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After disappearing for like half a year(? I was re-reading my fics and OMG, THE CRINGE I FELT

How could I have uploaded such thing lol, I feel the worst part is the ooc (cus I thought it seemed like them but it’s just too many) and don’t get me started on the grammar 😩

edit: Ah, yeah also, sorry for disappearing for so long lmao 😖✊

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Broken soul

(unedited)

He blamed himself. How couldn’t he notice before? It was so obvious, the tired look on his face, his uncommon non-treating responses, that ugly black bags under his un shining eyes, his beautiful cinnamon skin almost as pale as a jade. He carefully squeezed the spirit-trapping bag closer to his chest as his eyes shined, irises turning a bright shade of red.

A light touch pressed his shoulder, a delicate hand with slim fingers, trembling. Wuxian turned his head, his ruby orbs returning to the silver-grey tone they should be, tearing up his face fell to reveal a painful expression that tried to show how much he was suffering, but no face he put would demonstrate how much misery he felt inside, Wei Ying opened his mouth to speak

—JieJie— the cultivator’s voice broke in the end as he veered to face his sister, could he even still call her like that? After all, it was his fault that she was suffering, he was the cause of her sorrow.

“—Wei Wuxian, why don’t you listen?— the younger man said, his tone low and cautious —You can’t keep this path it will hu- he was cut off by his brother

—A-Cheng..— Wuxian didn’t rise his voice, but his tone was severe, proving that he was getting (if he wasn’t already) mad —We had this conversation already—

—Yeah but you didn’t listen!— an exasperated voice, volume increasing a little bit but still being an almost whisper

—Jiang Cheng!— Wei Wuxian roared angrily, startling his brother, he was about to reach his breakpoint, resented energy rapidly taking control, numbing his senses —Stop being so childish! I- We made a decision and now we’ll pay the consequences, you left me, YOU choose your sect over me because you were a scared child and a weak brother to stand for and by me—

Jiang Cheng would be lying if he said his brothers words didn’t hurt, because they did, they burned in his damaged heart like hell. Just a week had passed since Wei Ying deserted, Jiang Wanyin came back to try to make amends with him and ask him to come back, it obviously didn´t work.

—You´re right, I´m sorry. I’ll be leaving now— voice fading, he knew it was the resented energy making him react like that but he couldn´t help it, he knew Wuxian wouldn’t have said that if he hadn’t thought it, after all the demonic cultivation path destabilized your mind but his thoughts were his, or that’s what he thought, because this way of cultivation was really new and people barely knew about it except that it affected your body and mind, if he only knew better, if he only saw the regret in Wei Ying’s face when the energy left as Wanyin did.

As quickly as it came it quickly left him, left him with nothing but pain and regret of hurting his brother, he didn’t meant it, but people didn’t knew that “affect mind” also meant hearing those voices that did nothing more than whispering horrible things about others, especially the ones that weren’t exactly nice to him, it ruined him way worse than they knew, than he would admit.

—Jiang Cheng!— he tried to call him, screaming from the entrance of the Demon-Slaughtering cave but his shidi was already to far to listen if he wanted to keep listening, he ran trying to catch him, to late to work because the Jiang jumped on his sword and flew away as fast as possible.”

How couldn’t he notice? It was so obvious than even a blind would have noticed, the pain, the tired and kind of messy look, it was the reflect of a agonizing soul, a broken one. How much pain Jiang Cheng must have hidden from them?

“He always had always buried his pain until it was to many to handle, he exploded after his parents death, it was a wound that would never heal, he obviously blamed himself for been weak, useless and haven’t done something more, now he lost someone even more important to him and yet again even after promising himself to always look up and protect his family, it was still his fault for not being strong enough.

One week had passed, one week he had suffered like he was in hell, one week, seven days, days he had been the support to his sister who was going trough the same pain (‘if not more’ he thought) than him, he was the shoulder for her to cry, Wanyin tried to avoid her the firsts days, she didn’t knew about the duel and he didn’t had the courage to tell her, Cheng told his sister everything was fine but that Wuxian wouldn’t come back ‘for now’ after his first visit, in the third day when Yanli hugged his little brother and heard him whine as if he was in pain she got really worried, so she asked his brother what was wrong and Jiang Cheng did have the strength to lie to her again

—A-Jie, Wei Wuxian and I had a duel and he... he deserted— Jiang Yanli now looked ashed as if she was about to faint, guilt building up in him as he saw Yanli’s teary eyes, now he wished to take back his words or at least had sugar coated them

—W-What?— her voice low, she knew her brother would never lie to her but she was just so shocked that she couldn’t help to ask

—A-Jie, I’m sorry, it’s all my fault— he said trying hard not to cry

—Shh it’s okay A-Cheng it’s not your fault— as reliving this was, it also made the younger feel worst, even now her sister cared for him, even now that his family was tearing apart once again, all because of him, even now, even if her heart was broken she was consoling him. They hugged each other, trying to comfort and steady themselves.”

