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Neethane En Ponvasantham

This is gonna be one long.. rambling rant... but I am truly truly in love with Neethane en Ponvasatham.. the movie... Box office records confirms that it is a big time turkey.. with the majority of audience booing it down vociferously.. and most of the critics except Baradwaj Rangan giving it a huge thumbs down... So was quite apprehensive when I started watching it last weekend.. It does take time to get adjusted to the rhythm.. with the first 40 mins having the following irritants.. 1.Gautam's fascination with English.. Imagine this, a bunch of kids invite the 8 year old hero for a game of cricket and chiding him for playing with girls.. This entire conversation happens in English.. appearing ridiculous, Gautam should revisit Anjali to learn from the master in the art of dealing with kids.. 2. We are routinely show sub-title like placards indicating the period  of time the lead pair is in.. like cue cards for dummies(never  underestimate your audience) 3.Illayaraja !!!  The scene inside  the car, when the hero and heroine are gonna "snog" for the first time,  what should have been velvety silence and the drumming of rain drops on  the car roof being the only accompaniment, I was severely distracted by  a crescendo of violins playing "Saindhu Saindhu".. why Illayaraja.. why  !!! In addition to the above, Kaatrai koncham Nirka sonnen..  Mudhal murai paartha... Yennodu vaa vaa..Pengal yendral ... arrive in  rapid fire succession, an avalanche of music in a span of time when  nothing much happens.Taking shelter under the term "An Illayaraja  musical" is totally unforgivable. But these gripes apart , this  movie was absolutely simply delicious in it's later sequences, where it  showcases the squabbles, the hovering camera in the terrace where their  fight happens in one long, uncut sequence. Those sunlight  drenched frames, which appear in the Sainthu Sainthu song, where the  camera creeps up along the floor, with streaks of Golden sunshines,  silhouetting the lead pair, with Samantha being appropriately dressed in  yellow !! I hope Gautam does not get disheartened and make  "another" one his movies with a psycho antagonist who suffers from a  Hannibal Lecter hangover, backed by Surya and Harris Jayaraj

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Illayaraja @ 40:

It has been 40 years since Annakili ushered in a new musical revolution in Tamil film industry, also known as Illayaraja.

How relevant is this person also fondly addressed as ‘Maestro’, to this generation , growing up listening to Anirudh’s ‘Hola Amiga, Hola Senorita’ ?

Let me tell you a story of a person(me! ) who grew up in an era, which falls in between these epochal periods, where a musical storm was flattening out competition.

Strangely, over the last few years, Rahman’s stopped working for me, not saying that he has lost his mojo, safely sticking to a statement at a personal level.

“I don’t know what he is up to, but it is not working for me, dopamine is not released every time I listen to a new song of his.”

Examples being Linga, Kaviya Thalaivan, 24, Tamasha and I am not sure how many people heard Shokkali from Accham Enbathu Madamayada ( Ugggh! )

With my mind spiraling out of control, unable to wrestle with any challenging new musical pieces, I turned to someone from a previous generation, Illayaraja.

Turns out that I have heard only a fraction of his output over the years( the default Rajinikanth & Kamal Haasan soundtracks). There is an astounding array of magical songs , and I have personally spent many hours trawling through YouTube.

Whether it be Raghuvaran & Balayya’s daughter jiving to Malayamarutham based “Thenral Ennai Muthamittadhu” or Paada Vanthathor Gaanam ( Hindolam ? )

My mind toyed with these songs like a Rubik’s cube, twisting and turning until my appetite was satiated.

Most importantly, coming back to the original question, the current crop of music directors still invoke Illayaraja and his musical DNA. Look at D.Imman, he was a Rahman wannabe for years, till he tried out the Illayaraja formula and lo-behold, he became one of the most popular composers over the past few years.

The most gob-smacking example has been Ajay-Atul’s Sairat, the top grossing Marathi movie of all times, the soundtrack is a slap to every face which says Illayaraja is still not relevant. Every note and harmony seems to have been pre-approved by ‘Isai Gnani’. They are self-confessed Raja-bhakts too and what more could this man want, who has once again joined hands with Kamal Hassan, re-forging a partnership which strayed into different paths, a decade ago.

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Uttama Villain - Jottings....

With story, screenplay, dialogues, lyrics, choreography, singing and "ghost directing" credits, this sure is an overdose of Kamal, who also helpfully appears in almost every scene of this pretentious, self-indulgent movie.. when TR does the same, people mock him, but when Mr. Narcissist does it, we are supposed to swoon and bow in reverence !!

