rootintootinshootinmagoo-blog

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Carlisle’s face when Edward and Rosalie complain about their existence for the tenth time in the hour.

Thanks kids™️

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I’ve come to the conclusion that none of you fear god

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vampires don't need to bathe because they can't sweat or anything but they absolutely get dirty from running through the woods all day. so whenever that happens carlisle lines all the kids up outside and absolutely blasts the shit out of them with the pressure washer like he's trying to get mud off a car

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I sure hope I’m never in the position where I have to divulge my social media accounts in court.

Keeping Up With the Cullens - Eclipse Episode 11, part 4.

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A fashion legend.

More Iconic Carlisle Cullen Looks™ (part one)

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*inhales* BOY

Some of Carlisle Cullen’s Best Looks™

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Clowning Around

Emmett x Reader

Pairing: Emmett x Reader

Warnings: Uh, school stress, mental breakdown, clown stuff 

A/N: Thank you so much for this request because like what the HECK. Hope it’s close to what you imagined. I don’t know much about the mental breakdown clown makeup scene.

It was Sunday night. Sunday nights were reserved for mourning the end of the weekend and stressing out about assignments, projects, and exams. This particular Sunday night found you very worried about a presentation coming the following morning. Usually, you just watched Netflix and pretended it wasn’t happening, but this presentation was a whopper. Multiple things had gone wrong, it counted for a third of your end of semester grade, your group partners had been terrible about doing their part, and you hated speaking in front of people. So tonight, you were going to do something cathartic. Something your parents and social media followers would mock you about for years. You were going to vent about your life while videoing yourself painting your face like a clown.

You dug a bunch of face-painting stuff out the craft closet from your little sisters last birthday party and laid it out of the bathroom counter before propping your phone up against the mirror. You weren’t worried about anyone walking in on you since your sister and parents were out of town visiting your grandparents. Your boyfriend Emmett, who liked to drop by at every random hour of the night and day was out hunting with his family. It was just you, face-paint, and a sense of impending doom. You’d managed to get your whole face painted white and had done a smiling clown mouth all while sobbing about your stressful class load and projects.

“And I ended up doing twice the work I was supposed to. I was already a clown this whole time,” you said to your phone, tears ruining your white paint.

You’d started in on the red nose when your bathroom door swung open. You turned in shock having thought you were the only person home.

Emmett stood in the doorway completely straight faced. You stared at each other, holding eye contact for an uncomfortably long time with your paintbrush still on your nose. You turned back to the mirror and kept painting.

He stood there for a minute, staring and wishing he had Edward’s power to read minds.

“Hey, babe.” He finally said.

“Hey.” You looked at your colors, trying to decide what to do for your eyelids.

Emmett walked over to you and put his hands on your shoulders, trying to contain a smile seeing as he wasn’t quite sure what was happening yet.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

You sniffed. “My life is in shambles. I can’t believe that project’s due tomorrow.”

“The one for AP Lang?”

You looked up from the mirror. “Yeah,” you croaked out.

“Aw,” he put his arms around you from behind. “I thought you were done with that?”

“I am.”

“You’ll crush that presentation. You’re my smart little human.”

“I just hate presentations. And my group members did barely any work.”

“Mmm.” He buried his face in your hair. “Do you want me to eat them?”

You looked up at him horrified but couldn’t stop yourself from laughing.

“No,” you said.

He raised his hands. “Okay, okay. Thought I’d offer. So that explains the crying, but why are you painting your face like a clown.”

“I had to.” you started to paint a blue stripe down your eyelid. “The world needs to know how I feel.”

“I see.” Emmett picked up the brush you’d used for the red mouth and nose.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

He started dabbing the red on his nose. “What does it look like I’m doing? Move over. You’re hogging the mirror.”

“I literally did not invite you. I thought you were with your family?”

“Finished early. Wanted to see you.” He flashed you a wide smile.

You glared at him. “That’s not fair.”