Jiang Yanli blamed herself too, she could always read her little brother like an open book. An uneasy feeling and bitter taste in her mouth, she was so focused on spending time in a fantasy with Zixuan that she didn’t realize how much his brother needed her. She thought he was fine “how couldn’t she realized every time she visited lotus pier?”, now she realized how wrong she was, life once again was proving how cruel it could be, once again she was falling a part but it wasn’t the time, her other brother was suffering too and she would make sure to be his support ‘I won’t fail him either’.

“A week quickly became a month, the uneven feeling of lost didn’t disappear but increased instead, his sister seemed better, his husband make sure to make her happier with gifts and surprise dates ‘he´s not as useless and careless as I thought’ Jiang Cheng told him about the situation so the peac- Zixuan looked after her sister when he couldn’t (which was most of the time since she lived in the Koi Tower and he returned to Junmeng to attend his responsibilities as a sect leader) and to make sure she knew how much he loved her and make her happy so she could forget or at least not thing too much about his shixiong, if he could still call him like that (yes he could, no matter what happened between them, he will always be his older brother but he wouldn´t admit it out loud, maybe in part because of how much it hurts).

He tried to distract himself too, overworking was his best choice, he had so many thing to do to reconstruct his sect but no matter what, the pain didn´t left him

—What do you think Wei Wu— he stopped, looking at his empty side feeling uneasy and worst than he already felt

There were so many things to do and he almost finished them all in 2 weeks. He was so tired, working his ass off until fainting, yes, he was tired physically but not as tired as mentally, his chest just felt tighter and tighter every second it passed, he was just tired of pretending to be okay, trying to be okay, tired of keep it up, he just wanted to rest... so he grabbed a pen and started writing a letter”

It was the dawn when Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan arrived at the burial mounds by sword, Wei Wuxian wasn´t in a mood for visitors (or in a good mood in general after Jiang Cheng left) but when he realized it was his Shijie, he rushed in. Wei Wuxian stopped abruptly when he saw her red cheeks and puffy eyes before running even faster to her

—Shijie! What’s w—

—A-Ying, A-Cheng he— a sob cut her off, Wuxian’s face turned paler, grabbing Yanli softly from the shoulders and shaking her slightly, his heart racing with anguish

—What happened to A-Cheng?— his tone as gentle as he could so as not to alter her even more

—He’s- A-Cheng is...— no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t say it, so she looked back at his husband, the latter nodded to her wife and said as calmed as he could, he knew about the consequences about demonic cultivation and as seconds passed by he could see it with his own eyes as Wuxian aura became dangerous and he seemed really annoyed and worried

—Jiang Wanyin is dead— a dry laugh was heard

—You’re lying— Wei Ying said bitterly, forgetting for a second that his Shijie was also there —You shouldn’t lie about such thing unless you want to make me angry— he smiled madly

Yanli rapidly grabbed his wrist to caught his attention —A-Ying.. A-Xuan wouldn’t lie about something this delicate— her voice was shaky but she managed for it to not break nor cut by her sobs

—No— Wuxian said simply —No, no, no, it can’t be!— he screamed, grief in every word that his mouth produced —I wanna see him, A-Jie— the Wei started to act impulsively but Zixuan knew it would be hard to calm him down at this moment and that A-Li also wanted to see him, so all he could do is taking both of them in his sword

—Get up— Zixuan said as he boarded his sword and helped his wife to get up holding both of her forearms

Wuxian nimbly jumped on the sword.

They arrived at Lotus Pier at midday, Wei Ying hoped off of Suihua and rushed to the room, if Yanli could, she would have done the same, but she waited to her husband to help her before practically disappearing in seconds as she touched the floor, he knew it was a family matter so he decided to not interfere for now.

There he was, as beautiful as he can be, he remained the same except for the fact that his beautiful cinnamon skin now was pale, white and cold flesh, eyes closed. He looked so calm, as if he had been in a endless hole of disgrace and suffering and now he was finally in peace.

The brothers hugged each other slowly kneeling on the floor, Yanli put her brother’s head in her chest softly patting his head in a maternally way. They stayed there for long enough for their knees to feel numb, sobbing and comforting each other.

—We are going to bury the body—

—No— said Wei Wuxian 

—A-Xian please— Yanli begged

—No, a-jie, we can’t just let him go— he looked really exasperated, urgent —n-not like this— the last part was briefly a whisper

Yanli hugged him tighter, Wei Ying let himself be lost in the embrace for a little, then

He snapped back his attention to her sister, looking up at her he frowned, her sister seemed to have accepted the reality and it broke his heart so much, but he knew there was something to do, after all, it wasn’t the first time he did something like this

—I know, XianXian but we can’t do anything—

—I have an idea— he whispered placing his head back in Yanli’s chest, feeling her heart beat, hearing it rise a little at those words

Yanli’s chest tightened, heavy, she thought it was impossible to bring him back but she trusted her brother too, Wei Wuxian always attempted the impossible, both of her brothers did, that was why she was so proud of them, yes, she trusted A-Xian, she broke the embrace a bit so she could see Wei Wuxian in the eyes, then she quickly whipped her tears with her sleeve

—What do you have in mind?— determination could be read all over her face

Wei Wuxian imitated her action, his face looked exactly like hers too, he putted her arms down, reaching for Chenqing afterwards

—I will bring him back A-Jie, I’ll make him if I have to— he smiled in a strange way, eyes turning a vermilion-like color again

Wei Ying put the dizi in his lips and started playing, it was a low and frightening melody but not unpleasant, dark fog started covering him and his brother’s body.