- Pooja Kumar does the impossible here, beating Asin's asinine performance from Dasavatharam by producing a "fingernails scraping the blackboard" effect through her "acting".. What is wrong with Kamal ?? Is he besotted with Pooja & Andrea ? Andrea plays a "doctor", giving expressions more appropriate for a L'Oreal ad campaign .. Pooja Kumar does a Mike Tyson, biting off ear lobes and stuffing them into her waist band(seriously !), then she auditions for Mowgli from Jungle Book, by being suspended from chains.... at least that is how it looked like.. Growling(Check).. Biting (Check) ... Screeching ( Check)....Howling ( Check)

- At the theatre, I am sure the infant seated before us, was crawling silently towards the exit, before the parents of that poor fellow dragged him back in, the guy next to me was feverishly texting his girlfriend( guessing ! did not peep).. the elderly couple behind us were snoring loudly.. this was just 1 hour into the movie...

- The fantasy segment of the movie set centuries ago, reminded me of some amateur school plays and Kalaignar's 'Romapuri Pandian' !! It was spectacularly underwhelming, tacky set pieces, limp & insipid dialogues and downright caricatures in the name of characters...

-When there is Brain Tumor, Death and Melodrama, in the script, Kamal tries his earnest best to extract every ounce of sympathy from us, but sorry Kamal Hassan, when you are busy dying, maybe you should avoid scenes where "Dr.Andrea" admonishes the Superstar wanting another kiss.. You are almost 60 yrs old for god's sake, grow up, it looks silly, when juvenile women swoon around you.. look at Clint Eastwood ....

- Now to the few heart warming segments.. Never again, in Indian cinema, will we see K.Balachander, K. VIshwanath & Kamal Hassan in the same frame, these titans swept through their scenes with steely augustness

-A segment at a preview theatre, where Kamal Hassan's towers over the screen, furious over his acolyte's betrayal, note how a red dot intended for the screen is focused on his cheeks, indicating his growing rage

-I am being a little too harsh maybe, but I am someone who found Kamal's effeminate dance teacher avatar ridiculously silly in Vishwaroopam, when you are an undercover cop, the last thing you should be doing is to avoid playing an ultra-feminine person, nice ploy to "blend" into the crowd, at least Manickam from Baasha had a reason to stay hidden before he erupts into violence, but that transformation did not work at all, another attempt to showcase his acting/dancing skills...

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Unsung heroes

The 1990’s was a watershed decade in the chronicles of Indian cricket, not because it highlighted the meteoric rise of Sachin Tendulkar, but also it was the decade of full blown television broadcast extravaganzas, where the media moguls figured out the formula in order to milk the cash cow called Indian cricket, with gullible millions, who suddenly had access to Satellite television, unshackled from the vice like grip of Doordarshan and their soporific commentators.

For someone growing up in this era, at the cost of academic excellence, I personally ended up watching and lapping up with delight, even the most obscure and banal matches, which would otherwise be brushed under the carpet and banished into oblivion. I have an eidetic memory for such matches and the players who were involved in those classic tussles, this is an attempt to come up with a list of those forgotten warriors, who together may resemble the rag-tag team of Lagaan, pitted against the best of the British Empire.

1. Vikram Rathour:

When a mustache twirling Akshay Kumar, roared “Rathore…. Vikram Rathore,” from the movie Rowdy Rathore. The first thing that popped to my mind was this bearded young man from the mid 1990’s, who was perennially having this “deer caught in headlights” expression, while facing Allan Donald & Dominic Cork. With a smashing average of 13.10 spread over 6 test matches, he would have the honor of being the very first name on my list. I could not even recall a single instance of him getting on top of the bowlers during those overseas tours, which was surprising considering he scored heavily in the tour games preceding the actual Test series at England.

2. Gagan Khoda:

A couple of decades down the line, I would imagine, Gagan Khoda rounding up his grandchildren near the fireplace and narrating the story of an opener , who had an average of 57.50 in ODI’s in the 1990’s which was significantly higher than Sir Sachin Tendulkar. However , the fact that these runs had been earned against Odumbe’s , Tikolo’s & Rafique’s , the selectors deemed him unworthy of future opportunities.

“What was I supposed to do, score golden ducks against Kenyans ??” Grandpa Khoda was shattered that cold, wintry night according to his grandchildren.

3. Pravin Amre:

Another astounding talent from the “Achrekar School of Excellence”, Amre in fact scored a century on debut, on a day when Alan Donald was fuming sulfur from his nostrils. In addition to Yeti and Bermuda Triangle, Pravin Amre’s reluctance to be selected for the national team, remains one of the mystifying mysteries of 20th century. My photographic memory is so embarrassing that I even remember the swirl of his bat, as he hit a cover drive of Donald, the sun glistening off the shiny side of his blade, the brand name burned upon my memory for decades�� “ BDM”.

4. Vijay Bharadwaj:

With a demeanor which suggested, that his aura would be more comfortable working in the environs of Infosys, Bangalore, this bespectacled gentleman, had a blazing start to his international career.

