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Rap N****s

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Sorry this is kinda out of nowhere but, it’s time for me to be honest about this.

I know you’re all here for the images we post and not for any drama but I felt this needed to be said. Something happened last year that keeps lingering over my head. I try as hard as I can to escape it but it’s proven to be difficult. Outside of telling a few friends, I’ve been mostly keeping it bottled up inside for months and I regret not speaking up about it since the day it happened. The last thing I wanted was to bring drama into a fandom that brings me so much positivity and joy almost every day. So I kept it quiet. When I go online, it’s basically an escape for me—a place I can just have a little fun and forget my personal problems for a while and relieve stress and anxiety. But some days, it’s hard because going online can be what actually triggers my stress and anxiety because one person in particular made me feel like I wasn’t even a human being.

Most people who know me know that I’m a modest, nice person. I’ve even gotten multiple messages on tumblr from followers who have complimented me on how nice I treat everyone. It’s just how I was raised. Even on the internet, I try to be kind to everyone. I’ve never sent a malicious message or suggestive comment to anyone because that’s just not who I am. Being nice is what I pride myself on. But it’s also what I fear let this particular incident go a little too far.

So, this guy and I began talking after being brought together by our mutual interest of Channel Awesome–a site that hosts some web shows that I love very much and enjoy discussing online. At first, everything started out fine, we were twitter and facebook friends and talked a bit about videos and movies and random stuff. He’d submit memes to my blog and it all just felt like any other online friendship at first. But then, things started to get…weird.

Practically out of nowhere, he starts to flirt with me over facebook chats. He asked me out [which confused me since he lives on one side of the country and I live in the middle so how would that even work…] and I politely turned him down, giving him reasons like I was too old for him, he deserved someone better and the distance was too much. I just wasn’t interested and hoped he’d drop it and treat me like a friend again. But then, he’d tell me odd things about feet. My gut instinct told me to just block him right then and there. I really should have listened to it. But, wanting to be nice and not seem judgmental, I tried to ignore it and eventually tried to change the subject whenever he’d get creepy, hoping he’d get the hint but he rarely seemed to. I’d kinda laugh off the creepy comments at first and tried to just tell him what he wanted to hear to avoid drama [even though I was awkward af and he couldn’t see it or probably did but didn’t care] and even made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal even though behind the screen, I just felt embarrassed and gross and it got to be too much. I couldn’t keep pretending that it was okay. After realizing the hints I gave him weren’t working, I finally spoke up and told him certain things he was doing made me uncomfortable and I asked him not to do it again. He said he was sorry but it didn’t stop him from trying again multiple times.

One of the biggest mistakes I made was saying yes to a video chat after feeling pressured into doing one with him. I think I went along with it because I wanted him to see how boring I was and hoped he’d lose interest and leave me alone and also because, well, I didn’t want him to get mad at me. I knew how well-liked he seemed to be in the fandom and didn’t want to piss anyone off because if word got out I was mean to anybody or caused drama, I feared no one would want to talk to me again. I’d warned him that I was awkward and shy and probably wouldn’t know what to say if we talked but he insisted we try anyway. Plus, I think it was his birthday so I wanted to be nice to him and went along with it. The video chat was rather short and there was literally no point in doing it since neither of us spoke aloud and just typed. I remember his creepy eyes looking at me and I just felt so awkward and once it was over, I promised myself to never do it again. Later on, he repeated the same thing I had asked him not to bring up and then he tried to pressure me to video chat again on twitter messages and I declined, saying there was no point because I knew neither of us would talk aloud. Then he sent me a message asking if he could see my feet. That was when I’d had enough. I didn’t even reply and decided to block him without any more hesitation. It was clear to me that this guy saw me as an object and something to gawk at. I had probably never felt so low in my life. I feel sick right now just recalling it. Things got worse when I found out he was talking to one of my mutuals on twitter [someone I care about very much and is like a little sister to me] who was underage and he’d asked her to skype with him and I advised her not to since I had a feeling he’d try to gawk at her as well. I really wanted to tell everyone about this but wasn’t sure if I should since many people I knew seemed to like him and I was afraid something bad might happen if I spoke up. And the longer I waited to confess this, the more angry I feared people might be at me for not saying anything earlier. I also felt ashamed I’d let it carry on too long and pretending I was fine with it and felt like I had let myself down by not acting more bravely sooner. I don’t know how many other girls he’s done this to. I don’t know if he still treats women like this. I have no idea. But I do know that I did the wrong thing by allowing it to go as far as it did just because I was afraid. That fault was mine.

This isn’t the first time I’d felt objectified online. It’s happened before. But it was the first time I’d felt dehumanized by someone I thought I was friends with and trusted. I think that makes it all worse. You never know who someone on the internet really is. Hell, sometimes in real life it’s hard to tell what people are really like and how they might treat you. The fact that this guy wouldn’t listen to me or have any regard for my feelings just felt outright disrespectful. It feels like these people don’t care about who I am, just what they want to get from me and it just feels terrible and demeaning to me. I just have no idea what I did to ever receive that kind of attention. Not everyone online is looking for someone to hookup with or flirt with or date. I just want to be friends with everybody. :/

There are days when it’s difficult to go online because I’m afraid I’ll just see his name on a twitter or a blog I happen to visit and feel bad about myself all over again and torture myself in my mind for being such a pushover and a coward. So I usually stay off my tumblr dash, most blogs and twitter pages so I won’t have to. I’ve even considered leaving the fandom altogether a few times just so I’d never have to see his name again. Whenever I do see his name pop up somewhere, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut and sometimes I can’t even breathe and I start shaking and feel anxious and angry and upset at myself all over again. It just hurts because all I want is to be treated like a human being. And when things like this happen, I don’t feel like one at all.