“What?”

“You don’t even have to paint your face white.”

Emmet threw his head back and laughed before starting in on painting a red frown on his face.

You would need to edit the video before posting. You were pretty sure the Cullens wouldn’t be too happy about having Emmett threatening to eat your classmates on camera.

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Masterlist

started 08/19/19

Twilight

Carlisle

Me in Mind:   Intro   Ch1

Emmett

Clowning Around

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Me: in my backyard, popping balloons filled with glitter as a representation of conquering my emotional difficulties. Arms raised skyward, sparkles rain down around me, and Panic! At the Disco’s Victorious (2016) plays in the background.

My neighbor who came outside to see what the loud noises were: Oh, it’s you

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Carlisle getting stabbed: *knife bounces off his super hard skin and falls to the ground*

Random criminal, full of disbelief: How?

Carlisle, without missing a beat: I’m allergic.

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Me in Mind - Chapter 1

Carlisle x Reader

Pairing: Carlisle X Reader

Warnings: Some violence and death. Typical vampire tomfoolery. Not super informed on the Twilight timeline. The Twiline, if you will. Also, this is Esme erasure. I am so sorry.

Summary: Reader is happy to have her sister back in Forks for a while. However, it sets off a chain of events that lead to her being involved with a handsome doctor, a strange family, and a world she didn’t think existed. Why do she and Carlisle Cullen seem to be gravitating towards each other, and what does her strange talent for influencing memory have to do with any of it?

(read intro to story posted on my blog first)

Chapter 1

Despite your intentions of calling Dr. Cullen the following day, you ended up meeting him in person a few hours later. Your dad, Charlie, called you from his car sounding panicked. He was talking fast, and you managed to catch “Bella”, “school”, and “car accident”. You grabbed your keys off the table and rushed to the hospital. You told the nurse at the front desk that you were family, and she checked your ID before pointing you in the right direction.

The first thing you saw after pushing through the double doors was your dad giving Tyler a piece of his mind and Bella protesting.

“Bella!”

Both Charlie and Bella’s heads snapped up. She groaned and put her face in her hands. “Does every single person in Forks know I’m here?!”

“Are you okay- is she okay?” You turned to your dad.

“She’s fine,” Bella said, earning an eye roll from Charlie.

A man walked through the doors at the end of the hall and approached your group. Walked wasn’t really the word. He glided across the linoleum without so much as a squeak from his black sneakers. He exuded charm and grace without even opening his mouth. His dark gold eyes fell on your family. As he passed you, he gave you a sidelong glance. He seemed surprised, almost moved, before schooling his face back into a passive expression of friendliness.

“I heard Chief Swan’s daughter was here,” he said, walking to Bella’s side and began asking her questions about the accident.

Tyler began stuttering another apology before Charlie yanked the privacy curtain in front of him.

Your dad had greeted the man as Dr. Cullen. He looked young, not much older than yourself. Despite living in Forks, you hadn’t had the opportunity to meet him in the few years the Cullens had lived here. The fact that this young man was the adoptive dad of your previous classmates was bizarre.

Dr. Cullen cleared Bella to go home and said a brief goodbye to the three of you. As he passed you on his way out, he gave you another lingering stare, brow furrowed. It was strange, but you thought maybe he’d just seen you in town or something and was trying to place you.

Charlie asked you to drive Bella home. There weren’t any signs of a concussion, but neither of you wanted to take any chances. As you and Bella went to exit the hospital, you saw Rosalie, Edward, and Dr. Cullen with their heads together. They were whispering about something, but as soon as they saw you, they stopped talking.

Bella looked up at you. “Can you hang back for a minute? I want to talk to Edward.”

“Sure,” you said.

Dr. Cullen quietly asked Rosalie to wait in his office and turned his gaze to you. His smile was tight, and you wondered what they’d been talking about.

“Can I speak with you?” He asked softly, walking towards you while Edward and Bella stepped away.