“Man of the Series” indeed, picking up 10 wickets at 12.2 and there was not a single bowler who could flaunt about dismissing him in that series, however the subsequent tour to Australia, ensured his career landed back on Planet Earth with an almighty thump. Had he been part of the IPL era, especially part of the yellow brigade of “He who must not be named”, he would have had a different career summary profile on Cricinfo.

5. Jacob Martin:

One of Indian cricket’s biggest loss, was the fact that Jacob Martin never played a test match for India, in spite of stacking up almost 1000 runs on a yearly basis playing for Baroda, and he was not just a flat track bully !! One of the finest innings played on a bouncy Perth wicket, against the likes of Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, Shoaib Akhtar and Azhar Mahmood(a wily customer) was Martin’s 39 . This was one of the greatest overseas limited overs Innings , I have ever seen as a crazy cricket fan. In a parallel dimension, speciously Martin did not get run out at 39, but went on to save the match for India, nailing his place permanently ….

6. Sameer Dighe:

In the quagmire that followed Nayan Mongia, we had MSK Prasad, Saba Karim and even Parthiv Patel, before “He who must not be named” turned up with his majestic auburn-orange mane. A rock-solid keeper, without being entirely spectacular , which is how all wicket keepers were until the onset of Adam Gilchrist. It was interesting that Sameer was doing his Masters in USA , when Indian cricket called out to him. This story was later adapted by Ashutosh Gowariker and made into Swades starring Shah Rukh Khan.

7. Noel David:

“Noel who?” Kids from this generation would certainly scratch their heads in frustration on reading about this name, but back in the 1990’s, when Azharuddin’s fielding was the “Golden Standard”, there was this wiry looking guy, who moved like lightning on the field, with razor sharp throws and inspired bursts of chasing after the ball, when his most illustrious team mates would have given up mid-way. I also vaguely recall him sending down some tight off breaks, which would have been quite useful in the current Indian line up. Like most of his enlightened fellow Telugu brothers, he has emigrated to the United States of America.

8. Dodda Ganesh:

The windies can flaunt their Holding-Marshall-Garner triumvirate, Australians Lille- Thommo from their golden era, the Waqar Younis-Wasim Akram-Shoaib Akhtar troika can run through concrete walls, but we had 3 names back in the 1990’s which made Brian Lara toss around in his bed, made Daryl Cullinan , clutch his stomach in terror… Dodda Ganesh, Abey Kuruvilla & Thiru Kumaran.

Dodda Ganesh was the first of the Godzilla/Kaiju that we unleashed on unsuspecting batsmen. The challenge of playing more than 3 unique run scoring shots to each delivery, confused them , muddled their brains and ultimately preying on their confidence and form. A precursor to the future, when we had Ishant Sharma & RP Singh(fattened after his vacation in Florida) toiling away in England 2011.

It is rumored that the reason Gary Kirsten came back to India was to meet his old friend Dodda Ganesh, who on his debut, bravely helped him on to the summit, the Tenzing Norgay to Gary’s Edmund.

9. Abey Kuruvilla:

The striking thing about Abey was his height. At 6’6, when I first saw him on television, was salivating at the prospects of having found our own Curtly Ambrose. But when that action of his, where he resembled prostrating before a petulant Corporal, the speed gun , at the bottom of the television screen, screamed out the following data. “Speed: 122 km/hour”. For all his hulking frame, he bowled no faster than our slowest pace bowler , Venkatesh Prasad !!

10. Thiru Kumaran:

If I conducted a quiz competition now and showed a photo of Thiru Kumaran, and asked the participants to guess this personality. The answer would have been, “ I know this answer.. easy one.. that tough looking fellow from Chennai Express, Deepilka’s cousin.” The “baap” of Laxmipathy Balaji and the original Chennai Express, Thirunavakkarasu Kumaran, unfortunately lost his way playing in the ICL, where he had this Mike Tyson type hair style and looked totally intimidating, the deliveries were nice juicy half-volleys though.

11. Sarandeep Singh:

Okay, he was from the 2000’s, but hey that was pretty close to the 1990’sand it counts. Having all the ingredients of being a fine off spinner, including being anointed as ‘Turbanator 2’ ( by me), he somehow lost his way , and was eventually lost to the dusty pages of Ranji trophy cricket which no one follows. Fantastic loop and flight, with the mean ones often dipping alarmingly on the batsman. It would have been a real nightmare for visiting batsmen, had they faced, two bearded leonine Sardar’s twirling their off-breaks claiming each batsman to be his own.

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Hitherto little known songs:

Compared to the other hit ditty ‘Thamarai Poovukum’, this lovely melody from Pasumpon rarely features in those hits from the 1990s which we get to see on TV or YouTube.

