selznick-writes-stuff - Tumblr blog

selznick-writes-stuff · 2 years ago

Text

Unconditional Love

haikyuu fanfic

My interpretation of the song told through a ftm trans Yachi coming to terms with his gender.

Inspired by Unconditional Love by Against Me!

Everyone had their secrets. Small ones like not having brushed your teeth last night or not knowing how to tie shoes until you were 14. Small ones that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things but would be embrassing if people knew. Or bigger ones that only those you trust can know. Bigger ones like mental illnesses that make you feel vunerable or your sexuality people would hate you for. Some people have even bigger secrets that no one but themself knows. Yachi had one of those secrets.

Yachi hated how she looked, which wasn't the secret - it was a secret, sure. Just, well, that's common, not liking how you look. Sometimes Yachi cut herself on purpose but that also wasn't the secret. Again, it was a secret but lots of people self-harm (and it's not like she's suicidal so does it really count?) No, those weren't Yachi's biggest secret. Her biggest secret was that she's trans. Well, maybe.

They didn't really know. She didn't want her hair short like a boy's but she'd tried it. They had put gum in their hair by the top so it had to be cut short. It was a bowl-cut and looked kind of awkward but it made them happy. Even happier when someone mistook them for a boy (on account of her wearing trousers, having short hair and her tits not having grown that noticeably at the time). They felt so happy. But having short hair isn't that fun when you can't braid it and mess with it so they'd decided to grow it out again. She didn't want short hair like a boy but she equally didn't want long hair like a girl. A purgatory of cutting and growing out her hair because it never felt right didn't make her happy either.

She didn't want her tits either. She had always been unhappy with them though never really knowing why. She had once thought she wanted bigger tits, that she was upset because they were small but her tits grew from AA cups to A cups to B cups and they still were unhappy with them. No one had mistaken them for a boy in a while and it was definitely her tits that were the culprit. It wasn't like she hated tits in general because they had seen tits on other girls and didn't hate them (she loved them, she was gay, God blame her) so it wasn't tits that was the problem. It was tits on her own body that was the problem. So they didn't want tits.

Her hips and legs were wrong too. Wide and fluffy with fat while the rest of her body was skinny. It made them want to puke sometimes. How she looked and how she walked was because she was a girl. They didn't like it. Didn't like that skirts showed her legs or that trousers outlined her hips. She didn't know if her butt was big but sometimes it felt like it was and sometimes she hated it and sometimes she remembered girls tend to have larger legs and hips and bums. It's where the body stores extra fat that might be needed in pregnancy. They remembered that from biology class.

She hated her body hair as well. But that was for a different reason than the others. Not because she had it but because she couldn't have it. Women shave (or wax) their legs and armpits and pussy. Any hair on your face was a no and it made her feel so self-conscious. She had to shave - couldn't not shave! She was be wrong then. Not normal. Weird. So she would ignore how happy she felt with leg hair and shave. Maybe she shaved less than other girls, spaced it out more, but she shaved her legs. She didn't shave their cunt though, no one would see so they could have this. She couldn't have chest or face or back hair for a different reason entirely - they just didn't have any. It didn't grow. At least she didn't need to worry about shaving it. Just long to have any instead.

So maybe they'd imagined being a boy sometimes. Wondered what having a dick would be like. Longed for a flat chest and a beard. It didn't mean anything.

She didn't want short hair like a boy. So it couldn't mean anything.

That was before she became a manager for the Karasuno Volleyball Club. Asahi had terrified them - even with long hair. And it's not like she didn't know men can have long hair and still be masculine. It had just never struck that close to them before. And he had fuzz on his chin! Dachi had thicc thighs too. Muscular, not fat like Yachi's though. Tanaka also had no hair on his chest (she knew from how much he whipped his shirt off), although he did have muscles to make up for it that Yachi didn't.

The thing with sports clubs is that they get close. Form strong bonds. Karasuno Volleyball Club even more so than others. Everyone was friends with everyone else - even Asahi didn't scare them anymore! She didn't really realise how much they trusted each other until Kinoshita had to sit out at one practice. Narita asked her to get a hot waterbottle for him while Kinoshita swallowed some tablets.

"Usually I'd ask Kiyoko but she's talking to the coach about him sitting out, I hope it's not a bother," Narita scratched the back of his head. "Not a bother - it's what I'm here for!" Yachi squeaked before scurrying off to the office. She had a hot waterbottle in her bag that would be nicer than anything the school had but they wanted to use a kettle the heat the water rather than waiting for whatever came out of the sinks to turn warmish. After that was sorted, she scurried back and handed it to Kintoshita.

"Uggrh, thanks," he groaned, "Narita lied before though, Kiyoko had her period last week and had to leave that day. You remember when she wasn't at practice last Wednesday, right? Yeah, thought the school would be a bit more helpful if it was you that asked then."

It took Yachi maybe longer than it should to realise exactly why Kinoshita needed the hot waterbottle. He was having period cramps like they do sometimes. And, god, it made her stop and consider what they actually felt. Because maybe it wasn't just self-conscious self-hatred that inspired self-harm. Maybe they were... No. He could be though...

The reflection that stared back in their bedroom wasn't right. It never was. Never had been. How he hadn't noticed they didn't know. The scars on their arms and legs had never fully faded from the last time she had cut (even if it had been months ago) but he ignored them. The only thing they wanted to hurt were the tits. Those godforsaken tits. No one had mistaken him for a boy since those tits had grown. ...grown.

So blood drew.

It felt better than they had expected. Something felt right in the anger that cut into her. He just wanted the tits gone. ...gone.

But still it was his biggest secret.