He was way too good looking.

“Uh, hi.” You offered your hand. “I’m Y/N.”

He took your hand in both of his. “Yes, I know.”

“Oh.” You said lamely. His hands were freezing, but so was the hospital.

He stayed quiet, holding your hand and keeping your gaze.

“You said you wanted to talk to me?” you asked, feeling awkward.

“Ah,” he cleared his throat and let go of your hand. “Yes, sorry. You are the same Y/N Swan who knew Cynthia, correct?”

“That’s me.”

His eyes locked onto where your fingers were twirling the beaded bracelet around your wrist and smiled sympathetically.

“I’m sorry for your loss. From what she told me, you were quite close.”

“Uh,” you felt your voice get a little shaky. “Yes, I actually just found out today. I was going to call you tomorrow.”

“I didn’t realize, or I would have waited a while to ask you about it. My apologies.”

“No, no. That’s okay. One of the nurses at the home mentioned Cynthia asked you to tell me something. Would you have some time to talk in the next couple of weeks, or?”

“That’s what I wanted to ask you about. Would you be able to meet me Saturday?”

“Oh- I, yeah, I’m free Saturday.”

“Coffee?”

“I could- look, Dr. Cullen-“

“Please, call me Carlisle.” He shot back without a pause.

You felt like your head was spinning. “I really don’t want to inconvenience you. I’m fine with a phone call.”

“If you’d be more comfortable.”

Now you were confused. You didn’t know why he’d want to discuss it with you over coffee, on a weekend no less. But you did want to get coffee with him. You had to remind yourself it was just to talk about Cynthia.

“I…” you started.

He only looked at you kindly.

“We could get coffee Saturday.” You finished in a tiny voice.

“Perfect,” he said. “Text me where you’d prefer to meet. I have to go. It was lovely to meet you.”

“I- lovely too-“

You swore the expression he made was almost cheeky. He turned on his heel with the grace of a ballet dancer and walked away down the hall.

You stood there for a moment, dazed, as Bella and Edward came up behind you. Edward gave you a curious look before following Dr. Cullen down the hall.

“You still think he’s a cult leader?” Bella looked at you, eyebrows raised.

“I’m undecided.”

“What did you guys talk about.”

“Uh.” You walked out with Bella to the car. “Well, we’re getting coffee Saturday.”

“Okay, that- that’s not fair.” Bella said.

“What?”

“I almost get hit by a car, and you get a date.”

“Bella!”

She climbed into the passenger seat of your little Honda. “I’m just saying.”

“Well, it’s not a date. One of the residents from the old folks’ home passed away. Apparently, she had a message for me or something.”

Bella bit her lip and pushed her hair behind her ear. “Y/N, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…”

“It’s alright, Bells. It was her time.” You looked over at her. “I’m just glad you’re alright. That was crazy. Edward really pushed you out of the way?”

“Well, he-“ she cut herself off, looking out the window.

“He what?”

“You’ll just think I’m crazy too.”

“You know you can tell me anything, even if it is crazy.”

She shrugged. “It’s just...” She took a moment to think about what she was going to say before turning her body towards you. “I know how this sounds, okay? It’s just, I swear he stopped the car.”

“Tyler?”

“No, Edward! He reached out and stopped the car with his hand. There was a dent and everything!” Bella said, holding her hands apart to show the size of the dent.

“Are you sure he actually touched the car? Maybe he just held his hand out as the car stopped.”

She went on like you hadn’t said anything. “And right when the car was about to hit me, he was across the parking lot. It was like he teleported.”

“There was a lot going on.”

“No, I knew you’d say that.”

You sighed. “I’m sorry. I think we both just need to take a break.”

Bella nodded, but it seemed reluctant.

“But you know what,” you said. “I’ve been saying this whole time that family was weird. So who knows.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“Cults do drugs and stuff like that.”

“Oh my gosh, shut up. Just enjoy your date with Doctor call-me-Carlisle Cullen.”

