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Ellis felt his stomach tighten even more when Barbara offered him the cookie, and he shook his head, a tight smile. “No thanks, B. Daddy might want one.” He glanced at Spencer and heard the little girl giggle. He wasn’t entirely listening, but she said something along the lines of ‘he isn’t your daddy, he’s mine’. That caused Ellis to wince slightly, a smirk following. “Sure, your daddy might want one.” He bit his lip and blinked once or twice, looking at Spencer.

The fact was, Ellis knew why Spencer never wanted the girl to know. He wanted her to maintain her innocence - he wanted her to never know of the complete agony of mental illness. Food should always be looked at positively - and he wanted to preach that as much as Spencer did. Barbara was too young to ask him about why she never saw him eat - she probably didn’t take notice to his skeletal frame either. And he appreciated her for that; children were nice to be around, because they never questioned it.

Spencer sighed softly after the boy settled between his legs, glad the boy was, at least, staying close. He bit his lower lip, watching Barbara already go for her cookies happily. He sat up a bit, reaching a hand out to settle along the back of his shoulders. Spencer didn’t want to do anything that would worry his daughter, though.

 “D’you want a cookie, Mr. Ellie?” Barbara asked next, holding a cookie out to him, with her half eaten cookie in her other hand, and crumbs covering her cheeks. Spencer couldn’t help but let a smile waver onto his lips because he knew that in her heart Barbie didn’t mean any harm. She had no idea what Ellis had hurting him, and was still  so unaware of things like that even existing in people. In her mind, Ellis was still as healthy as he’d ever been - cause that’s just how kids were. They looked at the brightest sides of things and that’s what Barbie was doing, she was playing with one of her best friends and wanting to share her favorite snacks. It was so completely innocent and Spencer loved her for it. Though he knew the question might not feel so innocent to Ellis and sat up a bit, sliding his hands onto Ellis’ shoulders and giving a reassuring rub to remind him that he was there, right beside him.  He didn’t say anything, not wanting to panic or pressure him, and just gave him reassurance. It was different with a small audience there, and Spencer tried to keep that in mind. 

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TEXT - el bro

dominic: istg

dominic: ellis i'm fucking terrified

dominic: i'm supposed to be there in an hour, what do i do?

ellis: I said ill be there in ten minutes

ellis: you aint going anywhere. the only place theyre going is the fuckin hospital

ellis: you live next door to em right? im going in brb

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TEXT — TBA.

dominic: so yknow my neighbors, the ones that do street fights sometimes, turns out i owe them A LIL money

dominic: theyre dragging me to one of those tonight aND they want me to fight

dominic: im gonna die hELP

ellis: what the fuck?

ellis: hold on

ellis: ill be ten minutes

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Ellis couldn’t prevent the upset. Anything around food made him want to rip his hair out of his scalp; he hated it. He buried his head slightly into his boyfriend’s neck. “I’m sorry.” He muttered. He knew Spencer had wanted him to eat, but he just couldn’t. Letting the boy down was his worst nightmare - and he felt like he didn’t deserve the affection that Spencer was giving him. 

“Thank you.” He whispered, pulling away from the boys neck and smiling slightly. He watched as Spencer went through to his daughter and followed him through, silently composing himself to be okay in front of Barbara. “M’back!” He grinned, thankful for his skills in feigning being okay as he sat down before the girl, in between (purposely) Spencer’s legs.

“Ellis..” Spencer breathed, his chest tightening and stomach churning from the other’s reaction to just thinking about eating. Hearing his voice waver with the possibility of tears affected Spencer more than he could’ve ever thought - he couldn’t take crying. Maybe it was the paternal side of him or something, but if anyone was crying he would do anything in his power to get them to stop. “Take a breath, baby. It’s okay..” He nodded, sliding his arm further around his waist and pulled him in a bit. 

“I’m not going to force you to do anything…okay? Do whatever feels right, and I’m gonna be right here with you.” He went on, his voice growing softer as they moved in, the space between them disappearing. He pressed a quick kiss onto Ellis’ cheek, beforee pulling back and grabbing the plate for Barbara. He wouldn’t push Ellis if he wasn’t comfortable. Ellis had to decide everything he was going to do, and all Ellis had to do was promise to be there and support him as much as he could, and he was going to do just that. He took the plate, going back to the living room where Barbara was still sat beside her toys. “Here you go, doll..” He hummed, setting the plate down for her and gave a quick brush through her hair before sitting on the couch behind where Ellis had been sitting, glancing back to him and offering a small smile.

