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sevikaeater · 6 days ago

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The side of the internet I love to be on

𝚋𝚞𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝 ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

table of contents: books; anthologies, history, novels, erotica, photography. films; movies, documentaries, shorts. miscellaneous; dissertations, articles, etc. note: everything (minus a few) has a link to access the media! if i am able to find the missing links i will attach them along with adding new content. there are a couple things that are not specifically butchfemme, but i kept them because i feel that they fit. enjoy!

𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚎𝚜 + 𝚌𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚜

୨୧ A Restricted Country by Joan Nestle

୨୧ Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity by Chloë Brushwood Rose, Anna Camilleri

୨୧ Butch/Femme: Inside Lesbian Gender by Sally R. Munt, Cherry Smyth

୨୧ Butch is a Noun by S. Bear Bergman

୨୧ Femme/Butch: New Considerations of the Way We Want to Go by Michelle Gibson, Deborah Meem

୨୧ Femme: Feminists, Lesbians, and Bad Girls by Laura Harris, Elizabeth Crocker

୨୧ Lesbian Culture: The Lives, Work, Ideas, Art and Visions of Lesbians Past and Present by Julia Penelope, Susan Wolfe

୨୧ On Butch and Femme: A Compiled Readings by I.M. Epstein

୨୧ Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme by Ivan Coyote, Zena Sharman

୨୧ Render Me, Gender Me: Lesbians Talk Sex, Class, Color, Nation, Studmuffins... by Kath Weston

୨୧ S/he by Minnie Bruce Pratt

୨୧ The Femme Mystique by Leslea Newman

୨୧ The Femme's Guide To The Universe by Shar Rednour

୨୧ The Lesbian Erotic Dance: Butch, Femme, Androgyny, and Other Rhythms by JoAnn Loulan

୨୧ The Little Butch Book by Leslea Newman

୨୧ The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader by Joan Nestle

୨୧ Tomboys!: Tales of Dyke Derring-Do by Lynne Y. Fletcher, Karen Barber

୨୧ Tomboy Survival Guide by Ivan Coyote

𝚑𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢

NOTE ⋆ there is more history content in the film section as well as historical fiction in the novel section!!!

୨୧ Appearances Can Be Deceiving: Butch-Femme Fashion and Queer Legibility in New York City, 1945–1969 by Alix Gitner

୨୧ Baby, You Are My Religion: Women, Gay Bars, And Theology Before Stonewall by Marie Cartier

୨୧ Becoming Visible: An Illustrated History Of Lesbian And Gay Life In Twentieth-Century America by Molly McGary, Fred Wasserman

୨୧ Before Stonewall: The Making of a Gay and Lesbian Community by Andrea Weiss

୨୧ Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy, Madaline D. Davis

୨୧ Daring Hearts: Lesbian and Gay Lives of 50s and 60s Brighton by Brighton Ourstory Project

୨୧ GLBT Historical Society: Museum & Archives ⋆ general LGBT archives, but a very important and great source

୨୧ Making History: The Struggle for Gay and Lesbian Equal Rights: 1945-1990: An Oral History by Eric Marcus

୨୧ Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life In Twentieth-Century America by Lillian Faderman

୨୧ Uninvited: Classical Hollywood Cinema and Lesbian Representability by Patricia White

୨୧ Unsuitable: A History of Lesbian Fashion by Eleanor Medhurst

𝚗𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚜

୨୧ A Crystal Diary: A Novel by Frankie Hucklenbroich ⋆ The razor-edged, compelling, often wryly humorous story hustles us from the blood-and-beer-drenched corners of her St. Louis meat-packing district '50s youth, through the sex-soaked Hollywood alleys of her '60s baby butch years, into the druggy metropolis of '70s San Francisco.

୨୧ Beebo Brinker by Ann Bannon ⋆ Beeboo, a butch 17-year-old farm girl newly arrived in New York after she is driven from her Wisconsin home town for wearing drag to the State Fair. Befriended by the gay Jack Mann, a father-figure with a weakness for runaways, Beebo sets out to find love.

୨୧ Departure from the Script by Jae ⋆ An aspiring actress meeting photographer, femme meeting butch in this light-hearted lesbian romance set in Hollywood.

