shadow-hawk-vixen-blog

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

I have corrected them, chewed their fucking asses out for being so incorrect and rude and... just everything that they are. But it doesn't change, doesn't stop how they treat me or how I feel about myself. It's as if my words are looked over.

But I am sorry, I'm sorry for being a fucking mess. For being a screw up on so many levels, so much so that nothing I do will change anyone's mind on me. I just-- I don't know anymore. It doesn't matter whether I rant to some fucking anon or yell it off the top of the roof of some building, even if I did all that no one would look at me differently. There are people here that hate me, of that I'm sure, they blame me for things that I didn't do and for hurting someone that I never meant to hurt. Two someone's actually. I didn't mean for things to end the way they did with either person, but they did and I hate that I hurt them so much. I can't make it better because I don't know how. And for that I'm hated. Every night I... I have nightmares of what could be happening to this person, of where they are and I'm just terrified but no one understands that I still care, I just can't not care. They seem to forget I'm human and I make mistakes, some that even I can't fix.

PM - Kavar

Get inside your head, and shove terrible, incorrect thoughts down your throat. Do not feel shitty for letting them cross, try correcting them. Counter them with good things.

Don’t apologize for letting things out, either. I know it is hard not to, but you must. At least don’t ever apologize to me for it. Scream it, instead. Make the world listen to your rage and allow yourself that release.

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

I wonder what Corey is doing this time of year, while you and his family has forgotten allllll about him.

You’re an asshole, a complete and utter asshole. I don’t see your point in sending this other than to make me feel like shit. Fuck off— just fuck off. [Deleted Text] If you think I don’t miss him or that I don’t worry about him every single day then you’re fucking wrong. I do miss him and I have not stopped worrying about him since the day he vanished. So fuck you for being an insensitive prick towards not only me but his family as well.

[Message posted for five minutes before being deleted]

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Dorky is good sometimes.

Thank you. They are German Shepherds.

Downfall of owning a dog...

It’s rather…dorky? But I like it.

Perfection~ What sort of dogs? 

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

No one makes me feel inferior... they just... get inside my head sometimes... And it hurts to feel as if people think so little of me to say such cruel things. Things that undoubtedly have most likely crossed my mind and they make me feel like shit for even letting such things cross my mind. I-- I don't know what I'm saying anymore... I'm sorry.

[Deleted Text] I must make them true, how else could people talk about them?

PM - Kavar

Of course I can.

Just as I know that you shouldn’t, because they are wrong. Do not allow others to make you feel inferior, Kate, for only you can actually make those things true. And they are not true.

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

That's even better!

Oh lord no, not that book. Fucking thing made me sob. Marley as in Bob Marley and Lennon as in John Lennon.

Downfall of owning a dog...

It’s pretty cute, isn’t it? Elias convinced me to name him that, what with him being a dalmatian and all. We’ve got Pongo and Bentley, nightmares the pair of them.

Oh that’s cute - Marley like Bob right? Not like that horrible depressing book about the dog? 

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Yeah I know, I won't... It's not that bad. But being alone hurts more than it used to. It's not just being alone, it's... empty. They don't have the right but they do it anyways. Because they know what buttons to push and how to make me feel like even more shit... 

I'm not the best of... best friends Clint.

PM | | Hawkeye²

Don’t do stupid shit. Please. It ain’t worth it. Just… We can find them and we can kick them or something. They don’t have the right to do this to you. No one does. I hate the fact that you feel like this, why are we so fucked up? I swear I’d do anything to make it better. Because you’re my best friend, duh.

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Pongo, oh my god, that's the greatest name ever. Like you would a toddler really. Marley is my trouble maker, Lennon is better at sleeping properly but sometimes I wake up to a crash in the kitchen from Marley getting into something.

Downfall of owning a dog...

\As much as I love Pongo, I wish I knew how to regulate his body clock.

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

I'm sure you can guess the answer to that.

[Deleted text] Of course I do.

PM - Kavar

You do not believe them, do you, little bird?

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Me too, buddy. Me too.

Downfall of owning a dog...

I wish there was one.

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Holy shit... There is a manual?

Downfall of owning a dog...

…why wasn’t that in the manual?

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Cassie hates you now.

Yeah— I don’t blame her if she does.

[Message Deleted]

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

assassin-ivar replied to your post:You're not even worth it, I don't know why anyone bothers with you. Unless they feel sorry for you. Yeah, that's probably it.

No, they do not.

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

PM | | Hawkeye²

clint-circusboy-barton replied to your post:You're not even worth it, I don't know why anyone bothers with you. Unless they feel sorry for you. Yeah, that's probably it.

Don’t you dare listen to them, jerk. They’re wrong. Why would I feel sorry for you when you’re the one that’s mean to me anyway, huh? Just don’t listen to them, alright?

It didn't used to bother me, but... Now it does because it's like... They fucking know what goes on in my head and it... pisses me off and makes me want to do stupid shit. Ignoring them isn't as easy as it used to be, especially when I keep screwing up Clint. But yeah, I am a jerk to you. Why do you put up with all my bullshit?

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Oh yeah, the second closest thing to having a child is owning a dog. I get pounced on when my dogs need something.

Downfall of owning a dog...

it doesn’t know the difference between 3:30 in the morning and 6 in the afternoon. And decides sticking it’s tongue in every orifice is a good way to wake you up.

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

You're not even worth it, I don't know why anyone bothers with you. Unless they feel sorry for you. Yeah, that's probably it.

You don't know what you're talking about.

[Message posted for three minutes before being deleted]

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Texts || Hawkeye²

Clint: Yeah I know, but I promised I wouldn't hurt him.

Kate: You suck.

Kate: [Unsent] I'm good at breaking promises appa-

[Three minutes later]

Kate: Tea is good too, make her tea.

[shadow-hawk-vixen-blog]

Texts || Hawkeye²

Clint: I'd prefer something less lethal, if you don't mind.

Kate: But that's so boring.