s-dejong

[s-dejong]

“A sanctified appearance, a depraved core” — this is the truest depiction of de Jong.

Her sanctity is not a facade, nor a moral shackle imposed by society, but a creed she chose for herself. It stems from her childhood — a fragmented past where she still sought order amidst chaos. Raised in turmoil, she vowed to save lives; on the battlefield, she used medicine to grant herself an identity that defied fate, as if that role were her final line of resistance against the world. Her reverence for life borders on the sacred, and it is this reverence that shaped her almost obsessive moral discipline.

But that is only one half of who she is — perhaps even just the surface she constructed to suppress her true nature.

Within her lies another extreme: what I call "depravity" is not merely carnal indulgence, but a hunger that dwells deep in her spirit — a lust for violence, for power, for the thrill of surrender and destruction. It was born from the trauma of losing her sight, from the awakening of her nen, and from her rebirth in a sea of blood. She did not grow stronger to survive — she grew stronger so she would never again be trampled, never again stand powerless before collapse. And so, she embraced the darkness, and at times, even found pleasure in the ruin it brought.

She is a paradox — twisted, conflicted, and impossible to reduce to a single word. Her depravity is not born of joy, but of a complex yearning for control, for submission, for annihilation. It is the most primal, unspeakable part of her. And her sanctity? It is the final barrier she built to keep herself from collapsing entirely.

In her, sanctity and depravity do not cancel each other out — they coexist. They tear at her, and they blend within her. The more she clings to her sanctity, the more violently her desires surge beneath. The more she suppresses her darkness, the more acutely she feels it gnawing at her soul.

Sometimes, I believe this: Her sanctity was born of death. Her depravity, of survival. The former was once her faith; the latter, the cost of staying alive.

She is not a tragic figure. She is an altar burning between belief and desire.

聖潔的外表，淫亂的內核

「聖潔的外表，淫亂的內核」是對德戎的最佳詮釋。

她的「聖潔」不是偽裝，也不是社會對她的道德枷鎖，而是她自己選擇的教條。那源於她的童年——一段破碎卻仍想保有秩序的過去。她成長於混亂中，卻立志救死扶傷；在戰場上，她用醫術賦予自己「反抗命運」的身份，彷彿那是她與世界對抗的最後防線。她對生命有著幾近神聖的敬重，這些都構築起她那近乎潔癖的戒律人格。

但那只是她人格的一半——甚至只是她用來壓抑本性的外貌。

在她的內核裡，藏著另一個極端：我所謂的「淫亂」，並不只是肉體上的放縱，而是精神深處的慾望、嗜殺與墮落的快感。那來自她失明的創傷、念能力的開發，以及在血海中重生後，她對「力量」的執著。她不是為了活下去而變強，而是為了不再被踐踏、不再無能為力地目睹崩壞——因此她甘願擁抱那份黑暗，甚至在某些時刻，沉溺於那份破壞中的愉悅。

這樣的她���是矛盾的、扭曲的，也是難以被任何單一詞語定義的。她的「淫亂」並不來自歡愉，而是一種對「控制」「臣服」「毀滅」的複雜渴望，是她潛意識中最原始、也最難啟齒的部分；而她的「聖潔」，其實是她不讓自己徹底墮落的最後一道防線。

在她身上，這兩者不是互斥，而是共存，是撕裂，也是融合。她越努力維持自己的聖潔，內心的慾望就越劇烈；她愈試圖壓抑那份淫亂，就越清楚地感受到自己最黑暗的一面。

有時我會覺得，她的聖潔來自死亡，而她的淫亂源自求生。前者是她曾經的信仰，後者則是她活著的代價。

她不是一位悲劇角色，而是一座在信仰與慾望之間燃燒的祭壇。

[s-dejong]

聖潔的外表，淫亂的內核

「聖潔的外表，淫亂的內核」是對德戎的最佳詮釋。

她的「聖潔」不是偽裝，也不是社會對她的道德枷鎖，而是她自己選擇的教條。那源於她的童年——一段破碎卻仍想保有秩序的過去。她成長於混亂中，卻立志救死扶傷；在戰場上，她用醫術賦予自己「反抗命運」的身份，彷彿那是她與世界對抗的最後防線。她對生命有著幾近神聖的敬重，這些都構築起她那近乎潔癖的戒律人格。

但那只是她人格的一半——甚至只是她用來壓抑本性的外貌。

在她的內核裡，藏著另一個極端：我所謂的「淫亂」，並不只是肉體上的放縱，而是精神深處的慾望、嗜殺與墮落的快感。那來自她失明的創傷、念能力的開發，以及在血海中重生後，她對「力量」的執著。她不是為了活下去而變強，而是為了不再被踐踏、不再無能為力地目睹崩壞——因此她甘願擁抱那份黑暗，甚至在某些時刻，沉溺於那份破壞中的愉悅。

這樣的她，是矛盾的、扭曲的，也是難以被任何單一詞語定義的。她的「淫亂」並不來自歡愉，而是一種對「控制」「臣服」「毀滅」的複雜渴望，是她潛意識中最原始、也最難啟齒的部分；而她的「聖潔」，其實是她不讓自己徹底墮落的最後一道防線。

在她身上，這兩者不是互斥，而是共存，是撕裂，也是融合。她越努力維持自己的聖潔，內心的慾望就越劇烈；她愈試圖壓抑那份淫亂，就越清楚地感受到自己最黑暗的一面。

有時我會覺得，她的聖潔來自死亡，而她的淫亂源自求生。前者是她曾經的信仰，後者則是她活著的代價。

她不是一位悲劇角色，而是一座在信仰與慾望之間燃燒的祭壇。

[s-dejong]

Duel of Wits

[s-dejong]

Tomorrow will be my D-500 with Hiso

[s-dejong]

Bound by Sin