୨୧ Doc and Fluff: The Dystopian Tale of a Girl and Her Biker by Pat Califia ⋆ Set in the bleak and not-too-distant future of a culture in its death throes, Doc and Fluff careens through the lives of a pair of outlaw women struggling to survive on the road.

୨୧ Feast While You Can by Mikaella Clements, Onjuli Datta ⋆ A fresh, queer spin on possession horror with a sharp focus on deeply complex small-town dynamics. A young queer woman who's lived her whole life in the dead-end mountain village of Cadenze finds herself violently possessed by an ancient, malevolent, memory-eating entity that inhabits the caves bordering her home.

୨୧ Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo ⋆ America in 1954 is not a safe place for two girls to fall in love, especially not in Chinatown. Red-Scare paranoia threatens everyone, including Chinese Americans like Lily. With deportation looming over her father—despite his hard-won citizenship—Lily and Kath risk everything to let their love see the light of day.

୨୧ Lucy and Mickey by Red Jordan Arobateau ⋆ Lesbian life in the late 1950s, early '60s; and a powerful romance & sexual drama between two females, Lucy & Mickey.

୨୧ Patience and Sarah by Isabel Miller ⋆ In an early puritanical New England town, a butch and femme fall in love and discover they can run a farm and live together away from the world that sought to limit them and their love.

୨୧ Satan's Best by Red Jordan Arobateau ⋆ volume #1 in the ten book lesbian biker series THE OUTLAW CHRONICLES. In this action-packed novel we are introduced to the gang of raunchy and glamorous biker women, including the 5 Warlords who run the Outlaws. Enter beautiful blond butch Angel–lone rider on the storm.

୨୧ Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg ⋆ The life of Jess Goldberg, a working-class Jewish butch lesbian in New York from the 1940s through the 1970s.

୨୧ The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall ⋆ The timeless struggle of a butch and femme couple to be accepted by "polite" society. This now classic was banned outright upon publication in 1928.

𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚊 𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚎𝚜

୨୧ Back To Basics: A Butch-Femme Anthology by Theresa Szymanski

୨୧ Breathless: Erotica by Kitty Tsui

୨୧ Hard Road, Easy Riding: Lesbian Biker Erotica by Sacchi Green, Rakelle Valencia

୨୧ Rode Hard, Put Away Wet: Lesbian Cowboy Erotica by Sacchi Green, Rakelle Valencia

୨୧ Set in Stone: Butch-on-Butch Erotica by Angela Brown

୨୧ Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch Femme Erotica by Tristan Taormino

୨୧ The Harder She Comes: Butch/Femme Erotica by D.L. King

𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚑𝚢 𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚍

୨୧ Butch/Femme edited by M.G. Soares

୨୧ Butch: Not Like The Other Girls by SD Holman

୨୧ Dagger On Butch Women by Lily Burana, Roxxie Linnea Due

୨୧ Love Bites by Del LaGrace Volcano

୨୧ Making Out: The Book Of Lesbian Sex And Sexuality by Zoe Schramm-Evans, Laurence Jaugey Paget

୨୧ Nothing But The Girl: The Blatant Lesbian Image by Susie Bright, Jill Posener

୨୧ The Butch/Femme Photo Project by Wendi Kali

୨୧ The Drag King Book by Del LaGrace Volcano, Judith "Jack" Halberstam

୨୧ The Femme's Guide to the Universe by Shar Rednour

𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚖𝚜

୨୧ A Complicated Queerness: Living Femme in a Dyke Community dir. Johanna Buchignani, Emily Hillman ⋆ short film: This film investigates the ways in which gender, power and sexism are lived and experienced within the San Francisco Mission dyke community. The documentary aims to promote awareness of and discussion about the prejudice and invisibility of queer femininity, in order to build alliances and healthier communities.

୨୧ Before Stonewall (1984) dir. Greta Schiller, Robert Rosenberg ⋆ documentary: The history of the Gay and Lesbian community before the Stonewall riots began the major gay rights movement.

୨୧ Bound (1996) dir. The Wachowskis ⋆ thriller/crime: Corky, a tough female ex-convict working on an apartment renovation in a Chicago building meets a couple living next door, Caesar, a paranoid mobster, and Violet.

