qwhei

[qwhei]

I'm a 22 yo male and gay.

So, I've been suffering of BDD since when puberty hit. I've never talked about it to my family, never went to therapy, unfortunately.

Sometimes I like the way I am, but how much does it last? 10 minutes every 3 days? There have been weeks in which I couldn't look at me in the mirror. Like I went to the bathroom closing my eyes or looking down.

I even stopped masturbating for weeks due to the fact that I both hate my body and especially my penis.

It's small, it's thin, I don't like how it looks. At all.

I know there are people who tell that size doesn't matter. I know there are people that tell that this penis size thing is due to patriarchy.

But damn, it isn't.

My ex had a slightly above average thick penis. It was (and still is) perfect. It's really stunning.

He didn't care about mine, an I thought I found the love of my life (not only because of that, obviously).

After he broke up with me, one of the reasons I feel this bad is because he won't have any problem finding other guys to have sex with. He'll just need to chat with someone and that's it. He can do whatever he wants to.

I can't.

Not only I lost him, I lost his body, I lost his perfect penis.

I KNOW this will look childish but wow, I don't even know how to explain it.

At this point I don't think it's just body dismorphia, but a lot of things mixed together that I can't untie.

If before I felt really bad and disgusted by my body, even when he was with me and we had sex together, now I feel even worse.

And it's all about my penis.

If I had a bigger one, I'm 70% sure my life would have been different, my mental health would have been better.

The fact that I lost him and his body is driving me crazy. The fact that I won't be able to feel and have his perfect penis and that he's using it with others, it's even worse.

Maybe also because his body was "mine". I felt like his penis was my penis, even if it wasn't attached to my body.

I can't explain it further than this and still don't know how I feel.

I just hope those 10 minutes every 3 days when I like my body will be more and more frequent.

Sorry for this long and useless rant.

If you have any advice let me know in the comments.

Thanks to the few people who'll read this!

[qwhei]

I can write you personalized gay (Male + Male) short stories, romantic or not. I write both in English and Italian. Just dm me all the details you want to read! The cost will depend on what you want, so it will be from 1 to 5 euros.

You can donate me something here:

Thanks! ❤️

[qwhei]

Hi!

Hi everyone!

My name is Luke. Yesterday the right temple of my glasses broke, but my family is poor and we can't afford to repair them. I created a Ko-fi account to raise "only" 59 euros: 58 euros to buy a new pair of temples (they don't sell just one temple) and 1 euro for the screws.

Furthermore, my dad is very sick, and almost died one month ago, so we have a lot of medical bills.

That's why I'm just asking for 59 euros to repair my glasses: I'm trying to get a job, but it's very difficult in this period and I don't want to burden my parents further.

Thanks to everyone who will donate! 🥺🐻

Link does not exist anymore

P.S. I chose a gif of Vash the Stampede because my mom found a cat on the street, and we called it "Vash" 😺

[qwhei]

Un pensiero...

Ho appena terminato di guardare le due stagioni di Assassination Classroom. È un anime stupendo, emozionante, che si può godere appieno anche sottotitolato, e non doppiato, in italiano. Mi ha fatto ridere, piangere, riflettere, mi ha insegnato...credo che Korosensei sarebbe fiero di vedere tutto ciò che ho imparato e in un certo senso vissuto, soltanto guardando un anime.

Non so scrivere bene, non riesco a esprimere bene i sentimenti, ma questo anime mi ha colpito così tanto che volevo comunicare qualcosa, anche se non comprensibile agli eventuali lettori.

Grazie per aver letto ciò che ho scritto...🙂

[qwhei]

Il controllo è tanto reale quanto un unicorno a una zampa che piscia alla fine di un doppio arcobaleno.

Mr. Robot 2

[qwhei]

千と千尋の神隠し - Spirited Away

[qwhei]

Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.

Lilo & Stitch

[qwhei]

Photo of a flower 🌸