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“I mean obviously I wont just tell her.” Ellis realised how he sounded and sighed softly, shaking his head. He understood that Barbie simply could not know of his illness. She wouldn’t understand. And he wouldn’t expect her to. “I,” He glanced at the preparation of the cookies and shook his head, his face scrunching in fear. “No.” He looked at his boyfriend. “I just can’t.” He whispered.

His voice was full of fear; his accent brink with tears. “I..” He wanted to try. For Barbie, for Spencer. For himself. If his siblings didn’t understand, he couldn’t understand a younger child to. “I know that even if I try,” He looked at Spencer, desperation in his eyes. “I can’t promise that I won’t spend all night over the toilet.” He wanted to be honest with his boyfriend; it was a big deal to tell him this. Huge, actually. Almost like he was accepting support. He put his hand over Spencer’s when the boy moved over to touch him comfortingly, smiling weakly. “I’m sorry. I just.. I can’t.”

Spencer gave his daughter one last kiss on the head before getting up and disappearing into the kitchen to fix something for them both. He knew perfectly well that Ellis wasn’t going to just eat something because Barbie wanted him it - it wasn’t as simple as that. But he didn’t want his daughter to worry, so tried not to think about it just yet. Maybe she wouldn’t notice if the boy just didn’t eat, though he doubted that, especially because she chose to share her favorite cookies. He took in a breath, going to fix a plate for her of cookies his Mom made with her the day before, and looked up when Ellis came in. 

“You won’t tell her.” He answered quickly, glancing over to him for a moment before back to the plate. “She… She won’t understand it if you tell her that you can’t, Ellis..” He sighed, turning to rest onto the counter and looked up to him. She was so young, and still so blissfully unaware to things like Ellis’ illness existing out there in the world. Spencer thought for a moment, trying to think of what to do. He really did want to protect his daughter from things like that. She would only worry, and grow confused on how or why Ellis couldn’t eat. He didn’t want to scare her, and didn’t want to cause Ellis to panic by trying to eat. He knew how hard it could be for Ellis, and many times even if it was jsut Spencer there he could feel pressured and didn’t want him to feel that around his daughter. “You…Do you think youcan  manage one or two? Just a few bites, and they’re easy on your stomach - she’ll notice if you don’t eat. She’ll worry.” He sighed next, watching his boyfriend. he reached a hand out to set on his hip, giving a soothing rub over his shirt.

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Ellis nodded in agreement with Barbara’s analogy of Spencer and him being best friends. It would always be difficult to explain to a four year old what being in a relationship was, nevermind a same-sex one. However, Ellis was happy with Barbie just knowing he’d be around more, and being okay with that fact. “C’mon then B, let’s play.” He stopped in his tracks when Barbara mentioned food; he felt his tummy physically drop. However he smiled falsely at Barbara and got up, his thin body carrying his legs as he followed the girl to sit in the middle of the floor, where she had been playing previously.

For a few moments he humoured her with playing however his mind was preoccupied with the idea of having to eat. How would he explain to Barbara that he couldn’t? He didn’t even understand it himself. “Mr. Ellie is just going to the toilet, B.” He got to his feet, nodding and watching as the young girl grinned up at him encouragingly. He headed through to the kitchen where Spencer had gone five or so minutes ago. “Hey,” He moved past Spencer to stand beside him, watching as he prepped the cookies for his daughter. “I uh, you know I can’t.. right? How do I tell her that?”

Spencer kept an arm tucked around his daughter, knowing that she just loved to be able to sit and be apart. Barbara really didn’t seem to have a shy bone in her body, all her life she was willing to play with anyone and talk to Spencer’s friends and make new ones of her own. She saw the world with such a positive outlook and he would do anything to help her stay that way for as long as possible.  “He means a lot to me now, so you and him are gonna become really good friends..” He nodded with a small laugh, not really sure what to say. He didn’t know the right want to explain his new relationship to the small girl. He knew she would understand, but always liked the ideas of sitting down and talking to his daughter, just so she would know things could be talked out. 

He glanced up to Ellis with a slight grin, knowing things might be different with telling his siblings - if they even told them at all. He wasn’t sure how they would take the  news, but figured he should be more concerned about if Ellis would even tell him when and if he ever felt comfortable. “You’re alright with all that, arn’t you?” He asked next, Barbara nodding along with a smile. “You and Mr. Ellie were friends, and now you’re, like, best friends.” She spoke up with a grin, sure she’d gotten it - and her face was too cute for him to correct her. “Kinda, yeah.. Alright, Mr. Ellie’s yours to play horses now.” He offered up with a slight laugh, letting her put her focus back onto the horses. “Daddy, can we have a snack? I wanna share my cookies.” She spoke up after hopping down from the couch, causing Spencer’s smile to waver a bit and glance over quickly to Ellis. “Uhm- yeah, you can have a couple. But not too many, I don’t want you to spoil your dinner.” He said with a nod, figuring he could at least make some for Barbara and see if he could coax Ellis into one or two.

