reinventthelightbulb

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Reunions are not just for families, they're for families

Reunions are not just for families, they’re for families

Ok, that seems like a click-bait title, and yes, I’m proud of that but read me out. You’ve read me write about my family before and how close I am to them. I’ve tried to work now on my father’s side, bonding over DNA stories (my wife says I need to work on my British accent – it currently sounds like Dick Van Dyke’s great-niece had a baby with Keanu Reeves, who was great in Always Be My Maybebut…

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Two years since I've written. Much has happened - if I can remember it.

Two years since I’ve written. Much has happened – if I can remember it.

It’s time to write again (apparently I’ve said this before: Giving this writing thing another try).

I’ve been away, readjusting to a life change known as moving from the Northeast to the Southeast, and it’s been a ride. It’s been hard to get those thoughts on a keyboard, and with many things vying for my attention, this “reinvention” has gone by the wayside.

So, I’m collecting my thoughts,…

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There's other places like home

There’s other places like home

We moved from NY with two dozen bagels we intended to freeze about a month ago. We arrived to a house we’re renting in a new subdivision in the unbelieveably sweltering heat of North Carolina (seriously, 97 degrees at 3a?). We met new folks in our new congregation, moved closer to my sister and some of my other cousins (namely 1, 3 and 8 – I number my cousins – see previous posts). We came back…

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Pilot

Wait a minute. You’re actually reading this? I hope that this is clear and understandable then, or somewhat convoluted, I haven’t decided yet. In any event, I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this and while you’re here, I might as well let you know who I am. I am Lightbulb, arguably the worst nickname you could ever have and that’s solely based on its origins. I won’t tell you…

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Making sense of text messages – Part 1 Yeah I think always cousin #4

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Giving this writing thing another try

Giving this writing thing another try

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything on this platform, and there is good reason: I’ve sold my house, moved to a cheaper state, and been involved in minor hobbies like raising three kids. I’m not making any money of this, so, throw it on the back burner. Makes sense right? So why am I back now? Random likes on Facebook Thank you random people who’ve discovered my Facebook page and decided…

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Mom doesn’t know (Source: )

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Husband and Wife Text Conversations – Part I

Conversations between an incredibly intelligent, borderline psychotic husband and his loving, adoring Latina wife and who struggles to understand it all.

  Husband and Wife Text Conversations – Part I Husband and Wife Text Conversations - Part I Conversations between an incredibly intelligent, borderline psychotic husband and his loving, adoring Latina wife and who struggles to understand it all.

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Husband and Wife Text Conversations – Part II

Conversations between an incredibly intelligent, borderline psychotic husband and his loving, adoring Latina wife and who struggles to understand it all.

Husband and Wife Text Conversations – Part II Husband and Wife Text Conversations - Part II Conversations between an incredibly intelligent, borderline psychotic husband and his loving, adoring Latina wife and who struggles to understand it all.

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(Source: )

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Husband and Wife Text Conversations - Part II

Conversations between an incredibly intelligent, borderline psychotic husband and his loving, adoring Latina wife and who struggles to understand it all.

[reinventthelightbulb]

Husband and Wife Text Conversations - Part I

Conversations between an incredibly intelligent, borderline psychotic husband and his loving, adoring Latina wife and who struggles to understand it all.

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Charlotte 2.0

by Charlotte Harvey

Reinvention is currently defined (as I’m not sure how often definitions of words are revised in this day in age) as “to remake or make over, as in different form.” This word has significant meaning in my life as someone who has struggled with mental illness for as long as I can remember. The fact of the matter is, people with mental illness, whether it be an emotional, psychological, or behavioral disorder, are in a constant state of reinventing themselves. This may not be a process that the person is consciously aware of, or perhaps they do not think of it in this manner, but I personally do. The way I see it, a person with a mental illness begins their life affected by the disease in a state of anguish; these diseases may not be recognized in the same fashion that physical diseases are, and they carry a far different stigma, but they are diseases nonetheless. In the same way that cancer appears in the body and rears its ugly head and begins to take an emotional and physical toll on its host, so does a mental illness.

At first, the problem may not be fully recognized, and thus is not dealt with accordingly, or even accepted as something that requires effort to be dealt with. Such is true with mental illness more so than physical disorders in most cases, as appropriate and accurate diagnosis of mental illness seems to be more trial and error at this point in time than what one would claim to be medical science. Most physical ailments can be found and diagnosed through a variety of tests; blood is taken, urine is sampled, a CAT scan is performed, an X-Ray done. Mental illness is nowhere near as simple to recognize or even be given a title so that one can begin the healing process in an appropriate way according to what illness they have; most times symptoms are told to a doctor alongside the severity of such symptoms, and it is up to a doctor’s personal discretion where someone is allotted on the mental illness spectrum. One could conceivably argue that the greatest flaw in this system may be the complete honesty with which a patient is with their doctor. Due to the fact these illnesses is truly one of the mind, symptoms are almost always nearly impossible to detect unless expressed by the patient themselves. To make a simple analogy out of this; a broken leg is far more difficult to conceal than suicidal ideation. 

