'can't see anything,' how a Korean church in the detachment was a 'goldfish church' and how 'goldfish' were bad drivers (a common Asian stereotype)," the warrant says.

[mapsontheweb]

Reported prevalence of marital rape around the world

[stuckyparty]

I know some of the old fandom folks are on here and I could appreciate your help.

I married a Republican and he was violent. I know. Egg on my face, who would have thought. He said he voted for Trump because of the stock market but I watched him in real time react to Jan 6 like "We don't do this, who would do this, this is a violent terror attack from Trump supporters!" and then in less than 24 hours of YouTube turn into, "That was a false flag operation and we were in the right." It was scary to see a formerly reasonable man get so sucked in by GOP social media and parrot their talking points like truth.

It took him five years to explicitly say, and this is a direct quote, "All men are violent. We allow women to be safe as long as they don't push it, and you fucking pushed it." So naturally I called a lawyer and waited until he left town and packed myself and the kid up and fucking left.

Oh the conversation that led to his violence that led to him telling me that was normal and fine male behavior? Was about our kid's speech delay. I said, "I know this frustrates you but you can't talk about him like that in front of him, he understands you, can we go in the other room?" and he screamed at me that our kid can't understand shit and it was my fault somehow (???), and I suggested that he leave for a couple hours to calm down but he escalated instead. So like. It wasn't even a political thing, I gave up opinions years ago to keep myself safe.

After we left and were in the new apartment, my kid said, "Where's dad?" and I struggled to figure out what to say long enough that my kid thought for a moment and then said, "This is a gentle house."

Help us keep the gentle house and pay for my attorney. A dear friend already paid the 5K retainer but it's an "evergreen" retainer and if I don't keep it at 5K they'll stop representing me, and the monthly "top ups" are expensive. If you have 20 dollars for legal fees I could really use them.

My PayPal is @KJordan541

Thanks.

[maxophone]

A black trans woman was on her way to a gender affirming care appointment when her at the time boyfriend pushed her onto the subway tracks. She has had the lower parts of both her legs amputated.

There is more info in the fundraiser page and here: https://www.instagram.com/p/C5zL5buP1iN/?igsh=NTF1NmVmYThyNHE=

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by T TIME NETWORK (@ttimenetwork)

Please share widely - not sure if this has been posted on tumblr yet but i’m sure it cant hurt to post it again.

(PS - she has chosen anonymity, which is why her name is not mentioned.)

[alwaysbewoke]

[gatheringbones]

[“Girls are frequently arrested for trying to protect themselves from or fighting back against abusive parents. When police confronted Diana after a fight with her mother, Diana said, “I was like: ‘What the fuck, like look at my face she beat me up.’ They are like: ‘She called the cops on you, so you are at fault ’cause if she beat you up why didn’t you call the cops on her?’ Dude I don’t want to get my mom in trouble plus anyways it’s my word against her and although I am the one looking all torn up.”

Girls are also arrested because it is easier to remove one child from the home than to arrest a parent and find shelter for the children. As a probation officer explained,

Say the police respond to a case of domestic violence. You have a 3-year-old girl, a 16-year-old girl, and the mother fighting. Say the mother grabbed that girl and started pounding her face into cement. They’re not going to take Mom to jail when there is a 3-year-old daughter there. But they need to separate the two of them. So a lot of times it really is the parent’s fault but the kid gets hauled away.

Although few of these cases ultimately result in detention (often because the violence is minor), law professor Francine Sherman has noted that girls are “traumatized by arrest, handcuffing, and in some case shackling, routine strip searches upon entry into detention, and the perception that she is being blamed for what is a family problem.”

Dating violence also brings young people into the juvenile system. About 16 percent of girls and 8 percent of boys experience physical or sexual dating violence; 22 percent of LGB young adults report dating violence. Being subjected to intimate partner violence makes young people more vulnerable to juvenile system involvement. Girls are more likely to commit nonviolent delinquent acts (like running away) when experiencing intimate partner violence. Young people also become involved with the system because of their own violence. Girls use violence with partners to express anger and jealousy at a partner’s infidelity, protest a partner’s “emotional detachment,” or get a partner’s attention.

