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I lived two lives, tried to play both sides. But I couldn't find my own place.

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I can’t talk to anyone without crying after nm

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Carrying on this vent rant thingy idfk

But I’m just upset that I would ever get replaced in this friendship I know that 99% of friendships especially close ones have their rough spots but this is the first time something like this has happened. I’ve known this person for about 6 and a half years and we’ve been best friends for almost 2 years now, we used to call all day everyday and hanging out was the best thing ever because we live nearly 2 hours away from each over and it’s hard to meet up often. But never in these past 2 years has she ever once intentionally ignored me in this way, just no proper response to my messages, I ask at 1pm if she wants to call, I don’t get a response till midnight and it’s just a picture of their other friend??? And I’m just supposed to be okay with this?? Their also acting with this person how they used to act with me like maybe not even a couple weeks ago idk. I’m just so distraught this would ever happen because I never thought it would and if they really doesn’t start talking to me properly again and I just get dropped or replaced I don’t know how I’m going to recover. I really want my best friend back. Why are they just acting like I’m some random someone they doesn’t even know? I’m supposed to be their best friend I have been for so long and this is the longest I’ve ever been best friends with someone. I dont know what I’ll do if we stop being friends and I really can’t keep a straight mind. I wish I could just tell at her and ask her what I did wrong and why she won’t just talk to me. I could be overthinking this whole thing, but I really don’t think I am, the worst thing is I know I’m not because I’ve been in situations like this one before and I know that I’m right about this. That’s the worst part. I don’t know what to do other than cry and just pray things go back to normal, I want us to be best friends again, I miss my best friend more than anything we haven’t had a full conversation in 3 days and that was for just 10 minutes before I went to bed. It was just texting aswell. I really don’t want to be that person who causes a big fuss just because someone isn’t paying them enough attention, but I can’t take this anymore. I feel sick.

It’s so bad. I didn’t realise till now how reliant I was on this one person to just be there but they are barely talking to me and I think they are replacing me. They said they where shocked by how badly my old friends treated me but now it feels like they are doing the same to me and I don’t understand why. Idk if this person knows it but they where here for me at my very lowest moments and genuinely gave me a bit of light in my soul when I didn’t know what else to do and that was just from them being a good friend. Yes I have other friends now, but that doesn’t change the fact I’m losing my best friend and I don’t even know if they want to be my friend anymore. I’ve realised this over the past 4-5 days, I’ve now just spent everyday crying and I constantly feel on the verge of tears I’ve never felt this bad for so long ever in my life and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. When I used to be depressed I’d at least wanna go on my phone even if it was just to listen to music but now I don’t even feel like going on social media, I don’t feel like eating because I feel sick to my stomach and don’t want to be making food in front of my family because I nearly cry whenever I talk to anyone so I haven’t really been talking properly or much at all either, I can’t sleep because it’s all I can think about and I’m just losing so much sleep which really isn’t helping. It’s currently 5am as I’m typing this and I only got 4 hours sleep before I woke up and I checked my messages to see that the only thing they’d said after ignoring me for nearly 24hours was just a picture of their friend and said friends name beneath it. I understand I’m being obsessive and jealous and this probably isn’t the healthiest way to be acting about just a friendship but this person genuinely means more than anything to me and I cannot bear the thought of them not even being my best friend, never mind them potentially not being my friend or not being in my life. But that could be a reality and I don’t know what I’ll do other than take the worst way out if that’s the case, I really don’t want to do that especially for all the other people in my life but that’s the only place my mind is heading right now when I think about all this. I reckon I haven’t been the best friend recently although I have really really tried, me and this friend went on a trip for 5 days together after we had a sleepover for my birthday. I thought everything was fine but maybe I said some things although I don’t know what but I would take accountability for whatever I said if I have said anything wrong because the last thing I want is for this to all end in an argument and I do genuinely really care about this person so so much and the last thing I would want to do is hurt them in anyway. Sorry for getting off track a little but back to what I was saying, the trip started off fine or at least I thought so, my best friend said she really didn’t want to go on the trip and that they didn’t have to energy for it which I understood and I know that they are going through their own things but I feel like I probably seemed to care more about the trip more than my friend by the end of it all which is not how I wanted to be, I was too focused on all the things we would be doing to notice how I probably wasn’t being the most considerate friend and wasn’t being there for her when she needed it the most. I could understandably see why she would be upset about this and I feel really bad for not being the best person but it felt like she was so much more focused on this other friend during the trip instead of me, I know that’s petty but I was so excited to spend sm time with my best friend and I really just wanted to spend time with them but they would message this person a lot and at one point kept saying how great and funny they are and how much they love them how much they wanted to hangout with this person which they are having a sleepover right now I’m pretty sure. And I’ve run out of space so I can’t finish this. I might just carry ok yapping but idk I’m so so exaughsted mentally.

