r4c3tr4ck-h1gg1ns

[r4c3tr4ck-h1gg1ns]

davey, reading the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

Jack: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

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spot: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found.

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jack: you know what’s funny about davey ? he's my boyfriend, and anyone who’d hurt them is someone I’d murder.... instantly

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spot , texting: O

race: What?

spot : Don’t read into that.

race: But I will read into that.

spot : HOW?! IT’S A LETTER!

race: Why is there a space after it, hmmmmm?

spot : Dude, really?

spot : It’s a fucking letter.

race: It could stand for something!

spot : IT DOESN’T, I PROMISE!

race: Like Oppression! Or worse…

spot : Dude, I just typed the letter O, that means nothing. :/

race: Optometrist.

spot : Oh my God…

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race, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

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Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

spot: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

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spot : My life is a mess.

race: spot relax, go get a beer.

spot : I don’t want a beer.

race: Who said it was for you?

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race: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

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race: I regret nothing!!!

spot : I regret everything!!!

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elmer : Gatekeep, girlboss, and what's the other one again?

racetrack : There isn't another one. You're crazy.

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albert : ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something.

racetrack, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?

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spot : Okay, but if your not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend?

racetrack: Dude- Its satire!

spot : THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

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spot : I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

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racetrack: *mixing different alcoholic beverages together*

albert : What are you making?

racetrack: A mistake.

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racetrack: I think my guardian angel drinks.

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(modern au)

spot: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

racetrack : It was autocorrect.

spot: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

racetrack : Yes.

[r4c3tr4ck-h1gg1ns]

jack: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?

davey : Aww-

jack: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!