While some studies suggest that young men and women use violence in relationships at similar rates, those studies fail to account for the type, amount, impact, and reason for the violence. Girls’ violence is generally less serious and causes less injury. Girls reportedly slap and pinch their partners most often, while boys are more likely to punch or sexually assault partners. Moreover, studies of heterosexual couples find that boys do not experience girls’ violence as frightening or controlling. Half of boys report laughing at their female partners when they use violence. One-third ignored their partners when they were violent. Girls are also more likely to use violence defensively, fighting back against their partners. Mandatory and preferred arrest laws that cover dating relationships have been linked to increased arrests of girls for dating violence, with Black girls most likely to be arrested.”]

leigh goodmark, from imperfect victims: criminalized survivors and the promises of abolition feminism, 2023

[abuzd]

[odinsblog]

🗣️ If it’s considered ‘unacceptable behavior’ or leads to ‘immediate termination’ in your job’s employee handbook, then it’s probably DV

[eve-was-framed]

Rest in Peace to 11 year old Jayden Perkins, who was stabbed to death while protecting his pregnant mother from a former boyfriend who had just gotten off parole. Jayden loved dancing and theater, and had a lead role in several school plays.

His mother was attacked as well but is fortunately expected to survive.

[every-moment-a-different-sound]

The Case of the Devlin House

Dead Boy Detectives S01E03

[queerautism]

Finally, there is growing evidence that a significant number of men also silently suffer domestic violence. A male client once told me that no matter how much his wife assaulted him, he couldn't stop himself from saying "I'm sorry" to her. This only made her madder, but not as mad as when he flashbacked into saying: "I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry' ", even though his wife would slap him in the face every time he did.

Not surprisingly, further investigation revealed a borderline mother who still slaps him in the face when she is displeased with him. As a child he was required to keep his hands down whenever she slapped him. He then had to apologize for making her "have to" punish him. Unfortunately, he left therapy after only a few sessions because his wife looked in his checkbook, and then hit him repeatedly for "wasting his time and her money.'

It's frustrating to be reading this book and feeling happy that it's addressing abuse against men, then immediately annoyed once more by the repeated use of 'borderline' and other anti-PD ableist terminology when it could have just as easily (and more accurately) said 'abusive mother'.

Therapists need to be less comfortable assigning diagnostic labels to people who aren't even their patients honestly. Focus on the actual reported behaviour, which is clearly abusive? That's literally all that matters.

[lexirosewrites]

Happy Slick Sunday to all those who celebrate!

I've been trying to think about how I would write a modern day au and this idea has been floating a round for a while now.

So basically I'm thinking of Omega Steve who, feeling a little abandoned and aimless after his friends and the kids to off to college, agrees to marry his parents chosen Alpha. He wants kids! And a partner! And since he never got out of Hawkins he thinks that this is the best way to do it since no one else in town is interested in washed up Omega Steve anymore.

So they get married and bonded in the same night and things go alright for a little while. Alex (the Alpha) is fine if a little boring and mostly let's Steve do his own thing. Steve brings up the topic of kids, the one thing he really married Alex for, and he's wishy washy about it. Always with an excuse about timing and work and preparedness and eventually it becomes a Thing. Steve isn't going to let it go and Alex isn't giving him what he wants so they start fighting. And then Alex starts coming home later. And then he starts getting angry and pushy until he finally comes home and they have a blow out and he pushes Steve into the wall, at which point both Steve and his Omega are finally in agreement that it is no longer safe here with his mate.

Omega or not Steve isn't going to get pushed around by his Alpha, so after Alex goes to bed, Steve packs a small bag and loads up his car. He's pissed and scared and has no plan but knows if Alex wakes up and tracks him down he's going to be in a world of hurt so on his last pass through the house he picks up his old baseball bat from the hall storage closet and a handful of nails from the junk drawer. As quietly as he can Steve smashes the headlights on Alex's car and shoves nails in all four tires and then he's running to his car and driving.