୨୧ By Hook or By Crook (2001) dir. Harry Dodge, Silas Howard ⋆ crime/romance: A buddy film that chronicles two butches, Shy and Valentine, who collide by chance in the San Francisco streets. Shy is immersed in daydreams about the loving father they lost and Valentine is searching for the mother they never met. Like-hearted mischievous souls, the pair stumbles into a series of shambolic shenanigans — along with Valentine’s girlfriend, Billie.

୨୧ Dream Girls (1994) dir. Kim Longinotto, Jano Williams ⋆ documentary: Women join Japan's all-female Takarazuka Revue musical theater troupe, portraying men's roles. The film explores gender dynamics, desires, and complexities of female identity in Japanese society through these performers' experiences.

୨୧ Gay Tape: Butch and Femme (1985) by Cecilia Dougherty ⋆ short: The Gay Tape brings “a little fine-tuning” to the question of representation, honing in on the subjective particularities of the butch-femme dynamic as experienced by members of Dougherty’s local Bay Area dating pool.

୨୧ Gender Troubles: The Butches (2016) dir. Lisa Plourde ⋆ documentary: What portrayals of lesbianism are acceptable and who gets erased? Butch lesbians from a wide range of backgrounds and ages provide a compelling exploration of society's assumptions and challenge ideas about what it means to be female. They show the rewards that come with self acceptance. Tender, funny, and thought-provoking. NOTE: after clicking the link, scroll down to the middle to watch where it is available with english audio and french, spanish, dutch, or portuguese subtitles.

୨୧ If These Walls Could Talk 2 (2000) dir. Jane Anderson, Anne Heche, Martha Coolidge ⋆ romance/drama: This anthology of short films tells the stories of three lesbian couples - who live in the same house at different periods of time - who are at a crossroads in their lives. The second story includes a motorcycle riding, leather jacket and tie wearing butch, Amy.

୨୧ Last Call at Maud's (1993) dir. Paris Poirier ⋆ documentary: Some genuinely wild women – and some more demure but no less lively types – take center stage in Paris Poirier’s vivacious documentary about the life and times of Maud’s, the longest running lesbian bar ever.

୨୧ Lives: Visible/Leftovers (2017) dir. Michelle Citron ⋆ documentary: Lesbians in a box…two thousand private snapshots hidden away for over fifty years reveal the rich history of Chicago’s working class butch/fem life in the pre-Stonewall era.

୨୧ Salmonberries (1991) dir. Percy Adlon ⋆ drama/indie: A woman (played by k.d. lang) who grew up in a small town in Alaska goes to the public library to try and find out who her parents were. She eventually befriends the librarian, an East German immigrant who lost her husband while escaping from behind the Iron Curtain. They help each other try to find closure to the events in their past.

୨୧ Shinjuku Boys (1995) dir. Jano Williams, Kim Longinotto ⋆ documentary: This documentary offers rich insight into gender and sexuality in Japan via a candid portrait of Kazuki, Tatsu, and Gaish, three trans masculine hosts working at the New Marilyn Club in Tokyo’s bustling Shinjuku district. As the film follows them at home and on the job, all three talk frankly about their lives, revealing their views on love, sex, and identity.

୨୧ Stormé: The Lady of the Jewel Box (1987) dir. Michelle Parkerson ⋆ documentary/short film: Through archival clips, Stormé DeLarverie, bodygaurd of a women's club and former drag king looks back on the grandeur of the Jewel Box Revue and its celebration of pure entertainment in the face of homophobia and segregation.

୨୧ Stud Life (2012) dir. Campbell X ⋆ romance/drama: JJ, a lesbian, works as a wedding photographer with Seb, a gay man who is her best friend. After JJ falls in love with a gorgeous diva, her friendship with Seb becomes strained, and she may be forced to choose between Seb and her lover.

୨୧ The Aggressives (2005) dir. Daniel Peddle ⋆ documentary: The Aggressives is an exposé on the subculture of masculine presenting people of color and their femme counterparts. Filmed over five years in New York City, the featured subjects share their dreams, secrets, and deepest fears.

୨୧ The Watermelon Woman (1996) dir. Cheryl Dunye ⋆ romance/comedy: An aspiring black lesbian filmmaker researches an obscure 1930s black actress billed as the Watermelon Woman.

𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚜

୨୧ A Butch Road Map by Ivan Coyote ⋆ spoken word

୨୧ A Dyke's Bike Repair Handbook by Jill Taylor ⋆ motorcycle care/repair handbook, this one is so random i just love it lol

୨୧ Are Butch and Fem Working-Class and Anti-Feminist? by Sara L. Crawley ⋆ article

୨୧ Butch Between the Wars: A Pre-History of Butch Style in Twentieth-Century Literature, Music, and Film by Karen Allison Hammer ⋆ dissertation

୨୧ Female Masculinity by Judith Halberstam

୨୧ Feminizing Theory: Making Space for Femme Theory by Rhea Ashley Hoskin ⋆ thesis

୨୧ Femme: Feminists, Lesbians, and Bad Girls by Laura Harris, Elizabeth Crocker

୨୧ Lesbian Identity and the Politics of Butch-Femme by Amy Goodloe ⋆ paper/review

୨୧ Lineage To My Femme Foremothers by A.N. ⋆ zine

୨୧ Lipstick & Dipstick's Essential Guide to Lesbian Relationships by Gina Daggett, Kathy Belge

୨୧ Narrating and Negotiating Butch and Femme: Storying Lesbian Selves in a Heteronormative World by Sara L. Crawley ⋆ dissertation

୨୧ On the Appropriation of Femme from Lesbians Over Everything, a discussion between four femmes ⋆ article

୨୧ The Misunderstood Gender: A Model of Modern Femme Identity by Heidi Levitt, Elisabeth Gerrish, Katherine Hiestand ⋆ study

୨୧ The Mythic Mannish Lesbian: Radclyffe Hall and the New Woman by Esther Newton

୨୧ To All the Beautiful, Kick-Ass, and Fierce, Full-Bodied Femmes by Ivan Coyote ⋆ spoken word

i was meaning to post this for when i hit 1k followers, but i somehow have already surpassed that. it is weird to think that i started this blog on january 27. thank you all so much for following and interacting. i hope you enjoy this list and my blog in general!!

much love 💋

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sevikaeater · 17 days ago

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butchfemme marine conservationists.

Chapter 1. (Story outline)

Here is the very first chapter of my coastal Victoria femmebutch fic! A lottttt of setting up for the story and worldbuilding, as well as putting to the test my research capabilities and knowledge on sailing and whale behaviours 😭 I have tried my absolute hardest but if you do know anything that's inaccurate and could be improved please do let me know. Otherwise hope you enjoy until the next one :)

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CW: miscarriage, suicidal thoughts, self-neglect

Rin could feel the life leaving her again, long before her doctor’s appointment and when she eventually got her cervix cut open to remove the dead thing from her. She’d become used to it by now that her body could not take on such a thing as this. A useless, self-destructive thing that stole all her energy just to not even provide it to the one thing she wanted. Maybe not eating enough as a teen had finally caught up to her.

The weeks thereafter blended into one, as if she were in Norway again like last year where dissociating was more or less how she’d ended up there a month longer than she’d expected. Once more Rin was an empty vessel with another broken promise to her mother that she’d live to see her grandchild.

Ronan would’ve been this one’s name. Gale would’ve been the first, and on the bad days since pushing her dead body out of her, Rin had tried to chuckle to herself that maybe it was a blessing in disguise to have not gotten the possibility to name them that. But Ronan was good, hard to let go of and far too fresh now to picture anything but Rin here, now, staring out at the endless ocean from her lounge chair just waiting for an eventual impossible tsunami to come and swallow her whole.

As her eyes began closing and the blending of time began to shift into the unpredictable unconscious, something disturbed the water in the distance. A burst of water, audible from the shore, followed by the loud slap of a fin. A southern right whale, it seemed, from the broad paddle shape that struck the surface. It sparked a something in Rin that the squawking seagulls from the past days hadn’t been able to. For the first time, she heard her hunger, felt it creep up her throat and push her to stand up as she fought a dizzy spell.

Everything in the fridge was either outdated literally or because they had been the oddest of pregnancy cravings she felt sick looking at now. Microwaveable mac and cheese in the back of her pantry was all she had effort to make for herself. Some of the almost radioactive looking cheese powder wasn’t melted as she took the first mouthful, but she was too suddenly ravenous to give a shit. A single serving only made her hungrier for another, which she let melt for an extended time in the microwave and was actually almost full by the time she finished it.

