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STEEZY

I’ve always wanted to dance, and to be good at it. But, I’ve always been too shy to attend a class with.. more than just a teacher. One-on-one classes are so hard to find for a decent price, so I’m trying out STEEZY in hopes that the online classes will let me learn at my own pace and actually teach me things. Next year I’ll be starting pole dancing with a friend of mine so I’d like to get some kind of strength and foundation built in before then! Here’s hoping!

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I’ll settle for lemons at this point :D c’mon, life

May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

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When it's too good to be true, take a leaf out of a pessimist's book and be careful. Question it. Don't get your hopes up.

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One big orange boy🐈❤️

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I had been to Starbucks maybe once before in my entire life. Never had a Frappuccino before but these two are nice ~ the apple taste is strange but good!

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My feet resent me for the walk but it really was worth it. Kiyomizudera 💜

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A friend and I visited Kyoto's Neko Café Time today and met some very friendly faces.

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Body Negativity

It’s a thing. I have it, at least right now. In everyone else I seem to be able to see some kind of attractive feature, be it their eyes, or their legs, or .. anything. In me, it seems to be that the things I used to like about myself get hidden behind everything else. My legs used to be one of my prouder features - now, they do that thing at my knees where the flab kinda collects on either side of the knee joint. My feet are constantly retaining fluid, so I have to sit upside-down with my legs in the air every day to try and drain them, no matter how much I walk or don’t walk.  Let’s not even begin to count my chins, okay? When I was in high school I was borderline anorexic, and at the time I hated my body because of how skeletal it was. Now, I weigh practically twice (if not more) of what I weighed back then and I feel disgusting. My metabolism changed when I went on birth control, after hormones had their way, and after depression had ruled my life (as it continues to do so) for years. I’d say I’d do anything to go back to that but there’s so many roadblocks with my health issues, and the country I’m currently in that I don’t know if it’s going to be all that achievable. As someone who yearns to be wanted and desired, when you see no desirable trait in yourself it’s .. hard. And this isn’t a cry for help, I don’t need people claiming they see x or y feature in me as pretty or anything - the only thing that telling someone in my situation of how great they look only encourages the same bad lifestyle to continue and I don’t think that’s healthy at all. Not for me. I just feel like people are told time and time again to love their bodies when it isn’t that easy. It isn’t a light switch. It doesn’t happen overnight. For some people it doesn’t happen at all. What’s kind of sparked all this is the fact that I’m letting it rule my life. It’s my birthday today, I was meant to be going out with some friends, but nothing I did to my makeup, or my outfit, or how I stood, or how much I breathed in or out made a difference. I feel like I look disgusting, to the point where I don’t want to wear the clothes I usually would to ‘feel good’, because I don’t look good.

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And to think this is a mere 10 minutes walk from my house is madness. It's so beautiful. ;3;