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It’s so bad. I didn’t realise till now how reliant I was on this one person to just be there but they are barely talking to me and I think they are replacing me. They said they where shocked by how badly my old friends treated me but now it feels like they are doing the same to me and I don’t understand why. Idk if this person knows it but they where here for me at my very lowest moments and genuinely gave me a bit of light in my soul when I didn’t know what else to do and that was just from them being a good friend. Yes I have other friends now, but that doesn’t change the fact I’m losing my best friend and I don’t even know if they want to be my friend anymore. I’ve realised this over the past 4-5 days, I’ve now just spent everyday crying and I constantly feel on the verge of tears I’ve never felt this bad for so long ever in my life and I don’t know how much longer I can take it. When I used to be depressed I’d at least wanna go on my phone even if it was just to listen to music but now I don’t even feel like going on social media, I don’t feel like eating because I feel sick to my stomach and don’t want to be making food in front of my family because I nearly cry whenever I talk to anyone so I haven’t really been talking properly or much at all either, I can’t sleep because it’s all I can think about and I’m just losing so much sleep which really isn’t helping. It’s currently 5am as I’m typing this and I only got 4 hours sleep before I woke up and I checked my messages to see that the only thing they’d said after ignoring me for nearly 24hours was just a picture of their friend and said friends name beneath it. I understand I’m being obsessive and jealous and this probably isn’t the healthiest way to be acting about just a friendship but this person genuinely means more than anything to me and I cannot bear the thought of them not even being my best friend, never mind them potentially not being my friend or not being in my life. But that could be a reality and I don’t know what I’ll do other than take the worst way out if that’s the case, I really don’t want to do that especially for all the other people in my life but that’s the only place my mind is heading right now when I think about all this. I reckon I haven’t been the best friend recently although I have really really tried, me and this friend went on a trip for 5 days together after we had a sleepover for my birthday. I thought everything was fine but maybe I said some things although I don’t know what but I would take accountability for whatever I said if I have said anything wrong because the last thing I want is for this to all end in an argument and I do genuinely really care about this person so so much and the last thing I would want to do is hurt them in anyway. Sorry for getting off track a little but back to what I was saying, the trip started off fine or at least I thought so, my best friend said she really didn’t want to go on the trip and that they didn’t have to energy for it which I understood and I know that they are going through their own things but I feel like I probably seemed to care more about the trip more than my friend by the end of it all which is not how I wanted to be, I was too focused on all the things we would be doing to notice how I probably wasn’t being the most considerate friend and wasn’t being there for her when she needed it the most. I could understandably see why she would be upset about this and I feel really bad for not being the best person but it felt like she was so much more focused on this other friend during the trip instead of me, I know that’s petty but I was so excited to spend sm time with my best friend and I really just wanted to spend time with them but they would message this person a lot and at one point kept saying how great and funny they are and how much they love them how much they wanted to hangout with this person which they are having a sleepover right now I’m pretty sure. And I’ve run out of space so I can’t finish this. I might just carry ok yapping but idk I’m so so exaughsted mentally.

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I lowk don’t think I will get better this time if things don’t change.

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How does diy surgery for fun sound give suggestions pls

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Lowk thinking I’m completely better then realising I’ve just created more problems by accidentally giving myself an even more harmful way to cope, genuinly a never ending cycle I can’t get out of. 💔💔

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I don’t even sound or act like a boy

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i know we are just friends but friends can kiss each other too, dude. friends can finger each other, you know… friends can eat each other out… friends can… you know… fuck. would you fuck me? as friends, of course.

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Pls Someone do this to me

There's something so special about phone sex. being able to make a pretty boy cum with nothing but your words is so fucking hot. Telling him how and when to touch himself, hearing his little whines and whimpers as he begs you for more. +5 points if it's over video chat. watching him use his pretty cunt just for you. Phone sex seekers hmu /hj

-🩺

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Guys im thinking about boot humping again. I wanna hump a boot so bad. I want my partner to play with my hair while they coo about how cute I am. Im not allowed to cum or touch myself but i can hump their leather boot with my boxers on and i just...stay there. While they work from home. While they game or watch TV. I sit on their boot, hug their leg, and hump their boot till my boxers are soaked and they are laughing at my desperation.

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I can just say the word

BOYS

and get like 60 notes. You gays are so easy.

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Sorry for whimpering when you called me a good boy do you still think I'm hot

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In the kind of mood where I need someone to desperately pound into my aching puppy cunt because I’m also that desperate for it and mhmhgmhm..

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propaganda im NOT falling for: dae ho is a villain

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