Although our society has come a long way in terms of how it views mental illness, as I have said earlier, mental illness still carries a completely different attitude alongside it than physical illness does, and sometimes it may be very difficult for one to internally come to terms with their symptoms, let alone share it with a relative stranger. Asking for help when physically ill is seldom viewed as a sign of weakness or incompetency, whereas asking for help when one is suffering mentally can still be seen in society’s eyes and the eyes of the patient themselves as a failure within themselves to overcome their troubles on their own.

I will once more employ an analogy for those not entirely understanding; a man is not so harshly judged for having physical difficulties when climbing a mountain (due to the fact that mountain climbing is a physically strenuous endeavor) compared to how a man is judged for having difficulties climbing a mountain due to the fact that the man is terrified of heights. The first scenario is seen as nothing less than normal and expected, whereas the second scenario, though possibly even more difficult to conquer, is seen as a trivial weakness and something that could be overcome should one only have the motivation to do so. Society far too often shuns and scrutinizes one who struggles to get through every day because he is in a constant state of mental and emotional agony, while simultaneously it sympathizes with and understands one who fights to survive every day because their physical body is in pain. It would be highly insensitive to tell someone with MS to “suck it up”, but people with depression, bipolar, and similar illnesses are far too often told something along those lines. But how can one work on their problems if their problems aren’t recognized? I was raised to believe in the common saying “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, and essentially, this is the saying that inhibits people with mental illness to conceptualize themselves as reinventing who they are when fighting their problems. They do not see their issues as something that needs to be helped, but rather something to be ignored, so change takes place slower, less often, and in a way that is far less recognized. 

My current number of inpatient psychiatric hospitalizations is now eleven, spread out between five different wards, in four different hospitals, in two different states. I have been in over ten different outpatient programs, seen countless outpatient psychiatrists and psychologists, have been diagnosed with numerous mental illnesses, and have been put on and taken off of too many psychiatric medications to remember the names of. In its entirety, this has been a seven-year endeavor. I began as an adolescent psychiatric patient, and today am an adult psychiatric patient. Today, I have the diagnoses of severe clinical depression, severe anxiety, ADHD, chronic insomnia, and PTSD. I am on four psychiatric medications, one of which I take on an “as needed” basis. I view all of this as a potentially temporary condition, as things change so often when it comes to all of this, but for now, I feel as though I am diagnosed properly, given the right medications, and am in the “right” frame of mind. Taking into consideration how much I have gone through with the mental health system, I consider this to be a success beyond words. To me, that is one of the most significant differences between mental and physical illness: only when a physical illness is cured or put into remission is it considered a success and a triumph, whereas simple progress (no matter how gradual) when it comes to mental illness, is truly incredible and miraculous. 

I consider myself to be a reinvented version of my person, a “Charlotte 2.0” so to speak. I may look similar to the person I was seven years ago at the beginning of this somewhat life consuming process, but where it really matters, inside myself, I am completely different. I no longer start my day with the sense of dread and misery that I did every single morning, nor do I go through every day battling the same anxieties or fight off the same thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness. I do not end each day praying that I will not have to go through the experience again. Today, I am able to find beauty in things others may see as completely insignificant, such as the smell of coffee in the morning or the genuine smile on someone’s face when I pay them a compliment. I am able to become overwhelmed with excitement whereas previously I did not even know what looking forward to something truly felt like. I am grateful, not resentful, of being alive.

This is not to say that I still do not struggle occasionally. I have my bad days; I cry, I lose motivation, I have panic attacks. I am at times unable to sleep or eat, and other things of the sort. As I said before, I am in a state of progress, not a state of perfection. Every day I work towards making myself a happier, healthier human being in any way I can whether it be big or small. However, that in itself is a drastic change, a completely reinvented self, and something I am grateful for every single day. In this sense, reinvention is what gives my life meaning and purpose.

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My internal struggle

by Dennis Cole III

Call me Holden. I never and yet always wanted to say that. It is after all one of my favorite books. No, not Moby Dick, that book was horrible. OK, I never read it. I think a number of people identify with the Catcher in the Rye because of the tie to adolescence, but everyone seems to avoid the mental illness part of the book (or seems to forget it). Well that’s where I’m writing from. “Hello from the other side.” So you’re reading this at least a couple of days after I wrote it.

So here’s the hard part: I suffer from mental illness. Of course if you’ve seen my videos, you already knew that; but seriously, I do. It’s been hard on the family and they’ve been supportive. However, I’m not really writing this for them. I care more about you, the Reader; the one Reader that suffers the same way I do. Those of you that can’t help but beat yourself up, those that can’t get out of bed, those that self medicate, those that have lost trust in people, those that have no one to understand them, that are alone (in their own mind or in reality), those who go through sleepless nights: I am talking to you. I know you feel let down, that you are no good to anyone, that you are full of sin and fall short in God’s eyes (if you believe in God). But if anyone cares for you, I do. Even if we never see each other again, I’ll still think of you. I’ll pray for you if you let me. I know that I have a support system that helps me and has gotten me through this current difficulty, but being with you, normal people with difficult problems, has helped just as much if not more so.

Don’t let this world keep you down. Don’t self destruct, rest easy. Simple to say, near impossible to do. I do believe God can heal all wounds, and if not, time will. You just have to work to forgive others and yourself. If you need me, just think of me; I’ll be thinking of you.

I’m going to add some more writers to this blog so I’m looking forward to having them join - oh and I got rid of the annoying ads (I made no money on it anyway).