rigb-blog1

[rigb-blog1]

“there’s a pussy joke in there somewhere, but i won’t make it because i clearly care about your feelings way more than you care about mine. and i have some manners, despite popular belief.”

“hey i don’t know if anybody told you this, but you can’t count the monkeys as friends since you’re related to them,” zavier pointed out, shrugging his shoulders. “so no, i’m not jealous. i have my own family. the lions.”

[rigb-blog1]

“you know, you can’t just allude to mysterious bitchy things you’ve done without going into detail. that’s like cracking open a bottle of cabernet and not drinking it — which you certainly wouldn’t know anything about being underage and all, but still.”

     ❝ oh, i’m plenty promiscuous and fame-hungry, but that doesn’t mean i’m a bitch, per say. i’ve done bitchy things, but everyone does. i’m generally pretty chill. too high on the daily to be that angry. ❞

[rigb-blog1]

“i didn’t ride the horse for fun. my parents bought it for me so i could play polo...and seeing as i didn’t want to play polo, i didn’t actually spend all that much time with him. my perception of what it was like to have a pet was kind of ruined regardless.” 

“ a horse? those seem so fun, though! i’d be a bit scared to ride one just in case i fell off, but i always imagined it bein’ enjoyable. you need to get ye’self a pet, mate, they make life ten times better. it’s good company, for the most part, yanno, as long as they like you. ”

[rigb-blog1]

“bye? where am i gonna go? you don’t have a chauffeur!”

“boy, bye. you tryna start a fight.”

[rigb-blog1]

“so you’re easy-going. huh. i suppose that would be a lot less shocking if the press wasn’t constantly putting out stories about what a massive, promiscuous, fame-hungry bitch you are.”

     ❝ i think that’s the best way to be, though. no one ever really knows if i’m serious or not either. i just roll with it. ❞

[rigb-blog1]

“well, well, well. somebody sounds jealous that i have more monkey friends than he does. i won’t name names, but trust me when i say that he’s really transparent about it. i’d be rather embarrassed if i were him. as my friend novalee likes to say: yikes!”

“if i were an actual stripper, that comment might be more insulting but since i’m not and all of this is coming from a guy that talks to monkeys, i think my feelings are just fine,” zavier nodded reassuringly. “but thanks for caring enough to spare me those surely offensive details.”

[rigb-blog1]

rig’s eyebrows pulled together, mouth falling open and hanging ajar as he considered jude’s suggestion. “i dunno. you see enough humans on leashes as an adult. no need to subject our children to it before their time.”  he argued, lips stretching into a crooked little smirk.

jude laughed at his friend’s frustration, rolling his shoulders in a soft shrug. “ honestly, good point. it’s just outright discrimination. i need to have a word with disney, ” he said, pointing a stern finger at rigby. “ y’know, minnie has a pet cat. it can’t talk, though, so i don’t know. disney is all sorts of fucked up, i suppose. you think they’d make the pets, like … humans or somethin’ along those lines. ”

[rigb-blog1]

“you, being nice? hm. that sounds even more fake than the chauffeur scandal.”

“oh shut up, rigs. — on a night out, of course i do, but just a regular night that i know won’t consist of anything other than me sitting in front of the tv with raw cookie dough? i’ll be nice and let them go home to their families.”

[rigb-blog1]

“i’m not trying that hard. it’s kind of disappointing that you’re so impressed. i didn’t think you’d be so easy  — though i’m not entirely sure why.”

       ‘    well,  damn,   he can find a lame comeback and try and make it    ACTUALLY   insulting.    it’s kind of hot how hard you try.    ‘ 

[rigb-blog1]

“i would, but, you know...can’t comment on what you don’t have.”

      ‘   see ?? that was a little better !! though, i still think you could push it just a little bit further !! come on, comment on my guitar playing skills next !!    ‘

[rigb-blog1]

“i’d offer some clarification, but i can’t really tell the difference between when i’m being playfully ironic and when i’m just being a wanker. can you?”

      ❝ i can never tell if you’re being serious or not. i like it. ❞

[rigb-blog1]

“you should’ve heard what they were saying about you. something about chimpanzees having swinging from the branches way better than you could ever dream of swinging from stripper pole to stripper pole...it was very ugly. i’d go into more detail, but i care about your feelings too much to do that.”

“wow, that was harsh,” zav chuckled. “let me guess, you know all about the monkeys comebacks because they were making fun of you again, right? listen maybe you shouldn’t go to the zoo by yourself anymore…”

[rigb-blog1]

“let no one say you aren’t genuine.”

     ❝ being nice sucks, that’s why i don’t go out of my way to do it. ❞

[rigb-blog1]

“no, but i have a mirror you could look into and that’d kinda be the same thing, right?”

       ‘  funny joke; got any better ones ?!  ‘

[rigb-blog1]

rig snorted, unimpressed with the quip. “well, it isn’t stand up comedy and i reckon that yours shouldn’t be either. maybe you should try zookeeping. the monkeys could teach you some better comebacks.”

“really? you make it look so easy,” zavier joked, giving the other a playful smirk. “…well what’s your back up plan?”

[rigb-blog1]

“yeah, you never wanna be nice — gets you into trouble and not the fun kind.” 

    ❝ it was so awkward. i had to brush my teeth so many times. there’s always a worse photoshoot, i think. i’m glad i got to skip all the awkward shit, aside from the one time i was nice to a friend. ❞

[rigb-blog1]

“i dunno. i’ve heard stripping’s a lot more difficult than it looks. you might wanna come up with a back up for your back up just in case.”

“If modeling doesn’t work out, I could totally be a stripper.”