I know that these things happen online quite often and it’s sad that it’s come to the point where it’s hardly surprising anymore. But just because these things happen it doesn’t mean they should. There are sites you can go to if you feel like talking to girls in that manner who don’t mind it. I simply do not happen to be one of those girls. I wish he’d gotten that message after the first time I asked him to stop.

The guy’s name is Kimani Wilson-Hunte [kimaniwilsonhuntencfan on tumblr, spooflover94 on instagram/snapchat, kwilsonhunte on twitter and this is his youtube]. If he [or, hell, if anyone] tries to flirt with you or goes too far in messages and it’s not what you want to hear, back out as soon as you can. Don’t make the mistakes I made. I said all of this because I’d feel even worse if someone else was being treated like this because I hadn’t spoken up. I hope that being aware of this person will spare more people from having a similar experience. I’m also not sure if I’ll ever forgive him for trying to use girls like this or myself for being too scared to end it sooner. I probably never will.

Some days can be difficult but I’m trying to move passed this. I have some really patient and understanding friends I can talk to when I need them and I can’t even express how much they’ve helped me with this. Without them, I’d still be keeping this inside completely. Perhaps this guy saw how nice I was and wanted to take advantage of it. I was a little too naive and blind by fear and cared more about keeping peace than demanding respect and that was wrong of me. Luckily, I’ve learned from this and won’t make the same mistakes again. If someone mistreats you or makes you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to end it and block them out of your life. It doesn’t make you a mean or awful person to shield yourself from anything that makes you feel bad and to want respect for yourself. 

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I’M SO PROUD OF THIS DUMB-DUMB!!!!!! 

She has achieved so much in 2014 and i’m so glad that she got to end an amazing year by reaching 2million subs. I’m so so happy that the ItsGrace channel exists bc around this time last year we were all a mess bc we thought Grace might stop making videos. Now look at us,  a year later and this fandom is stronger than it has ever been thanks to Grace working her ass off. She released a movie, wrote and published a New York Times #1 best selling book, released a travel web series with Mamrie, hosted the Streamys with Hannah and STARTED A NEW YOUTUBE CHANNEL WHICH GAINED 2M IN A YEAR and so much more!!! She is living proof that if you work hard, you’ll achieve your dreams. No one is more deserving of that than Grace and I’m so happy that I have been there to see her reach 1m and 2m subscribers not once, but twice. How cool. 

Once again, I’m so proud of you Grace. I love you. 

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We are all living in an international society making us all responsible for sharing common intellectual property.

Julian Assange at the WHD.Global 2014 Conference on data privacy and web hosting. (via assangistan)

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does anyone know of a good web host now that geocities is dead? i got an old copy of microsoft frontpage and i want to slam something together in a degenerate fit of undeserved nostalgia

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Let’s talk webhosting.

Once again, hostmonster has screwed me over. I’ve been with them for almost a decade, and they jacked their prices again. ..Without telling me, of course. Oh, they “sent an email” but I never got it. (But I’ve gotten every single other email they’ve sent me.)

So. While big giant companies don’t think an extra five dollars a month is a big deal, it is for me.  So I need to find a new host.

What do I absolutely need?

The biggest thing is being able to host two websites without having to jump through hoops. …yes, I’ve had this problem. I currently own two domains, and when I was with another company (fatcow), I couldn’t host the two websites separately without having to make special folders in the directory. I want to be able to have one using wordpress, the other something else, without them overwriting each other and having to do extra things.

Also, I need the option to pay monthly. I understand that I will pay more that way, but sometimes I can’t afford to drop that kinda money for a year at a time. 

I’m not too worried about space, or even the number of email addresses or mysql databases. (I could work with just five of each, no problem) I just need something reliable that won’t double their prices in the span of just a year.

So yes. I’d like suggestions or even just a signal boost.

….and I’m totally ending this with a question so anyone can answer.

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

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I need to make a portfolio website to find a fall co-op but I can’t afford a domain right now

Does anybody know a good source of free hosting for a web/graphic design portfolio site that I can actually design/code myself instead of being stuck using rigid layout templates?

thanks <3

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Thinking about changing my web hosting provider. Bluehost is great, but I wonder if I could save with a more bare-bones provider like NearlyFreeSpeech.net or someone similar.

Who do y'all use for hosting and how do you like them?

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Curtailed website may be down for a while as I hunt for a new hosting service, I’m sick of IX, now – was great at first, but it’s become obvious I’ve outgrown it.

Traffic has spiked so high (thanks, guys!) I keep getting “terms of service violations” because my site is using more of the bandwidth on its shared server than is allowed. Upgrading to their “cloud hosting” service looked appealing until I read reviews and realized they still could not fix or even explain frequent 2-5 minute outages happening multiple times per day. Suggestions for hosting services welcome – I need a lot of bandwidth, option for a dedicated server/no caps a plus, plus the usual basics (PHP/MySQL support, mail server, etc). Inexpensive is not necessary - I will happily pay if the reviews are good and it’s a reliable service.

(I would be self-hosting if I could afford an internet connection with an acceptable upload speed for such a thing – but then again I also like paying someone else to handle 3AM server blips and offsite backups)

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Wrongful Conviction with Jason Flom

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HandClap

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Nintendo Power Podcast

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In a Cottage in a Wood

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New Dimensions

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The Takeout

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God Damn (Live from London)