“It’s not a date, but you know what, Bells? I think I will.”

By the time Saturday rolled around, you were actually a little nervous. You’d texted Carlisle like he’d asked with the address of a coffee shop in town you knew as well as what time worked for you. All he sent back was ‘looking forward to it’ which frustratingly could be taken as both professional and flirtatious.

“It’s just to talk about Cynthia.” You muttered as you put your hair up then took it back down, unable to decide what looked better.

“Leave it down.”

You jumped and turned to see Bella leaning on your doorframe. “What?”

“You want him to think you’re pretty. Leave it down.”

You picked at your hair and outfit nervously. “It’s not like that.”

“Whatever.”

“I probably won’t even see him again.” You started to put your hair back up.

“Just go. Please. And stop that.” She smacked at your hand. “I know you like it better down.”

“Ow! I can have my hair up if I want to.”

“Just-“ She pulled your hair out of the hair tie and put it on her wrist. “Just get in your car. And give me details later.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She sighed and toyed with a makeup brush on your desk. “You know I just want you to be happy, right?”

“Aw, Bells. I am happy. I get to see you and dad every day, and I’m saving up for college.”

“I know, I just don’t want you to be trapped in Forks forever.”

“I won’t be. And neither will you. Besides. Let’s just enjoy it while we can.”

It was almost 2PM when you pulled up to the café. It was a hole in the wall place in Forks’ meager downtown area among book shops and thrift stores. You’d been visiting there since high school, ever since Charlie bought you your first car.

You walked in the door and the little bell jingled. The owner, Mary, looked up and smiled at you, jerking her head towards the couple of couches at the back of the shop. There was Carlisle, draped over a plush sofa like an alarmingly lifelike H&M mannequin. He already had a coffee in a takeaway cup with a lid.

He saw you walk over and stood to greet you, clasping your hand in his. You noticed once again that his hands were freezing. It made sense in the chilly hospital, but the café was warm, a little too warm even, and the contrast struck you as odd.

“What can I get you?” He asked, heading towards the counter.

“Oh, no, no, you don’t have to do that.” You said quickly. This was just making things more confusing.

“Please, allow me. It’s the least I can do for asking you to meet me on a weekend.”

So now he was back to friendly professional.

“I guess, um…”

He just kept looking at you with that interested smile.

You gave in and told him your coffee order, and when you turned to walk back to the sofa, he offered you his arm. You took it awkwardly, certain that your face was bright red.

“What did you get?” you asked after sitting.

“Cappuccino.”

“Ah.”

He smiled. “I’m sure you’re wondering what Cynthia had to say to you. Again, I know this must be difficult. She was your friend.”

“It’s alright,” you said.

He regarded you kindly.

You brushed some hair behind your ear. “Well, I guess it isn’t. But I know it was just her time.”

He nodded. “Well, essentially, what she wanted to relay was her gratitude. She told me that you made her time there easier. I understand she was losing her memory, having difficulty remembering family members, friends, details from her own life.”

“Yeah. It never seemed like that to me though. She was always telling me stories about her kids and about when she was younger. Or just things that had happened the week before.”

Mary called your name from the counter. You moved to get up, but Carlisle beat you to it, urging you to sit. He came back, pressing the warm mug to your hands.

He continued on with his thought. “She mentioned that when you were around, she remembered things better. That was rather interesting to me.”

“I think she just liked the company. Having someone to talk to seems to make the residents a little brighter.”

“Maybe.” He said, raising his cup to his lips. “I’m sure they appreciate your time.”

“I think so. I enjoy spending time with them.”

He placed his cup down. “I’ll admit, I’m surprised we’ve never met. Although I suppose I’m glad.”

You looked up from your coffee in alarm.

“It just means you haven’t had much call to go to the hospital.” He had that cheeky smile again.

“Ah,” you laughed, “That’s true. I actually went to school with your kids. I was a year ahead most of them.”