It had given Rin enough energy to feel like if she went for a swim she had a decreased possibility of drowning to death, so she slipped off her mother’s favourite striped sundress of hers and leapt off her deck in an almost excitable squeal, not bothering to clutch onto her bare breasts or loose skin. The moment she hit the water and felt the cold rush of water for the first time in weeks, she could only smile into the salt, her arms and legs remembering her unpracticed movement of swimming to be able to keep her head and neck above the water.

The whale appeared above the surface once more, the smooth black looking more or less like part of the waves, hardly visible among them. But Rin heard her call, felt her, prayed for her that she would find better luck in birthing here than she had. Alone and in the sea like her—someone deserved to be successful, even if thinking about the possibility of seeing a calf in the distance in a few months time made her feel almost spiteful.

She didn’t ascend the ladder from the water to her deck until the day’s warm rays had long since dipped below the horizon and Rin could feel salt begin to clump in the red strands of her hair. Her shower was the first in more days than Rin could remember, the first time she fully took in her naked and empty body, too blatant of her misfortune with the saggy skin left from Gale and deep scar below her belly button now from Ronan.

She was defaced, but still beautiful. Not a mother, but still a woman. Alone, but so blatantly alive. Even if that fact felt like a chore eating her alive at the moment.

How dreadful it was that she’d have to stop trying for her own sake, give up her and her mother’s hope of Rin being able to copulate and raise a child on her own. All she’d done was give her father more company—or responsibility—wherever he rested now; she needn’t give him more.

Rin wondered what her body might look like a year from now without conceiving or trying to conceive, how it might feel. The possibility of feeling young again, how taking care of herself for just herself might fix her more than any child could.

She was gentle when cleansing herself, mainly from exhaustion, tracing over the still terribly tender tissue below her stomach and the sore muscle beneath; her breasts, her aching back. The untamed body hair that decorated her arms and legs, painted over freckles and spots, shallow wrinkles from the beginnings of her aging.

And her bed was far comfier than the lounge chair on her deck, as beautiful as the views had been. It was cold from being unused, sheets months old but smelling painstakingly like herself to ground her. She swore she could still pinpoint the splashing of the whale amongst the waves as she drifted so quickly into dreamstate.

Ronan would have been so beautiful it hurt. The sharp features that Rin’s mother had always hated on her glowed beautifully in the sunlight. Their eyes blended into the floating sea around them, Rin gently guiding their strokes through the water. But their hair shone an auburn that stood out completely from it, different from the pale warmth of the sun, the sand, and Ronan’s fair skin. Instead it was like the rich maples she’d adored in Japan; a sweet acorn; a childhood teddy bear.

The moment Rin heard the painfully sweet laugh echo from her child’s mouth, the water swallowed them, tearing them from her grip and by the time the laughter turned to screams the depth had muffled it far too much for Rin to even hear.

The swirling abyss lingered far too long, not freeing Rin from her slumber until the next morning where she awoke with sweat. At least this time her back wasn’t killing her when she tried to get up.

Like most mornings, she awoke dead on sunrise, the light filtering through her blinds in great tall slats. Opening them to let the rest of the sun in was rewarding once Rin’s eyes adjusted; orange broke the blue at the ocean’s horizon, casting an array of amber streaks through the thin bubbles of clouds decorating the sky.

The wind was steady—about 7 knots, Rin reckoned, sending soft ripples of whitecapped water across its surface. It sent a newfound rush over Rin, powering her to not even bother changing out of her thin cotton pyjamas as she tore out the front door and down stairs of pale oak to the cold morning sand that welcomed her to her pier. And there sat Blueback, bobbing in place slow and mournfully from being unused for many years. Barnacles had taken advantage of her docking, adorning her hull, and Rin’s heart ached from the neglect of her dear father’s boat as she began to loosen the bow and spring lines.

Blueback creaked as the water began to pull her away from the dock, and Rin loosened her stern line before completely untying the others and scaling the railing at the hull to hop in, nicking her foot on a barnacle with a hiss. She let the water’s movement steadily unravel the rest of the final line and moved with the steady rocking of the boat to the mast, taking firm grip of the weathered rope to unsheath her sails, the familiar thump of them falling and catching wind like music to her ears.