They didn't know why. It wasn't logical to keep it secret - the club wouldn't care. They'd accept him, help him and still care about him. Their mother would be accepting - she'd accepted his cousin being non-binary and that Yachi was a lesbian. So why couldn't she tell them she wasn't a lesbian but a trans straight man. He didn't know. His mother could help him to start transitioning. Would probably push Yachi to talk for himself more but would help. He could get rid of those tits, grow long hair and a beard, have all the body hair in the world and no one would care because he was a man, not a girl. And everyone that he cared about would accept and help him. He knew that. So why couldn't he just. Say Something.

Even though their love is unconditional it's still his biggest secret.

#yachi hitoka #yachi madoka mentioned #kinoshita hisashi #narita kazuhito #trans ftm yachi hitoka #fanfic #haikyū!!#haikyuu #trans ftm kinoshita hisashi #cw self harm #fic inspired by song

3 notes · View notes

selznick-writes-stuff · 2 years ago

Text

There's Only One Can of Tango!

Haikyu!! fanfic

Desperate times call for deserate measures. And this is definately a desperate time! Only one can of tango after practice to share between two thirsting teens… Will Bros just remain bros? Or will this life-changing experience lead to new relationships?

Daichi had left the two 'bros' to clean and lock up by themselves. An awful idea really but you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If Tanaka had volenteered to lock up then Tanaka can, and Daichi can get some well-deserved sleep and ignore whatever plan him and Noya were no doubt putting in action at this very moment. The truth that Daichi would never know is that Tanaka only asked to lock up so he could be a super-duper, awe-inspiring senpai to the braindead-to-all-but-volleyball, first year, wonder duo. It might have worked if Daichi didn't also dump all the cleaning on them and took the rest of the team for meat buns!

So exhausted from practice and lacking the sustinance of meat buns the boys lunged into Noya's bag to eat grab a can of the energizing soft drink Tango. Refreshing. Or it would have been if Tanaka hadn't challeneged Noya to a drinking match. Noya won - on account of Tanaka spilling it down his shirt.

"Ughhh, Bro! Now my shirt is all sticky!" Tanaka groaned as he swiftly removed his shirt and slammed it to the floor. "Bro! Have you been working out more? There's gotta be more muscles than last time I saw!" Noya yelled. The last time Noya saw Tanaka with his shirt removed was, in fact, earlier that day; Tanaka's spike had hit the ceiling and was certainly a cause for celebration. "Oh yeah, bro, you know it! I'm gonna get even more while cleaning the gym - another workout for me, bro!" "No way bro! I'm gonna get way more muscles cleaning than you!"

And with that, the pair set off, using way more energy than nesseccery. And so by the end of it neither 'bro' had more muscles (as cleaning a gym is hardly a proper workout) but both 'bros' were extremly exhausted and dripping with sweat; their mouths a dersert. They knew what they needed - Tango!

Noya rolling thundered to his bag, hand plunging in hastily. One can retrieved. The hand went back in. Nothing. No, that couldn't be right... Left corner - nothing. Right corner - nothing. Left coner again - nothing! Right corner again - nothing!

There wasn't another Tango in his bag!

"Bro! Code 53!" Noya called out. "Code 53? How serious, bro?!" Tanaka was concerned - Code 53 meant panic! "Well, bro, there's only one can of tango..."

Tanaka screamed: an extremely manly and very fitting of the situation scream. Noya dived (as a libero it brought him great comfort). They paniced some more. Then, like trained dogs that just heard a command, they turned to look at the single can of Tango sat beside Noya's bag. A sinister thought crept into each's head.

Grab the can and chug.

But they couldn't do that to a 'bro'! No, a 'bro' couldn't be hurt due to their selfish desire for a drink. But if left a conundrum: both parched, both 'bros' and only one can of Tango to quench their thirst between them.

"I know what we have to do," Noya said slowly aproaching the can, "we have to share it, bro." Noya opened the can, it was the only sound in the whole gymnasium. "But bro, then we'd indirectly kiss," Tanaka pointed out the next serious point to consider. It was true - if they shared the can then it would be the site of an indirect kiss between 'bros'.

Both 'bros' considered just saying no homo, bro but it would be a lie for both. And 'bros' don't lie to each other. See: both Tanaka and Noya had a phat, full homo crush on the other but neither would admit it in fear of loosing their 'bro'. Both stood their, brains festering over these thoughts as they stared at the only can of Tango. Noya spoke first.

"What if we... What if we directly kissed then an indirect kiss wouldn't matter, bro?" "Bro, if we directly kissed then I couldn't in clear conscience tell you no homo, bro." "I couldn't either, bro..."

Both stared sadly at the ground. They couldn't drink the Tango and just saty 'bros'. Wait- did he just say a kiss would be homo for him? How homo could it be between 'bros'? Well, no homo, they both knew that... so did he mean-?

Tanaka slammed his lips against Noya's in the most homo, no bromo, direct kiss of the century. Noya recieved the kiss perfectly (he was the best libero afterall) and returned it to the spiker. This was great for the former 'bros' and possibly now 'boyfriends' but absolutly terrible for Ennoshita, who had returned to give them their meatbuns and was instead now watching they explore each others mean buns.

"Dachi said to give you these. And that I should take the keys from you since he doesn't trust you both not to loose them." With that Ennoshita plucked up the keys, threw them out of the gym, locked up and went home. The can of Tango Suga had promised him was not worth this.

#fanfic #fanfiction #haikyuu #haikyū!!#nishinoya yuu #tanaka ryuunosuke #nishinoya x tanaka #sawamura daichi #ennoshita chikara #sugawara koushi #requited love #its like theres only one bed but actually its a can of tango #full homo no bromo

1 note · View note