readleys

[readleys]

how my second semester in graduate school (and college instructor) went:

i did not have my period for three months, which happens only when i am stressssed. last time i did not have it was when i was reviewing for the boards.

i was not the most reliable friend. whenever i thought i could make conversation, i close the chatbox thinking i wouldn't have the energy to sustain it.

my class advisees from last year graduated this year and i did not even open our group chat to congratulate the class. i was buried in papers and readings. my energy was depleted.

i had a beef with a workmate, who used to be my teacher in college. even i want to laugh at myself because really, with all the people-pleasing i did at work to avoid drama, i still managed to get myself neck-deep into one? lesson learned: just because you work for peace doesn't mean you'll get it. AND no one really has your back. fly solo, dear.

i survived two literature courses in one sem, although barely. for the love of everything that is holy, no one should ever be taking two literature courses in one go. it's too much readings and papers and exams.

[readleys]

a house becomes your own when you live in it, leave your prints on it, leave your smell around it, make it look like a place where a living soul takes refuge. if it's unpainted, still cement, you hang your tri-colored lamp on your curtain rod, set it to warm and it becomes the reliable korean restaurant you frequent in when you go to baguio. if the second floor is unfinished, you waterproof the floor and make it a terrace or a place where you watch the sunset and sunrise. there is so much more to do when it's a house somebody else lived in in the past. the past is an uncle that didn't like the neighbor so he swapped the house with a portion of your father's land. these things thicken the stories in the stuff they left behind. you wander what is it they didn't like and whether you will feel the same. from your wanderings you start to conclude a few things. it must be because the neighbors' voices penetrate the walls by the kitchen sink. it must have been noisy years ago when the neighbors' kids were little. you trace back how noisy your mom becomes when you were younger, always nagging you, especially in the mornings when it should all be peace and quiet. you think it's better now that the kids are older. you disregard it like you do with many other things you discovered about the house. in your mind nothing can be worse than living with people beyond your wavelength. so it's fine. it's good.

[readleys]

feeling down, just saw my midterm exam score. if there’s anything keeping me going, it’s the memory of my professor’s positive feedback to my latest paper outline.

[readleys]

you don’t realize how bad it is until you start noticing that impatience has become common currency. watching a full 2-hour movie from the comfort of your couch is torture - even a 25-minute series episode is too much. you can’t stand still while waiting for the bus without reaching out for your phone and opening something - any app, even to check the weather for the millionth time that day.

even conversations are suddenly taking too long, and when you look around, you start hearing all these absurd stories of how people are skipping paragraphs while ‘reading’ books because they think descriptions are boring or just ‘need to’ finish faster to reach their reading goals.

[readleys]

life lately.

[readleys]

i think i will let myself spiral today.

[readleys]

#EndtheSemNow haha

[readleys]

Bakit ko ba piniling mag-masters sa maroon school…

[readleys]

ang hirap nang i-romanticize ang paghihirap ko sa grad school!

[readleys]

I so love spending my adult money on this haha

[readleys]

some quotes i collected from my case study

[readleys]

classes till 5pm; took these shots when the kids were taking their quiz.

[readleys]

from a film review of Siargao

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getting the most out of the “increasingly decreasing” slow moments.

🎧: vienna - billy joel

[readleys]

for 12.07 - research colloquium

do readings on bourdieu's linguistic capital

follow up interview

slides for colloquium

look for an outfit

🎧: real love baby - father john misty