The oak wax finish of her tiller was in demand of a touch-up, but was still like sanded crystal against her palm, soothing away her rope burn as wind rippled through her sails and she leaned into her tiller to direct it out of Venus Bay.

To feel Blueback skipping along the water again, the salt spray in her hair—it almost filled the hollow emptiness in her uterus that still felt like her stomach was eating itself. She had forgotten to eat breakfast, which was definitely not making it better.

It was early enough still for most of the boats to still be docked in the harbour, only small dinghies and monohulls like Rin’s out. It was peaceful like that, not being able to hear the sound of motors above the soft whistling of the wind.

It was before long when the sun’s rays crept higher into the sky and Rin’s path ahead cleared enough for her to begin to lean against the wind and pick up speed, heart fluttering as the growing wind hugged her beneath her billowing clothes. She felt like she was sailing for the first time with her father, her mother watching anxiously from the dock, and it made Rin unsure if it was saltwater or tears falling down her cheeks. It had been over a decade since he died, yet it was like time had stopped completely until then—especially for her mother. She hadn’t even called her yet to tell her about her miscarriage out of fear of what the news would do to her; Rin would probably have to do it in person, stay with her in Binginwarri for a few days—see if she’d managed to keep the animals alive this long or not.

As her eyes remained glued on the golden-rayed water ahead, Rin noticed a few waves that didn’t break into the water below, and her eyes widened as she sharply turned Blueback into the wind to come to a stop, eyes trained on the whale in the morning sunlight as she fumbled for her binoculars she’d kept stowed away all this time.

Great clusters of callosities adorned her upper jaw, a large chunk on the very end and smaller ones further back near her eyes, visible even hundreds of metres away against her jet black skin. She was cruising along the surface of the water with gentle strokes of her tail, white and grey smudges along the right fluke. A great puff of water erupted from her blowholes before she sank down below the waves, surfacing slightly closer to Rin’s boat. The next time she dipped below once more, she’d once again zigzagged closer to her boat.

Placing the binoculars down, Rin moved to completely draw up her sails to let Blueback drift, holding tight to the railing and letting the cool metal ground her as she could only watch the whale approach. She began to do barrel rolls through her advancement, teasing Rin with a pectoral flap as she winded her way to the boat. Eventually she stilled, back to calmly drifting along the water until Rin could only gasp at her proximity, counting the white freckles over her skin, laughing when the next spout sent water that rained down upon her.

The whale turned onto her side to show her belly once more, and Rin got a glance of those deep black eyes, glistening and framed by a white almost eyebrow patch of skin. “Hi.” Rin hadn’t heard the sound of her own voice in so long, nevertheless in a tone of such joy. She sighed at the whale’s gentle song sending deep vibrations up through the keel of Blueback into Rin's very bones.

The volume of her song increased, hammering in Rin’s ears until she realised they weren’t all coming from the water. She turned to her right to find a jetski zipping through the water heading her direction, far enough away to not touch the whale but still an eruption of sound all too close to her.

“Watch it!” Rin called, waving her hands in its direction before pointing to the lump beside her boat. “There’s a whale! Turn your engine off!”

Her voice was either lost in the noise or ignored, as before long the jetski zipped past her, the whale knocking into Blueback in surprise before quickly ducking below the surface, resurfacing further away from the jetski and Rin—closer to shore, now slowly drifting toward it.

A few seconds went by and the whale continued advancing to the shore, and Rin decided she couldn’t stand and watch. She rushed down into the cabin, trying to remember where she put her list of important contacts, much less her radio. Her still-unmade bed, her bedside drawers—empty. It wasn’t until she opened her kitchen cupboards of all things and consulted the clipboard bolted next to the doorway that she could phone marine rescue services, rushing back on deck and heart sinking to spot the whale’s unchanged positioning.

A much calmer voice than Rin felt right now answered after the dial. “Victoria Marine Rescue Services, how can we help?”

“There’s a southern right whale here—at Venus Bay. She’s heading for the shore after this jet ski whipped past us, I…I don’t know if she might be beached.”

“Venus Bay, you said?” the operator confirmed.

“Yes.”