“Oh really?”

“Mhm.” You didn’t really think there was a tactful way to ask why a man who looked 23 had teenagers. He seemed to catch your meaning.

“It’s an odd situation, I’ll give you that.”

You averted your eyes in embarrassment, but his easy chuckle told you he didn’t take offence.

“They needed someone. We’re a strange but happy family.”

“Or you’re Batman.”

He laughed loudly at that, flashing his perfect teeth and tilting his head back. “I can’t tell if you’re joking, but I am not Batman. We are, for all intents and purposes, normal.” He took a long drink from his coffee.

“Might I risk being forward by asking you a personal question?” He said.

“Shoot.”

“Are you currently seeing anyone?”

Your eyes widened. “I’m not- No. Not currently.”

His smile widened. “Would you mind if I gave you a call later to see if we could possibly meet again?”

“That-“ you tried to hide your smile by tilting your head down and looking away. You could feel your heart working overtime.

“Yeah, I think that would be nice.” You said.

“You do?”

“Yes. I’d like that.”

“Perfect.” His cold hand came to rest on your warm one gripping your mug. “I’ll call you. Or if you can’t wait, you can call me.”

“Dr. Cullen.” You laughed.

“I think it’s safe for you to call me Carlisle.”

“Carlisle.”

“Thank you.” He grinned at you. “I’ve enjoyed this. Unfortunately, I do need to be going. Please, enjoy your coffee. I look forward to seeing you again.”

“Me too. Thanks for the caffeine.” You said, raising your mug.

“Of course.”

He picked up his coat he’d draped over the back of the couch, the sound of the bell and Mary yelling goodbye ushering him out.

It wasn’t until you’d collected your wits that you realized he’d left his coffee cup. When you were ready to go, you picked it up to throw it away and were surprised to find it oddly full despite the fact that he’d been drinking from it the whole time.

You hesitated. He was just a regular guy, right? You weren’t going to make this weird. You contemplated it for a minute but were unable to stave off your curiosity. You popped the white lid off the top. The cup was still brimming with coffee. Was he really just pretending to drink the it? Maybe he hadn’t liked it? You shook your head. It was weird, but it was hardly something malicious. Oh well. It was something to think about. You threw out the two cups before heading home. Bella would be very interested to hear how your coffee meeting went.

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So you know how there’s the “mental break down clown makeup” videos working it’s way around insta and stuff. What if you did like Emmet or someone walking in on their gf doing clown makeup while crying and recording themselves? And (depends on the person) they like join in with the makeup stuff ? I thought it was like super funny 😂

I’ve literally never heard of that before 😂😂😂😂 But I think I get the picture. I’ll try to have it posted at the end of the week. 

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Do you write requests for twilight?

Hey Anon, thanks for asking. I hadn’t really decided yet, but what I think I’ll do is start by taking one request a week and keeping those fics pretty short, like mostly under 1,000 words. I can’t make any promises about length or when I can post at the moment, and currently, I need to brush up on the characters and the timeline. 

But, if you have a request, feel free to send it to me, and I’ll let you know. Later on I’ll make a longer post about rules. Thanks, have a good one. 

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can’t stop thinking about that interview where the guy is like “what’s your favourite chick flick?” and robert pattinson goes “chicken run”

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Me in Mind - Intro

Pairing: Carlisle X Reader

Warnings: Some violence and death. Typical vampire tomfoolery. Not super informed on the Twilight timeline. The Twiline, if you will. Also, this is Esme erasure. I am so sorry.

Summary: Look, all you need to know is that you and Carlisle will end up making kissy faces at each other, please just enjoy a little mystery in your life because I do not know where this is going either.  

“Bella, it’s a cult.” You said as you watched Bella getting ready to leave for school.

“It’s not a cult.” Bella huffed, shoveling an assortment of binders, lined paper, and highlighters into her backpack.