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I’m okay with your history. It made you who you are. And I happen to be in love with who you are.

S.C. Stephens,

Reckless

(via be0k)

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When Spencer pulled Barbara up between them, Ellis knew what was coming. He allowed the girl to get comfortable between the two and smiled as Spencer spoke, nodding encouragingly at the little girl every so often. “Is that okay, B?” He asked slowly, wanting to ensure that the young girl was comfortable with Ellis being there. He understood that being in a relationship with a man with a child meant he was making a commitment to the child too; he never wanted to let Barbara down.

He allowed Spencer to speak to his daughter, enjoying witnessing the connection between them. “I think you’re a lot of fun too.” He whispered to the little girl, moving to run a hand through the little girls hair. “I’m happy you want me to be here, Barbie.” He muttered, his voice soft. 

He smiled down to his daughter, he really did adore her with every fiber of his being. When he thought about it, he wasn’t sure where he would be if he didn’t have Barbara - if Caroline had never gotten pregnant there was a good chance he would still be the Spencer that spent every other night getting hammered and getting into fights and not caring about where he’d be. Barbara helped him get his life together, she did. Because Spencer was never going to let her grow up hating her father like he hated his, he wouldn’t be able to live if she ever looked at him that way. 

“Yeah! ..Wait, can me and Mr. Ellie play, Daddy?” She spoke up, answering quickly before looking over to Spencer, curiousity clear in her eyes. He smiled softly, sitting up a bit straighter. “In a few minutes, if he’s up for it.” He offered with a nod, glancing to Ellis for a moment and gave a small laugh. “C’mere, I wanna talk to you.” He nodded, helping her onto te couch to sit between him and Ellis. He pressed a kiss into her hair and sighed. “D’you like having Ellis hang out here with us?” He asked with a slightly raised brow and smiled as she nodded quickly. “I love having Mr. Ellie here! He’s so much fun.” She spoke up, her voice light and excited, truly enjoying everything about Ellis being there. He smiled, holding her into his side. “ I think so too, Barbie. And, I think Mr. Ellie’s gonna come over over ad play with us a lot more from now on. He’s gonna be spending a lot of time with Daddy and you for a while..” He spoke up, glancing over to his boyfriend an smiled softly. 

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“Yeah, eight through four.” Ellis explained; he had the whole day shift tomorrow - worst nightmare. He smirked slightly. “Yeah probably. I mean, unless you ever come in. That’ll be too big a distraction.” He bit into his lip and watched with just as much fondness. He jumped out of his fond however when he heard little legs begin to patter over the floorboards. She was potentially the cutest thing ever.

He watched as she passed the blue to Spencer; his boyfriend had nothing but adoration for his daughter, and that made Ellis love him even more (if that was possible). When she gave Ellis his horse the boy flicked his eyes over to Spencer. “Raised her well.” He muttered in praise, before turning his attention back to the little girl. “Should we play then, Barbie?” He grinned, eyes bright.

He raised a brow at the other boy’s question and nodded “Yeah, I’ve got to go in a for a few hours, nothing out of the normal.” He said with a sigh and slight nod, thumb brushing over the back of Ellis’ hand as the two sat, slowly becoming more and more wrapped around one another. “ Are you gonna be at the coffee shop?” He asked next curiously, just wanting to know where the boy would be and typically, if he wasn’t home with the kids then he’d be at work. “I figure you’ll get a lot more work done form now on without needing to run off the bathroom every twenty minutes.” He teased with a smirk, remembering the first night they had gotten together and he’d apparently just finished fucking some girl who’d come in for a coffee.  He watched him fondly, holding him close and sighed contently.

Spencer’s line of vision was directed onto the boy for a few moments, though suddenly he blinked, his sight of Ellis being interrupted by a sparkling blue horse. He glanced over, barely having noticed Barbara running back in, her arms full with the horses Spencer probably had bought a year ago. They were some knock off brand of the real things and twenty bucks cheaper but the small girl adored them - Spencer supposed that was what mattered. “Found your ponies, didya’?” Spencer asked once he realized what she was doing, and laughed. He sat up a bit, leaving Ellis’ legs in his lap though reached down to tuck her hair back over her shoulders. “Yup, and I found Sparkle under the bed.” She nodded,w aving around the blue one. She set the blue one on Spencer’s lap, before taking out the brown one next and handing it over to Ellis. “Here! This one’s yours, you can keep it if you want..” She offered with a small nod, three other horses still tucked into her arms.

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