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Once the melody ended, Wei Wuxian covered his shidi’s body with talismans and let him rest

—It will take time, but I’m sure he’ll wake up... he has to—

After that nobody said anything else.

In the meantime Yanli took over her brothers duty after explaining everything to his fiancé, they somehow managed to bring Wei Wuxian and the Wen remnants to Lotus Pier, not without a lot of dirty looks and disgusted faces. After a month, Wen Ning woke up, which finally took away the worries and doubts, their brother was going to wake up.

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It was almost blooming season, the lotuses were growing and growing. Somewhere, in a room away from people of lotus pier, a pale figure opened his eyes.

—He’s awake!— a loud and urgent scream came from the hallway that lead to the chamber

Upon hearing this, Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian ran as fast as they could towards the place where Jiang Cheng was. Once they were there, they entered the room without any previous announcement. There he was, there with his once cinnamon tanned skin was now an ashy color, almost white, his lips seemed dry and a bit purple, his freckles lost color too, now they were almost unnoticeable, but he was still their brother and he was there, awake and... alive?

Jiang Cheng felt colder than he ever felt when they hugged him, unlike his usually sunkissed skin and warm body, rigid but that could have been her imagination or maybe just because he was lost. They didn’t talk, they couldn’t, none of them had the strength, Yanli felt his brother slightly tremble under them, he was crying, but when she saw his face not even a single tear was there nor any expression, her heart broke once again thinking what he did and what he must be thinking right now, but once again, words failed her, so she just hugged him tighter.

He was broke, they all where, but they were going to try to fix him, to make him feel the love he couldn’t feel in his last moments, he was a broken soul but they were going to try to put the pieces together once again, after all they only had each other in this world.

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WAAA I finally finished this after MONTHS. This was for JC love month day 25! (reflection) tbh I read this again and feel so cringe, but I still wanted to finish it and publish something lol

I thought of making this a two shot but seeing how much it took me to finally finish the first part even after reducing it a lot I think I might end it here but it’s not a sure thing, still tried to make a fairly closed and happy ending in case I don’t make another part.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading <3

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The fact that Jiang Cheng didn’t kill Wei Wuxian in BOTH versions and people (in and out the story) still blame him lowkey makes me laugh lol

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NO HE DOESN’T!!!

the in-laws are bonding

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Whenever I read a mdzs (or tu/cql) ff that metions the juniors but doesn’t include Zizhen on it I just pretend he’s busy with his training as a future sect leader or that there are only participating the four big sects :)

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#the family gathering is going great

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Wen Chao: dignified. Collected. Calm under pressure, and not at all overdramatic.

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It do be like that sometimes

ugh, that awful feeling where a fic contains both A) extremely rare thing you really want to read and B) a thing that squicks you, and then you read it anyway because you really want A and then you hit B and you’re left with a terrible twisting “it wasn’t worth it” feeling and ALSO a feeling of “you did this to yourself and you know it”

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I was just fine,,, then I read the last one and now I’m sad :))

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Yes u are

am i doing this right

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you know what...i am not interested in takes that flatten the racial element of this. i’m not interested in takes from white people that emphasize the ideological or partisan divide. this is about institutions that accommodate white grievance. that allow white violence and white terrorism; that RELY on it to function. and that will always make room for white people to kill as many people and be as destructive as possible in defense of white supremacy. this is no time to mince words about that

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blessed are you adonai ruler of the universe who gave me the ability to close my eyes and not see it

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wearing boxers so that when someone asks “what’s in your pants” the correct answer is “another smaller pair of pants”

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here's my yunmeng siblings hot take of the day jiang yanli will swoon to her little brothers about her crushes and they're both like EW JIEJIE GROSS FEEEEELINGSSSS, wei wuxian will ask jiang yanli for Love Advice but would rather die than actually tell her anything about his love life, he will go on and on and on and on and ON to jiang cheng about his crushes and specifically one lan wangji no matter how much jiang cheng does not want him to, jiang cheng will try to talk to jiang yanli about crushy things but as his older sister its her job to embarrass him about it, and jiang cheng talked about a crush one (1) time with wei wuxian and promptly regretted it for the rest of his life

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Why he looks so pretty tho, he’s stunning it’s not fair 😤💜

OK. This time I'm sorry!

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I think that wei wuxian and jiang cheng both have adhd but it manifests in very different ways for each of them which means that they just piss each other off with their adhd all day long

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Nie Huaisang, showing off his new robes: How do I look?

Jiang Cheng: Holy shit, that is the ugliest thing I've ever seen.

Nie Huaisang: Excuse you?

Jiang Cheng: Oh, not you. The thing behind you.

Wei Wuxian: Honestly, screw you.