“I don’t know,” you leaned against the stair railing. “They go on a family camping trip twice a month and they all date each other.”

“Only Rosalie and Emmet and Jasper and Alice are couples.”

“That’s all of them.”

“No, Edward’s single.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“Hmm, ‘it’s the fluorescents’ Edward?”

“Yes.” Bella opened the door.

“Isn’t their dad, like, 20?”

“I don’t know, I think he’s like 25 or something- they’re not a cult!”

“Okay,” you held your hands up. “Just be careful.”

She slung her pack over her shoulder and paused in the doorway. “You’re my big sister. Aren’t you supposed to be cool or something?”

“Har har, just looking after you, you goose. You finally get to stay with us for a while, and Forks just keeps getting weirder.”

“Well-,” she pursed her lips, “I’ll be fine. Besides, Edwards nice. You’d like him. I mean he’s weird.”

“Ooh, boys.”

“Shut up, I’m gonna be late.” She grabbed her keys off the side table and waved on her way out.

You waved back to Bella and went back to finish your breakfast. You’d graduated from Forks high two years ago and were about to turn twenty. Even though you teased Bella about the Cullens, you remembered them from high school as being alright. You didn’t really know them at all since you weren’t in the same grade, and they barely spoke with anyone outside their family. Definitely weird.

You picked up as many shifts as you could at the Carver Cafe. Betty probably didn’t even need the help, but she hired you to help you save money for college. On Wednesdays and Fridays, you volunteered at the one nursing home in Forks. You’d started in high school to earn service hours and then you didn’t want to stop. Most of the home residents knew you by name.

Today was Wednesday, and you headed on to the home, bringing with you a bunch of books and some games. You were only able to do small stuff, like help keep the residents company, but they always assured you that they appreciated you.

The first person you planned on visiting today was Cynthia. Cynthia was almost 90. She had family a town over that visited when they could, but you knew she was lonely. She had dementia, and she was starting to forget a lot. She would forget the nurses’ names, and sometimes she would refer to her son as her late husband. For whatever reason, she always remembered you with perfect clarity. She remembered your name, what you’d told her about your job and family the previous week. When she was with you, the nurses said, she even remembered more about her family and her own life.

When you rounded the corner of her room, you stopped. Cynthia’s room was empty. You thought maybe she’d been moved. She wouldn’t be up and walking around since she could barely leave her bed anymore.

One of the nurses you’d known for a bit saw you looking lost. “Sweetheart,” she said.

You sat in one of the hard chairs in the hall, and she sat beside you.

“Cynthia’s gone, I’m so sorry,” she said.

“Did her son bring her back home?” You asked thickly, even though you knew what she meant.

She placed a hand on your arm. “I’m sorry, I know you were close. She passed last weekend.”

You put your head in your hands, reminding yourself that it had been expected, but you couldn’t help the sob that bubbled up in your throat. The nurse rubbed your arm patiently.

“We actually have something for you.” She took your arm and led you to a back room where the nurses had their coffee and lunches and grabbed something off the top shelf.

“She wanted you to have this,” she said, handing you a box and a slip of paper. In the box was a bracelet with blue glass beads that Cynthia had made during a craft night on one of her better days, and on the slip of paper was a phone number with the name Carlisle Cullen written in flawless cursive underneath.

“That’s the number of the doctor who spoke with her last. She specifically asked him to call you, so he left his number for us to give to you. I think she had some final words for you.”

You put the slip of paper in the box, hands trembling. “Thanks. Let me get cleaned up a little, and I’ll visit the other patients-“

“Sweetheart, just go home. We have more than enough volunteers scheduled for today.”

“But I-“

“Take a couple days, you can come back next Wednesday.”

You nodded.

Once you got back home, you sat on the couch and took the bracelet out of the box, turning the blue beads over in your fingers before sliding it onto your wrist. You’d call the doctor tomorrow.

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The platform beds on urban outfitters fill me with unbridled joy.