I wonder why Bharathiraja did not work with Vidyasagar in his subsequent movies, though I have reservations about his sensibilities as a director , he did have a great ear for music.

Based on the raga Sudha Saveri, it’s a song about a girl who is being teased about the flutters that one usually feels in their stomach, usually produced by a kilogram of beans/potatoes and sometimes by dopamine/serotonin ( also known as love).

Though set in a rural milieu , you find a prominent bell chime on loop, a bouncy flute high on cocaine, an unusual African percussion, which follows none of the previous known folksy ‘dafli’ beats, and a lush crescendo of violins.

Also notice how remarkable those voices sound, with absolutely pitch perfect crystal clear recording.

Around 2 mins 24 sec in to the song, you reach the soaring lines ‘nee thaazam poovache …’ , where Jayachandran’s crushing gravitas keeps the notes from flying away.

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Bhairavaa music review

Though the reviews to this soundtrack is ‘mixed’ with no consensus on its success Shailesh Iyereloquently described it as ‘garbage’, but here goes my Bhairavaa audo review(Disclaimer: I am not a Vijay fan)

Azhagiya Soodana Poove starts with a frothy synth music, reminiscent of Yuvan Shankar Raja’s vintage techno melodies like Megam Megam (Kannamoochi Yenada) & Saradaga ( Oye!), and there are fascinating traces of saxophones and orchestral strings in the interludes, which are mashed into a neat , delectable song. My pick of the album.

Nillayo starts with a lush violin bouncing around the notes, and Haricharan nails this melody with his fantastical vocals and the ‘Nillayo’ hook is cushioned with folksy guitars.

Now coming to the two tracks, which are alienating most of the people from this soundtrack, Papa & Pattaya Kelappu.

Papa starts with a racy guitar with a riff which would rouse even the dead, a downright shameless hook aimed for those guys sitting in the first row, and admittedly with rhythms borrowed from the ‘Srikanth Deva Institute of Cacophony’. Santosh Narayana’s fans at this point would have paused the song, with an expression of utter disbelief ( what am I hearing, this is not my SaNa ! )but, if you set aside your prejudices and prod along a little patiently there is plenty of fun to revel in.

Vijay has dollops of fun singing this number and I was extremely impressed with that little improvisation he does at exactly 2:17 mins into the song.

This particular usage ‘Nambivandha’ hits a few notes of (Kaapi ?) raagam and this trick is done only once, so that your neurons pause midway to record this anomaly and expects the same deviation each time this phrase is encountered. Neat !!

Pattaya Kelappu, even when squelched through my ‘Prism of Partiality’ comes out only with a whimper, it starts with a simple thappatai beat and an EDM reverb sound running in-sync and then SaNa pauses the thapattai beat, making it skip the sequence, a neat musical magician’s trick he tried in Kodi( go back and listen to the Kodi teaser, same concept)

But unlike the other song, this one is not backed up with a strong melody line or inspiring verses, Vairamuthu dishes out agonizing cliché , one after the other and certainly the weakest intro song in recent history, considering this was Santosh Narayanan & Vijay’s first collaboration.

Varalam Vaa Bhairava , hopefully should mark the end of the SaNa ‘hero worship trilogy’ of songs with ‘Neruppu Daa’ , ‘Kodi Parakuthu’ being the first two. Any more similar attempts, and Arunraja Kamaraj would end up being Blaaze(BABA Rap, Dating, Taxi Taxi), who after the first few times, ended up being just another annoying rapper. With vrooming bike sounds kicking off , the song interestingly crawls along at a snail’s pace ,and yet manages to be insanely catchy, I shamelessly enjoyed it.

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Paratha Chronicles:

As I watched the paratha getting cozy on the tawa (it looked a tad too comfortable), the simmering heat of the tawa was forging a mean paratha, the pink heat and the fragrance of molten potato made even the well fed chef, lick his lips in anticipation.

With great reluctance, the chef broke up the love affair between the tawa and the paratha, and with one flick of his wrist, managed to land a flying, bonsai version of a volcano correctly onto a plate , kept a staggering 4 feet away.

The volcanic paratha was accompanied by a raitha doused with chaat masala, juicy tomatoes and soggy onions, but did everything except cool down the violent heat emancipating from my paratha.

A blob of butter which stood like an iceberg during the first few nanoseconds of its lifetime on top of the paratha, was now a liquid gooey mess of ghee.

There was also a pickle somewhere in the midst, but I ignored it, sorry Mr. Pickle, you deserve to be only served with curd rice.

Not being satisfied with a paratha, I ordered a samosa next. It was light and fluffy, just perfect. Not one of those hideous monsters served by Sanjeev Kapoor in Khaana Khazana where he blasphemously adds raisins, cashews and all things beyond my credit card spending limit. A samosa should be rooted in its humility, powered by potatoes, driven by crispy shells.