“Copy that. I’ve sent a crew your way. What are your coordinates?”

Rin rushed to her radar. “38.7383 due south, 145.8314 east. We’re around 400 metres offshore. How far away is your crew?”

There was a pause, a click of a tongue, and Rin’s heart sank. “Could I get your name, miss?”

“…Rin.”

“Okay, Rin, I’m Amata, and there’s a chance they aren’t going to make it in time, so I’m going to need you to listen to me, okay?” The woman’s voice was calm, assured, everything Rin wasn’t.

Rin inhaled sharply. “Copy.”

“Are you behind the whale or in front?”

“Behind. She came up to my boat before the jetski came.”

“Are there any boats in your area in front of her?”

Rin scanned quickly, finding all the boats further out to sea. “No.”

“Okay, we can’t deter her, then. We have to entice. That’s trickier, but possible. You said she came up to your boat previously?”

“Yes.”

“So she’s interested in you, that’s good. Do you have sails or oars? Any non-engine mechanism?”

“Yes, sails.”

“Amazing, drop those for me and try to drift ever so slowly perpendicular to the whale’s movements—slightly diagonal if possible and not following so she doesn’t think you’re chasing her.” Halfway through Amata’s message, Rin turned the radio’s volume all the way up and placed it down on the deck as she unhooked and dropped down her sails once more, angling her boat to begin to drift slowly parallel to the shore.

“Okay, done!” Rin picked up the radio, clamping it between her ear and shoulder as she continued steering. “Now what?”

“You can swim, right?” Amata asked.

Rin scoffed. “Yeah? I’m on a boat, what—”

“Perfect, get in the water—make sure you can climb something to get back into the boat—”

“Obviously!” Rin couldn’t blink as she watched the whale not steering course, the ripple of water in her wake barely shaking her boat now. “Just tell me what I need to do.”

“Create soft vibrations in the water—just your fingers, rub them together and see if she comes. Usually works best with smaller marine life, but if she’s already been curious with you, it could work.”

“On it.” Rin rushed to her boarding ladder and practically jumped off the edge, her pajamas billowing in the cold water around her as she bobbed beneath the surface and back up again, gently treading water with three of her limbs as Rin outstretched her free arm and slowly rubbed circles into her thumb with her pointer and index finger, all the while the whale pumped her tail, floating toward shore.

“You can do this, Rin.” Amata’s voice crackled faintly from the boat, and Rin inhaled deeply as she continued sending the circular rhythm of her fingers through the water.

“Come on,” she prayed. “Don’t die for nothing, please.” She pictured it so clearly, her beautiful skin drying into a dull mass of blubber upon the sand, the greedy unwanted hands upon her of people like the jetskier, yet the wave of sadness that would make its way over the beach. Amata’s people pushing everyone back as they looked mourningly to the result of Rin’s failure.

Her fingers pruned, friction stunting her circles as Rin teared up watching the whale, begging for her to feel her. Three more pumps of her tail toward her misery. Four more.

And a barrel roll. Rin’s heart leapt as she gazed upon the triangular border of the whale’s white freckled fin before it dipped below the surface, disappearing for a short while until she blew a puff of water from her blowholes in her advancement back towards Rin, and her cheeks cramped from her smile at the sight.

“Yeah! Great job, baby.” It was like she was talking to her childhood puppy again and scared of frightening it. Her voice was so low, breath caught from the beautiful sight before her of the whale’s clear path toward her, the jetski long gone. It was just Rin and her.

Her bumpy black body dipped below around 50 metres from her and Rin watched as her shadowy figure drifted below her and under Blueback out into the sea, the strong pumps of her tail sending Rin and Blueback through a shallow bump of a wave, Rin laughing in shock.

She quickly scaled the ladder and fumbled for the radio as she watched the whale swim away. “She did it,” Rin breathed. “She’s going back out to sea.”

“Fuck yeah!” Amata’s voice was elated, much unlike the steadily cool tone she’d kept previously. “Rin, you himala, you did it!” It was a miracle, what had been done. Rin couldn’t tear her eyes away from the trail of ripples in the whale’s wake until she could be totally sure it wasn’t going to circle back toward her and the shore, and she didn’t. She’d disappeared, away from the shallows of the bay until her next visit.

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