He drives until his tank is near empty and then he fills up and drives again for almost 24 hours and on a stretch of road in the middle of nowhere he realizes his front tire has slowly been loosing air for miles. He gets out to check it out and, of course, there's a nail lodged in there.

The road is empty and he's going to have to drag everything out from his trunk to get to the spare and the idea is so exhausting after not sleeping for almost two days on top of the distress his Omega is feeling about their abandoned bond and he just starts crying right there on the side of the road.

Then up comes Alpha Eddie Munson, operator of the rehab ranch two miles East if where Steve's car broke down, on horseback of all things. He was just checking the perimeter of the property and happened to spot the broken down car, not uncommon in these parts and it's always been the facilities protocol to help travelers in a pinch. He calls out, startling the man hunched over by his car, and is met with the most stunningly beautiful man he's ever seen. Hopping off his horse he gets closer and smalls the acrid sent of Omega in distress, causing all his instincts to go haywire.

Without meaning to he let's out a couple little cuffs and crowns as he approaches the sniffling Omega and Steve, who would usually be incensed at this strange Alpha's familiarity chirps back, his Omega desperately needing the care.

Eddie takes him back to the ranch, insisting he rest since it's obvious Steve hasn't slept in a while, and they'll come back tomorrow morning when the light is better to fix the car.

Of course Steve never ends up leaving. Instead, once Eddie learned about why Steve is on the run, he offers Steve sanctuary and work on the ranch for however long he wants it. Eddie runs the rehap facility with Wayne and his mate Benny, but he can always use extra hands taking care of the animals and fields. Steve starts to feel a sense of identity and peace taking car of the animals and feels himself falling in love with the Alpha that brought him here and is always so kind and patient when teaching Steve a new skill. They spend their nights on the porch of the main house talking and watching the stars.

Of course there's the matter of his mating bite still at hand. As Steve gets closer and closer to Eddie he begins to notice his mating glad looking infected. Hot and red and swollen and he begins to feel light headed on the job. When Eddie asks permission to court Steve just two months after his arrival it feels too good to be true, but of course he accepts.

Unfortunately, his condition rapidly worsens until he is forced to confess exactly what's going on to a very concerned Eddie. Steve's body is rejecting his bond, a process that is extremely rare and painful. Wayne has seen this once before, and regrets to tell them that once the rejection reaches its peak it will feel like the worst detox imaginable and will likely last several days. Luckily, Steve couldn't be in a better place to ride it out.

Eddie takes care of Steve throughout his detox. Helpless as Steve writhes and vomits and cries for the Alpha his body is rejecting just to get some relief. All he can do is whisper sweet things in his Omega's ear, make sure he eats and drinks, and help him change out of his sweetly clothes.

Steve, of course, makes it through his detox and after a few days of rest feels lighter than he has in years. Eddie ramps up his courting efforts immediately, instincts on high after so many days of Steve being unwell. He sents Steve obsessively and brings him whatever small babbles he can afford on his meager salary and plays his acoustic for Steve every night on the porch.

After four months of courting, just long enough for Steve's gland to heal completely and his hormones to return to a neutral state, they bond under the start sky.

After that they're insatiable. Messing round in the hayloft, against the side of the barn, behind the old silo no one uses anymore. Eddie is always whispering in Steve's ear about breading him and giving him all the pups his Omega can handle with gets Steve keaning and begging in no time. Not even two months after their bonding Steve realizes he's pupped, and he couldn't be happier.

agahsgdve i think divorce/bond-breaking in omegaverse is so cool! what’s a more fun way to symbolize the end of a relationship than a whole process where your body entirely rejects your mating?🥰

[alwaysbewoke]

[srdcovka]

audrey hepburn / kaye donachie / 911 2x13 / fariha róisín / 911 4x5 / 911 2x13 / unknown / 911 2x13 / glennon doyle / jana birke / 911 4x5 made with @official-saul-goodman